When I think "2012"

My life never seems that interesting, and honestly, it never really seems like anything that dramatic happens. However, my life is honestly a major adventure, and it's because of Jesus Christ. Seriously, a life of meaning and purpose sort of makes the whole "living" thing fun and exciting. People think Christianity is boring and "unfun," but honestly, nothing I do would have any sort of meaning without Jesus Christ. Think about it, we are constantly on a mission, living for Christ with a passion of reaching others for Him. That's pretty legit if you ask me.
So as I look back onto the year, I thank God for the things He has taught me, the places He has brought me and the people He has blessed me with.
I think about where I started in 2012, where I have gone and where I've been going. I think about what may happen in 2013-- who I may meet, what I may experience, how I may change, what I may learn-- and I thank God for a year that has changed me.
I believe that while God is constant and unchanging, we as human beings are made to change, to grow and to develop, and I thank God that development has taken place in my life this year.
It's important to remember where we've been and who we were so that we can get where we're going and become who we're supposed to be. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Basically, when I think "2012," I think,
"Oh hey, that year that I tried all sorts of weird and crazy things that I never thought I would ever try, let alone do and complete.
Oh hey, that year that God stretched me, and it hurt a lot because stretching is used as a technique of torture sometimes... but God wasn't torturing me, He was just molding me.
Oh hey, that year that I'm glad is over but am glad it happened.
Oh hey, that was 2012."

This year...
I led a small group of girls in Bible study (sophomore year), and God taught me how to study His Word in a way that I can teach it to others, how to pursue relationships that are hard to pursue, how to love people who are hard to love and how to love God more than people.
I learned what it's like to be called by God and to just do what He's asking without any ifs, ands or buts.
I saw God provide without any hesitation, and I realized what it means to have faith that God will come through.
God dragged me through dry spells to help me appreciate the rain and growth.

 

teaching
I tutored in a subject that was not my forte, learned to explain things in a way I never had before, had fun times with my student, grew confident in teaching and saw God blooming within me a love for teaching and making people realize their own intelligence.

adventure
I got to experience Boston during our nation's Independence Day-- taste the canolis of the North End, smell the ocean and the musky, city air, see the tall ships floating in the harbor, hear the Boston Pops and crowds of people and touch the soft grass of the Boston Commons.
I got to watch the fireworks above my hometown with the people I love, remembering the freedom of our country and being thankful to those who fight for it.

missions
I traveled to Lebanon on almost a whim, shared the gospel, learned about my family's culture, got to know incredible people, spent an amazing month with Teta (my grandmother), was pushed out of my comfort zone, experienced intense heat, tasted delicious food, spoke in depth with people very different than me, ministered to the most random people and saw God open my heart to His will.

leadership
I was pulled up to a leadership position I didn't expect to be in, spent less time at home than I had hoped, left earlier to school than I had anticipated and began my junior year of college in a way I never imagined.
God allowed me to minister to the girls on the hall that He placed in my life, taught me to love people I never expected to love, humbled me through difficult circumstances and melted my heart from pride, forced me to say things I never wanted to say, silenced me when it was not time to speak, stretched me to do hard things and loved me when no one else did.

friendship
I built friendships I will cherish forever, and God taught me to never question His will. I went on adventures with said friends, relaxed with them, worked hard with them, enjoyed life with them, shared hard times with them, grew with them, just talked with them, learned how to be a friend to them and finally was blessed to know what real friendship looks like by their actions.
I grew in past friendships, resolved past issues, grew apart from past friendships, made new friends, thanked God for old ones, learned how to be a friend to people I would not normally choose to be friends with, experienced people being my friend when I didn't deserve it.

Made life long memories with people who I hope will be in my life forever.

family

I saw my sister grow in her pregnancy, learned what it means to love someone you don't know, grew in anticipation for her child, got to spend a great amount of time with family over the holidays, and just APPRECIATED home.

God taught me what it means to love Him more than anything, how to love people, what love really means, more about who He is, the importance of prayer, the beauty of the Bible, the importance of friendship, the difference of a kind word, the meaning of trusting in Him, how to give up control, how to let go of anxiety, Who is in control, Where to turn for guidance, that my family is a blessing, that people will fail me, that life is unfair, that everybody is beautiful, that GOD IS GOOD.

