The Adventures of a Swollen Face

As I sit here, tired, swollen, and having watched way too many movies in one day, I think to myself, "Self, this is probably a good time to write a blog about my fat-faced, delirious experiences this long day!" So here I am, ready to unleash the not-so-fascinating life of a swollen visage (yes, my entire face has experiences of its own. Don't mock me).

So what occurred pre-surgery this morning?
I woke up (that's always a good sign). My mom drove me to the oral surgeon, myself unwillingly riding in the passenger seat. Just kidding.. I chose to come, but only because I had to (explain that one).
We arrived, awkwardly sat down in the waiting room, finished the extra paperwork, and off I went into the chair of death (...dentist chair). As I watched the nurses attach strange things to my arms and fingers, I decided that I didn't like this as much I thought I wouldn't like it. Then came the needle, which just about did it for me. As I was contemplating throwing off the awkward clamps on my arms and fingers and rampaging through the hospital yelling, "YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST," I decided that wouldn't be a good idea, but instead turned away and closed my eyes (not quite as fulfilling). The nurse placed some weird mask thing on my nose and the last thing I heard her say was, "Take a deep breath in. You're going to feel a little weird in a minute." Weird was definitely an understatement. My body almost seemed to tingle and as I dosed off I remember thinking, "So this is what it feels like to get high. This is definitely not fun."

The next thing I know, I am dreaming (or at least I think I am). The world seems to be spinning in all sorts of directions, and my mom and the nurse seem to be talking very slowly and quietly. The only thing I could really make out in the conversation was the nurse telling my mom to keep talking to me so I would eventually wake up and be able to leave. At this point, I was really confused, wondering why the surgery hadn't started yet and why I felt so tired. While it all began to spin less, the lack of feeling in my face began to be more evident. I blinked my eyes a few times, realizing I could not see due to my near-blindness (the sadness of needing contacts/glasses). I recognized my mom sitting across from me asking me if I could hear her, as she touched my leg a little bit to awaken me. For some reason my legs felt extremely numb and uncomfortable, causing me to angrily pull my leg away and grunt at her (yes I remember all of this, and when I look back I don't understand the reasoning behind my actions... but it happens when you're high on anesthetics). During this unidentified period of time (I really cannot remember how long it took for me to actually get up), I recall a few random attempted "conversations" that my mom and I exchanged.

Remembered Conversation One:
Mom: How are you feeling?
Me: *swollen-mouthed grumbling*...I feel high.
Mom: What? High?
Me: I hate drugs. I'm never taking them.
Mom: God forbid. (except she said that in Arabic..)

Remembered Conversation Two:

Me: *still awkwardly groaning through the swollen-ness and gauze* ...What's this? (pointing to my lips which I have no feeling in). Gauze?
Mom: No. Your lips.
Me: NOOoooo! NO! IT'S GAUZE!
Mom: No. It's definitely your lips.
Me: ..Oh. What's this? (point to my chin). Gauze?
Mom: No. That's your chin.
Me: Noooo!! GAUZE!
                     --> I'm not really sure why I was so frustrated by the fact that it wasn't gauze, but for some reason this whole little issue really bothered me. And I remember it all, but don't get any of it.

Remembered Conversation Three:

Me: *...still very difficult to understand* I'm dizzy.
Mom: ...What are you saying?
Me: Dizzy.
Mom: Are you feeling sick?
Me: NO. DIZZY. *spinning my hand around in circles angrily*
Mom: Ohh. You're dizzy?
Me: *sobbing* Yes. Dizzy. I can't see.
Mom: Are you blacking out? Are you ok?
Me: No. Because I'm dizzy. *still sobbing*

...hahaha my poor mother.
Then, the nurse came in.
At this point, my mom gave me my glasses so I could finally see things in the room, which actually just made everything begin to spin even more and hurt my head all the more. Of course, this is when the nurse decides to walk in.

Nurse: How are you feeling?
Me: *staring at a painting on the wall of three little girls* ....The girls are creepy.
Nurse: What girls?
Me: The ones on the wall.
Nurse: *looks up at the wall* ...hahahahaha. THOSE GIRLS ARE CREEPY! Don't tell the doctor I said that though!
Me: *tries to laugh but is in pain every time I break a smile*

So, the rest my time in the office consisted of odd conversations like these along with my attempt to stand up and move around. All of this was in "dream-mode".. you know, that mode where you're there, but everything is far away and awkward. The only word that kept coming to mind throughout all of this was "groggy," which was pretty appropriate. A few nasty things occurred, which I won't go into detail about, for all your sakes, but it was all pretty unpleasant at this point.

