My Chains are in Christ

Persecution.

It's a difficult concept to swallow, and one that we try to avoid thinking about all together, especially as Americans. Here we are, comfortable Americans with no real pressure to recant our faith and especially no physical risks.

We believe what we want, how we want, and when we want.
Church? It's kind of just there when we need it.
The Bible? Eh, we can turn there whenever we're feeling blue.
Fellow believers? Oh, they're cool cause they believe the same thing as us.
Evangelism? Aw how cute. Telling people about Jesus.
Discipleship? That's cool.

Seriously though. This is the attitude floating around the American Christian community.
On the other spectrum, here is how the persecuted church views these very same things:
Church! Difficult to get to, but a privilege when we are able to meet.
The Bible! Our lifeline. We'll do anything to hear it, to read it, to speak it, to talk about it, to share it.
Fellow Believers! Our family. Our support system. Our cherished brothers and sisters who share our chains and run the same race as us.
Evangelism! We can't stop. How can we know about Jesus and not share it? How can we know the truth and keep it to ourselves? It's just natural and part of who we are.
Discipleship! Essential for the church to survive. Growth of the future leaders so that the church will flourish and spread.

Well, right now, there are a myriad of Christians all over the world who are currently under extreme persecution because of the sole reason that they are followers of Jesus Christ.

We hear this, and we get clammy.

Well, folks, the persecuted church is doing something right.
I'm not saying we're not absolutely blessed by the fact that we can openly share our faith and meet with other believers without any sort of penalty in the U.S.
We are blessed.
But do we care?

Today, one man who is currently on my heart is Pastor Saeed. However hard it is to understand, through his persecution, millions of people are hearing the gospel through his story.
As the apostle Paul says in his letter to the church at Philippi (he's writing this while he's in prison for his faith):

"But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear."
- Philippians 1:12-14

Through persecution, the gospel is furthered. 
Through one believer's courage comes the boldness of a church. Through sacrifice comes salvation.

Please take a moment to pray for Pastor Saeed today.

 
For more information on Pastor Saeed and the persecuted church:
http://savesaeed.org/
http://www.persecution.org/ 

21 and the Best Birthday Yet

So this may in fact have been the best birthday ever. That may be a really generous statement, but as far as my memory recalls, today trumps the rest.

After a slightly trying week, God blessed me with the most lovely, uplifting day, and on my birthday, mind you. What I kind God I serve =).

Last night I stayed up until midnight and rang in the 21st birthday with a reading of the January 16 (birthday) "Jesus Calling," devotional, along with the Proverb of the day (Proverbs 16) which was incredible, as usual. I then went to bed, hoping to sleep in, but ended up being wide awake at 6:30 a.m. which I considered a wake up call from Jesus. So, finally by 7 a.m. I decided to start my 21st birthday off the right way in prayer to my Savior. So I had a good time talking to Jesus =). Best person to start my birthday off with! I then read Ephesians 4 which is absolutely INCREDIBLE. And I need to reread it over and over. And so do you.

So, after my time with Jesus, I was able to talk to my beautiful parents and siblings, which was awesome as usual. They wished me a Happy Birthday and said sweet things, and they made me even more thankful for them than I already am.

I then got to enjoy a delicious blueberry pancake and fruit breakfast with my SLD, Loren, thanks to the mini rot's yummy food! Off we went to convocation where I got to sit with all of my lovely Dorm 2 ladies and see some friends from the brother dorm. Oh, I need not leave out that Towns graced us with his presence in convocation as well, which is always very interesting. It's almost like Jimmy Stewart was there for my birthday!

So after convo, enjoyed a lovely Developmental Psychology class with another birthday girl, Grace-Anna, and it was fantastic. After class, had lunch with one of my very close friends and former roommates, Carla, and she gave me the most elegant cameo broach. She knows me so well! Then on to my interesting "Announcing" class which involves us talking like television and radio professionals and is very humorous.

Once classes were over, I met up with two of my very good friends Heather and Andrew, and so our adventures began for the day. Off we went, to random places by random modes of transportation. Actually, just to North campus on a wet bus (it's been raining all week). Andrew shared a disgusting and disturbing story about an awkward couple he observed, but I will spare you from despair and not share the story. I literally gagged, so that was memorable.Wet buses are disgusting, by the way.
So, to North we went to retrieve packages (yay birthday gifts from my Mama!) and things and to enjoy some intense games of Ping Pong (which Heather cheated at numerous times. Just kidding. Kind of). After our tournaments, Heather and Andrew rushed me to dinner, which at the time I had no idea why. Little did I know, these sneaky folks had invited a few of my good friends to go to dinner to celebrate my birthday. So we went, and they distracted me with toys until everyone arrived.

The beverage of choice on my 21st birthday? Water with lemon, and proud of it.

After dinner with these lovely folks, I came back to the new hotel-dorm which has newly been occupied by my lovely residents. Boxes everywhere, wet randomness, chaos. You name it. So much entertainment! A few crazy occurrences on the hall... sicknesses, broken doors, missing drapes, moving shenanigans. Just all around adventure. 
 My hallmates then began singing "Happy Birthday" to me as I walked down the hall, gave me flowers, a card, a picture of the hall folks and a delicious turtle cake. Such sweet, kind-hearted people on my hall =). Thank you to my sweet roommate for working so hard to make today special, even though we didn't get to see each other very much!

The last hour of my birthday was spent with my lovely Developmental Psych friend (who shares my birthday), Grace-Anna. The turtle cake could not be eaten alone, so we had a little birthday party together in the lobby of our hotel-dorm, ate cake and drank Diet Coke.

What a day.
So incredibly thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life who show me so much love always.

Also, indescribably thankful to my Jesus for blessing me with such people and such a day to remember =).

Thanks everyone for your love and care for me! I didn't expect any of it, nor did I deserve it.
I'm blessed by you all <3.

