To the Talented and Planning Awkward Couple- Subco Edition

Oh, awkward couple who I saw while in line for a sub, I promised you a blog post because I did not just see you once, but twice in the span of three days being awkward (both times in the same place, might I add).
[In honor of you, I will scatter various pictures of awkward couples around this blog post].

Flower Power

Same awkwardness, same place, around the same time?
That, my awkward friends, takes talent to accomplish. Or maybe skillful planning.
Possibly a mixture of both.

Planned, talented awkward couple soup.

Adventure-seeking couple

Now, let's take a look at the planned and talent portions of the blog post:

PLANNED:
- Happening to somehow manage to be the exact amount of people in front of me in line (both times).
- Happening to be in line for the same meal both times at around the same time.
- Happening to partake of the same awkward actions both times:

• pinching each other and giggling (pain is so cute)
• rubbing each others sides (sometimes, if you rub their side just right, they might do a trick)
• poking noses (..they may as well throw in some baby talk too)
• stroking hair (I just have nothing to say about this)
• gazing into each others eyes (because what is more romantic than standing in line for a sandwich?)

World's Best Dad

TALENT:
- Happening to be equally awkward both times.
- Happening to be awkward enough to catch my attention both times.
- Happening to not let go of each others hands the entire time
(Seriously though, props to you, folks! That takes intense focus and extreme perseverance. It should be an Olympic sport...)
- Happening to be so awkward both times that you won yourself your very own blog post.

"Everything else is black and white, except for our bond."

So, couple, well done at achieving your own blog post!
You have accomplished both talent and excellent planning. Be proud. Be very proud.

Also, thank you for allowing me to take part in your special moments before I ate, and not after.

A Pepto Bismol Kind of Day

Today I had my second encounter with an awkward couple as an RA (which I suppose should be expected since Valentine's Day is just around the corner... and we all know that couples' awkwardness goes up about 80% in February).

Ok, disclaimer- I DO NOT HATE COUPLES. or Valentines Day. I know it may seem like that because of my frequent anti-awkward couple posts, but honestly, it's not the holiday, it's the people who make the holiday an Awko Taco experience.

Now, those of you who know me know that I already hold a deep disdain for awkward couples. All shapes and sizes of awkward couples.. I can't handle it.
They make me want to take some Pepto Bismol.
Nausea. Heartburn. Indigestion. Upset stomach. You know it goes.

See the face that lady is making? 
That's the face I make. But amplified. 
So anyway, I had my second encounter... Maybe I should just tell the story.
I'm honestly building this up way more than I need to....

I walk into the Annex lobby (already a trap) to wait for the rest of my RA group so that we may soon enjoy a nice peaceful dinner. I sit down onto the seemingly comfy couch, when actually, much to my dismay, I am about to feel extreme discomfort.
As I sit down, I hear giggling. Already a bad sign. As I slowly turn my head to the right, my heart nervous for what I'm about to witness (especially in the Annex lobby), there I see it.
A boy sprawled out onto the lap of a girl. Oh wait, there's more? She is rubbing his head and lulling him to rest. What is this? Really now? Lulling?
The giggling intensified and so did the nauseous feeling. and heartburn. and indigestion. 
More rubbing of head. More giggling. More "Oh dear, sweety, I need to do homework, stop distracting me.. hehehehe," along with some uncomfortable arm caressing.

This picture is pretty relevant. And accurate.

And then it hits me. I am an RA. Oh yes! I can stop this madness! Actually, I'm supposed to stop this madness because it's my job! HIZZAH! #perksofbeinganRA <-- you can tell I'm a twitter person.
So, I find within me the courage to go up and talk to these people.
As you can imagine, this was difficult for me. For those of you who can't imagine...

1. Because it's awkward to confront people you don't know
2. Because I already have an awkward-couple-complex
3. These people were REALLY awkward.

Thankfully, I conquered these fears because.. well.. I didn't feel like going to dinner with a nauseous stomach (especially since I didn't have any Pepto with me). 

"Excuse me," I said. Panic in their eyes. I decided it was a good idea to make this short and sweet.
"I'm an RA," I said quickly, sort of mumbling the last word. "You probably shouldn't be lying on each other." (I even used the proper form of "lie" ... grammar win!)