When I arrived home I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands, noticed my swollen face, attempted to laugh at myself, but instead found myself in pain (how awful it is to be in pain during laughter.. such an oxymoron). The rest of the day consisted of mashed potatoes, smashed popsicles, gatorade, meds, about 5 hours of girly movies on the couch, and another two hour movie with my cousin Simon who came to keep me company. And now I am here, typing away.

All in all, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The pain isn't nearly as bad as I expected (yet), I can finally feel my lips and tongue, and I love mashed potatoes, so it's all good. There isn't much to complain about when I am allowed to watch chick flicks all day with my mom. So, to any of you who prayed for me, thank you! It definitely helped!

Anddd let the sleeping begin. I'm definitely ready for a good nights sleep.
Goodnight, and God bless!

Oh, yes.. and two pictures to humor you...

 Swollen. Sad. Unable to feel my face...

                       ....but my Mama acts as a good nurse :].
So thankful for her. I love you, Mama!!

Change, Wise Teeth, and Lessons

Change occurs, you adapt, then life goes on.

It's an interesting feeling.. having a married sister. I didn't know what it would be like, but now I do. I haven't had that dramatic relapse of sobbing that I thought I maybe would have once my sister left, but rather just a weird empty spot. It's a curious feeling- the feeling you get when you come home, subconsciously wait for your sister to come home, wonder what is taking her so long, then realize it's because she's not living here anymore. Weird. I think one of those "lonely moments" hit me the other night when I had no one to watch a girly movie with.

One fact that I always realize in these times of change that occur in life is: Life goes on. Though it may not feel like it at times, I've already begun adjusting to this change.

I seriously cannot believe I leave for camp in two and a half weeks.
I also can't believe that I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday. I try not to think about it, because to be quite honest, surgery and anesthetics terrify me. I'm not exactly sure why. It could be because the thought of random people cutting me open generally just sounds pretty uncomfortable, or maybe it's because the after pain may be excruciating and I won't even be able yell angrily about it (due to a swollen mouth). Well, it looks like I will be eating a lot of very random foods that don't compliment each other whatsoever and that I probably will get sick of by the first day. Ice cream and mashed potatoes just don't sound like an appetizing duo. Or who doesn't love applesauce and spaghettios.. Oh, let's throw some custard pudding there too. YUMMAY. Actually, I could go for some custard pudding right now (I will have my fair share of it for the next week I suppose).

So what have I been learning in my spiritual life lately? Well, my previous blogs have sort of been scattered descriptions as to what I've been learning and what I've been experiencing so far this summer. Let's just say, God knows exactly what I need in order to change before being in any sort of leadership position. From keeping my mouth shut to humbling myself to confess heart sins, God never fails to remind me of His love throughout it all.
Christianity is not about perfection. It's about understanding our lack of perfection, recognizing when it's time to let go of ourselves, and bowing before the Almighty God in humility and brokenness.
Sometimes I find myself frustrated by my sins, rightfully so, but not because of the fact that I sinned. This frustration over sin comes from a selfish motive of wishing to be the epitome of perfection for all the world to see. The thing is, it's not about the world seeing us. It's about the world seeing Christ. It's not about our personal triumphs. It's about our failures, bringing us to our renewal through Christ. We will never be the epitome of perfection, but rather Christ must be the perfection in us. Anything good that comes out of us is not of ourselves. I think that's where I often go wrong, leading me into pride and apathy.

"I'm fine just where I am. I don't do any big sins." This is the attitude which introduces a dramatic falling away from Christ. Self-satisfaction and contentment.
In the gospels, pride is one of the main sins which Jesus addresses, expressing his extreme hatred for hypocrisy, pride, and self-righteousness. I think we often overlook people like the Pharisees whom Jesus intensely scolds, stating that their pride and apathy made them to be like vipers, poisoning all who surround them. Are we Christians who bask in our own holiness, ignoring our inward sins and covering up the deep, core sins which will eat slowly away at us in secret? Are we Christians who place ourselves up on this pedestal of perfection, wishing for others to look at us in awe and admiration?
Or... Are we Christians who give up ourselves, allowing Christ to be the center of who we are and the first thing people see when they look at us. Are we Christians who wish only for people to see Christ's perfections in our failures and His love in the midst of our natural hate?

That is one of the main things I have been learning, intertwining with all the other little things that Jesus Christ has been teaching me day to day (forgiveness, self-control, patience, sacrifice, service).

So to close this all, I would just like to say that I am terrified of this surgery tomorrow. Just a little thought that popped into my mind. So, if any of you happen to remember me tomorrow, a prayer for as little pain as possible, no complications, and a quick recovery would be MUCH appreciated.

God Bless <3.