To Overthrow the "Entitlement" Mentality

See all those successful people who you admire and envy? Those individuals who have accomplished their dreams and contributed to society? Most aren't extra special nor do they have an incomprehensible IQ. Most just tried until they accomplished something. Failure did not stop them and neither did people's discouraging remarks.

Probably one of my largest pet peeves is when people hate on the wealthy or successful, screaming at them to "give me some of that."Though I'm sure some have inherited the money, it was earned none-the-less. I'm obviously not talking about bootleggers or illegal money-making scheme, but as far as the honest money-maker, it takes work.

Whenever I walk around Boston or any city in general, I wonder to myself who the owners are of all of the successful businesses.
How did they begin? 
How did they excel? 
What does it take to accomplish something hard?
Work. Time. Dedication.
For the most part, nothing came to the developers easy, whoever they may be.
They sweat. They stressed. They endured. They probably failed many times.

It seems to me that my generation of Americans has lost their sense of pride in working and have fallen into a mindset of entitlement.
"I deserve this because....
I'm an American.
I'm a woman.
I'm a minority.
I'm a teenager.
I'm a cat (haha just kidding.. but really)...."
The list could go on and on.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but we don't deserve anything. We never have.
We all have dreams. We all have passions. We all have talents.
But alone, these things cannot be cultivated without work.
Hard, honest work.
I think about all of the different passions I have, all of the people who have helped train me to accomplish these passions and all of the different possibilities in them.
I don't know what I'm going to be or what difference I will make, but whatever it is,
I'm going to be it and make it well.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going." Ecclesiastes 9:10

In this incredible country, we can pretty much choose to do anything. We can choose to be anything.
The sad truth is, many of us waste it.
The government just gives us things, we take it and it makes us lazy.
The hard-working, honest living is shriveling up into oblivion for many of my generation, and it breaks my heart.

"In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty."
Proverbs 14:23

Don't just talk about it- DO IT. Get up, work and do what you were made to do.

Working was never a curse, even before the fall of man.
God worked (and He also rested). (Genesis 1 & 2)
God also created mankind to cultivate the earth we've been given, with whatever occupation.

²⁷ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. ²⁸ Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Genesis 1:27-28

Work was created to glorify God and to minister to others (which also glorifies God).

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:32

I've been doing a study on Proverbs 31, which is specifically about what a virtuous woman looks like, but the concepts really are applicable to all human beings. She works with her hands willingly, she has integrity and ultimately she is looking out for the good of the people in her life (Proverbs 31:10-31). She is not lazy and because of her hard-work, her whole family benefits.

Hard work with the talents God has given us BREEDS success. Yes, this earth is not our permanent home, but God put us here, nonetheless, and He expects us to serve Him in all we do.

And now for a short message to all the teens in the house...

So I've been thinking about the teenaged years. "Why would you relive such horrid times?" you may be wondering. Well, you know, even though high school was not my most treasured time in life, I must admit that I had some incredible experiences in high school. And by incredible, I mean, horrible to go through but extremely life-changing and necessary.

So, as I ponder the not-so-distant years of being a teen, I just remember how HARD it is to be one. We give high-schoolers WAY less credit than they deserve.

Seriously though.

Middle school/ High school = Finding out who you are + people telling you who to be + you trying to be who they want you to be + horrible math classes + very little freedom + thinking about the future and eventual adulthood + dramatic peers + crazy emotions and hormones + discovering how intense your emotions can be + figuring out how to balance your emotions with logic + not quite being an adult but becoming one.

I mean, COME ON. Not even Bill Gates wants to solve that equation.

My heart goes out to middle-schoolers and high-schoolers. So much vulnerability, so much willingness to be molded, but so many voices calling out to them, telling them what to be.

Well, to all my friends in this age range, you are respected, admired and felt with. The years may never seem to end, and it may seem you never will make it out alive but hey- I'm still breathing.

I've only been out of high school for 3 years and out of teenhood for 2, but those years weighed so heavy, that leaving them behind meant REALLY leaving them behind and never looking back. But, once you're out, you're out. And you feel like a superhero because you made it through years of dramatic, emotional individuals who spur on crazy drama and emotions out of you that you didn't know existed.
(Spoiler: They always existed. Everyone else seems to be the problem, but you want the reality? You're the problem. We all are. Sin is. This feeling is never really something anyone actually grows out of. Everything is always "someone else's problem.")