Lebanon Trip- Part 3

Week Three:

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

"Church was good today, but I have a hard time understanding sometimes. It's interesting to be in Saida during Ramadan. They fast from sun up to sun down, but from like 7 p.m. till around 4 a.m. they feast. Interesting. I sort of like the fact that it's so easy to creep on everyone here, but I also don't like it because that means everyone creeps on me, too. I wonder if the word "privacy" can be translated into the Arabic language? Somehow I doubt it." 

"I have a skype interview with the RD tonight at 9 p.m. and I'm sort of nervous. I wonder what type of questions she'll ask me. There's really no way to prepare, so let's just pray that God gives me wisdom."

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

 "Most people's trips here are drawing to an end, and mine is so tentative. I had the interview last night, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. There's a lot of waiting going on right now. Last night, after the interview we met everyone at the jnanee (as usual), and we talked, chilled and played this card game called 400. Then I slept over Maha's, and we watched "Despicable Me," (not to be mistaken by "Indespicable Me" .. *cough cough* Matthew *cough cough*). Today I went to the pool with Maha, Matthew and Roger and then everyone in the "group" happened to go, too, and it was awesome. Sirena, Bob, Patrick, Maria and a bunch of others. It was a ton of fun. We swam, played water basketball, talked, chilled, etc. It was like the whole town was there. Now, time to just chill. I hung out with Manwella a bit after, too. I am legitimately a little bit nervous to see what happens with the RA thing. I want it, but I also really want to go to the Mutamar (Bible Conference). I'm not sure what to do or what will happen. Dear Lord, help me to be the woman You want me to be and a woman that's worthy of a man who's worth it. Help me not to be moody or emotional, but stable-minded. I'm almost done this journal! Well, Antoinette (yes, I name my journals), it's been a fun six months, but our time here has concluded. I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts and prayers. I hope nothing I said will embarrass me in the future, but I guess either way, this is me. Right now. In this point in my life. 20 years old and so much to learn. Oh God, You are my God. In earnest will I seek YOU."

 Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

"So, I'm in Lebanon and I'm done my other journal. So this little purple journal will have to do. So, right now I'm waiting awkwardly to see what will happen for next semester at school- whether I'm going to have to leave early to be an RA or what. Taunt Farida said, "Wherever God plants us, we must learn to bloom somehow." I thought that was an awesome quote. So far, I would consider this to be a really fruitful trip. God has been working, but in a lot more subtle ways than I expected. I have been able to build a ton of relationships and talk about God and the gospel a ton. I have built friendships with girls from all over the U.S. & world and younger girls from the church. I have been able to be here for Teta and help her when I can. I am learning so much more Arabic, though it's still broken and embarrassing. I'm learning a lot about the people, the culture and the country."

"So, I just found out I got the RA position. Whatttt. Looks like I'm leaving early. And going to be an RA. Lord, I'm not sure what exactly it is that You are doing, but I'm cool with whatever it is. I'm amazed by You, Jesus. The song "White Flag" keeps going on in my head, and I don't think that's a coincidence. "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all for You." However, I'm getting sad that I can't go to the Mutamar. As of now anyway. I'm ready to go, but this has been an awesome trip."

"Today, I spent some time with Manwella. Then I went with Maha to this guy Elie's house who is an atheist. Such interesting conversations with him. I got to talk to him about what I believe a lot. We mostly just argued, but it was interesting. It turns out his brother is an evangelical Christian. Lord, use his brother in his life. Open his heart. After that we hung out at Matthew's house for a bit. Then I came back home and stressed about my ticket change and all that, which is all up in the air. You know, I find that my refusals to drink alcohol, smoke, swear or dress immodestly have been some of the most interesting witnessing opportunities ever. =P. Sirena, Manwella and I got to watch the Christmas special of Downton Abbey and it was fantastic! At night, a huge group of us went to a restaurant in Saida, and it was a good time. I got to call Baba! Then the jnanee of course. I hope it's ok that I'm cutting my trip short, and that it's what God wants. I guess I will find out. Lord, show me Your ways."

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about what RA is going to entail, and I realize I must prepare myself mentally for difficulties and immense responsibility. Loneliness will be a part of life I must grasp and accept, and standing alone will probably happen. I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but I guess it will be like being a camp counselor on a completely different level. I'm learning to just take each moment by faith and not always need a plan. Ultimately, it's not about my plan. I wonder if God's even ok with me missing the Mutamar.. or if He doesn't care either way."

