Lebanon Trip- Part 3

Week Three:

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

"Church was good today, but I have a hard time understanding sometimes. It's interesting to be in Saida during Ramadan. They fast from sun up to sun down, but from like 7 p.m. till around 4 a.m. they feast. Interesting. I sort of like the fact that it's so easy to creep on everyone here, but I also don't like it because that means everyone creeps on me, too. I wonder if the word "privacy" can be translated into the Arabic language? Somehow I doubt it." 

"I have a skype interview with the RD tonight at 9 p.m. and I'm sort of nervous. I wonder what type of questions she'll ask me. There's really no way to prepare, so let's just pray that God gives me wisdom."

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

 "Most people's trips here are drawing to an end, and mine is so tentative. I had the interview last night, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. There's a lot of waiting going on right now. Last night, after the interview we met everyone at the jnanee (as usual), and we talked, chilled and played this card game called 400. Then I slept over Maha's, and we watched "Despicable Me," (not to be mistaken by "Indespicable Me" .. *cough cough* Matthew *cough cough*). Today I went to the pool with Maha, Matthew and Roger and then everyone in the "group" happened to go, too, and it was awesome. Sirena, Bob, Patrick, Maria and a bunch of others. It was a ton of fun. We swam, played water basketball, talked, chilled, etc. It was like the whole town was there. Now, time to just chill. I hung out with Manwella a bit after, too. I am legitimately a little bit nervous to see what happens with the RA thing. I want it, but I also really want to go to the Mutamar (Bible Conference). I'm not sure what to do or what will happen. Dear Lord, help me to be the woman You want me to be and a woman that's worthy of a man who's worth it. Help me not to be moody or emotional, but stable-minded. I'm almost done this journal! Well, Antoinette (yes, I name my journals), it's been a fun six months, but our time here has concluded. I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts and prayers. I hope nothing I said will embarrass me in the future, but I guess either way, this is me. Right now. In this point in my life. 20 years old and so much to learn. Oh God, You are my God. In earnest will I seek YOU."

 Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

"So, I'm in Lebanon and I'm done my other journal. So this little purple journal will have to do. So, right now I'm waiting awkwardly to see what will happen for next semester at school- whether I'm going to have to leave early to be an RA or what. Taunt Farida said, "Wherever God plants us, we must learn to bloom somehow." I thought that was an awesome quote. So far, I would consider this to be a really fruitful trip. God has been working, but in a lot more subtle ways than I expected. I have been able to build a ton of relationships and talk about God and the gospel a ton. I have built friendships with girls from all over the U.S. & world and younger girls from the church. I have been able to be here for Teta and help her when I can. I am learning so much more Arabic, though it's still broken and embarrassing. I'm learning a lot about the people, the culture and the country."

"So, I just found out I got the RA position. Whatttt. Looks like I'm leaving early. And going to be an RA. Lord, I'm not sure what exactly it is that You are doing, but I'm cool with whatever it is. I'm amazed by You, Jesus. The song "White Flag" keeps going on in my head, and I don't think that's a coincidence. "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all for You." However, I'm getting sad that I can't go to the Mutamar. As of now anyway. I'm ready to go, but this has been an awesome trip."

"Today, I spent some time with Manwella. Then I went with Maha to this guy Elie's house who is an atheist. Such interesting conversations with him. I got to talk to him about what I believe a lot. We mostly just argued, but it was interesting. It turns out his brother is an evangelical Christian. Lord, use his brother in his life. Open his heart. After that we hung out at Matthew's house for a bit. Then I came back home and stressed about my ticket change and all that, which is all up in the air. You know, I find that my refusals to drink alcohol, smoke, swear or dress immodestly have been some of the most interesting witnessing opportunities ever. =P. Sirena, Manwella and I got to watch the Christmas special of Downton Abbey and it was fantastic! At night, a huge group of us went to a restaurant in Saida, and it was a good time. I got to call Baba! Then the jnanee of course. I hope it's ok that I'm cutting my trip short, and that it's what God wants. I guess I will find out. Lord, show me Your ways."

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about what RA is going to entail, and I realize I must prepare myself mentally for difficulties and immense responsibility. Loneliness will be a part of life I must grasp and accept, and standing alone will probably happen. I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but I guess it will be like being a camp counselor on a completely different level. I'm learning to just take each moment by faith and not always need a plan. Ultimately, it's not about my plan. I wonder if God's even ok with me missing the Mutamar.. or if He doesn't care either way."

"I love Moses. So much. I relate to him a lot. Even though I still stink at speaking Arabic, He's grown my Arabic a ton. Dear Lord, keep helping me become fluent in Arabic. Help me to be a light wherever I go. I feel as though my perspective on Lebanon and Lebanese culture has really developed and changed. I appreciate a lot more about the culture, and I dislike a lot more about the culture as well. I love the beauty of the mountains, but I hate the heat of the sun. When it all comes down to it, people are people. Life is life. Culture is culture. No matter where in the world, sinful people exist and abide. We're all wrong in our methods (according to one another). Lebanese scoff at American culture and American's scoff at the Middle East. Being a Lebanese-American, I find beauty and brokenness in both."