Anyway, don't ever let older people make you feel like your life is easy, because it's not. Every stage of life is messy, and the teenaged years happen to be the messy part of life in which you don't actually know who you are (which makes it all the more confusing). You truly are a superhero. Keep pushing through!

Ask God for wisdom, trust Him always, love Him more than anything or anyone, and never look to a human being to satisfy you. Seek guidance from those who are willing to help you, especially ones who have been where you've been before, but stay away from advice that will turn you away from Jesus. He is your priority, and the only way to make it through the brutality of teenhood is through His GRACE.

That is all =).

People > Stuff

Why are there so many people in the world who feel left out, hopeless, alone and meaningless?
Because the attention that should be going to them is going to STUFF. That's right. Material.
I'm not saying Black Friday in itself is this evil institution of man, but I do believe that people are extremely mistaken and blinded. Trampling people in order to get stuff-- that is what our country has resorted to.

Where is the love? Stolen by things that don't matter. Devoured by products and retail and STUFF. If our love is being captured by those things, they are not going to what love was made for: PEOPLE.
As a believer in Jesus Christ, I believe that my purpose to be here on this earth is to:

1. Glorify God.
2. Love people.

That is why I'm here. That's who I am. That's what I'm called to do. LOVE.

This town, this country, this world has lied to each individual and told him that THINGS will make you happy. MONEY will suffice. STATUS will bring meaning. ENTERTAINMENT will give me a reason.

No. NO. NO..
PEOPLE. People are what make up life. The world is made up of PEOPLE.
People who need love.
People who need friends.
People who need hope.
People who need Jesus. 
Money won't bring them love.
Stuff won't bring anyone love. Just an empty need for MORE.

On our death beds, we will not remember the things we owned or the places we've been, but the people we were with.
The people we made a difference to. The people who made a difference to us. PEOPLE. 

Time is ticking. Stuff doesn't leave or grow old with time, but people do.
Who am I taking for granted? What am I letting distract me?

Unrequited Love

To be completely honest, the position of RA has quickly (and easily) sunk me into a place of loneliness. To constantly pour love and care into everyone else but not be loved and cared for in return can become extremely draining, especially when that is expected to be the norm for you. I think I understand now what it's like to be a mom.

I know I'm not a mom and don't truly know what it all consists of, but I have been thinking about how amazing mothers are- mine in particular. Just like the position I'm in now, mothers are expected to love and to give. As a child, I always just assumed my mother would cook meals for me, help me with whatever it is I needed help with at the exact moment I needed help, love me when I needed to be loved and listen to all of my problems. Even throughout my teenager years and early adulthood I've had this sort of mindset- until this week. It's a painful thing to be put under those expectations and yet not receive any of those same luxuries in return. Maybe this is overly sentimental, but I truly appreciate my mother now. Mom, thank you for loving me and taking care of me even when you were the one who needed to be loved and taken care of. You are genuinely a priceless jewel.
On a grander scale, I think I've been starting to hit the surface of understanding God's love for us. How hurt he must be when He unconditionally loves us and ultimately sacrificed everything so that we could be set free for something we didn't deserve and don't appreciate.

Salvation. So incredibly under-appreciated.

Jesus, thank you for loving me even when I don't live my life in a way that loves you. I can't even fully comprehend the love that Jesus Christ has for us, but I think He's teaching me the basics of His love. Unrequited love. One-sided sacrifice. Care that is given and not received.

So to actually get to my point...  
Jesus Christ did not love expecting something in return.
Jesus Christ came to love and save because He is GOOD.
Jesus Christ healed, but didn't expect anyone to dab his gruesome, bloody wounds after He was beaten and nailed to a cross.
Jesus Christ just LOVED. He just did, because that's who He is.
Jesus ministered to people because He felt compassion, not because He expected them to care when He was hanging on a tree for their sins and abandoned by all of his friends.
He knew how He would be treated in the end. He knew, and yet He still LOVED and CARED.

As believers, we are not called to love with expectations. We are just called to LOVE.
We are not called to care for others so that maybe in some alternative universe others would also care for us. We are just called to CARE. We're not called to expect, but to pour out. I am not responsible for the way anyone else loves (or lacks love), but I am, however, responsible to fulfill what Christ calls me to do.
Love won't always be reciprocated and care won't always be requited, but that's ok.
The only one who can truly fill us up is Jesus Christ, and that's thing- He always does. We are never in it alone. Ever. We never have to love out of our own strength, because HE is our strength. Without Him, we know no love.

