This morning, between 3 and 4am, I woke up to an intense feeling of fear. I wrote about it in my journal around 4am or so, so I will just copy to you what I wrote this morning, for there is no other way to describe the incredible two hours I have just had, except for exactly how I wrote about it as it happened.
"It's almost 4am and I've woken up due to overheating and nightmares. My dreams consisted of something like this: I was a mom with two children, living out of a suitcase, hiding from my husband, running from hotel to hotel. Every weekend he tries to come for them. The part I particularly remember is that I was putting away silverware and glass bowls in a china cabinet, fearing whatever was to happen that night, thinking about my brother's wife who was mentally unstable and I feared would come for me.
At this point, I had an almost overwhelming fear which woke me up to where I am now. I'm not saying my dream means anything, because it's no doubt that it is just the suppression of inner sinful fear and lack of trusting in God, because fear is not of God.
When I woke up, I was clutching the bedsheets and sweating, not bullets, but significantly. I looked up to see the time and as I reached for the lamp, I overpoweringly thought to myself, "So it's at night that I say God must speak to me in His word (but yet I haven't been reading), so then it's at night you will. You have some catching up to do." I switch tenses because I really feel that God wanted me to open His word for a reason.
As I opened my Bible, I felt that I should read in Isaiah where I left off a while ago. I read this verse:
Isaiah 35:4
1 John 4:17-19
My current and most recent fears are those which deal with the camp that I'm going to in two days.
My fears consist of: not knowing the right words to say to the kids, not being fully equipped, and being alone and helpless. That's what it really boils down to.
1. The first fear: shows my lack of trust in God to GIVE me the words to speak, because they shouldn't be my words anyway.
2. The second: shows me my need to trust God to equip me. Christ promises never to leave us to fight any battles on our own, but rather He will be our guide, deliverer, friend, fortress, strength, help in time of trouble, and protector (as told by the Psalms).
3. The third: shows my need to LET GO of self-identity and firmly grasp onto my identity in Christ.
I am never "not part of something" in God's family. I am never helpless with God on my side. I am never alone in any battle that may come along, for God is GOOD. God does not break promises, nor does He lie. There is absolutely no reason to fear evil, because God is with me ALWAYS- whether I be home, at school, at camp, or on a mission field in the Middle East. I have no idea how God will use me in my life or what difficulties I may go through, but I know one thing:
No matter where I am, God is with me.
No matter what I may fear, God is BIGGEST.
God is HOLIEST.
God is MOST POWERFUL.
God is GOOD.
God protects His children and leaves them not alone.
In the spiritual realm, I have no idea what is currently taking place other than battle. I'm not the one to give specifics, but there is no doubt that God shows us in His Word of the constant fight between good and evil. I am thankful and at peace knowing that we know the ending to this story, and OUR GOD DOESN'T LOSE. Our God, who created all, knows all, and is in control of all, DOES NOT and CANNOT LOSE.
I find an incredible, unexplainable peace in this, knowing that there is nothing to fear, because my God will "come with a vengeance" to "come and save" ME. I love that God is not vague and distant, but PERSONAL. The pain people must be in, not in relationship with my personal, loving, all-powerful, holy God, but rather simply in relationship with themselves and themselves alone.
I am going to finish the chapter in Isaiah now....
....I have just finished Isaiah 35 and moved on to Psalm 37 which has awakened many truths to me.
I can tell you right now that there are no coincidences with God. Verses 7 and 8 pretty much sum up verses 1 through 8.
Psalm 37:7-8
I think I'm going to watch the sunrise.
Psalm 37:5-6
Tonight, I saw God working through His Word in a way I never have seen before. As I unintentionally jumped from Isaiah to 1 John to Psalms, and all these passages "somehow" related to fit perfectly together, I realized that this is of God and God alone.
"It's almost 4am and I've woken up due to overheating and nightmares. My dreams consisted of something like this: I was a mom with two children, living out of a suitcase, hiding from my husband, running from hotel to hotel. Every weekend he tries to come for them. The part I particularly remember is that I was putting away silverware and glass bowls in a china cabinet, fearing whatever was to happen that night, thinking about my brother's wife who was mentally unstable and I feared would come for me.
At this point, I had an almost overwhelming fear which woke me up to where I am now. I'm not saying my dream means anything, because it's no doubt that it is just the suppression of inner sinful fear and lack of trusting in God, because fear is not of God.