Needless to say, there was an extremely awkward moment for a good few seconds, lots of shifty eyes and uncomfortable coughs. Then they dramatically (and, you guessed it, awkwardly) jumped away from each other and apologetically concluded their awkward actions.
Moral of the story? Just don't be an awkward couple. You're not only making everyone else feel extremely uncomfortable, but also yourselves. Just say no.

Only you can prevent awkward couple encounters!

Such is the story of my second awkward couple encounter as an RA.

Every engagement needs MARMALADE

So, I've blogged about awkward couples, but what about the non-awkward couples?
Don't they deserve a blog post? I say yes, yes they do.

However, this post is specifically directed towards ENGAGED couples. Oh yes. Don't think you'd get out that easily. ENGAGED. Not dating, but not married. An odd spot in life, but apparently a very popular one since 90% of my Facebook friends lie in this category.

(Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any skewed statistics; I am simply bad at math. Hence the journalism major).

So, to the 90%, the 10% have something to say. Don't worry, this is not a criticizing post-- mostly just an inquiring post. So in this case, I suppose we don't have something to say, but rather to ask....

HOW ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU?
Really though. It seems that some sort of epidemic has taken over all social media
and the symptoms involve 

1. diamonds
2. cover photo close-ups involving such diamonds
3. and maybe a picnic basket. 

YES, the picnic basket is a symptom, and it's filled with roses and jars of marmalade and maybe some lemonade in a jug. Oh, and maybe some bread because you need something to put the marmalade on.

The question is, do you find the diamond ring in the picnic basket and then realize you've caught the engagement or do you just see the picnic basket and know? OR is the trick ACTUALLY just in the marmalade? I mean, that's an important factor. Who can get married without marmalade? ONLY NO ONE.

Also, does Kay jewelers pay you for advertising your engagement on social networking sites? I mean, it doesn't really bother the rest of us, but I hope you are getting reimbursed for such a romantically dramatized expression on the world wide web. It would only be fair.
Is there glitter involved? In the proposal? Or buckets of confetti? Why has no one proposed via lite-brite?

I don't know about you, but I feel as though that would be a creative (and vintage) way to pop the question. Like "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" in this:

...There wouldn't have to be Mr. Potato Head there, but ya know. If there was some sort of significance about having the potato in the proposal, then by all means.... Mr. Potato away.

Anyway. Those are mostly my questions for you.
Please continue on, since you are probably busy smothering your bread with marmalade.

Another disclaimer: none of this is meant to be offensive. I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt because you really just love marmalade and Mr. Potato Head, and I will try to be more sensitive next time.



Keep being cute, engaged people! With all of your cover photos and picnic baskets!

Princess Heather and the Swinging Suitor

Last night, my best friend Heather couldn't sleep, so I decided to tell her a bedtime story via Facebook chat.
Below is the result. Enjoy!

"Princess Heather and the Swinging Suitor."

Once upon a time (cause every story has to start with that if it's going to end well) there was a beautiful princess named Heather.

Now Heather liked lots of things like flowers and pumpkin munchkins and anything that did not contain dairy products.

She loved music and dancing, and when she was alone she loved PR.

So one day, Heather decided to gather up all of her favorite things and make a song about it.

She decided it would also be useful to sing the song to a multitude of children during a thunderstorm.. and then eventually use the drapes to make them clothing. ("Sound of Music" reference).

While this seemed illogical, Heather decided it was worth the joy that she would bring these children.. and maybe it would bring her a wonderful prince, because everyone knows that princesses all eventually marry a prince... they don't marry anyone less noble. Unless it was Hugh Jackman. Who is a Duke. ("Kate and Leopold" reference).

So anyway, off Heather went, drape-clothed children, favorite things and all...

into the woods they roamed. Dancing and singing and playing with gnomes, until a giant possum emerged from the depths of the darkness.

 The giant possum made its way towards Princess Heather and the children as they stood frozen in their tracks, frightened and confused.

"Why is there a giant possum in the woods!" yelled one child. 

"And why is it dark? It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon!" yelled another.

 "Hush children," said the princess. "The louder you are the more likely the possum will eat you. Also, it's always dark in the forest." ("Anne of Green Gables" reference)

The children all held each others mouths shut since we all know children can't be quiet ever.

