Stranger's Impact

Today was one of those days, but it also was one of those days. I don't know if you know what I mean, but, if you don't, no fear. I will explain.

"One of those days." You know- that day where you just want to go home and cuddle with someone who loves you.. and get hugs and lots of them. That day when you wish responsibilities didn't exist and you could just enjoy your life when and how you wanted. That day when all you want to do is stay in your pajamas all day, watch movies and sip your favorite drink. That day when you can't do any of those things. That day when you feel so alone. One of those days.

And then something happened that made it "one of THOSE days." You know- that day when you can't help but see God moving in your life. That day when you're completely encouraged and immersed by the love of God. That day when you feel cared for by a complete stranger.

So, I had been having "one of those days" and was evidently (and embarrassingly) emotional as I walked through the main hallway of our biggest academic building on campus. Worst feeling ever. Everyone sees that your eyes are awkwardly puffy, and it usually just results in people avoiding eye contact with you because it's awkward to see someone cry (especially if you don't know them). I already hate crying in front of people, mind you, so this was just not a fun experience.
As I walked through the hallway, avoiding all individuals, I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" A total stranger who I happened to awkwardly  make eye contact with earlier had turned around to make sure I was ok. Me. I don't know him, and he cared.

I was really confused at first because I was trying to figure out if I knew him or something, but I didn't. I was already over-thinking life, so a total stranger asking me about my feelings kind of threw me off a little bit. I responded with an uncomfortable, "Uh.. oh yeah, I'm alright. Just a little stressed," and threw in a little forced smile. "Is it school? Or something back home?" He asked some other things but I definitely was not all with it, so I can't exactly remember. "I can't really talk about it," I told him, "but just stuff. Thanks though." "Well, can I pray for you?" ...How do you even say no to that? So, of course I told him that he could. "Can I pray with you right now?" So, you guessed it, he pulled me to the side in the middle of the building, during the the rush hour of the hallways, placed his hand on my shoulder and prayed for me right there. Then he walked away, and we went on with our days.

It was legitimately the most awesome act of kindness I have ever experienced from any stranger in my entire life. I know it seems miniscule, but it mattered to me. In that moment of despair, I remembered that God is with me. I bet this guy didn't know how much that encouraged me, but it did. It reminded me that I am not alone and that God places people in our path who care about us, even if it's just for a moment. When that guy put his hand on my shoulder and started to pray, it was as if Jesus himself had his hand on my shoulder telling me that it would be all right.

I thank God for Christians like him who show the love that they claim to believe, and I pray that I will be that random encourager in a stranger's day. The stranger they will remember, just as I will always remember this stranger. If only we knew what a kind word means to someone and acted on this knowledge. If only we cared enough. If only we remember how Christ loves us. If only we reverberated that love to others.

To the Awkward Couples: Junior Year Edition

As we begin a new year in college, I feel as though it is duly owed to every individual in the "young adult" population that I, once again, address the "awkward couples," as I like to call them.
So here it is. The first (and probably not last) awkward couple blog post of junior year. I actually don't think I posted one sophomore year, so this is ok.

I'm just going to share some tips for all of you who just radiate awkwardness in your relationships:

1. It's ok to hand-hold, but when hand-holding must be done to get to places like, say, the bathroom, there's an issue. I think you can let go for a second. Just a second. You'll be ok.
2. I wonder if you know that church is a place of worship, not cuddling. Yeah, that's right. I went there. Cuddling. Don't act like you don't know.. you know. When the Bible talks about "fellowship amongst believers," I guarantee that's not what it meant. 
3.  Specifically to the "first week of school couple" out there (you know who you are): make sure not to start naming your future children yet. 
4. Gazing into each others eyes is romantic in chick flicks, but when you switch the setting to reality and in a cafeteria, the romantic vibe just.. flees. I'm sorry, but meatloaf from the dining hall is just not "candle-light dinner" worthy.
5. Feeding each other. Just don't do it.
6. Always remember, there are other people in the room, too.. and you're making them uncomfortable. I'm glad you're happy, but it's not always about you and how happy you are. There are other people who exist in this world, and they too must breathe the same air and enjoy the same earth.
7. It's ok to not have a class together. I know you won't be able to pass cutesy notes back and forth while the teacher lectures on single celled organisms, but you will survive. Maybe you won't get to have thrilling study dates in the library (where you can continue to make more students feel awkward), but it will be ok. I promise it will. 
8. The longer you say goodbye before your class, the harder it will be. Just let go of those hands, bid adieu and learn about things other than your significant other's favorite type of taco.
9. Twitter is not the place to have extensive conversations back and forth about how much you love each other. It's good to love each other, just not over twitter.. for everyone to see.. and to be spammed by. It's just not fun to be spammed by other people's cupid-shot conversations.
10. As you loom awkwardly in the darkness, just remember, that I am an RA now.. and I'm gonna find you. Just kidding. But seriously. This post should express the extreme lack of appreciation I have for awkward couples... so don't go asking for trouble. I believe this warning was given fairly in advance.