"I love Moses. So much. I relate to him a lot. Even though I still stink at speaking Arabic, He's grown my Arabic a ton. Dear Lord, keep helping me become fluent in Arabic. Help me to be a light wherever I go. I feel as though my perspective on Lebanon and Lebanese culture has really developed and changed. I appreciate a lot more about the culture, and I dislike a lot more about the culture as well. I love the beauty of the mountains, but I hate the heat of the sun. When it all comes down to it, people are people. Life is life. Culture is culture. No matter where in the world, sinful people exist and abide. We're all wrong in our methods (according to one another). Lebanese scoff at American culture and American's scoff at the Middle East. Being a Lebanese-American, I find beauty and brokenness in both."

"As of now, there are no open tickets for tomorrow, Friday, Saturday Sunday and so on. Maybe God wants me to go to the Mutamar after all. Right now, I'm just waiting on God. Lord, work it out. I have no power in this situation, whatsoever."

"I'm in church right now and Pastor Pierre is speaking on the sower (Mark 4). I am trying to not worry about any uncertainties in life right now and just enjoy being here. I know that God has me right where He wants me at precisely the time He wants me there. I love being in this church because it reminds me of Baba and makes me feel like I'm getting to know Gidoo (grandpa) just a little bit. What an incredible man he must have been to have raised such an incredible son as Baba. I'm proud of my family and my heritage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's kind of fun not knowing which country I'm going to be in within the next week. I have a pretty interesting life.. I'm not going to lie. I think Pastor Pierre is talking about planting cherries right now, but I'm not really sure. I'm usually a little lost when they speak in the more formal Arabic. Oh well. He's talking about babies now? I think. Oh, he's talking about growing in the faith past a child- moving on from "baby food," and the necessity of reading the Bible and spending time with believers. SO true. It's essential to survival. I feel like Christians often can relate to those endangered species on the discovery channel: we have to stick together to survive and people often stare at us, totally weirded-out by our unique characteristics and sort of intimidated by our originality from the rest of the animal kingdom. I even feel like I live in a zoo sometimes- everyone always watching and commenting, as if they know the ins and outs of our life."

"I'm not going to lie, my dad is the best man I have ever known in my life. Good luck to all men, because Baba has set the bar HIGH. Thanks, Lord, for my family!"

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

 "Today I put my feet in the Mediterranean Sea and got seashells from the beach. I went with two women from the church and Maha to an all-woman's beach/pool. It was really nice, but now I'm super burnt. So I'm pretty exhausted, so I gotta write pretty fast. After the beach, went to Maha's and got a really sweet message from Simon which made my day. I just heard a terrifying noise outside that sounded like a wild cat shriek.. or sneeze. Anyway, I was at Maha's for a while until Matthew came. As he came, I received a message from the RD, Hillary, saying it was fine for me to come August 9th! Praise God! So, I get to go to the Mutamar AND be an RA this year! Oh snap!"

"I ate McDonald's in Lebanon today, and it was delivered to us! The sandwich was HUGE.. like the size of my face. Joanne (from Australia) is leaving tomorrow, so we hung out with her for a while and all that."

Friday, July 27th, 2012

"So, I didn't get to read the Bible today yet which stinks, but the night is still young. I woke up and went straight to Taunt Jacko's to see Charlie, Celine and Sabine (my second cousins) who are here from the States as well. We hung out, caught up on all that we missed since Thanksgiving (we get together on holidays a lot), played a card game called Likha (same as Hearts) and 400, and we watched the Three Stooges. Then I came back and had some alone time in the house, which was nice. Right now I'm at church for prayer meeting. I like this church a lot. The power just went out. Haha."

"Megan, my future RA partner and roommate emailed a sweet email, and it made me smile. I'm looking forward to this, but man do I have no idea what I'm doing. It's going to be a humbling experience to say the least, but God is good (all the time). I pray that the speaker at the Mutamar speaks in a way that I understand. I hope I make friends. Jesus, help me to be an example, a leader, a servant, a friend and a mentor. Give me strength. Help Megan and I to work together awesomely. Build an awesome partnership and friendship =). Be with our SLDs and be with our prayer leaders. Use the hall and the team in each girl's lives. All 30ish of them- it's going to be a cozy group, but it's going to be awesome! Jesus, I pray that You give us wisdom. Good thing this is a small hall. I don't think I could handle 70 girls this year. Good thing God KNOWS. Wow. He is way sovereign. The fact that He would put me on that hall and not allow me to go anywhere else. He just KNOWS. And the fact that there were no flights to go home early makes me all the more excited to go to the Mutamar because it means that God wants me to go for a reason. What do I know? What do we know? Only He knows. Jesus Christ just wins my heart everyday. This is random, but Lord, teach me someday how to raise my kids to love You and be honoring to You."