Jesus Christ is our endless supply of love.

Let's Remember

The 4th of July.

A time when our country is actually unified about something: our common love for this land. All politics aside, we are Americans, and I am thankful for days like Independence Day that remind us of that. It's how our founding fathers wanted it.. and they warned us of political parties, didn't they? Good ol' George Washington. He knew what he was talking about.

Once upon a time, our country just wanted freedom. Freedom to believe openly, freedom to speak, freedom to live under God. God was not a name that was prohibited in formal education, but rather was common, because it was understood that it was God who had given them these freedoms.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,---That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."
- The Declaration of Independence

"Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought."
- Author Unknown

America, let us not forget. Those who fought for our freedoms since the birth of our country did not fight for us to be able to sin as we please. They fought to give us the right to be the better men and women in the world. We have the ability to live. If only we remembered the meaning of living.

Living is not gaining the most money.
Living is not building the biggest house.
Living is not about our toys.
Living is not about any of that.
Living involves God's presence. Living involves the people God has placed in our lives. Living involves LIFE- not stationery, immovable objects that will cease to live on in eternity.
When we're gone, what will last?

Let's remember who we are.
Let's remember why we're here and how we got here.
Let's remember Who ultimately gave us this liberty.
Let's remember what our founding fathers so ardently fought for.

Divinely Created to Impact

Oh, how intricate life is.

On these summer days I have a lot of time to think and remember.
I think about who I was, who I am and who I'm going to be,
and then I think about all the different people who have impacted me, even if only in the slightest way. I remember each person who made a difference in my life, whether for a year or a week.. or even a moment. Those situations that, had I not experienced them, my current perspective would be slightly altered. I guess you could call it a sort of "butterfly affect," minus all the superstition.

I think of what or who has influenced my likes and dislikes. How the books of my childhood pushed me to love literature and writing. How admiration of my sister encouraged me to pursue playing piano (and how my piano teacher's belief in me pushed me to thrive and really enjoy the instrument). How my parents' lives exemplified Christ for me to see tangibly. How my teachers either gave me favorable or unfavorable tastes of their said subjects.
I think of the friends who came and went out of my life, teaching me about myself, about other people and even about God. Of the friends who showed me what love looks like and of the friends who showed me what manipulation looks like. Of the friends who were there when I needed them, whether they would be in my life long-term or not. Of the friends who taught me how to be a friend.

Everyone makes a difference. No matter how insignificant you may feel in someone's life, you have impacted them in some way, whether in a positive or negative way.
And on top of it all, God knows you. God knows me. God knows where we've been and where we're going. And He knows why.

As I reminisce, I thank God for His hand in my life and the people He has put in it, making me who I am. I thank God for His constant involvement in my life, never leaving me to brave the pains of this life alone. Always with me to rejoice with me in the joys of life.
I thank Him for the ability to rest in Him and to trust that my life will happen just as it should. I will meet the people I will need to meet, and I will face the trials I need to face. I will make the memories and learn the lessons. I will take my place in this giant cycle of life, contributing to each person's memories and lessons. No one can take the place of YOU. No one can take the place of ME.

We are who God created us to be, intricately designed with care and meaning. We have purpose, no matter how minute the purpose may seem.

Be blessed today by the fact that you are divinely created to IMPACT.

"You are faithful, God."

This semester is incomparably surpassing last semester. While looking out from normal-people-lenses, one would see my last semester to have been messy, depressing, crazy and lonely.
From Jesus-knows-all-lenses, one can see that while that semester was all of those things, they have framed this semester, so far, to probably be the best semester of my life.

Last semester's lessons on loneliness formed this semester's need for alone time with God.
Last semester's pains with people created this semester's growth of friendships.
Last semester's stresses over schoolwork generated this semester's patterns of taking one assignment at a time patiently and calmly.
Last semester's intense homesickness produced this semester's extreme appreciation for my family.
Last semester's struggle with romantic relationships (or lack there of) molded this semester's intense love for the gift of singleness. (This most definitely has not be a curse, but one of the biggest blessings of my current stage in life- please see..well.. the majority of my blog posts within the last month).
Last semester's discouragements of leadership provided this semester's better understanding of the people God has put in my life and how to minister to them.