So... the possum approached... it's long, fanciful fangs dripping blood and it's eyes seeking satisfaction (for the possum was hungry and trees and bark just aren't satisfying).

Just when the children thought that they would be the solution to this possum's discontentment, Princess Heather saw a light. It was the light bulb above her head. 

She had a plan.

"I shall do my bird call and it shall emerge the birds into the woods!" "You have a bird call?" asked one of the lads. "Not yet," she replied, "But Snow White does this all the time. I know it will work."

"Question," said one of the frightened girls. 

"Why aren't the birds already in the woods? Why do they have to emerge?"

"Stop asking questions," Princess Heather replied, very irritated at the children's ignorance. "You're all nonsensical. I made you clothing out of drapes-- don't you trust me!"

This silenced the children, for she was right. She had never let them down before, and if Princess Heather wanted to emerge the birds, she would emerge them, especially since Snow White was her support in this matter.

The bird call she made was like none other... almost like a shrieking of sorts.

No movement.

"Why didn't it work!?" yelled little Alfred. "Hush. No nonsense," she replied.

And again she shrieked.. er, I mean called.

What happened next was not exactly what Heather expected.

Though birds did not emerge, something else did. Thump, thump, thump. 

Heather couldn't believe her eyes.

Not one, but two bears plopped themselves merrily towards the possum.

"We're saved!!!" yelled the children.

The two bears took quite a while to destroy the possum, not because they were incapable, but only because they could not agree on which would get the head and which would get the bottom.

Once a compromise was finally reached, the bears soon devoured the possum leaving only its tale, because no one likes cartilage.

"HOORAY!" yelled the children. But Heather stood speechless.

She knew there was more to this situation than met the eye. Actually, it was quite evident to the eye, but at this moment everyone was blinded by the fact that the two larger bears just devoured their smaller enemy.

"Stop! There's a bigger problem here, children! Grab your drapes... these bears are still hungry."

This comment caused all of the children to shriek... bringing more bears. Goldilocks was relieved.

So, everyone was surrounded.

There was no hope.

But what's this? A gentleman swinging from trees? This confused Princess Heather, because normally gentlemen don't swing from trees, especially when they're wearing suit coats with tales.

The bears recklessly strained their necks to see what all the commotion was about above them, causing some of their heads to snap off of their bodies.

This resolved some of the bear-problem, but yet some of the smarter bears simply tilted their heads carefully and remained alive.

The gentleman swung and he swung.. and yet he swung more until he reached a high branch, unreachable to the ferocious beasts.

There were only four bears left at this point, leaving the suited man with a few more options than before.

Princess Heather knew she had to do something to divert the attention from the man, so... she did the first thing that came to her mind.

She danced.

She danced and she danced, the draperies swinging about merrily.

Then something magical happened:

Not only did the children begin to dance, but so did the bears.

Not only did the bears begin to dance, but so did the possum (and the possum was dead, so this was magical indeed).

Not only did the possum begin to dance, but so did the birds (who had refused to come because they don't respond to shrieking).

Not only did the birds begin to dance, but so did the trees and the rivers and the ants and even some of the skunks (who like to frighten women who stick their heads in their cages). (Youtube video, "Killer Karaoke" reference).

Princess Heather paused a moment in her dancing endeavors and watched the motions of the forest.

The entire forest had erupted into dance. Bears dancing with children and children dancing with skunks. The Creator would be pleased to see his creation as He intended it.

The gentleman looked from above, his suit coat swaying in the breeze, the sweat dripping from his dark brow and his eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"This woman. She is ravishing."

As he peered from the trees, admiring her beauty and elegant dance, he decided he would marry her if it was the last thing he did.

But first, he must not miss out on this dance, because no gentleman misses a ball.

Arms spread majestically, he dove into the dancing forest and landed into a pile of leaves doing a jig as well.

It tickled a bit so he was forced to giggle but then he composed himself, because we all know that gentlemen don't giggle.

(except for Andrew)

The man quickly brought himself to his feet and pushed through the dancing crowd of forest friend, struggling to find the dancing queen, young and sweet only 17. But he was mistaken because she was 20.

Finally he reached her.. the woman of his dreams.. her light brown hair blowing in the wind and her big blue eyes sparkling with relief. "Miss! May I have this dance!"