"Aww I miss Grace and Kurt. And Mama and Baba. And Simon. Jesus, take care of us as You always do. Keep using me while I'm here and help everything I do to be for Your glory. Help me to be courageous, but also wise. Help me to make a difference in the lives of everyone You put in my path. Help me to be a LIGHT. Help me to live up to my name forever. I just made the correlation between my name and the desire You've given me (my name mean's Light). Hahaha. You're funny, Jesus. You rock at the English language.. since of course you created it. HAHA Yes!! You're the best."

"Tonight was fun. After church, hung out at the jnanee with Maha, Youssef, Charlie, Chris (from FL), Roger, Matthew etc. We hung out, chilled, walked people home, etc."

"Your actions are what define you, but from the heart, thoughts and speech, actions are produced. 'We are forms of everything we love.' -(Good Monsters)."

Lebanon Trip- Part 2

Week Two

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

"I find that there are things I love about Lebanese culture and things I cannot stand. For instance, I love how close everyone is here and how much love there is, but with that sort of relationship there comes an abundance of expectations. I also love how much of a oneness of a culture there is here. As Grace once said on our trip seven years ago: "It's all about food and marriage here." That could not be more true. Those are the topics of choice here.. and maybe they throw in some politics, too. One aspect of the culture that I find overwhelming is the fact that, due to this openness of culture, there is a huge lacking in the privacy area. People sort of just walk in, and then if you don't offer them food incessantly until they accept it, you are a bad host. I'm not saying there isn't beauty to the hospitality, but it definitely takes getting used to."

"I've decided that I'm not wearing any makeup while I'm here, and if I do, I'm barely going to put on any. All of the Lebanese women my age think I look younger with no make-up? Good. That means I don't look like a plastic person. I'm not saying it's wrong to wear make-up, but I definitely have issues with it when you don't look like yourself anymore."

"Man. The Catholic church stuffs the mind of hungry people with the idea that we're still under the thumb of the law. Isn't that the opposite of what the entire New Testament teaches?"

"I just came back from church and it was beautiful. Believers all over the world, worshiping the Lord together in unity. The man preaching (who also was related to me) spoke from Romans 12:1-2 on God transforming us to do His will. I understood bits and pieces, but the formal Arabic is always difficult for me. At church I met a guy from Arizona named Caleb who has been traveling with OM (Operation Mobilization) throughout the Middle East and passing out literature."

"Taunt Farida's sister is a believer. She came to church and then came to visit Teta, and her and her son-in-law who is a pastor in Egypt, prayed fervently over Teta's leg and it was beautiful. At church they sang "All Hail the Power of Jesus Name" and "I Surrender All" in Arabic."

Monday, July 16th, 2012

"Yesterday was a really fun day. After lunch, I went to Taunt Jacko's (my dad's cousin) to use the internet, so I got to check and send emails to family and friends back home. I'm meeting so many people who knew all of my uncles when they were little. So, while I was at Taunt Jacko's, Maha (who turns out is my cousin), Matthew and Mark came and picked me up, and then we went to their house and then to the jnanee ("garden".. it's a hang out place in the town). After we went and ate dinner in Saida (Sidon). Then was a party in the town square where we met up with our "group" (the Lebanese people our age from all over the world mixed with a few people from the town), and I did the Debke (Lebanese folk dance) in Lebanon for the first time in my life and it was so fun! Then around 1 a.m. we went to Matthew's house with the group, hung out, played random games like "telephone," "truth or dare," and some game where we meowed at people. We stayed there till about 3 a.m. (cause like I said, this culture is nocturnal)."

"Tonight was a fun, but crazy night. I hung out at the house with Teta until 3 p.m. (which, I'm not superstitious, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Taunt Farida's sister prayed over Teta's leg yesterday, and now Teta's leg is significantly better. As in, she doesn't need to use the walker anymore and isn't in pain when she stands up, sits down or walks. PRAISE GOD!) and then Matthew and Maha came and picked me up. We stopped at some people from the town's house (they're all cousins and each family lives on a different floor of the building, which is really common in Lebanon. Extended family's usually all live in one building). One of the guys loves Maha. The other one just loves all women. To clear the air, there are no men that I am interested in here. That should put to rest an rumors that may begin to form. Anyway, later at night we went to one of the guy's in the town's house for a genuine Lebanese party.. as in, people actually got up and did the debke. It was pretty legitimate. We left around 2 a.m. because there was some obnoxiousness going on and then went back to Matthew's where I got to skype with Mama and Baba! P.S. After dealing with a lot of obnoxious guys recently, I would just like to say that I want a guy who loves me because he knows me and loves me. Not just because he thinks I'm pretty."

 Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

 "I woke up to Teta being utterly freaked out that I was out till 3 a.m. and how she was imagining me dead and all that. Once I talked to her about it and explained that we just are sitting at the house because that's when people see each other in this country, and that I skyped Baba at 3 a.m. and he didn't mind, then she felt better. Taunt Farida and I have some great talks, and she even told me all about her and Khaloo (Uncle) Said met and it was cute. I hope however I meet my future husband is cute and memorable like that."

"Today was a great day. Around 8 p.m., Maha, Mark and Youssef (from Quebec) picked me up and we went to Matthew's house. Then after that we went to some place that sells menaeesh and Matthew's two Muslim friends from college came with us. So then we went to the jnanee to hang out. Somehow, the subject of God and the Bible came up, and Matthew and I got to end up having about an hour discussion with his two Muslim friends about the gospel and legitimately got to share it with them in detail. It was incredible. I was afraid to talk about it with them at first, but I'm so glad that God gave us courage, because not only did they enjoy the conversation and ask a ton of questions, but one of them also is very interested in reading the Bible. It seriously was absolutely amazing. If that is all that happens this whole trip, the seed that was planted was so worth it. Dear Lord, use us to touch their hearts and open their eyes to the truth. Bring people in their lives to mentor them and guide them to YOU alone. After the conversation, one of the guys said that now he feels really close to us. Use these relationships built for YOUR glory. Thank you for that opportunity to be useful for You! AH =). After that, we hung out and stargazed. Today, I can cross "saw a shooting star in Lebanon" off of my list."

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"I'm legitimately still so happy that we got to share the gospel with those two guys yesterday. Their interest was so encouraging, and their hearts are really searching. We've been eating like vegetarians beacause they're worried about the meat here. Mmjudra (lentils), Baamy (okra), Mnezzlee (I'm not really sure what this.. egg plant?), Lubee b'zaat (green beans cooked in tomato sauce and olive oil), fresh fruits and veggies, etc. I like it though. I'm eating healthier and losing some of my college weight!"

"Feeling sort of blah today. I don't even know why. The heat mixed with missing home, mixed with a lot of emotions from seeing where Gidoo (grandpa- pronounced "Jih-doo") first started the church, maybe. I guess I feel like, even with the friends I've made, I still don't really fit in. My Arabic is horrible, and I'm just a little bit awkward sometimes. *and then the journal entry continues into a pity party.. so I will spare you from that, I guess there's always those days*."

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

"Today was an interesting day. I woke up, took a shower and then Maha and Matthew picked me up. We hopped from house to house, ate lunch and then by around 8ish, I was finally feeling in a better mood, and there was a party at Maha's house. Some guys decided to bring alcohol after Maha asked them not to, and so naturally, she was upset. Then she owned and kicked them out. I was all proud of her. Drama, drama, drama."

"So, random news- one of my RAs for next year isn't coming back to school, and they want me to interview for it. I'm not sure what's going on, but I guess we'll find out. Lord, if you want me to be an RA, show me your will. Please have me where I will be most affective."

Friday, July 20th, 2012

"There are a lot of random scares going on here. There have been shootings in Saida (Sidon), which is right near us. Thousands of refugess from Syria are flooding into Lebanon, so I'm not sure what that means. Also, last night, Ramadan (the Muslim time of fasting) started and it will go on for a month. Everything in Saida is closed for it."

"I forgot to tell about how on Wednesday, I saw the chapel in the current church. The chapel is where the church initially met when Gidoo was the pastor. It made me tear up a bit cause I wish I knew him, but it was crazy to picture him there preaching and Baba as a little boy. Wow, I love Baba so much, and I'm blessed to have him as my father."

"Today I ate figs and grapes from the trees/vines on our land. All of the fresh food is so delicious."