"As of now, there are no open tickets for tomorrow, Friday, Saturday Sunday and so on. Maybe God wants me to go to the Mutamar after all. Right now, I'm just waiting on God. Lord, work it out. I have no power in this situation, whatsoever."

"I'm in church right now and Pastor Pierre is speaking on the sower (Mark 4). I am trying to not worry about any uncertainties in life right now and just enjoy being here. I know that God has me right where He wants me at precisely the time He wants me there. I love being in this church because it reminds me of Baba and makes me feel like I'm getting to know Gidoo (grandpa) just a little bit. What an incredible man he must have been to have raised such an incredible son as Baba. I'm proud of my family and my heritage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's kind of fun not knowing which country I'm going to be in within the next week. I have a pretty interesting life.. I'm not going to lie. I think Pastor Pierre is talking about planting cherries right now, but I'm not really sure. I'm usually a little lost when they speak in the more formal Arabic. Oh well. He's talking about babies now? I think. Oh, he's talking about growing in the faith past a child- moving on from "baby food," and the necessity of reading the Bible and spending time with believers. SO true. It's essential to survival. I feel like Christians often can relate to those endangered species on the discovery channel: we have to stick together to survive and people often stare at us, totally weirded-out by our unique characteristics and sort of intimidated by our originality from the rest of the animal kingdom. I even feel like I live in a zoo sometimes- everyone always watching and commenting, as if they know the ins and outs of our life."

"I'm not going to lie, my dad is the best man I have ever known in my life. Good luck to all men, because Baba has set the bar HIGH. Thanks, Lord, for my family!"

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

 "Today I put my feet in the Mediterranean Sea and got seashells from the beach. I went with two women from the church and Maha to an all-woman's beach/pool. It was really nice, but now I'm super burnt. So I'm pretty exhausted, so I gotta write pretty fast. After the beach, went to Maha's and got a really sweet message from Simon which made my day. I just heard a terrifying noise outside that sounded like a wild cat shriek.. or sneeze. Anyway, I was at Maha's for a while until Matthew came. As he came, I received a message from the RD, Hillary, saying it was fine for me to come August 9th! Praise God! So, I get to go to the Mutamar AND be an RA this year! Oh snap!"

"I ate McDonald's in Lebanon today, and it was delivered to us! The sandwich was HUGE.. like the size of my face. Joanne (from Australia) is leaving tomorrow, so we hung out with her for a while and all that."

Friday, July 27th, 2012

"So, I didn't get to read the Bible today yet which stinks, but the night is still young. I woke up and went straight to Taunt Jacko's to see Charlie, Celine and Sabine (my second cousins) who are here from the States as well. We hung out, caught up on all that we missed since Thanksgiving (we get together on holidays a lot), played a card game called Likha (same as Hearts) and 400, and we watched the Three Stooges. Then I came back and had some alone time in the house, which was nice. Right now I'm at church for prayer meeting. I like this church a lot. The power just went out. Haha."

"Megan, my future RA partner and roommate emailed a sweet email, and it made me smile. I'm looking forward to this, but man do I have no idea what I'm doing. It's going to be a humbling experience to say the least, but God is good (all the time). I pray that the speaker at the Mutamar speaks in a way that I understand. I hope I make friends. Jesus, help me to be an example, a leader, a servant, a friend and a mentor. Give me strength. Help Megan and I to work together awesomely. Build an awesome partnership and friendship =). Be with our SLDs and be with our prayer leaders. Use the hall and the team in each girl's lives. All 30ish of them- it's going to be a cozy group, but it's going to be awesome! Jesus, I pray that You give us wisdom. Good thing this is a small hall. I don't think I could handle 70 girls this year. Good thing God KNOWS. Wow. He is way sovereign. The fact that He would put me on that hall and not allow me to go anywhere else. He just KNOWS. And the fact that there were no flights to go home early makes me all the more excited to go to the Mutamar because it means that God wants me to go for a reason. What do I know? What do we know? Only He knows. Jesus Christ just wins my heart everyday. This is random, but Lord, teach me someday how to raise my kids to love You and be honoring to You."

"Aww I miss Grace and Kurt. And Mama and Baba. And Simon. Jesus, take care of us as You always do. Keep using me while I'm here and help everything I do to be for Your glory. Help me to be courageous, but also wise. Help me to make a difference in the lives of everyone You put in my path. Help me to be a LIGHT. Help me to live up to my name forever. I just made the correlation between my name and the desire You've given me (my name mean's Light). Hahaha. You're funny, Jesus. You rock at the English language.. since of course you created it. HAHA Yes!! You're the best."

"Tonight was fun. After church, hung out at the jnanee with Maha, Youssef, Charlie, Chris (from FL), Roger, Matthew etc. We hung out, chilled, walked people home, etc."

"Your actions are what define you, but from the heart, thoughts and speech, actions are produced. 'We are forms of everything we love.' -(Good Monsters)."