So really, in a nutshell, my seemingly negative experiences from last semester allowed this semester to bloom into one beautiful rose.

The semester isn't over yet though.. so that's not to say that God will put more adversities in my path, but because of the past adversities' overall positive effects in my life (specifically having to do with my relationship with God), I say, bring it on!

(I hope I'm not speaking too soon....)

Arms High, Heart Abandoned

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all."
(Hillsong's "The Stand")

This phrase has been ringing through my mind for over a week.
What beauty and praise comes from arms outstretched and hands emptied. Now don't get me wrong- I am by no means a "hand-raiser." I've never grown up in a church that expressed their worship in that way, and to be quite honest I don't feel comfortable raising my arms up in a church setting. In fact, I normally find it distracting.

However, I find such vivid symbolism in this simple action, especially when done in private- just God and me.

It signifies letting go of worldly desires. Letting go of my plans. Letting go of my expectations.
Letting go of myself.

"Heart abandoned"
Society tells us, "Follow your heart."
The Bible tells us that "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked." (Jeremiah 17:9)
My sinful heart is to be abandoned, giving all of me to Jesus Christ, the One who can purify me fully. Instead of following this sinful heart, I will follow Jesus Christ, whose purity washes me clean. 

I truly am in awe of the One who gave it all. Who else deserves such praise and worship? 

This week is Spiritual Emphasis Week at my school, which we observe during the beginning of every semester. At tonight's service, after singing "Oh How He Loves" and "You're Beautiful" with a stadium full of fellow colleagues and believers (I'm so blessed to go to school with these people), I couldn't help but stand in complete awe, pondering that God notices me.

I struggle with often feeling incapable and helpless. I always have.
I've realized something recently though- I am incapable. I am helpless.

Without Jesus Christ, who am I? 

Who would I be without Him?

I stand amazed that He would notice me, that He does notice me.
He not only notices me, but He loves me.
He not only loves me, but He died for me.
He not only died for me, but He conquered death eternally.
He allows me to speak to Him daily and be spoken to by Him through His Word.
He is involved in my life personally.
He finds worth in me. He gives me purpose.

Insignificant me now has meaning. I'm amazed. I'm in awe.

I stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all.




"I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died 
and then you rose again for me.
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful"

Phil Wickham

Knit Together

First of all, I began writing this at 11:11 pm, which I think is pretty nifty. Yes, I have just revealed one of my little girly inclinations that I often try to hide from the world. What am I saying? I'm an open book. Moving on.

I don't know if you've experienced this in your life, but I seem to always have these recurring thoughts and phrases that randomly pop into my head at random moments in my life.. usually a time when I am unable to write about it, thus being immediately robbed of my realizations as they fly away into oblivion. Where do those thoughts go and how do they come back? Wow, total rabbit trail. Anyway, even though it would be fascinating to analyze the occurrence of thoughts, I'm going to actually get to my point this time. I promise.

One of these random thoughts that I've caught coming and going through my mind all throughout my life came back to me today as we discussed how beauty is portrayed in modern advertising.
So many times I find myself picking apart who I am, how I look, what people think of me, and what people want me to be. Than I think to myself, if I change myself, who am I disappointing (that may be a higher priority on my list)?
Fact: I will never make everyone happy.
Fact: I will never be whatever everyone specifically wants me to be.
Fact: I am who God created me to be.

Throughout my life, I've realized that the moment I change something about myself to please someone else, I have lost connection with someone else who would have liked me for the very aspect of myself that I abandoned. God has created us uniquely, perfectly designed to be just as He intended us to be. Personality, flaws, and all. Do not get me wrong- by flaws I do not mean sin. Sin is a completely different issue that is definitely that should be changed and worked on. By flaws I mostly mean quirks. Get me? Ok good.

In the words of Johnny Diaz, "You were meant to fill a purpose that only you could do. There could never be a more beautiful you."

When we change ourselves to please others, we are removing ourselves from who God created us to be. We are warping ourselves into plastic people.
I fully believe that if I remembered that this life is not about pleasing others but about pleasing the God who gave me breath and created me just as I am, my self esteem would no longer be catapulted into depths of despair. Instead, I would realize my self worth in Christ. I would know that somewhere out there is a man who has also been uniquely created by God, his temperaments, quirks, beliefs, and standards fully complementing mine and his heart appreciating who I am for who I am. He's out there, and I know it. Until then, I will continue to be me- who God formed me to be when He personally knit me in my mother's womb. 