She was astonished. She couldn't believe her ears. Who was this suited stranger who had come to rescue her? Why was he now seeking a dance? She shrugged. "Oh well," she thought, "He's charming and handsome, and I'm young, beautiful and can make clothing quite creatively."

So they danced.

And danced.

The bears still dancing, the children still dancing, the skunk still dancing... the forest dancing.

But all of this seemed to be nonexistent as the two shared their dance. All they saw was the trees, hanging like a canopy above their heads.

Amidst the dance, however, Princess Heather, the PR in her arising, remembered that once the dancing ended, so would their lives (for the bears were still hungry and their appetite would only increase due to intense dance).

"Stop," she whispered to the man. "We must take the children and leave. I am hungry, and if I am hungry the bears are hungry and if the bears are hungry we will no longer be hungry because we will no longer be."

The man was slightly lost, but decided that Heather was too beautiful to argue with. So he grabbed her hand along with all of the children's hands (I'm not sure how managed to hold all of their hands at once, but gentlemen find ways) and they sneaked out of the dancing gang, past the bears, through the woods and up to a mountain.

"Let's get married!" he shouted victoriously. "OK!" she yelled, staring into his dark, melancholy eyes.

"Wait! But what about the children?!"

She stopped abruptly.

"The children? Well they have drapes, isn't that enough?"

She was offended by this comment and he knew it, so he quickly came up with a solution.

"Let's send them to a convent and they can all become nuns!"

"But the majority of them are boys," she said logically.

"They can become monks then!"

This seemed reasonable to Princess Heather.

So off they sent the children, each to their convent and monastery.

And the gentleman, whose name is unknown to the public, and Princess Heather lived happily ever after as they skipped through the mountains singing joyous melodies about climbing mountains and yodeling peddlers.

The End. 

The Adventures of Having Curly Hair

If you have curly hair, know someone with curly or have seen a random stranger with curly hair,
this blog post is for you.
 
The purpose of this post?
For those will curly hair: to empathize with, to share a heart-to-heart and to simply bond with.
For those acquainted with a curly-haired individual: to help you understand your friends better, to give you further detail into methods in which you may assist your friends and to help you to appreciate your hair.
For everybody else who has seen curly hair: to inform you on this topic (since you obviously need further information about it), to provide an anthropological analysis on the curly-haired population and simply to entertain you (cause who doesn't find other people's problems funny?)

If you reside within the first category of individuals reading this post, you may be asking yourself "Am I the only one who has such interesting experiences due to my untamed hair?"
I am here to tell you: no. No you are not.
If you find yourself in the latter two categories, maybe you're asking yourself, "What is it like to experience such craziness?"
I am here to further develop your understanding and to culturally enrich your senses.

Now, let's dive into our fine specimen of a topic.

It is a known fact, that curly hair contains some sort of magnetic component which forces food and drink to leap onto the hair, tangling itself within the web of curls. The case usually grows with the growing of the hair- the longer the hair, the more magnetic the bond between the hair and the food.
Example: Eating bread usually results in a mass amount of crumbs residing within the hair. Eating soup usually results in drippings of liquid on the tips of the hair. Eating bananas usually results in bananas just hanging out in the hair.
To the curly-haired individual: When eating, please tie your hair up. It will prevent any magnetic forces from publicly humiliating you, conquering your ego or simply just dirtying your hair.
To the friend: If your curly-haired friend has forgotten some sort of hair-tying contraption, please resort to holding your friend's swirly locks back for them as they attempt to eat their meal. Otherwise, simply keep an eye on them as they dig into their nutritious (I should hope) dish.
To the random by-stander: Have a video camera ready (this may apply for the friend as well).

Only a rainy day, the adventures dramatically increase. It is common knowledge that rain holds a life-long grudge against curly hair. If it rains, curly hair will pay. How? The beautiful term "frizz" comes to mind. Why? Because rain can. Rain thinks to itself, "This girl has curly hair.. how about we multiply her curls into millions of little, unattractive curls that make her look like a lioness on the prowl? What a brilliant idea, self!"
To the curly-haired individual: I am sorry. The only advice I can think to bestow upon you is LOTS of gel. Or mousse. And just don't waste your time straightening your hair. Umbrellas do nothing. Hoods can work if squeezed tightly around head, creating the whole "hoodlum effect."
To the friend: Be kind to your friend and don't laugh at them in a public place. We realize our hair is uncontrollably large and extra curly and do not need to be informed. Also, if you have a hat on hand or some sort of... disguise (for your friend), you know what to do.
To the random by-stander: Be gracious and don't judge. It's not just a bad hair day- it's a rain day. Nothing could be done, and your understanding would be greatly appreciated.