That is all. For now.

Live the Gospel

Do you know how many posts I've started that I haven't finished yet? A lot. I'll get to them eventually- I promise. For now, I'm going to write what God taught me tonight during my Jesus time (which was the best part of my day, by the way. EXACTLY what I needed, as always).

I have been reading in 1 Corinthians, which has been absolutely incredible. Chapter 3 speaks powerfully on God's work vs. man's work and the necessity for us to rely on Him to grow people (not us). In chapter 4, Paul talks about being faithful stewards of whatever opportunities and talents God has given us (everything we are and have is from Him and for Him). Chapter 5-7 focus a lot on purity, dealing with issues between other believers (brethren in the church) and marriage, while chapter 8 goes into the whole "stumbling block" topic (a favorite topic in churches).

Tonight, I read in 1 Corinthians 9, and it was beautiful. The first part involves not being a hypocrite (vs. 1-18). Basically, verse 14 sums it all up:

"Even so the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should live the gospel."

Am I practicing what I preach? Am I living the gospel? What does it mean to LIVE the gospel?
The gospel: the good news that, although we are sinners and deserve hell, Jesus Christ made a way for us to be with him in heaven. He voluntarily came to earth (leaving His throne) in the form of a human being to die on a cross in humiliation and then rise from the dead three days later, triumphing from the grave. GRACE and MERCY.
Am I living GRACE, MERCY and LOVE?
Am I living SACRIFICE?
Am I living HOPE?
Am I living the gospel?

Verse 19 then basically defines the entire Christian life:

"For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a SERVANT to ALL, that I might win the more..."

True beauty and sacrifice. In my freedom, am I being a servant to others, showing them Christ & winning them into His love?
Verse 27- Live above reproach and as an example.

My prayer is that Jesus Christ will do these things in me. My prayer is that Jesus Christ will teach me to live the gospel, to serve in my freedom and to be above reproach.

Junior Year, You've Arrived with a Vengance

So, this is my first post in a while not focused upon the Lebanon trip. What an incredible month of my life, but it's good to be back in the states. If you read the Lebanon posts, you now know that I am experiencing the newness of RA this year. I just arrived last week and it's already crazy... and I know this is just the beginning. Once classes start... oh man.

So what's been happening so far now that I've moved back into school?
- Making the hall look pretty
- Making our room look homey so girls on the hall aren't scared of us
- Getting a ton of training crammed into a couple of days
- Moving in freshman (one of the most fun things ever!)
- Getting to know the girls that will be on our leadership team
- Getting to know my partner/ roommate better
- Getting to know the brother & sister dorm leadership
- Having one last hoorah with my partner and one of our Spiritual Life Directors .. dinner & shopping before we are locked on the hall until classes start.
- Being locked in our room (to be here to move students in) for about a week..
- A LOT of trusting God

That about sums it up.