When I think "2012"

My life never seems that interesting, and honestly, it never really seems like anything that dramatic happens. However, my life is honestly a major adventure, and it's because of Jesus Christ. Seriously, a life of meaning and purpose sort of makes the whole "living" thing fun and exciting. People think Christianity is boring and "unfun," but honestly, nothing I do would have any sort of meaning without Jesus Christ. Think about it, we are constantly on a mission, living for Christ with a passion of reaching others for Him. That's pretty legit if you ask me.
So as I look back onto the year, I thank God for the things He has taught me, the places He has brought me and the people He has blessed me with.
I think about where I started in 2012, where I have gone and where I've been going. I think about what may happen in 2013-- who I may meet, what I may experience, how I may change, what I may learn-- and I thank God for a year that has changed me.
I believe that while God is constant and unchanging, we as human beings are made to change, to grow and to develop, and I thank God that development has taken place in my life this year.
It's important to remember where we've been and who we were so that we can get where we're going and become who we're supposed to be. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Basically, when I think "2012," I think,
"Oh hey, that year that I tried all sorts of weird and crazy things that I never thought I would ever try, let alone do and complete.
Oh hey, that year that God stretched me, and it hurt a lot because stretching is used as a technique of torture sometimes... but God wasn't torturing me, He was just molding me.
Oh hey, that year that I'm glad is over but am glad it happened.
Oh hey, that was 2012."

This year...
I led a small group of girls in Bible study (sophomore year), and God taught me how to study His Word in a way that I can teach it to others, how to pursue relationships that are hard to pursue, how to love people who are hard to love and how to love God more than people.
I learned what it's like to be called by God and to just do what He's asking without any ifs, ands or buts.
I saw God provide without any hesitation, and I realized what it means to have faith that God will come through.
God dragged me through dry spells to help me appreciate the rain and growth.

 

teaching
I tutored in a subject that was not my forte, learned to explain things in a way I never had before, had fun times with my student, grew confident in teaching and saw God blooming within me a love for teaching and making people realize their own intelligence.

adventure
I got to experience Boston during our nation's Independence Day-- taste the canolis of the North End, smell the ocean and the musky, city air, see the tall ships floating in the harbor, hear the Boston Pops and crowds of people and touch the soft grass of the Boston Commons.
I got to watch the fireworks above my hometown with the people I love, remembering the freedom of our country and being thankful to those who fight for it.

missions
I traveled to Lebanon on almost a whim, shared the gospel, learned about my family's culture, got to know incredible people, spent an amazing month with Teta (my grandmother), was pushed out of my comfort zone, experienced intense heat, tasted delicious food, spoke in depth with people very different than me, ministered to the most random people and saw God open my heart to His will.

leadership
I was pulled up to a leadership position I didn't expect to be in, spent less time at home than I had hoped, left earlier to school than I had anticipated and began my junior year of college in a way I never imagined.
God allowed me to minister to the girls on the hall that He placed in my life, taught me to love people I never expected to love, humbled me through difficult circumstances and melted my heart from pride, forced me to say things I never wanted to say, silenced me when it was not time to speak, stretched me to do hard things and loved me when no one else did.

friendship
I built friendships I will cherish forever, and God taught me to never question His will. I went on adventures with said friends, relaxed with them, worked hard with them, enjoyed life with them, shared hard times with them, grew with them, just talked with them, learned how to be a friend to them and finally was blessed to know what real friendship looks like by their actions.
I grew in past friendships, resolved past issues, grew apart from past friendships, made new friends, thanked God for old ones, learned how to be a friend to people I would not normally choose to be friends with, experienced people being my friend when I didn't deserve it.

Made life long memories with people who I hope will be in my life forever.

family

I saw my sister grow in her pregnancy, learned what it means to love someone you don't know, grew in anticipation for her child, got to spend a great amount of time with family over the holidays, and just APPRECIATED home.

God taught me what it means to love Him more than anything, how to love people, what love really means, more about who He is, the importance of prayer, the beauty of the Bible, the importance of friendship, the difference of a kind word, the meaning of trusting in Him, how to give up control, how to let go of anxiety, Who is in control, Where to turn for guidance, that my family is a blessing, that people will fail me, that life is unfair, that everybody is beautiful, that GOD IS GOOD.

Lebanon Trip- Part 3

Week Three:

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

"Church was good today, but I have a hard time understanding sometimes. It's interesting to be in Saida during Ramadan. They fast from sun up to sun down, but from like 7 p.m. till around 4 a.m. they feast. Interesting. I sort of like the fact that it's so easy to creep on everyone here, but I also don't like it because that means everyone creeps on me, too. I wonder if the word "privacy" can be translated into the Arabic language? Somehow I doubt it." 

"I have a skype interview with the RD tonight at 9 p.m. and I'm sort of nervous. I wonder what type of questions she'll ask me. There's really no way to prepare, so let's just pray that God gives me wisdom."

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

 "Most people's trips here are drawing to an end, and mine is so tentative. I had the interview last night, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. There's a lot of waiting going on right now. Last night, after the interview we met everyone at the jnanee (as usual), and we talked, chilled and played this card game called 400. Then I slept over Maha's, and we watched "Despicable Me," (not to be mistaken by "Indespicable Me" .. *cough cough* Matthew *cough cough*). Today I went to the pool with Maha, Matthew and Roger and then everyone in the "group" happened to go, too, and it was awesome. Sirena, Bob, Patrick, Maria and a bunch of others. It was a ton of fun. We swam, played water basketball, talked, chilled, etc. It was like the whole town was there. Now, time to just chill. I hung out with Manwella a bit after, too. I am legitimately a little bit nervous to see what happens with the RA thing. I want it, but I also really want to go to the Mutamar (Bible Conference). I'm not sure what to do or what will happen. Dear Lord, help me to be the woman You want me to be and a woman that's worthy of a man who's worth it. Help me not to be moody or emotional, but stable-minded. I'm almost done this journal! Well, Antoinette (yes, I name my journals), it's been a fun six months, but our time here has concluded. I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts and prayers. I hope nothing I said will embarrass me in the future, but I guess either way, this is me. Right now. In this point in my life. 20 years old and so much to learn. Oh God, You are my God. In earnest will I seek YOU."

 Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

"So, I'm in Lebanon and I'm done my other journal. So this little purple journal will have to do. So, right now I'm waiting awkwardly to see what will happen for next semester at school- whether I'm going to have to leave early to be an RA or what. Taunt Farida said, "Wherever God plants us, we must learn to bloom somehow." I thought that was an awesome quote. So far, I would consider this to be a really fruitful trip. God has been working, but in a lot more subtle ways than I expected. I have been able to build a ton of relationships and talk about God and the gospel a ton. I have built friendships with girls from all over the U.S. & world and younger girls from the church. I have been able to be here for Teta and help her when I can. I am learning so much more Arabic, though it's still broken and embarrassing. I'm learning a lot about the people, the culture and the country."

"So, I just found out I got the RA position. Whatttt. Looks like I'm leaving early. And going to be an RA. Lord, I'm not sure what exactly it is that You are doing, but I'm cool with whatever it is. I'm amazed by You, Jesus. The song "White Flag" keeps going on in my head, and I don't think that's a coincidence. "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all for You." However, I'm getting sad that I can't go to the Mutamar. As of now anyway. I'm ready to go, but this has been an awesome trip."

"Today, I spent some time with Manwella. Then I went with Maha to this guy Elie's house who is an atheist. Such interesting conversations with him. I got to talk to him about what I believe a lot. We mostly just argued, but it was interesting. It turns out his brother is an evangelical Christian. Lord, use his brother in his life. Open his heart. After that we hung out at Matthew's house for a bit. Then I came back home and stressed about my ticket change and all that, which is all up in the air. You know, I find that my refusals to drink alcohol, smoke, swear or dress immodestly have been some of the most interesting witnessing opportunities ever. =P. Sirena, Manwella and I got to watch the Christmas special of Downton Abbey and it was fantastic! At night, a huge group of us went to a restaurant in Saida, and it was a good time. I got to call Baba! Then the jnanee of course. I hope it's ok that I'm cutting my trip short, and that it's what God wants. I guess I will find out. Lord, show me Your ways."

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about what RA is going to entail, and I realize I must prepare myself mentally for difficulties and immense responsibility. Loneliness will be a part of life I must grasp and accept, and standing alone will probably happen. I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but I guess it will be like being a camp counselor on a completely different level. I'm learning to just take each moment by faith and not always need a plan. Ultimately, it's not about my plan. I wonder if God's even ok with me missing the Mutamar.. or if He doesn't care either way."

"I love Moses. So much. I relate to him a lot. Even though I still stink at speaking Arabic, He's grown my Arabic a ton. Dear Lord, keep helping me become fluent in Arabic. Help me to be a light wherever I go. I feel as though my perspective on Lebanon and Lebanese culture has really developed and changed. I appreciate a lot more about the culture, and I dislike a lot more about the culture as well. I love the beauty of the mountains, but I hate the heat of the sun. When it all comes down to it, people are people. Life is life. Culture is culture. No matter where in the world, sinful people exist and abide. We're all wrong in our methods (according to one another). Lebanese scoff at American culture and American's scoff at the Middle East. Being a Lebanese-American, I find beauty and brokenness in both."

"As of now, there are no open tickets for tomorrow, Friday, Saturday Sunday and so on. Maybe God wants me to go to the Mutamar after all. Right now, I'm just waiting on God. Lord, work it out. I have no power in this situation, whatsoever."

"I'm in church right now and Pastor Pierre is speaking on the sower (Mark 4). I am trying to not worry about any uncertainties in life right now and just enjoy being here. I know that God has me right where He wants me at precisely the time He wants me there. I love being in this church because it reminds me of Baba and makes me feel like I'm getting to know Gidoo (grandpa) just a little bit. What an incredible man he must have been to have raised such an incredible son as Baba. I'm proud of my family and my heritage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's kind of fun not knowing which country I'm going to be in within the next week. I have a pretty interesting life.. I'm not going to lie. I think Pastor Pierre is talking about planting cherries right now, but I'm not really sure. I'm usually a little lost when they speak in the more formal Arabic. Oh well. He's talking about babies now? I think. Oh, he's talking about growing in the faith past a child- moving on from "baby food," and the necessity of reading the Bible and spending time with believers. SO true. It's essential to survival. I feel like Christians often can relate to those endangered species on the discovery channel: we have to stick together to survive and people often stare at us, totally weirded-out by our unique characteristics and sort of intimidated by our originality from the rest of the animal kingdom. I even feel like I live in a zoo sometimes- everyone always watching and commenting, as if they know the ins and outs of our life."

"I'm not going to lie, my dad is the best man I have ever known in my life. Good luck to all men, because Baba has set the bar HIGH. Thanks, Lord, for my family!"

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

 "Today I put my feet in the Mediterranean Sea and got seashells from the beach. I went with two women from the church and Maha to an all-woman's beach/pool. It was really nice, but now I'm super burnt. So I'm pretty exhausted, so I gotta write pretty fast. After the beach, went to Maha's and got a really sweet message from Simon which made my day. I just heard a terrifying noise outside that sounded like a wild cat shriek.. or sneeze. Anyway, I was at Maha's for a while until Matthew came. As he came, I received a message from the RD, Hillary, saying it was fine for me to come August 9th! Praise God! So, I get to go to the Mutamar AND be an RA this year! Oh snap!"

"I ate McDonald's in Lebanon today, and it was delivered to us! The sandwich was HUGE.. like the size of my face. Joanne (from Australia) is leaving tomorrow, so we hung out with her for a while and all that."

Friday, July 27th, 2012

"So, I didn't get to read the Bible today yet which stinks, but the night is still young. I woke up and went straight to Taunt Jacko's to see Charlie, Celine and Sabine (my second cousins) who are here from the States as well. We hung out, caught up on all that we missed since Thanksgiving (we get together on holidays a lot), played a card game called Likha (same as Hearts) and 400, and we watched the Three Stooges. Then I came back and had some alone time in the house, which was nice. Right now I'm at church for prayer meeting. I like this church a lot. The power just went out. Haha."