"Right now, I can hear the Muslims chanting things over the loud speakers. I can't really understand the muffled words, but I'm guessing it's for Ramadan. I don't think I am afraid of Muslims, whereas I think I was before. I definitely see all of their chains. So little surety. One thing that my Muslim friend said to me when we shared the gospel with him was, "How can anyone know where they're going when they die??" It made me sad. When we shared the gospel, he asked, "So are you saying that all Muslims are going to hell?" Matthew and I got sort of quiet, cause it's awkward to say "yes," but then we said, "The Bible says that anyone who doesn't accept Jesus Christ's gift is going to hell. So to answer your question... yes. But it's nothing personal. >_> .. <_< .. >_>.." Hahaha, they laughed. They understood we weren't trying to be jerks, but simply preaching the truth. I used Abe's "stick-figure on paper" analogy to explain our inability to understand the mind of God. I think it pretty much hit the nail on the head, and I'm glad.""T

"Today wasn't bad. Went and visited a group of people with Teta. Due to my nausea, Taunt Farida had me drink straight up lemon juice for my stomach. Teta, Taunt Farida and I had lots of interesting conversations- about Baba's oldest brother who died, of Gidoo's calling into ministry and just family stuff. Then Matthew came and got me and we went to the jnanee. Tonight, I helped Matthew and Joe (another guy from the church) brainstorm for a Bible lesson for tomorrow's AWANA. I brought up the idea about doing something regarding how faith and works go together, but we'll see what God leads them to do tomorrow. I told them my story about how God showed me to come here, and I think it helped remind me. Lord, help me in these relationships that I'm building, and keep me useful while I'm here. If it's your will for me to stay for the Bible Conference (Mutamar) please make it happen, but if you want me to be an RA, please make that happen. If both could be possible, it would be awesome!"

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

"This morning I helped at AWANA a bit and just did what I could despite my failure at speaking. I gave a short testimony (which Matthew translated) about how not to get stuck in the motions of a Christian home, but to make it personal and use growing up in a Christian home as an advantage to learn as much as possible now so that God can use you in ways you don't expect. I had issues tying all of my thoughts together, but hopefully it made sense."

"We ate lunch at Mary's house and it was yummy (grape leaves, kefta, etc.). Now I just took a two hour nap and feel extremely nauseous (I usually do from napping, though). Tonight is youth group and I think they're watching Fireproof. It'll be pretty interesting to watch that in Lebanon. I keep thinking about my Muslim friend and his total search for the truth. His confusion as to who God is. Dear God, I'm not sure if you're going to do more or if this is why you've brought me here. For now, thank you for what you've taught me and how you've used me for your glory.

1. You've taught me to listen and to observe.
2. You've helped me to build relationships and to be a light.
3. You've allowed me to help Teta Mary and Aunt Houda however they've needed me.
4. You've opened up conversations with multiple people about God's Word, truth, religion and controversial subjects.
5. You've allowed me to be a witness to my Muslim friend.
6. You've helped me to meet numerous believers from all over the world.
7. You've humbled me regarding speech and leadership, and you've shown me how to be an unknown servant.
8. You've allowed me to learn and grow in this foreign country and are helping me to excel  in Arabic.
I love you, Jesus."

"Youth group was good! We watched Fireproof, and I translated in broken Arabic the entire movie for this girl in the youth group who doesn't understand English. It was kind of fun! After youth group, we hung out with the youth group kids at the mall in Saida where they ate McDonald's and made fun of my Arabic. Then went to the jnanee, and I (of course) got sheesh tawok (a Lebanese chicken garlic wrap thing.. it's my absolute favorite). Then Joe (from church), Matthew, Maha and I played this game with fruit cards called ... uh. Balli Walli? No. Halli Galli. Something like that. Roger (Matthew's Australian cousin) joined in with us too, and I stunk at the game. And then they made fun of me for about a half an hour about how I can't count (I hate math and it was 1 a.m... what else can I say?). We played Go-Fish and talked. So much laughing that happened tonight. It was awesome!"

Lebanon Trip- Part 1

So wow. It's going to be quite a task to blog on my entire trip to Lebanon, but post by post, I'm going to do it. Let me just begin by saying, God is incredible in all that He does and He is good in every situation. This trip not only involved building relationships, getting to share the gospel & being a testimony, but also involved growth, learning and faith. You guys ready for this? One month of God working is going to be pretty difficult to contain into the form of blog posts, but thankfully my daily journal-keeping will ease this up for me a bit.

So here's how I'm going to do this- I'm going to post excerpts from my journal entries (along with explanations of course) to hopefully help you to see each event and experience from my perspective, and just to get a little taste of my thoughts during the little moments. So here it goes!