At the moment, I have some down time, which is really nice. So why this blog post? To be quite honest, this post is mostly for my sister and my parents since finding a time to talk to them and tell them about everything has been ridiculous, but if you are interested in reading this, by all means, read away! =)

In general, I'm really excited about this position. This is definitely going to be one of those positions that I have to FULLY rely on God in every single decision or situation to give me wisdom, strength and, well.. just basic knowledge. There's a lot. I was a little bit overwhelmed with all of the logistics at first, but once we started meeting girls and moving freshman in, it calmed me down a lot and made me see how worth it this will be. God is just very good. I know this will be a major tester of my faith this year, but it will be good. God will definitely stretch me and growth is inevitable. I can't believe this is my official "I'm a junior" post though. It's definitely a new year with extremely new experiences, but that's good. I have mixed feelings regarding the major changes, but God has it under control. He just does. I know that even though I may feel as though I can't make it any longer, He will get me through it. He never puts us in situations that we can't handle, and I am comforted by that. So, now I can look back to this post when I'm totally freaking out and about to pull my hair out so that I can be reminded that God put me here, and He'll bring me through.

Lebanon Trip: Part 4

Week 4:

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

"Hearing hymns in Arabic is so beautiful. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time reading the Bible and a couple of other books. At 6:30 p.m. was youth group, and after we all hung out at the jnanee again.Today we leave for the Mutamar. I'm excited, but I pray that God would bless it and make it one to remember (in a positive way). It's weird to think I leave in a week, but I think in a week that I'll be ready. I'm looking forward to seeing Baba and Mama, God willing. And Grace and Abe. And Simon, Marc and Matt. And Cass. And Kristen. And Catherine. And whoever else I can see before I go to school. I'm excited to see all my Liberty friends. It's going to be good. I look forward to seeing what God will do, teach me and use me for. I realize now how I am so at peace here- I'm in God's will and where God wants me. Jesus: "You are good, You are good, when there's nothing good in me. You are love, You are love, on display for all to see... I'm running to Your arms." I need to practice my listening skills.. in both Arabic and English. Dude, I'm going to be exhausted at school. I better sleep A LOT on the plane."

"Lord, I trust You with myself in all of my awkwardness. I was told the other day that I'm unique. I don't mind that. It's better than being boring and cookie cutter, I think. I pray that God will give me someone who fits me perfectly. I'm in the service right now, and I feel bad because I have been having issues paying attention in the service, but it hurts my head to try to understand this Arabic and to focus this much. I hope someday I can write a book."

"It's sad saying bye to difference people each day. It's really fun that Charlie got here though, because he's the only one I really know from back home. I love Teta! Wow. When the fan just came on, I subconsciously thanked God for "kahraba" (electricity). I've never done that before, but I should have. Thank you, God for a country that makes me thankful."

"So, after an incredible two hour drive through the mountains of Lebanon, we arrived. We unpacked, ate shepherd pie, then had the first message of the conference. This country is beautiful. God rocks... in every way. Lord, please bless this week and touch people's hearts.  Give me wisdom and confidence in all I do. You are good always, and I thank You for who You are.and how You love me. 'No one loves me like You. No one loves me the way You do.' (Jars of Clay). Nothing else matters. I look at the mountains here and hear the chorus of bugs, and I know that everything praises God. No one else is worthy but You. Always help me to have perspective. The right one. Keep my mind open and thinking."

Monday, July 30th, 2012

"This morning, after a sleepless night of chatty teenage girls and hungry insects, we woke up and ate breakfast. Now, an American missionary is preaching from Matthew 23:27-28. Heart vs. outward appearance. Is my heart pure? "How can I be happy in my daily life?" -Keep my identity in Christ and not in people (my family, friends and mentors). -Worship God in everything I do (even daily typical actions)
-Thank God in everything. -Read the Bible and pray faithfully and genuinely."

"Love is selfless, not selfish. Less of me, more of YOU, Jesus. Empty me."

"Focus. Focus on what? The world's lens focuses on material, but let my view be on that which is ETERNAL.
Focus. As the cross comes into view, all else blurs into the background. The world and it's distractions: blurred background.
As we miss the focus, we only see the BLUR.
What if, we saw the whole picture for what it truly was?
What if, through the blur, the focus was made clear?
What if, through the focus, the insignificance of the blur became evident?

Focus. What is my focus?
Am I captured by the miniscule, missing the meaningful?
Am I lost in the subplot, ignoring the ultimate journey?
FOCUS. Not on the scene, not on the act, but on the entire play.
Not on the assisting characters, not on the antagonist, but on the protagonist.