"Megan, my future RA partner and roommate emailed a sweet email, and it made me smile. I'm looking forward to this, but man do I have no idea what I'm doing. It's going to be a humbling experience to say the least, but God is good (all the time). I pray that the speaker at the Mutamar speaks in a way that I understand. I hope I make friends. Jesus, help me to be an example, a leader, a servant, a friend and a mentor. Give me strength. Help Megan and I to work together awesomely. Build an awesome partnership and friendship =). Be with our SLDs and be with our prayer leaders. Use the hall and the team in each girl's lives. All 30ish of them- it's going to be a cozy group, but it's going to be awesome! Jesus, I pray that You give us wisdom. Good thing this is a small hall. I don't think I could handle 70 girls this year. Good thing God KNOWS. Wow. He is way sovereign. The fact that He would put me on that hall and not allow me to go anywhere else. He just KNOWS. And the fact that there were no flights to go home early makes me all the more excited to go to the Mutamar because it means that God wants me to go for a reason. What do I know? What do we know? Only He knows. Jesus Christ just wins my heart everyday. This is random, but Lord, teach me someday how to raise my kids to love You and be honoring to You."

"Aww I miss Grace and Kurt. And Mama and Baba. And Simon. Jesus, take care of us as You always do. Keep using me while I'm here and help everything I do to be for Your glory. Help me to be courageous, but also wise. Help me to make a difference in the lives of everyone You put in my path. Help me to be a LIGHT. Help me to live up to my name forever. I just made the correlation between my name and the desire You've given me (my name mean's Light). Hahaha. You're funny, Jesus. You rock at the English language.. since of course you created it. HAHA Yes!! You're the best."

"Tonight was fun. After church, hung out at the jnanee with Maha, Youssef, Charlie, Chris (from FL), Roger, Matthew etc. We hung out, chilled, walked people home, etc."

"Your actions are what define you, but from the heart, thoughts and speech, actions are produced. 'We are forms of everything we love.' -(Good Monsters)."

Lebanon Trip- Part 2

Week Two

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

"I find that there are things I love about Lebanese culture and things I cannot stand. For instance, I love how close everyone is here and how much love there is, but with that sort of relationship there comes an abundance of expectations. I also love how much of a oneness of a culture there is here. As Grace once said on our trip seven years ago: "It's all about food and marriage here." That could not be more true. Those are the topics of choice here.. and maybe they throw in some politics, too. One aspect of the culture that I find overwhelming is the fact that, due to this openness of culture, there is a huge lacking in the privacy area. People sort of just walk in, and then if you don't offer them food incessantly until they accept it, you are a bad host. I'm not saying there isn't beauty to the hospitality, but it definitely takes getting used to."

"I've decided that I'm not wearing any makeup while I'm here, and if I do, I'm barely going to put on any. All of the Lebanese women my age think I look younger with no make-up? Good. That means I don't look like a plastic person. I'm not saying it's wrong to wear make-up, but I definitely have issues with it when you don't look like yourself anymore."

"Man. The Catholic church stuffs the mind of hungry people with the idea that we're still under the thumb of the law. Isn't that the opposite of what the entire New Testament teaches?"

"I just came back from church and it was beautiful. Believers all over the world, worshiping the Lord together in unity. The man preaching (who also was related to me) spoke from Romans 12:1-2 on God transforming us to do His will. I understood bits and pieces, but the formal Arabic is always difficult for me. At church I met a guy from Arizona named Caleb who has been traveling with OM (Operation Mobilization) throughout the Middle East and passing out literature."

"Taunt Farida's sister is a believer. She came to church and then came to visit Teta, and her and her son-in-law who is a pastor in Egypt, prayed fervently over Teta's leg and it was beautiful. At church they sang "All Hail the Power of Jesus Name" and "I Surrender All" in Arabic."

Monday, July 16th, 2012

"Yesterday was a really fun day. After lunch, I went to Taunt Jacko's (my dad's cousin) to use the internet, so I got to check and send emails to family and friends back home. I'm meeting so many people who knew all of my uncles when they were little. So, while I was at Taunt Jacko's, Maha (who turns out is my cousin), Matthew and Mark came and picked me up, and then we went to their house and then to the jnanee ("garden".. it's a hang out place in the town). After we went and ate dinner in Saida (Sidon). Then was a party in the town square where we met up with our "group" (the Lebanese people our age from all over the world mixed with a few people from the town), and I did the Debke (Lebanese folk dance) in Lebanon for the first time in my life and it was so fun! Then around 1 a.m. we went to Matthew's house with the group, hung out, played random games like "telephone," "truth or dare," and some game where we meowed at people. We stayed there till about 3 a.m. (cause like I said, this culture is nocturnal)."

"Tonight was a fun, but crazy night. I hung out at the house with Teta until 3 p.m. (which, I'm not superstitious, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Taunt Farida's sister prayed over Teta's leg yesterday, and now Teta's leg is significantly better. As in, she doesn't need to use the walker anymore and isn't in pain when she stands up, sits down or walks. PRAISE GOD!) and then Matthew and Maha came and picked me up. We stopped at some people from the town's house (they're all cousins and each family lives on a different floor of the building, which is really common in Lebanon. Extended family's usually all live in one building). One of the guys loves Maha. The other one just loves all women. To clear the air, there are no men that I am interested in here. That should put to rest an rumors that may begin to form. Anyway, later at night we went to one of the guy's in the town's house for a genuine Lebanese party.. as in, people actually got up and did the debke. It was pretty legitimate. We left around 2 a.m. because there was some obnoxiousness going on and then went back to Matthew's where I got to skype with Mama and Baba! P.S. After dealing with a lot of obnoxious guys recently, I would just like to say that I want a guy who loves me because he knows me and loves me. Not just because he thinks I'm pretty."

 Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

 "I woke up to Teta being utterly freaked out that I was out till 3 a.m. and how she was imagining me dead and all that. Once I talked to her about it and explained that we just are sitting at the house because that's when people see each other in this country, and that I skyped Baba at 3 a.m. and he didn't mind, then she felt better. Taunt Farida and I have some great talks, and she even told me all about her and Khaloo (Uncle) Said met and it was cute. I hope however I meet my future husband is cute and memorable like that."