Week One:

Monday, July 9th, 2012

"Today's the day! We are currently in the gate and going to board the plane to London in an hour. Oh man.
Traveling internationally + traveling with Teta (my grandma) & Aunt Houda = utter chaos. Dear Lord, help me. I feel bad for the airport attendants because we are so obnoxious. They should make a comedy about us in which my face does not appear. I love Teta, but traveling with her... oh man."

"It's 7:45 p.m. and we are now taking off to London! I have a whole row to myself which is nice ... Catherine just got back from Panama and she was telling me about her experience at an orphanage. I still really want to be involved in an orphanage, but I don't know how to be or if God wants me to be. I guess I should focus on what God is doing right now. He's allowing me to go to Lebanon to do who knows what for Him. I can't believe. I'm actually on the way. Right now. Crazy. Dear Lord, please help me to be useful for You and not to believe the devil's lies telling me that I'm inadequate. Please help me also not to believe the lies that I can do anything in my own strength. Help me to rely on YOU alone. Jesus, thanks for providing this all! YAY!"

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

 "Just arrived to London a bit ago, and technically it's now July 10th here. It's about 9 a.m. London time, but 3 a.m. in my body clock/ Boston time. London. British stuff rocks: cool British accents, high class and BBC. The Heathrow airport has all sorts of people of all sorts of nationalities. I just saw a guy walk by and he had pigtails... interesting."

"I legitimately cannot believe that I am here now. It's incredible. Teta saw her brother, Khaloo (Uncle) Fousee, in the airport and she cried, so it made me a bit misty. The Beirut airport was packed tonight. The man who drove us from the airport seven years ago drove us again tonight. The drivers are hilariously insane and people walk on the side of the highway at night. The soldiers are everywhere and I smiled one at the airport to be friendly, but he didn't smile back. Aunt Farida says they're friendly though.
When we got to Teta's house we were greeted with hugs and kisses by a  group of people I don't know (all relatives). Then Uncle Fousee had us over and we had menaeesh (zataar baked onto dough) and baked Lebnee and they legitimately gave us a feast at 10:30 p.m. I am exhausted. It's midnight and I've barely slept, but I feel as though I need to document today's events first."

"What were my first thoughts in Lebanon? 'Wow. Everyone looks like me.' So weird! And so weird hearing Arabic everywhere. Dear Lord, make me useful for You. Help me to be wise. I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I'm sleeping and we'll find out."

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

 "I slept like a rock for about 10 hours straight. It's weird having to constantly rmeind myself to not drink the water from the sink or to rinse with bottled water when I brush my teeth. Things I take for granted. The electricity goes out at random times, which is kind of cool. Everyone sleeps in late in the summers here, and it's a pretty slow-paced lifestyle. I like it."

"It's interesting.. the people who aren't working literally just hang out all day. That's what they do. They hang out with their families. That's what they do."

"The guy who drives around selling fresh fruits and vegetables, Ahmed, just came by and we bought lots of fresh apricots, plums, cucumbers, mitti, potatoes, etc. Cool stuff right there.
I find that the doors to everyone's houses are always open for two reasons: to cool down the house/circulate the air (because it's so ridiculously hot) and to allow people in the townn to come over whenever htey so wish. Once again, I like it. Open door policy. Right now I hear the Muslim prayers being sung outside. This town isn't Muslim, but nearing towns are. My Uncle Said just said that 'Life is easier in America.' In some ways I agree; we are so spoiled in the U.S. However, it's just different. Not better. Life is life, no matter how you live it or where you live it.
I'm convinced that this country is nocturnal. Everyone is AWOL because it's so hot. My guess is that it's high 90's, but the humidity is ridiculous. The sun is hot, the streets are dusty and the feeling is humid. I would much rather this than being cold, though. I really like it here. I think I could live pretty much anywhere as long as I was with people I love and a few brothers and sisters in Christ."

"I went to this event with a cousin hoping to start meeting people in the town, but the event turned out to be a Catholic service. As I sat in the pews listening to the priest drone in prayer, all I heard was sadness and ritual. Those in the audience seemed sincere and searching... The Catholic church bases its entire being in good deeds and ritual. They lit candles all around the church and although all of it was beautiful, it moved my heart for them. Vainly they worship and pray to God hoping it will be enough, and vainly they believe everything the priest tells them. Am I a slave to ritual in worshiping God or do my prayers have substance and truth? They seem so close to the truth. It's so difficult to speak Arabic, and when I try people look at me all weird if I make a mistake. My favorite is when they speak loudly and slowly so that I may understand their Arabic since I am apparently deaf and dumb."