This goes for you, too. To every person who feels that they must change themselves to fit someone else- there's someone better for you. Not better, just better for you.
Cliche? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

Don't disappoint the wrong person.

Finally. That thought is written down and finally out of my heart for the world to see. Hope you enjoyed it. Here's the music video to the Johnny Diaz song which I earlier quoted.. enjoy!

Goodnight & God Bless!

Maybe I should read the dictionary....

It seems that the more I hear about the future and what I must do to prepare for a successful one, the more absolutely terrified I am of growing up. No, I'm not lazy, and no, I am not failing to equip myself, but yes I still feel inadequate. This could be because I'm allowing myself to believe the lies of the world (and myself) that I'm not good enough, or it could be because I simply am overwhelmed by the extreme requirements in this little story we called "life." (Or it could be both).

Have you ever felt like you are the only one incapable of doing what it is that you and whatever other million people in the world want to do? You know- that whole, "Wow. They even ask questions better than me."
Yeah. I feel it. I feel it often. Especially in a field of study such as Communications.. where everyone births eloquence and strategically places their words in precisely the right spot at exactly the right moment (whether spoken or written). Then I think to myself, "Maybe I should read the dictionary more often."

If you have ever felt this way, you understand. Well, here's what I've realized recently: Success is not about big words. It's not about prestige. It's not even about landing the ever-so-dreamed-of "job of the century" which pays wages more than you knew existed and gives you a name you never knew you could have.
Really, it's not about names at all (except for One name).
Success is diligence. Diligence to do what you can do, do it in the best possible way that you can do it, and do it with the motive of glorifying the God who is greater than you and greater than I.
Success is being intentional. Intentional to learn what you can learn, put this learning into practice, and be humble enough to admit it's not simply your human intelligence and "profound capabilities" that have allowed you to learn, but the fact that God has created you with an incredible, unique, and highly complicated mind and body, allowing you to learn and excel in whatever path you have decided to follow.

[Keep in mind that there is a difference between spiritual and worldly success; however, I do believe that in many cases they do intertwine]. [Another topic for another time].

So, from a girl who constantly argues with herself (literally- sometimes even out loud) over whether I am capable or incapable, whether I will be successful or unsuccessful, or whether I am worth anything- in Jesus Christ, there is no question of worth. I cannot think of any other way to put it, really. Your or my worth cannot even be debated or questioned when we have Jesus Christ as our Lord. 
He has created us. He has formed us. He has given us the intelligence, strength, and purpose to complete whatever it is He has called us to do for His ultimate purpose. There is no question of our worth. No doubts, no excuses, no alternatives.-

So that's just a tidbit from my life. Hope this encouraged somebody out there.

One last word:
I am not defined by what I achieve, but rather Who I achieve it for.

God bless and have a good Friday!

Wake me up when September ends....

I feel as though I start every single blog post with, "it's been one of those weeks." So, in order to avoid this cliche, yet true statement, I fear that all I can say is... it's been one of those semesters. Yes, an entire semester has been one of "those." One of change, challenges, decisions, emotions, and major growth. 
I don't know about anyone else, but does it seem like it's been September for FOREVER? I literally find myself relating to the song, "Wake Me Up when September Ends."


Among the trials and lessons learned this week, my eyes have definitely been opened to little blessings that God has placed in my life, and simply just reasons.
How to know God has a sense of humor: Oh, He gives you exactly what you ask for, but in the most random, original, and slightly abstract way.
Here are some basic conversations that I had with God this week:

Me: "Lord.. why do You give me people to minister to who don't even want to be ministered to and don't really care whether I'm in their lives or not?"
God: "Uh, cause you asked to be used by Me, even if it's not easy? ... duh."
Me: "...oh...right."

Me: "Lord.. why are there people who under appreciate my service for them or simply do not want me to serve them?"
God: "...because you said you wanted to be more like Me, and you treat me that way all the time."
Me: ".....oh."

Me: "Why do you let me embarrass myself in public?..."
God: "...I don't force you to say/do anything. I simply made you unique."

God has also placed amazing friends in my life this semester who have encouraged me more spiritually than I could ever have imagined, and such blessings have definitely gotten me through this month. So, shout out to Sydney.. the girl who I just have gotten to know this year, and who's already gone above and beyond to be an amazing friend! Thankful for her! Also thankful for my other fantastic, godly friends who have stuck with me since last year... appreciate you guys more than ever <3.