"Today was a great day. Around 8 p.m., Maha, Mark and Youssef (from Quebec) picked me up and we went to Matthew's house. Then after that we went to some place that sells menaeesh and Matthew's two Muslim friends from college came with us. So then we went to the jnanee to hang out. Somehow, the subject of God and the Bible came up, and Matthew and I got to end up having about an hour discussion with his two Muslim friends about the gospel and legitimately got to share it with them in detail. It was incredible. I was afraid to talk about it with them at first, but I'm so glad that God gave us courage, because not only did they enjoy the conversation and ask a ton of questions, but one of them also is very interested in reading the Bible. It seriously was absolutely amazing. If that is all that happens this whole trip, the seed that was planted was so worth it. Dear Lord, use us to touch their hearts and open their eyes to the truth. Bring people in their lives to mentor them and guide them to YOU alone. After the conversation, one of the guys said that now he feels really close to us. Use these relationships built for YOUR glory. Thank you for that opportunity to be useful for You! AH =). After that, we hung out and stargazed. Today, I can cross "saw a shooting star in Lebanon" off of my list."

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"I'm legitimately still so happy that we got to share the gospel with those two guys yesterday. Their interest was so encouraging, and their hearts are really searching. We've been eating like vegetarians beacause they're worried about the meat here. Mmjudra (lentils), Baamy (okra), Mnezzlee (I'm not really sure what this.. egg plant?), Lubee b'zaat (green beans cooked in tomato sauce and olive oil), fresh fruits and veggies, etc. I like it though. I'm eating healthier and losing some of my college weight!"

"Feeling sort of blah today. I don't even know why. The heat mixed with missing home, mixed with a lot of emotions from seeing where Gidoo (grandpa- pronounced "Jih-doo") first started the church, maybe. I guess I feel like, even with the friends I've made, I still don't really fit in. My Arabic is horrible, and I'm just a little bit awkward sometimes. *and then the journal entry continues into a pity party.. so I will spare you from that, I guess there's always those days*."

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

"Today was an interesting day. I woke up, took a shower and then Maha and Matthew picked me up. We hopped from house to house, ate lunch and then by around 8ish, I was finally feeling in a better mood, and there was a party at Maha's house. Some guys decided to bring alcohol after Maha asked them not to, and so naturally, she was upset. Then she owned and kicked them out. I was all proud of her. Drama, drama, drama."

"So, random news- one of my RAs for next year isn't coming back to school, and they want me to interview for it. I'm not sure what's going on, but I guess we'll find out. Lord, if you want me to be an RA, show me your will. Please have me where I will be most affective."

Friday, July 20th, 2012

"There are a lot of random scares going on here. There have been shootings in Saida (Sidon), which is right near us. Thousands of refugess from Syria are flooding into Lebanon, so I'm not sure what that means. Also, last night, Ramadan (the Muslim time of fasting) started and it will go on for a month. Everything in Saida is closed for it."

"I forgot to tell about how on Wednesday, I saw the chapel in the current church. The chapel is where the church initially met when Gidoo was the pastor. It made me tear up a bit cause I wish I knew him, but it was crazy to picture him there preaching and Baba as a little boy. Wow, I love Baba so much, and I'm blessed to have him as my father."

"Today I ate figs and grapes from the trees/vines on our land. All of the fresh food is so delicious."

"Right now, I can hear the Muslims chanting things over the loud speakers. I can't really understand the muffled words, but I'm guessing it's for Ramadan. I don't think I am afraid of Muslims, whereas I think I was before. I definitely see all of their chains. So little surety. One thing that my Muslim friend said to me when we shared the gospel with him was, "How can anyone know where they're going when they die??" It made me sad. When we shared the gospel, he asked, "So are you saying that all Muslims are going to hell?" Matthew and I got sort of quiet, cause it's awkward to say "yes," but then we said, "The Bible says that anyone who doesn't accept Jesus Christ's gift is going to hell. So to answer your question... yes. But it's nothing personal. >_> .. <_< .. >_>.." Hahaha, they laughed. They understood we weren't trying to be jerks, but simply preaching the truth. I used Abe's "stick-figure on paper" analogy to explain our inability to understand the mind of God. I think it pretty much hit the nail on the head, and I'm glad.""T

"Today wasn't bad. Went and visited a group of people with Teta. Due to my nausea, Taunt Farida had me drink straight up lemon juice for my stomach. Teta, Taunt Farida and I had lots of interesting conversations- about Baba's oldest brother who died, of Gidoo's calling into ministry and just family stuff. Then Matthew came and got me and we went to the jnanee. Tonight, I helped Matthew and Joe (another guy from the church) brainstorm for a Bible lesson for tomorrow's AWANA. I brought up the idea about doing something regarding how faith and works go together, but we'll see what God leads them to do tomorrow. I told them my story about how God showed me to come here, and I think it helped remind me. Lord, help me in these relationships that I'm building, and keep me useful while I'm here. If it's your will for me to stay for the Bible Conference (Mutamar) please make it happen, but if you want me to be an RA, please make that happen. If both could be possible, it would be awesome!"

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

"This morning I helped at AWANA a bit and just did what I could despite my failure at speaking. I gave a short testimony (which Matthew translated) about how not to get stuck in the motions of a Christian home, but to make it personal and use growing up in a Christian home as an advantage to learn as much as possible now so that God can use you in ways you don't expect. I had issues tying all of my thoughts together, but hopefully it made sense."

"We ate lunch at Mary's house and it was yummy (grape leaves, kefta, etc.). Now I just took a two hour nap and feel extremely nauseous (I usually do from napping, though). Tonight is youth group and I think they're watching Fireproof. It'll be pretty interesting to watch that in Lebanon. I keep thinking about my Muslim friend and his total search for the truth. His confusion as to who God is. Dear God, I'm not sure if you're going to do more or if this is why you've brought me here. For now, thank you for what you've taught me and how you've used me for your glory.