FOCUS. What is my focus?
The stage? The lights? The flare in the costume?
Is my focus on the lead character?
FOCUS. Remove the blur; see past the background.
Do we know the FOCUS?"

"Today has been good, but I'm a bit discouraged. I'm not sure why God wanted me here this week, but I suppose I'll find out. I guess I'll never know the big picture right now. Sometimes I just really embarrass myself.. usually when I try to rush God or do things on my own. I'm hitting a point where I'm ready to go home. Lord, You know best. Waiting stinks, but You know. You always do. 'While I'm waiting I will serve You, while I'm waiting I will worship.' Why am I here, Lord? Why have you caused me to stay longer?"

"Today, Manwella and I led a Bible verse treasure hunt around the camp for the kids, which I think I forgot to mention. Right now, we're in another Bible meeting and Matthew is translating for a British girl I met named Danielle and for me. He's talking about Jonah. I understand bits and pieces, but it's difficult. Matthew is a good translator though. Lord, show me if there's something you want me to do or something you want me to say. Help me not to be useless. My heart aches for those who don't care about Christ. How can people 'believe' this and not make it their life? Help me not to turn anyone off from the gospel because of being judgmental. Keep my eyes open to all people, and open my eyes to need and emptiness.Help me not to shut down, Lord, the moment I don't know how to respond. Give me wisdom and strength to withstand discouragement or obstacles (I spelled that very very wrong in my journal). I guess nothing is ever a waste of time as long as the aim is to serve You, so I am happy with wherever You have me, Lord. Help me to focus on lasting things and not to get dragged down by distractions. What are my distractions? What's holding me back?"

"I wonder if You brought me here to just be involved this summer or if this is for something long-term. Guess I'll find out someday. Even though my Arabic still stinks, I feel much more comfortable speaking than when I first came. The speaker just made a joke and no one laughed which made me laugh. Fail joke. Someone tells me a sad story, and I laugh accidentally. My life. Ahhhh it's just one big awkward moment. Jesus, I know you don't make mistakes, but man. You must have had a good laugh when you made me. Hahahaha.. your sense of humor is the best."

"I miss Baba. A lot a lot a lot. Lord, thanks for being my heavenly Father =). 'Cause you are everywhere and forever. Jesus, sometimes my heart hurts. It's so hard working for you as a woman. There's so many gender-based restrictions, but I'm a woman and I can't really change that. I can't lead in certain scenarios even when no one else does. I can't take charge even when the men are being total pansies. Lord, give me a man. Not a pansy. A man who loves You, serves You and leads. Raise up a David (minus the Bathsheba part). Raise up a Daniel or a Joshua. Raise up a Peter (minus the denying Christ...) or a Paul. Raise up a Joseph- someone with integrity, purpose and motivation. Someone like Baba."

"Tonight was good. After the service, me and the British girl Danielle talked for a bit, and she was really encouraging. She wants to do missions in the Middle East. We prayed together, and it was AWESOME. God knows just what my heart needs exactly when it needs it. After was a sahra (late-night hang-out), and there were games and stuff. We all were trying to calm the teenaged girls down from their fears of dab3 (hyena.. the '3' represents the sound of the throat 'ah' sound that is crazy to pronounce). They were freaking out, and then we heard howling. And that just iced the cake."

Tuesday, July 31st, 2012

 "Exhaustion. I am SO tired. I woke up for breakfast late, but thankfully made it in time to eat something. My brain. I can't function right now. I'm so nervous about being an RA and having to take on other people's personal issues. Lord, give me strength. It's going to drain me emotionally, spiritually and physically.. so give me the stuff to pour into people, and put people in my life to minister to me, too. Be with the girls on the hall, and help me and Megan to be awesome RAs who leave an impression. Help us, as a leadership team, NOT to be: -cliquey -judgemental -snobby -closed off -lazy -unkind -unwise -self-righteous. Rather, help us TO be: -welcoming -loving -kind -open -intentional -wise -actually righteous -examples."