Totally different side note...
Lately, I feel like the leadership on this campus have been under spiritual attack... cause I mean, logically, who else would Satan go after? If he can get the leadership down spiritually, he can get the rest of the campus down spiritually. Something crazy: Satan can't beat us.
SPOILER ALERT: Satan loses in the end. We're on God's side.. AKA, we win. Hands down.

It's amazing how my own insecurities, Satan's lies, and society in general can so easily convince me that I'm a failure. Well.. here's a little note to myself, to Satan, and to the world: sorry, but you can't tear down someone who has an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, all-perfect God as their SAVIOR. Booya. *Insert snapping in Z-formation here* 

Alright, now I feel like I've ranted on this for long enough.
Now to get through another week.. THUMBS UP, LET'S DO THIS! (and God bless!)

Insecurities

Insecurities.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of beauty.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of talent.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of love.
Like most teenaged girls and young women, I have been bombarded with such insecurities my entire life. So why bring them up now? Why even write about them when previous blogs I have written have already touched upon areas of these issues? Because I wish to be honest, and I wish go deeper in these insecurities to give God the glory, because after all, when I am weak, then I am strong.

In this specific post, I'm going to just discuss beauty and love, because those are the two that I have been specifically struggling with recently. I also have written about talents in previous blogs, so feel free to scroll back and check those out.

On beauty...

The world pushes its distorted and ungodly images of beauty, talent, and love upon every human being, but especially upon women. We are told that to be beautiful, we must place artificial masks of clay upon our visage to cover our "flawed faces." We are told that to be beautiful, we must dress in a way that not only reveals our bodies to the world, but also flaunts ourselves in a way that idolizes ourselves in our "perfections." We not only become idols to all who may find us beautiful, but we also become idols to ourselves as we pour our energy and time into OURSELVES.
Well, what does GOD say about beauty? What does GOD, the Creator of mankind, nature, and all that exists, tell us about beauty in HIS Word?
1 Peter 3:3-4

³ Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— ⁴ rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

In the eyes of God, the Inventor of beauty and the Mastermind behind all created things,
beauty begins in the heart. God does not see beauty in fake, obnoxious women who parade themselves like peacocks on display. Humility and meekness are qualities of beauty in the eyes of God. God does not see immodesty and vain focus as beauty. Modesty and eyes which are fixed upon God are qualities of beauty in the eyes of God. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing immoral about make-up and jewelry, but when our focus is on such things it is then that we have failed ourselves. When our life depends on an artificial beauty, it is then that we have stripped ourselves down to a shallow, meaningless worth.
1 Samuel 16:7

⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Lately I have been struggling with comparing myself to others, especially in areas of physical attractiveness. I can tell you right now that because of this specific issue, Facebook has really become an enlarged problem for me, and if it wouldn't be for staying in touch with people from school, I would immediately delete it (I'm still contemplating the idea). It's true though- people display their photographs of themselves, including myself, wishing to parade their beauty and gain complements from the world. This satisfaction that we gain from these compliments, I can tell you right now, leaves us empty and unfulfilled. This "beauty" is not lasting and will fade with age. This "beauty," as declared by the world, does not define our inner state by any means, but rather can easily twist our hearts to believe lies about ourselves.
The world tells us that beauty revolves around how we perceive ourselves, which in a way is true. Yet the world manages to twist such a truth into a perception which states "I should be the center of attention. To strut around as if I own the world tells those in the world that I am confident and beautiful." The Bible does not by any means support this definition of our self-perception, but rather focuses on how we see ourselves in regards to God. "I am God's creation. He has designed me in His image and has fashioned me to be exactly as I should be. Life is not about me and what I think I should be, but rather about God and who He has created me to be in order to serve Him. It's not about me, it's about HIM."
The reason I felt the need to write about this was not because I see the many girls around me acting this way, but that I myself have struggled with this ungodly perception of myself and self-centered approach to beauty. This is more to me than to anyone else, but if it impacts anyone in a positive way, then to God be the glory.


 On love...