1. You've taught me to listen and to observe.
2. You've helped me to build relationships and to be a light.
3. You've allowed me to help Teta Mary and Aunt Houda however they've needed me.
4. You've opened up conversations with multiple people about God's Word, truth, religion and controversial subjects.
5. You've allowed me to be a witness to my Muslim friend.
6. You've helped me to meet numerous believers from all over the world.
7. You've humbled me regarding speech and leadership, and you've shown me how to be an unknown servant.
8. You've allowed me to learn and grow in this foreign country and are helping me to excel  in Arabic.
I love you, Jesus."

"Youth group was good! We watched Fireproof, and I translated in broken Arabic the entire movie for this girl in the youth group who doesn't understand English. It was kind of fun! After youth group, we hung out with the youth group kids at the mall in Saida where they ate McDonald's and made fun of my Arabic. Then went to the jnanee, and I (of course) got sheesh tawok (a Lebanese chicken garlic wrap thing.. it's my absolute favorite). Then Joe (from church), Matthew, Maha and I played this game with fruit cards called ... uh. Balli Walli? No. Halli Galli. Something like that. Roger (Matthew's Australian cousin) joined in with us too, and I stunk at the game. And then they made fun of me for about a half an hour about how I can't count (I hate math and it was 1 a.m... what else can I say?). We played Go-Fish and talked. So much laughing that happened tonight. It was awesome!"

Pre-Trip Jitters

The day is approaching. Less than two weeks and I'm out of the country. Thoughts, feelings, concerns? Well, it's a strange mixture between fear and excitement, and the two emotions take turns dominating. I mostly cannot believe it's actually happening, and I'm actually going. Every day becomes more of a reality. However, I don't like to speak too soon. Everything is always so unpredictable and who knows what could change. However, I know that if God wants me to go, I'm going. I guess we'll just find out, won't we?

I went shopping today to get all of my essentials. It's weird thinking of being on my own. I'll have relatives there, but it's really not the same. I've never taken a big trip like this without my parents or siblings.. or at least a church group or something. It's just me (and God). Meeting most of the church members there for the first time. Working with them. I'm not even sure what my job description is yet. Keeps it interesting, right? So far, all I know is that I will be working with children during a VBS, building relationships with the teens/college-aged folks in the town in efforts to share the gospel and attending a Bible conference. Talking about the hands-on stuff brings out the "excitement" emotions within me. In addition, I think this whole trip thing is making me more and more thankful to be single (another emotion within all of this). It's no doubt that this missions trip would be nearly impossible if I was tied down with the type of responsibilities and commitments of a serious relationship. I am so thankful for where God has me right now so that I can travel so openly and independently like this. I know a month is not a huge commitment away from a "significant other," but it would affect the details, nonetheless. Anyway...
What brings out the "fear" emotions?
Well, the fear of not being able to get home for one, but I won't really get into that. Getting really sick like the last time I went. Having a hard time with the language. Not making friends. Not being useful. I'm not really sure what else. Only God knows what the full extent of my fears are, and only God knows how to tranquilize these fears. I am learning that fear will not change whatever will happen, so I'm trying to replace any fear that finds its way into my head with prayer. Fear does not change things, but prayer does. I also know that fear is not of God, and that perfect Love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

So that's my current state.

I'm also trying not to just "hover" in life right now due to constantly thinking about the trip. I think often times with upcoming big "life events," I forget that I'm living right now and tend to abide in a fruitless haze. You know, that "I just keep thinking about what is to come rather than what is happening right now" thing. It's dangerous and useless. Since I'm taking efforts to avoid this happening, I often forget I'm even going, or it just feels like some sort of far off dream. As of now, I kind of like that way. When I go, I'll be there. For now, I'm here, and really enjoying my time at home with my family and friends. I've really learned to enjoy the company of my parents, probably more than I ever have before. They're just fun to be with. We don't have to do anything or say anything, I just love being with them. My sister and I have always had a good time together and been really close, so it's always a great time to be with her as well. I've also enjoyed building some relationships with some friends from the area along with tutoring a girl in math a few times a week. It's been good, and I'm thankful for what God is doing.

P.S. I'm not sure how the blogging thing is going to happen while I'm overseas, but we'll see what happens!

"Your ways are not My ways, declares the LORD."

God has been moving in my heart in a way that He never has before. I've always been passionate specifically about the people of the Middle East since high school and God has more recently placed on my heart serving orphans. As of now, God hasn't opened any doors regarding any orphanages quite yet, but regarding the Middle East, God's been slamming opening some crazy doors and slamming them open quickly.

Last night, after having dinner with one of my closest friends, Sarah (click on her name to see her blog- this woman is such a beautiful woman of God) and just opening up our hearts to each other, we decided to attend a student-led worship service at my school. Mind you, I had no intention of going. I kind of was hardened to it actually, with the "I'm not in the mood for emotional-hand-raisers" mentality. I know. That's harsh, but that was honestly my attitude. Well, we went, and I can tell you right now that God really moved.. and for that one night, I was a hand-raiser.


Let me start from the beginning of the night.
When we arrived, we walked up and made our through the initial minimal crowd. The worship band played some praise and worship songs, read some Scripture and prayed numerous times.
It started off as just a time to express to Jesus through song how much I truly love Him. As I sang, I looked around to see flags of the world surrounding us. I tried to find the flag of my heritage, but I couldn't find it.
One of the first gentlemen that went up to pray focused his prayer on the people of Africa. The next young lady who prayed focused her prayer on the people of Latin America. Person after person made their way to the front where there was a globe, found their home countries and prayed over the lost people of their family's nation with fervency and passion. Prayer after prayer was lifted to God, pleading the salvation of the people of their nation. So many cultures in this melting pot of Christians.
As I witnessed this, God pressed my heart. My culture is often so forgotten.
The Middle East is so frequently labeled as a place of terror and violence, but it is just another place that needs Jesus. So many lies believed, and they just need the truth.
So I prayed and I cried. I prayed with all my heart for my family's country and the people of the Middle East. I prayed that for God to use me, whether now or some other time in my life, to reach those people. I cried out to God, begging Him to bring them to Him. I cried for the lost and the forgotten nations.
I cried for my lack of involvement.
And after I prayed and cried, I made my way to the front, found the Middle East on the globe, and prayed and cried some more.
Needless to say, God is working.