"This journal is getting close to the end.. there's still a good amount left, but I bet by the end of the trip this will be full. I am so excited to be home this weekend! Home church on Sunday! Weird. I love that we can go half-way across the world in less than 24 hours. Crazy! Thanks, Jesus =). Dude. There's going to be a mass amount of my high school people at college this year. Help me to have integrity in everything that I do. 'Empty my hands, fill up my mind, capture my heart with You.' That is my prayer. Tenth Avenue North knows where it's at. Preach it, bros!"

"What do I love? What is important to me? Where are my priorities? Why do I do what I do? Who am I? What do I allow to define me? Who do I allow to define me? Where am I going and how am I getting there? Am I thinking? Am I leading? Who am I following?"

"Today I talked to little Nicholas about how he is a leader and needs to be careful how he acts around the young ones around him. He understood. That boy has a lot of potential, but I hope he takes advantage of it. Man, I'm hitting a point where I'm starting to get sort of tired of people. My mind is exhausted."

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

"We're back in the town now. I am really glad to be back here. I think I am really ready to go home. One of the teenage girls was being really unkind to another one of the teenaged girl, so I sat down and had a nice little chat with her in broken Arabic. I slept for about 2-3 hours when I got here, and then hung out with people in the jnanee. I miss my Liberty friends and my family so much."

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

"I'm trying to think of reasons why God may have wanted me to go to the Mutamar or if He didn't really have a reason. I was able to help with the children and build relationships with a lot of the teenaged church girls. The theme of the conference is "the Christian family model," which has also been an awesome topic to learn about. I'm not really sure why, and to be honest, I wish I was able to have left earlier, but I know that God knows why. Lord, help these last two days to be fruitful and useful. I guess I'm learning that the way You typically work is in small, subtle strides, affecting the long-term rather than immediate giant strides affecting the now. Lord, please use me, even in little strides, everywhere that I go. For good."

"I just had a really nice day. I went to the pastor's house for lunch and then went to his sister's house where I met the pastor's niece as well. She is the sweetest woman ever, and we got along great. She took me to Saida (Sidon) so that I could buy some souvenirs. It was really nice of her. One day left."

Friday, August 3rd, 2012

"Tomorrow I will be home, God willing. Yay home! What a great summer this has been. Saw pretty much all of my home friends, had lots of fun times with the college group, lots of awesomeness with my family, cousins and relatives, a lightning storm, Boston for the 3rd of July, Newburyport with Grace, the lake with Simon and Eric, Lebanon for a month, VBS... Very awesome stuff. Thanks, Lord, for life, health, safety, family, friends and fun. You are so good! Cheers to new opportunities! I look at the past and am thankful for the present, allowing me to look forward to the future. Life is one big ball of craziness."

"Today is my last service in this church. Going to miss it, but I'm ready. Although I would have loved to know my Gidoo, I'm so thankful to know my Baba. I'm proud of who He is and what He stands for. I'm also thankful for a mom who always raised me to read, know and love the Bible. Whether I cooperate or not, she is always a good teacher.  She is patient, kind, thorough and loves what she teaches. I am the definition of blessed. Godly parents, awesome family, terrific school, numerous opportunities, joyful friends and awkward/unique characteristics. Help me to be able to control my tongue, Jesus, and not to humiliate myself by just saying whatever is on my mind. Give me tact. That's the word I've been looking for all this time. Don't allow me to get prideful or arrogant, but instead humble and THANKFUL for what You've given me. Perspective. Oh, what You teach me daily. Difficult lessons, but useful, nonetheless. 20 hours of alone time (on the plane), here I come. Unless of course You place an "interruption" in my path. Lord, You know the desires of my heart. Take care of me, as You always do. I'm going to miss the people in this church; I'm glad to have gotten to know them."

Saturday, August 4th, 2012

"Traveling internationally alone. Well, I made it through customs, security and all that jazz, and now I have two hours of sitting in Gate 5. So last night (or today), I pulled an all-nighter and hung out with the "group" until about 3 a.m. Teta was not very happy since we had to leave at 5 a.m., but I don't know when I'll see these people again, so.. oops. We needed a last hoorah."