How has the world defined love? Plastered upon the media and every other form of communication used by the world exists the world's blinded definition of love which tells us that our self worth relies in other human beings. We are told that to know love, we receive. We are told that in order to understand love, we must gain both physical and emotional benefits for ourselves. According to the world's standards, love is the passionate emotion we feel for someone.. but that is as deep as it goes. According to GOD, the Creator of emotions and love and life, what is love?
Romans 5:6-8

⁶ For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The true definition of love is sacrifice. GOD's definition of love is Jesus Christ. So how do we accomplish true love in all it's holiness and beauty? Be Christ-like. How do we know what Christ is like? Read God's Word.
Love is not satisfaction in gaining, but in giving. Love is not what we may receive, but what we may give. Love is not what pleasures we may temporarily feel, but what Christ displays in His loyalty, sacrifice, faithfulness, purity, and absolute humility.
Love is not simply having a boyfriend and all is hunky dory.
Love is being willing to die for this person.
Do I love the world with a sacrificial and selfless love? If I don't, I do not know love.

Lately, I have been struggling with being content in my state of singleness as I see all the "happy couples" in "love" all around me. While many may indeed understand love, I have been forced to evaluate my understanding of love. In this discontentment, I am telling God that He is not enough. In this occasional jealousy I obtain, I am telling God that I do not understand His love and in reality do not love Him with a true love. To understand love I must be first satisfied in my Lord and Savior's true and most precious love ever shown. If I cannot be content and thrilled in the most deep and passionate love to exist, how can I ever even begin to be content with failing, frail, and faltering human love?


Like I said earlier, this blog post is for me. This may have been a little bit too honest, but look at this as an in-depth insight into my own personal journal entry. I choose to post this because I realize that many other young women are most likely struggling with these issues, and maybe, just maybe this will touch someone's heart. Maybe God will use this in someone's life who truly needed this reminder, just as I have needed this reminder.

Journalism Rollercoaster

So lately people have been inquiring as to why I ever even majored in Business for my first semester of college when I wanted to study Journalism from 7th grade-11th grade, and then suddenly realized I still wanted to second semester of freshman year. My answer for these people requires a pretty extensive explanation.. so, where else to explain such things other than a blog?

So, the question that hangs in the air is "why?" Why the sudden lack of interest in something that I had wanted to do since junior high? Why the sudden return of interest?

Well three main factors assisted in discouraging me from going for my long-time desire to be a writer:
1. Taking criticism too much to heart
2. Comparing myself to other people
3. Allowing myself to believe that I wasn't good enough

These three factors combined became an overwhelming force which completely morphed my view of myself, others, and to a point, even God. When you combine negative thoughts emerging from others and mix them with negative thoughts emerging from yourself, you find yourself in a heap of negativity. From this heap of negativity comes a mountain of illogical and slightly impulsive decisions. If these decisions are followed through with on a long term basis, the result is misery. This misery is a unique sort of misery, in that, it is a misery which hovers beneath an illusion of happiness created by lies of inadequacy and probable failure.

From this little slice of my mind you can probably see the overall situation which occurred in my life. Now for the details.

1. Taking criticism too much to heart
Let's keep this short and sweet with no hard feelings. I loved my English class in high school a lot and highly respected my teacher. He was by no means purposefully or vengefully discouraging, but his criticisms on my work left me distraught and ready to give up. I do not blame him, but rather realize that my insecurities and quickness to take such criticisms to heart played a part in the faulty decision-making.