"On the page before this, the verse at the bottom says 'Let your light so shine that they may see your good works.' I find this difficult to understand, because the Catholic church thrives on good works, yet there is no light. LORD, help them to see a difference in me and a light in the darkness."

 Thursday, July 12th, 2012

"It's about 5:30 a.m. here. I woke up from dogs howling outside or something. I'm not sure what they were. I'm sitting near the veranda now and just watching the sun rise. I think this is a great time to read the Bible. So, I have to say, my hair curls really well from the water and weather. I wonder if my body knows that this is the land of my heritage, therefore feeling right at home."

"I came here to serve, but I haven't once seen Pastor Pierre to see what I can do. Lord, help me out here.. I just have to remember that no one who comes into my path is a mistake, and interruptions are of God. ... Pastor Pierre and his family just came over now (that was fast). I'm realizing that all of this is going to be really difficult because it seems that walls are built between the Baptists and the Catholics. Walls are hard to tear down, but of course, God tore down Jericho by making the Israelites be obnoxious."

"I find that no matter where I go, I never fully belong. The only place I feel comfortable is in Christ and wherever He is please with me. Americans treat me like I'm not truly American (although I'm born & here and I speak the language better than most Americans, and the Lebanese treat me like I'm not Lebanese. Jesus means it when He says we are not of this world. NOTW. It's lonely sometimes on the outside, but it's also refreshing. I have freedom to be me rather than stuffing myself in a status quo. One good thing about this trip is getting forced to read with no internet constantly around me. The Bible is making this country a home. Today, Teta's leg has been killing her. She is in so much pain. I'm glad I'm here to help a little though or else Aunt Farida would have to do everything on her own. I feel like an elderly person, always hanging out with the elderly."

Friday, July 13th, 2012

"The young thrive on beauty and strength, but it passes. The young are physically capable, yet know little about life. The old are physically incapable, yet know much about life. I wonder if God created it this way on purpose so that there is no stage in life in which we must not fully rely on Him. Today I had to help Teta with things I've never seen her need help with before. I cried after by myself. Such a struggle. Teta is in so much pain in her knees so that things like standing up, sitting down, walking and bathing are extreme endeavors. I wonder if God sent me here partially to learn to be more selfless and serve those in complete need."

"Today I hung out with Teta and Aunt Jackline came over, and then I went to prayer meeting at the Baptist church that Gidoo (grandpa) started and pastored, which was so cool. It was awesome to get to worship, pray and sing with Lebanese believers. The man who spoke (who turns out is related to me- surprise, surprise), spoke about how salvation is more than just good works, but belief in God's grace."

Saturday, July 14th, 2012

"Today, I went to AWANA for the kids at the church. I didn't feel like I helped much because I have such a hard time speaking Arabic. It's so different and hard. I played some games with the kids though and met a girl my age who turns out is my cousin. She speaks both English and Arabic very well; it's so embarrassing and humbling to be unable to respond well, but I pray that God will help me catch on quickly and be confident in speech."

"I'm starting to feel a little bit lonely. No one can understand my broken Arabic nor wants to tolerate it. I feel just a little bit like an idiot. Maybe God is teaching me how to be silent and listen, because that's what I do every day. It's difficult when everyone thinks you're mute. I feel sort of like a fly on the wall, understanding everything fluently but unable to express my self vocally."

"Wow that was fast. I was about to sleep early cause I wasn't feeling that great, but then Maha (the friend that I met at AWANA) came with Mark and Matthew (two guys from the church) and we went to the jnanee (the garden). There I met a ton of English speaking people my age from the U.S., Canada, Australia and of course Lebanon. Dear Lord, please help me to share the gospel and spread your word. give me courage and strength. They all think I'm way younger than I am. Why is this?"

The first week was definitely a little bit rough due to not knowing anyone, being extremely self-conscious and discouraged about my Arabic and just getting a tad bit overwhelmed by the culture. By Saturday though, God brought people into my life and started allowing me to get a little more involved in the church, which was such a blessing. God's timing is always perfect and His ways are so much higher than my ways. Looking back, I now see why God made things happen certain ways and how everything worked out exactly how it was supposed to. So begins my journey about learning about God's sovereignty and complete control. First weeks are always a little bit awkward, but I'm so thankful for everything God did that first week and the time I was able to spend praying, studying the Bible, getting to know the town a little bit and getting to spend a lot of time with my grandmother, my uncle and my aunt.


So concludes the first week in Lebanon =).