Lebanon Trip- Part 3

Week Three:

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

"Church was good today, but I have a hard time understanding sometimes. It's interesting to be in Saida during Ramadan. They fast from sun up to sun down, but from like 7 p.m. till around 4 a.m. they feast. Interesting. I sort of like the fact that it's so easy to creep on everyone here, but I also don't like it because that means everyone creeps on me, too. I wonder if the word "privacy" can be translated into the Arabic language? Somehow I doubt it." 

"I have a skype interview with the RD tonight at 9 p.m. and I'm sort of nervous. I wonder what type of questions she'll ask me. There's really no way to prepare, so let's just pray that God gives me wisdom."

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

 "Most people's trips here are drawing to an end, and mine is so tentative. I had the interview last night, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. There's a lot of waiting going on right now. Last night, after the interview we met everyone at the jnanee (as usual), and we talked, chilled and played this card game called 400. Then I slept over Maha's, and we watched "Despicable Me," (not to be mistaken by "Indespicable Me" .. *cough cough* Matthew *cough cough*). Today I went to the pool with Maha, Matthew and Roger and then everyone in the "group" happened to go, too, and it was awesome. Sirena, Bob, Patrick, Maria and a bunch of others. It was a ton of fun. We swam, played water basketball, talked, chilled, etc. It was like the whole town was there. Now, time to just chill. I hung out with Manwella a bit after, too. I am legitimately a little bit nervous to see what happens with the RA thing. I want it, but I also really want to go to the Mutamar (Bible Conference). I'm not sure what to do or what will happen. Dear Lord, help me to be the woman You want me to be and a woman that's worthy of a man who's worth it. Help me not to be moody or emotional, but stable-minded. I'm almost done this journal! Well, Antoinette (yes, I name my journals), it's been a fun six months, but our time here has concluded. I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts and prayers. I hope nothing I said will embarrass me in the future, but I guess either way, this is me. Right now. In this point in my life. 20 years old and so much to learn. Oh God, You are my God. In earnest will I seek YOU."

 Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

"So, I'm in Lebanon and I'm done my other journal. So this little purple journal will have to do. So, right now I'm waiting awkwardly to see what will happen for next semester at school- whether I'm going to have to leave early to be an RA or what. Taunt Farida said, "Wherever God plants us, we must learn to bloom somehow." I thought that was an awesome quote. So far, I would consider this to be a really fruitful trip. God has been working, but in a lot more subtle ways than I expected. I have been able to build a ton of relationships and talk about God and the gospel a ton. I have built friendships with girls from all over the U.S. & world and younger girls from the church. I have been able to be here for Teta and help her when I can. I am learning so much more Arabic, though it's still broken and embarrassing. I'm learning a lot about the people, the culture and the country."

"So, I just found out I got the RA position. Whatttt. Looks like I'm leaving early. And going to be an RA. Lord, I'm not sure what exactly it is that You are doing, but I'm cool with whatever it is. I'm amazed by You, Jesus. The song "White Flag" keeps going on in my head, and I don't think that's a coincidence. "I raise my white flag, I surrender all to You, all for You." However, I'm getting sad that I can't go to the Mutamar. As of now anyway. I'm ready to go, but this has been an awesome trip."

"Today, I spent some time with Manwella. Then I went with Maha to this guy Elie's house who is an atheist. Such interesting conversations with him. I got to talk to him about what I believe a lot. We mostly just argued, but it was interesting. It turns out his brother is an evangelical Christian. Lord, use his brother in his life. Open his heart. After that we hung out at Matthew's house for a bit. Then I came back home and stressed about my ticket change and all that, which is all up in the air. You know, I find that my refusals to drink alcohol, smoke, swear or dress immodestly have been some of the most interesting witnessing opportunities ever. =P. Sirena, Manwella and I got to watch the Christmas special of Downton Abbey and it was fantastic! At night, a huge group of us went to a restaurant in Saida, and it was a good time. I got to call Baba! Then the jnanee of course. I hope it's ok that I'm cutting my trip short, and that it's what God wants. I guess I will find out. Lord, show me Your ways."