2.Comparing myself to other people

Since my early childhood, one of my main insecurities has always been my lack of natural talents. I constantly struggled (and still struggle) with becoming inexpressibly frustrated when being unable to excel as far as others in many areas of my life. One example of this is my reading abilities. I have always taken extensive periods of time to finish reading books, not because I'm a bad reader, but because I take my time to read every detail. I constantly re-read paragraphs to get the full effect of what the writer is trying to say, and often times I get distracted and my mind goes on a tangent because of whatever the author wrote. I can recall one particular time in the fourth grade when my friend and I were reading the same book. She started the book after I had decided that I wanted to read it. I had always taken a much longer time to finish books than she, so I was relieved to know that I was ahead since I had started the book first. The first night I got it I read about eighty pages specifically to make sure I remained ahead. When I came back to school the next day I asked her confidently how many pages she had read (and of course made sure to add in that I had read eighty pages last night). She looked at me puzzled and said, "Pages? I finished the book in a couple of hours." Now that may seem like a simple, insignificant moment in my life, but to me it was a big deal. That moment would signify the many times in my life that I would feel like a failure because of my habit of basing my excellence on others level of skill. From that introduction I can now explain why that is significant in my life. This friend's achievements would become the cornerstone that I would compare all of my "failures" to and allow to awaken every previous insecurity in this area.
Writing had always been my thing. In third grade I wrote some ridiculous story about a haunted bathroom stall and for some reason everyone in my third grade class bought a copy, because who wouldn't want to read a story about two children, haunted by some seemingly dangerous ghost while harmlessly trying to use the restroom? Sounds fascinating right? (sarcasm..). Even before that, I believe in first or second grade, I would write skits for my friends and I to practice and act out for our parents. Anyway, the point is, writing was one thing I always felt confident about and really loved to do. I would write poetry and short stories throughout elementary school and junior high. Seventh grade was when I decided that I would want to write professionally someday; this dream continued on until junior year of high school. So what happened junior year? My friend (the same one who finished the book before me) began to receive higher grades than me on papers and written assignments. At first this wasn't a big deal, but when the teacher started recognizing her as "the best writer in the class," I couldn't take it. "Well," I told myself, "I'm not doing this anymore. There's no point at going for this if my friend will constantly find what it is I enjoy to do and then beat me at it." This was the mindset which hindered me from going for the major I really did want to be in.

3. Allowing myself to believe that I wasn't good enough

Based on the first two points I hit, I began to really question my abilities.
"My teacher likes my friend's work better than mine. What's even the point of me trying?" "If I can't do this in high school, how can I do this in college or for a career?"
Instead of basing my self-worth on Christ and what HE would help me do, I focused on myself and what I was unable to do. I have realized that this mindset is what causes laziness, depression, and lack of success in general


So how did I end up switching to Journalism? Well, simply, these three points kept coming up in my mind, I loved both of my English classes, I loved blogging (and still do), would journal constantly and love it, and I owned my two English classes ;]. Mainly, I realized (once again) that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). I also learned this year that everybody is DIFFERENT and to compare myself to anyone else is to completely deny who God made me and strip myself of my unique and individual character. I am not my friend and I am not my teacher's ideal student. I am me, and I am who God created me to be. The talents I have can only be cultivated through my reliance on God, motivation, and hard work. Through these three reasons I saw three incredible failures on my part. Honestly, I still struggle with those three things daily (and that's even an understatement).
But, until then, I will continue to remind myself that God is my strength and to put myself down is to put down his creation.

There you go. Explanation.

JSYK- Just So You Know (Please see #7)

Just so you all know, this blog is going to be very scattered and random, because I have a lot to say (what's new), so prepare yourself for a little piece of A.D.D.

Current struggles:
1. Not being satisfied with who I am/ Not finding my entire identity in Christ
2. Being apathetic to school work.

Recently, I've been really struggling to be satisfied with who I am, both physically and socially. For every girl reading this, you know those days when you look in the mirror and you just feel like you're not as pretty as you'd like? When you feel like every guy has just looked directly past you to see the prettier girl behind you? When you just wish someone would notice you? Well, for me, it's been one of those months.
I have realized, however, that months like these are required in my life to keep me on track spiritually. To understand my lack of worth from looks and physical talents is to understand my ultimate worth in Christ. The physical does not make me who I am; the physical just allows me to serve God out loud. My looks do not define me; my looks make me a unique creation of God, but that is as far is it goes.
Who am I?
I am a child of God.
I am a temple of the Holy Spirit.
I am a woman seeking to please God and grow closer to Him.
I am a human being on a mission to reach others for eternity.
I am more than what I look like or what I can do- I am who God has made me and what He leads me through.


Schoolwork. 2 weeks. I can do this. Apathy? Yes, it's happening. Can I let it happen? No! Should I keep going? Yes! Finish hard. Win the race. Ace it all. That is all.


Current loves:
1. Amazing, godly girl friends!
2. Lake time.
3. Two weeks left of school.
4. That I'm going to be a prayer leader next year.
5. Getting tan again
6. Going to the gym with my roommate
7. Typing "jsyk" after every sentence and it making up an entire conversation with one of my best friends (jsyk).
8. The fact that I'm going to be working at a ranch this summer.. and on top of that with Mary Anna!
9. The fact that the Rot is getting significantly better... I like it a lot.
10. Wearing dresses.

Ok, so this blog wasn't as A.D.D. as I thought it would be! Only slightly! That's a plus. Go me!
God Bless & I love you all :]