Change occurs, you adapt, then life goes on.
It's an interesting feeling.. having a married sister. I didn't know what it would be like, but now I do. I haven't had that dramatic relapse of sobbing that I thought I maybe would have once my sister left, but rather just a weird empty spot. It's a curious feeling- the feeling you get when you come home, subconsciously wait for your sister to come home, wonder what is taking her so long, then realize it's because she's not living here anymore. Weird. I think one of those "lonely moments" hit me the other night when I had no one to watch a girly movie with.
One fact that I always realize in these times of change that occur in life is: Life goes on. Though it may not feel like it at times, I've already begun adjusting to this change.
I seriously cannot believe I leave for camp in two and a half weeks.
I also can't believe that I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday. I try not to think about it, because to be quite honest, surgery and anesthetics terrify me. I'm not exactly sure why. It could be because the thought of random people cutting me open generally just sounds pretty uncomfortable, or maybe it's because the after pain may be excruciating and I won't even be able yell angrily about it (due to a swollen mouth). Well, it looks like I will be eating a lot of very random foods that don't compliment each other whatsoever and that I probably will get sick of by the first day. Ice cream and mashed potatoes just don't sound like an appetizing duo. Or who doesn't love applesauce and spaghettios.. Oh, let's throw some custard pudding there too. YUMMAY. Actually, I could go for some custard pudding right now (I will have my fair share of it for the next week I suppose).
So what have I been learning in my spiritual life lately? Well, my previous blogs have sort of been scattered descriptions as to what I've been learning and what I've been experiencing so far this summer. Let's just say, God knows exactly what I need in order to change before being in any sort of leadership position. From keeping my mouth shut to humbling myself to confess heart sins, God never fails to remind me of His love throughout it all.
Christianity is not about perfection. It's about understanding our lack of perfection, recognizing when it's time to let go of ourselves, and bowing before the Almighty God in humility and brokenness.
Sometimes I find myself frustrated by my sins, rightfully so, but not because of the fact that I sinned. This frustration over sin comes from a selfish motive of wishing to be the epitome of perfection for all the world to see. The thing is, it's not about the world seeing us. It's about the world seeing Christ. It's not about our personal triumphs. It's about our failures, bringing us to our renewal through Christ. We will never be the epitome of perfection, but rather Christ must be the perfection in us. Anything good that comes out of us is not of ourselves. I think that's where I often go wrong, leading me into pride and apathy.
"I'm fine just where I am. I don't do any big sins." This is the attitude which introduces a dramatic falling away from Christ. Self-satisfaction and contentment.
In the gospels, pride is one of the main sins which Jesus addresses, expressing his extreme hatred for hypocrisy, pride, and self-righteousness. I think we often overlook people like the Pharisees whom Jesus intensely scolds, stating that their pride and apathy made them to be like vipers, poisoning all who surround them. Are we Christians who bask in our own holiness, ignoring our inward sins and covering up the deep, core sins which will eat slowly away at us in secret? Are we Christians who place ourselves up on this pedestal of perfection, wishing for others to look at us in awe and admiration?
Or... Are we Christians who give up ourselves, allowing Christ to be the center of who we are and the first thing people see when they look at us. Are we Christians who wish only for people to see Christ's perfections in our failures and His love in the midst of our natural hate?
That is one of the main things I have been learning, intertwining with all the other little things that Jesus Christ has been teaching me day to day (forgiveness, self-control, patience, sacrifice, service).
So to close this all, I would just like to say that I am terrified of this surgery tomorrow. Just a little thought that popped into my mind. So, if any of you happen to remember me tomorrow, a prayer for as little pain as possible, no complications, and a quick recovery would be MUCH appreciated.
God Bless <3.
It's an interesting feeling.. having a married sister. I didn't know what it would be like, but now I do. I haven't had that dramatic relapse of sobbing that I thought I maybe would have once my sister left, but rather just a weird empty spot. It's a curious feeling- the feeling you get when you come home, subconsciously wait for your sister to come home, wonder what is taking her so long, then realize it's because she's not living here anymore. Weird. I think one of those "lonely moments" hit me the other night when I had no one to watch a girly movie with.
One fact that I always realize in these times of change that occur in life is: Life goes on. Though it may not feel like it at times, I've already begun adjusting to this change.
I seriously cannot believe I leave for camp in two and a half weeks.
I also can't believe that I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday. I try not to think about it, because to be quite honest, surgery and anesthetics terrify me. I'm not exactly sure why. It could be because the thought of random people cutting me open generally just sounds pretty uncomfortable, or maybe it's because the after pain may be excruciating and I won't even be able yell angrily about it (due to a swollen mouth). Well, it looks like I will be eating a lot of very random foods that don't compliment each other whatsoever and that I probably will get sick of by the first day. Ice cream and mashed potatoes just don't sound like an appetizing duo. Or who doesn't love applesauce and spaghettios.. Oh, let's throw some custard pudding there too. YUMMAY. Actually, I could go for some custard pudding right now (I will have my fair share of it for the next week I suppose).
So what have I been learning in my spiritual life lately? Well, my previous blogs have sort of been scattered descriptions as to what I've been learning and what I've been experiencing so far this summer. Let's just say, God knows exactly what I need in order to change before being in any sort of leadership position. From keeping my mouth shut to humbling myself to confess heart sins, God never fails to remind me of His love throughout it all.
Christianity is not about perfection. It's about understanding our lack of perfection, recognizing when it's time to let go of ourselves, and bowing before the Almighty God in humility and brokenness.
Sometimes I find myself frustrated by my sins, rightfully so, but not because of the fact that I sinned. This frustration over sin comes from a selfish motive of wishing to be the epitome of perfection for all the world to see. The thing is, it's not about the world seeing us. It's about the world seeing Christ. It's not about our personal triumphs. It's about our failures, bringing us to our renewal through Christ. We will never be the epitome of perfection, but rather Christ must be the perfection in us. Anything good that comes out of us is not of ourselves. I think that's where I often go wrong, leading me into pride and apathy.
"I'm fine just where I am. I don't do any big sins." This is the attitude which introduces a dramatic falling away from Christ. Self-satisfaction and contentment.
In the gospels, pride is one of the main sins which Jesus addresses, expressing his extreme hatred for hypocrisy, pride, and self-righteousness. I think we often overlook people like the Pharisees whom Jesus intensely scolds, stating that their pride and apathy made them to be like vipers, poisoning all who surround them. Are we Christians who bask in our own holiness, ignoring our inward sins and covering up the deep, core sins which will eat slowly away at us in secret? Are we Christians who place ourselves up on this pedestal of perfection, wishing for others to look at us in awe and admiration?
Or... Are we Christians who give up ourselves, allowing Christ to be the center of who we are and the first thing people see when they look at us. Are we Christians who wish only for people to see Christ's perfections in our failures and His love in the midst of our natural hate?
That is one of the main things I have been learning, intertwining with all the other little things that Jesus Christ has been teaching me day to day (forgiveness, self-control, patience, sacrifice, service).
So to close this all, I would just like to say that I am terrified of this surgery tomorrow. Just a little thought that popped into my mind. So, if any of you happen to remember me tomorrow, a prayer for as little pain as possible, no complications, and a quick recovery would be MUCH appreciated.
God Bless <3.
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