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about what RA is going to entail, and I realize I must prepare myself mentally for difficulties and immense responsibility. Loneliness will be a part of life I must grasp and accept, and standing alone will probably happen. I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but I guess it will be like being a camp counselor on a completely different level. I'm learning to just take each moment by faith and not always need a plan. Ultimately, it's not about my plan. I wonder if God's even ok with me missing the Mutamar.. or if He doesn't care either way."

"I love Moses. So much. I relate to him a lot. Even though I still stink at speaking Arabic, He's grown my Arabic a ton. Dear Lord, keep helping me become fluent in Arabic. Help me to be a light wherever I go. I feel as though my perspective on Lebanon and Lebanese culture has really developed and changed. I appreciate a lot more about the culture, and I dislike a lot more about the culture as well. I love the beauty of the mountains, but I hate the heat of the sun. When it all comes down to it, people are people. Life is life. Culture is culture. No matter where in the world, sinful people exist and abide. We're all wrong in our methods (according to one another). Lebanese scoff at American culture and American's scoff at the Middle East. Being a Lebanese-American, I find beauty and brokenness in both."

"As of now, there are no open tickets for tomorrow, Friday, Saturday Sunday and so on. Maybe God wants me to go to the Mutamar after all. Right now, I'm just waiting on God. Lord, work it out. I have no power in this situation, whatsoever."

"I'm in church right now and Pastor Pierre is speaking on the sower (Mark 4). I am trying to not worry about any uncertainties in life right now and just enjoy being here. I know that God has me right where He wants me at precisely the time He wants me there. I love being in this church because it reminds me of Baba and makes me feel like I'm getting to know Gidoo (grandpa) just a little bit. What an incredible man he must have been to have raised such an incredible son as Baba. I'm proud of my family and my heritage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's kind of fun not knowing which country I'm going to be in within the next week. I have a pretty interesting life.. I'm not going to lie. I think Pastor Pierre is talking about planting cherries right now, but I'm not really sure. I'm usually a little lost when they speak in the more formal Arabic. Oh well. He's talking about babies now? I think. Oh, he's talking about growing in the faith past a child- moving on from "baby food," and the necessity of reading the Bible and spending time with believers. SO true. It's essential to survival. I feel like Christians often can relate to those endangered species on the discovery channel: we have to stick together to survive and people often stare at us, totally weirded-out by our unique characteristics and sort of intimidated by our originality from the rest of the animal kingdom. I even feel like I live in a zoo sometimes- everyone always watching and commenting, as if they know the ins and outs of our life."

"I'm not going to lie, my dad is the best man I have ever known in my life. Good luck to all men, because Baba has set the bar HIGH. Thanks, Lord, for my family!"

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

 "Today I put my feet in the Mediterranean Sea and got seashells from the beach. I went with two women from the church and Maha to an all-woman's beach/pool. It was really nice, but now I'm super burnt. So I'm pretty exhausted, so I gotta write pretty fast. After the beach, went to Maha's and got a really sweet message from Simon which made my day. I just heard a terrifying noise outside that sounded like a wild cat shriek.. or sneeze. Anyway, I was at Maha's for a while until Matthew came. As he came, I received a message from the RD, Hillary, saying it was fine for me to come August 9th! Praise God! So, I get to go to the Mutamar AND be an RA this year! Oh snap!"

"I ate McDonald's in Lebanon today, and it was delivered to us! The sandwich was HUGE.. like the size of my face. Joanne (from Australia) is leaving tomorrow, so we hung out with her for a while and all that."

Friday, July 27th, 2012

"So, I didn't get to read the Bible today yet which stinks, but the night is still young. I woke up and went straight to Taunt Jacko's to see Charlie, Celine and Sabine (my second cousins) who are here from the States as well. We hung out, caught up on all that we missed since Thanksgiving (we get together on holidays a lot), played a card game called Likha (same as Hearts) and 400, and we watched the Three Stooges. Then I came back and had some alone time in the house, which was nice. Right now I'm at church for prayer meeting. I like this church a lot. The power just went out. Haha."