I talked to my dad today to see if any of my relatives were going to the Middle East this summer. I was scared that he would disapprove because of the danger-factor and because of the fact that I'm not home all year due to school. His response? "Why? Do you want to go? I think that's a great idea."
My heart was so happy to hear this. I told him that I didn't want to go on a vacation- I wanted to be involved in the Bible-believing church in my dad's hometown either helping with a kid's club or doing Bible studies with teenaged or college-aged girls. He loved the idea and told me he would contact the pastor of the church there to find out what I can be involved in.

Well, I guess within the next few weeks I will be finding out whether I'm really going this summer or not. Either way, I'm trusting God. I won't lie- I'm scared. I'm really scared. I have no idea what may come of this trip if I go, how God will use me this summer or what God will do with me the rest of my life. I'm scared. The control-freak in me screams, and it's awesome. God's pushing out the control-issues in my life and bringing in trust in Him. So thankful for Jesus Christ in my life to strip away everything that pulls me away from God.

Whether it's just this summer, temporarily in my life or for my whole life- I want to be used by God in the Middle East. My heart yearns for their salvation.

"Jesus. I'll stand with arms HIGH and heart ABANDONED,
in awe of the One who gave it all."

Isaiah 55:8

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD."

OneWeek

This week has been a pretty good one filled with a pretty even balance of relaxation and family/friend time. I think I go back and forth pretty frequently over whether I'm disappointed to not be home the rest of the summer or whether I'm just extremely ready.

Part of me wishes that I would be able to be part of all of the "College&Career" activities, see my friends from church and school, spend time with my parents and sister/brother-in-law, or hang out on weekends up north with the cousins, while the other part of me is dying to get out and serve God, grow closer to Him away from the typical comforts of life, meet new people, be a mentor to kids, adapt to rising with the sun, and be forced to try new activities.
...that about sums up my feelings in one paragraph, to be honest.

The previous paragraph describes the inner battle I currently am facing between comfort and service (because to be honest, service is definitely not comfortable, and I am slowly coming to realize that). It's a strange feeling.. battling with oneself. Thankfully, I am not the only one involved in this "battle," but I have my God by my side, leading me to do His will one step at a time, and thankfully, I am going to camp whether I fully want to or not.

So, here I go. One week left. I won't lie, I will miss the sleeping in, the lazy days, the great talks with my parents, the down-time with my sister and brother-in-law, the random hang outs with long-time friends, and the freedom to read books for fun.
However, I cannot wait for the craziness, the laughing/screaming children, the opportunity to minister to these children, the responsibilities I have which force me to stay focused in my walk with God, the hikes, the cabins, the horses, the people I will meet, the staff that I will grow close to, the campfires, the nature, and the new experiences.

One quote I just found online that I really like:

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see."
~Neil Postman

My main prayer is that through us, children will come to know God. I pray that our lives would be a testimony of His love, grace, and holiness, and that they would see Jesus Christ in us.

Provision and Prayer

This past week I have really been made aware of two main factors in the Christian life which I unfortunately take for granted and often overlook: God's constant provision and answering of prayer.
I believe that if I stopped to think about these two aspects of God more often, I would stumble in my faith a lot less.

For the past few years, money matters have been a constant issue which persistently prod at my family's mind. Budgets have been tight for most families that I know as well, especially families with college kids. A few days ago I received an email showing the amount of federal aid I would receive this coming year, and I can tell you that I was blown out of the water when I saw it. Not only did God provide, but He abundantly lavished. Yes, there are still payments to be done, but it's doable. God is good. He is good no matter what, but the fact that He chooses to bless me with the most random and incredible blessings expresses His complete goodness and MERCY, simply blowing me away.
Sometimes I find myself struggling to understand why God would allow my father, a hard-working, experienced, brilliant, friendly, godly man to be unable to find suitable work for over three years. While this question looms in my head, my eyes are blinded from the truth of it all. Job or not, God has provided. I have found that through this seemingly negative job situation, my dad has not only made a difference in my life through his determined mind-set and humble spirit, but he has also impacted the lives of an innumerable amount of people. Through the extra time he has been given, he has been able to truly invest himself in the lives of our family and those in our church, and instead of letting the difficulties bring him down, he always finds hope in God's provision. My father is truly an incredible role model, and I strive to love God and people the way he does.

In the realms of prayer, I seem to go through this every few months, where I see how INCREDIBLE God is in His love for me as He hears me, an insignificant nothing, and then answers.
This past week I found my old prayer journal from 2008 and 2009. The encouragement I received from reading through it, seeing all of the answered prayers (definitely not how I imagined they would be answered), reminiscing on these past situations, and meditating on God's goodness, is unable to truly be described in words. As I look back to December 2008, I remember the pain I had over some of these situations, the total helplessness I felt, and the desperation with which I prayed these prayers to God.
Some of these prayer requests:
-"That Chantal would be able to get a VISA and be able to come to the U.S. soon." Dec. 2008
        Chantal not only was able to come the U.S. safely without any problems, but her and Jean-Paul are now married and have an incredibly beautiful little girl.
-"That one of my friends would stop doing drugs and to get saved." Dec 2008
        One of my high school friends not only stopped doing drugs, but accepted Christ as His Savior.
-"That I would find work" Dec 2008
        I not only found work, but I was able to witness to people during the job as well.
-"That my sister would get the funds for college." Dec 2008
       My sister, Grace not only was able to afford college, but is now graduated with her Master's in Nursing and is now a Nurse Practitioner.
-"That my sister would find a good godly guy." Dec 2008
      Not only did she "find a good godly guy" but she found the best, godly guy for her and they are now married.
-"That this year I would grow spiritually." Jan 2009
      Well, this year has definitely been a growing experience, and I am thankful to God for every situation He placed in my life this year to grow closer to Him and be forced to seek His face and find my identity in Him alone.
-"That I would progress in writing." Jan 2009
      I definitely feel as though I've really been able to learn more about writing and become more motivated to chase after my Journalism dreams ;]. So much more work to do, but when compared to 2009, I definitely grew in my writing abilities.
-"That my relative would quit smoking and grow spiritually." Feb 2009
     He quit that smoking. And he's still going strong (it's been about a year and a half or more). In these two years he also has grown spiritually as well.
-"For my friend to find work." Feb 2009
       She has had work for quite a while, and now has an interview for even better full-time position at another job.
-"For my cousin Marc to find an internship." Feb 2009
       He now has an incredible internship. It may have taken a while, but God still answered in His time.
-"SATs." Mar 2009
       Well I'm in college and finished my freshman year, so I must have passed those SATs.