When I woke up, I was clutching the bedsheets and sweating, not bullets, but significantly. I looked up to see the time and as I reached for the lamp, I overpoweringly thought to myself, "So it's at night that I say God must speak to me in His word (but yet I haven't been reading), so then it's at night you will. You have some catching up to do." I switch tenses because I really feel that God wanted me to open His word for a reason.
As I opened my Bible, I felt that I should read in Isaiah where I left off a while ago. I read this verse:
Isaiah 35:4
"Say to those who are fearful-hearted, 'Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with a vengeance, with the recompense of God He will come and save you."This verse, though probably taken out of direct context, gave me an incredible peace as I read it. In my life lies all these physical and spiritual, present and future fears: fears of the future, fears of spiritual warfare, fears of persecution, and fears of insecurity. I have come to realize that these fears MUST be dealt with and removed, because there is "NO fear in love."
1 John 4:17-19
"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.This is not to say that I have been visited by God, because God is always with me. This is to say that apparently within me lie these unknown fears which need to be addressed, because while in fear, my love in Christ is not shining to its full effect.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment, but he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us."
My current and most recent fears are those which deal with the camp that I'm going to in two days.
My fears consist of: not knowing the right words to say to the kids, not being fully equipped, and being alone and helpless. That's what it really boils down to.
1. The first fear: shows my lack of trust in God to GIVE me the words to speak, because they shouldn't be my words anyway.
2. The second: shows me my need to trust God to equip me. Christ promises never to leave us to fight any battles on our own, but rather He will be our guide, deliverer, friend, fortress, strength, help in time of trouble, and protector (as told by the Psalms).
3. The third: shows my need to LET GO of self-identity and firmly grasp onto my identity in Christ.
I am never "not part of something" in God's family. I am never helpless with God on my side. I am never alone in any battle that may come along, for God is GOOD. God does not break promises, nor does He lie. There is absolutely no reason to fear evil, because God is with me ALWAYS- whether I be home, at school, at camp, or on a mission field in the Middle East. I have no idea how God will use me in my life or what difficulties I may go through, but I know one thing:
No matter where I am, God is with me.
No matter what I may fear, God is BIGGEST.
God is HOLIEST.
God is MOST POWERFUL.
God is GOOD.
God protects His children and leaves them not alone.
In the spiritual realm, I have no idea what is currently taking place other than battle. I'm not the one to give specifics, but there is no doubt that God shows us in His Word of the constant fight between good and evil. I am thankful and at peace knowing that we know the ending to this story, and OUR GOD DOESN'T LOSE. Our God, who created all, knows all, and is in control of all, DOES NOT and CANNOT LOSE.
I find an incredible, unexplainable peace in this, knowing that there is nothing to fear, because my God will "come with a vengeance" to "come and save" ME. I love that God is not vague and distant, but PERSONAL. The pain people must be in, not in relationship with my personal, loving, all-powerful, holy God, but rather simply in relationship with themselves and themselves alone.
I am going to finish the chapter in Isaiah now....
....I have just finished Isaiah 35 and moved on to Psalm 37 which has awakened many truths to me.
I can tell you right now that there are no coincidences with God. Verses 7 and 8 pretty much sum up verses 1 through 8.
Psalm 37:7-8
"Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him. Cease from anger. Forsake wrath. Do not fret- it only causes harm."There is really no other way to put this. No addition of words will express of these words as I go through life, seemingly going through unknown territory. To me, it may be unknown, but to God, nothing is unknown, and the LORD is with me.
I think I'm going to watch the sunrise.
Psalm 37:5-6
I awoke in a state of fear in the darkness of the night, and left in a state of peace, love, and hope in Christ as I watched the sun rise in the midst of the dawn. God is beauty in all its essence, and to describe it is impossible, yet it is utter worship to try. Worship is attempting to express God's beauty and perfection while knowing we will never reach understanding of any of it."Commit your way to the LORD, Trust in Him. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light."
Tonight, I saw God working through His Word in a way I never have seen before. As I unintentionally jumped from Isaiah to 1 John to Psalms, and all these passages "somehow" related to fit perfectly together, I realized that this is of God and God alone.
Wow, Lena-God bless you for your faith <3 He's doing incredible things in you-The words he put in your mouth (fingers?)were powerful and unforgettable =)
ReplyDeleteI love how God can turn everything, whether it be fear or anxiety, into good! It was really encouraging to read this, and i'll be praying for you a lot this summer! :)
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