The curly-haired individual does not manage their hair; the curly-haired individual is managed BY their hair. Everyday is different. Some days the hair decides that it will appease its owner and look presentable, while other days result in tears and frustration.. and eventually a pony-tail. People wonder why women are moody.. well, when your hair is bipolar, that tends to influence a woman. The hair has a mind of its own. It curls. It waves. It flattens. It poofs. It frizzes. It flips awkwardly. It falls nicely. It just falls. It plops. It gets stuck on facial features (noses, ears, eyebrows, lips.. etc).
Curly hair does what it wants and it won't be told otherwise.

I'm sure there's more to be said about curly hair... but I'm tired, so this is ending.
Goodnight, curly-haired and straight-haired folks alike! Let us all live peaceably with our differences!

Laughter is Good Medicine

One of my favorite things ever? Having the giggles.
There is something absolutely wonderful about laughing till you cry.
Or till you feel nauseous. Or till you "feel full." (haha an explanation will be given later in this post).
Why is that? I suppose that's one of the unsolved mysteries of life..

Well, within the past two weeks, I have had many of these hearty, genuine laughing moments with a variety of friends. I feel as though this is worth blogging about.
Well, first, let me warm you up with this video...




All right.. now that we've set the tone, I think I'm good to go with my stories.

Saturday, January 28th with Sarah.
Picture this: two slightly lonely single girls who love Jesus and want to hang out for the night after a stressful week. Keep in mind these ladies are not only single and love Jesus, but also are extremely quirky, pretty awkward and love each other like sisters. Now give them Chinese food. Continue warming them up to the Saturday night by giving them a few hours to shop and a cup full of frozen yogurt.
Now that these two ladies have had delicious food, cute clothing, plenty of good talks and on top of all of that, SUGAR, unleash them in Walmart. [[By now I'm sure an image has formed in your head.. I hope not one too dramatically terrifying.. but you're probably on the right track.]]
What do you get when this happens? A lot of laughing and a ton of strange dancing.
Now zoom in, if you will, into the toy aisle. Yes, you are correct. You will find us there. With hulahoops. Wearing superhero costumes. Hiding from creepy baby dolls.
You may now zoom back out. If you're really zoomed out, you will see little people that resemble gummy bears. If this happens, zoom in a little bit more. Now that you can see properly, you will find two 20-year-olds hugging giant bears (that match their skin color, might I add). Now one of them (one of the girls, not the teddy bears) are climbing on display couches on top of shelves.
Now within all these scenes, throw in some clips of us pressing every single singing item's "play" button and dancing to them: dancing stuffed animals, CD samplers- you name it.
To finish off the night , while driving back to the dorm, these two girls drive around campus screaming "WHO DA MAN!? Je-sussss!" at fellow colleagues.

Yes. This happened to be one great night.

Gym dates with Ashley & Rachel
While this doesn't have quite as detailed of a story- I can really just sum it up with this:
What do you get when you have a theater major, a politics major, and a communications major? Legitimately the best conversations EVER.. leading to much stomach aching (from laughter) and tear shedding (also from laughter).

Chic-fil-A with Carla, Andrew, Heather and Max
This one also lacks a legitimate story, except for the fact that our conversations are hilarious. I don't know about everybody else I was with, but for me, when you place a delicious chicken sandwich, waffle fries and lemonade into the hands of a hungry, angry student (I can't believe the Patriots lost the Superbowl...), you get one crazy senorita.
Conversation topics?
Imaginary friends.
Play rooms in fast food restaurants.
Adventures in Odyssey.
Creepers during swing dancing.
Swing dancing the wrong way.
"Your face is doing it wrong. Your mom did it wrong."
Getting full from laughing so hard.
Not understanding how this is possible.
Finding out that it's not fullness from laughter, but quite possibly nausea from laughter.
Still not sure why that is.
I'm not really sure what was laughed about.. but there were tears of laughter involved.


Thank you, Jesus, for laughter! So good for the soul.