The lists go on and on, from friends finding work after months of searching, to friends and family being healed without many complications of injuries and illnesses, God has been working. Many of my requests consisted of struggles in my own spiritual life, and while I have by no means conquered many of these, God has grown me through them and allowed Himself to be glorified through these weaknesses.

This is not to say that every request I pray for I expect to get "my way", because really God owes me NOTHING, nor do I even know what is truly best for myself the way my Savior does. This is just to show God's grace in these situations, allowing me and my friends or family to get through these situations, bringing the circumstances to conclude in ways which would glorify Him, even though done in methods I would not expect nor typically choose for myself. Thankfully, other than the choices I make, I am not in control of what happens to me, but rather God, the Creator of the Universe holds me and my situations in His hands always.

Lessons in the Life of Daisy Wolf

So, this week has been quite the interesting one filled with many random lessons. Some spiritually related, some school related, and some really not related to anything. So, sit tight.

Lesson 1: Just get the paper done. Don't keep "taking breaks" because the paper will end up taking all day.. which is more annoying than spending maybe 3 hours and then being done.. Especially when the paper has to do with some man who travels in freezing temperatures on the Yukon trail and eventually dies. To Build a Fire (by Jack London) isn't exactly my favorite story to write about. Well, at least I learned not to build a fire underneath a spruce tree that has snow on it, because (note to self) fire melts snow and it will eventually fall off the tree and put out the fire. Bear Grylls would be ashamed.

Lesson 2: Those Mocha Coffee Starbucks drink things are NOT as good as they look. Don't be deceived by the cute little chocolate-colored can and Starbucks logo- those things are nasty and make you jittery. Also, they leave you with bad breath and waste your two dollars that you could use towards something much more fulfilling.. like Chic-Fil-A. Take it from me.

Lesson 3: On a more serious note... While sleeping in is nice, nothing ruins a day more than missing a way to serve God and encourage someone who needs it. I was planning on going to a weekly service event with my college to a local nursing home, but instead decided to sleep in. I can tell you now that something definitely was missing today, and that was seeing smiling faces of wonderful people who know so much about life but are constricted to such a small area with not many visitors and need some encouragement. The sad thing is, I knew last night that if I didn't go I'd feel this way, but I still slept in. Hm. Sorry, Jesus, for not showing enough love to sacrifice just a little bit of sleep to make many people's day. What if Jesus decided, "Hey. I think I'm a little too tired to come to earth and save mankind... that just seems like a lot of work." Ok, I'm definitely not Jesus and I'm definitely not taking the sins of the world upon my shoulders, but I am supposed to be striving to be like Jesus and Jesus does call us to love like He loves. So when it all comes down to it, today was definitely a learning experience.
    Recently I've been discouraged that I haven't been serving and haven't really been invested in people's lives like I should. Well, it's days like today and decisions like these that have created this situation that I've found myself in. Laziness and lack of motivation.
   Well, I can tell you that I'll be there next week.

Lesson 4: Exercising may be a little bit awful at the time, but after its AMAZING. Is it just me, or do we magically feel like eating fruits and vegetables after a good work-out? I don't know what it is, but I always find myself eating carrots after I come back from the gym. Oh and also, I've also come to the conclusion that dance-aerobic classes are embarrassingly fun. Maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed to admit that it's fun, but now that I'm posting this on the internet I think that proves I'm getting over that a little bit.

Lesson 5: Life goes by quickly. Say hi to everyone you can and smile at everyone you pass. In a Bible study that I've been having with a few ladies in my dorm, one subject that came up was reaching out to people we normally wouldn't imagine being friends with. You know those "oh man, that person looks like they may hurt me" people? Well, I think sometimes we forget that they ARE people. They need love just like everyone else and who knows what could be going on in their life.
     Lately I've been learning a lot from one of my roommates. She's one of those girls talks to anyone and everyone, and not because she likes to be popular or wants everyone to know who she is, but because she genuinely wants people to feel loved. Now that's the love of Christ showing through her right there. I'm striving to love that hard and to be that fearless. It'll be a long journey, but God's love does amazing things.


Lesson 6: God answers prayer in the most miraculous ways. Why is it that we are so amazed every time God does something awesome? I find that I pray for something, and even if I pray in faith and sincerity, I still somehow end up surprised when God answers my prayer. It happens over and over.
      Let me explain what brought this little lesson on. Lately I've been feeling sort of lacking in the "good girl friends" department. Don't get me wrong, God has blessed me with AMAZING friends and family, but many of them are back home and many of my college friends have much different schedules than mine and we sometimes find it hard to find times to do things together. So, I have been praying that God brings a friend into my life who I can really relate to, grow spiritually with, and just have a lot of laughs and great times with. Well, God answered. This semester I met a girl in one of my classes who is genuinely sweet and just seems like an awesome woman of God. I saw her at the gym last week and we started talking a little, and before you know it I invited her to come to my dance aerobics class with me (the one that I'm not embarrassed to admit to liking anymore). This week her, one of my roommates, and one of my other friends went together and it was awesome. As we talked more, I found out that she is a commuter and had been feeling like it was difficult to make friends because she didn't live on campus. Apparently, she had been praying this year to meet potentially good friends as well. God definitely knows exactly what we need when we need it!

Well, it is now late into the night and there is church tomorrow. So, though I've learned many more things this week, it is time to say adieu. Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. *dances away*
... I hope you understood that reference. *cough* Sound of Music *cough*

Alright. Good Night and God Bless!!