"Megan, my future RA partner and roommate emailed a sweet email, and it made me smile. I'm looking forward to this, but man do I have no idea what I'm doing. It's going to be a humbling experience to say the least, but God is good (all the time). I pray that the speaker at the Mutamar speaks in a way that I understand. I hope I make friends. Jesus, help me to be an example, a leader, a servant, a friend and a mentor. Give me strength. Help Megan and I to work together awesomely. Build an awesome partnership and friendship =). Be with our SLDs and be with our prayer leaders. Use the hall and the team in each girl's lives. All 30ish of them- it's going to be a cozy group, but it's going to be awesome! Jesus, I pray that You give us wisdom. Good thing this is a small hall. I don't think I could handle 70 girls this year. Good thing God KNOWS. Wow. He is way sovereign. The fact that He would put me on that hall and not allow me to go anywhere else. He just KNOWS. And the fact that there were no flights to go home early makes me all the more excited to go to the Mutamar because it means that God wants me to go for a reason. What do I know? What do we know? Only He knows. Jesus Christ just wins my heart everyday. This is random, but Lord, teach me someday how to raise my kids to love You and be honoring to You."

"Aww I miss Grace and Kurt. And Mama and Baba. And Simon. Jesus, take care of us as You always do. Keep using me while I'm here and help everything I do to be for Your glory. Help me to be courageous, but also wise. Help me to make a difference in the lives of everyone You put in my path. Help me to be a LIGHT. Help me to live up to my name forever. I just made the correlation between my name and the desire You've given me (my name mean's Light). Hahaha. You're funny, Jesus. You rock at the English language.. since of course you created it. HAHA Yes!! You're the best."

"Tonight was fun. After church, hung out at the jnanee with Maha, Youssef, Charlie, Chris (from FL), Roger, Matthew etc. We hung out, chilled, walked people home, etc."

"Your actions are what define you, but from the heart, thoughts and speech, actions are produced. 'We are forms of everything we love.' -(Good Monsters)."

Lebanon Trip- Part 2

Week Two

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

"I find that there are things I love about Lebanese culture and things I cannot stand. For instance, I love how close everyone is here and how much love there is, but with that sort of relationship there comes an abundance of expectations. I also love how much of a oneness of a culture there is here. As Grace once said on our trip seven years ago: "It's all about food and marriage here." That could not be more true. Those are the topics of choice here.. and maybe they throw in some politics, too. One aspect of the culture that I find overwhelming is the fact that, due to this openness of culture, there is a huge lacking in the privacy area. People sort of just walk in, and then if you don't offer them food incessantly until they accept it, you are a bad host. I'm not saying there isn't beauty to the hospitality, but it definitely takes getting used to."

"I've decided that I'm not wearing any makeup while I'm here, and if I do, I'm barely going to put on any. All of the Lebanese women my age think I look younger with no make-up? Good. That means I don't look like a plastic person. I'm not saying it's wrong to wear make-up, but I definitely have issues with it when you don't look like yourself anymore."

"Man. The Catholic church stuffs the mind of hungry people with the idea that we're still under the thumb of the law. Isn't that the opposite of what the entire New Testament teaches?"

"I just came back from church and it was beautiful. Believers all over the world, worshiping the Lord together in unity. The man preaching (who also was related to me) spoke from Romans 12:1-2 on God transforming us to do His will. I understood bits and pieces, but the formal Arabic is always difficult for me. At church I met a guy from Arizona named Caleb who has been traveling with OM (Operation Mobilization) throughout the Middle East and passing out literature."

"Taunt Farida's sister is a believer. She came to church and then came to visit Teta, and her and her son-in-law who is a pastor in Egypt, prayed fervently over Teta's leg and it was beautiful. At church they sang "All Hail the Power of Jesus Name" and "I Surrender All" in Arabic."

Monday, July 16th, 2012

"Yesterday was a really fun day. After lunch, I went to Taunt Jacko's (my dad's cousin) to use the internet, so I got to check and send emails to family and friends back home. I'm meeting so many people who knew all of my uncles when they were little. So, while I was at Taunt Jacko's, Maha (who turns out is my cousin), Matthew and Mark came and picked me up, and then we went to their house and then to the jnanee ("garden".. it's a hang out place in the town). After we went and ate dinner in Saida (Sidon). Then was a party in the town square where we met up with our "group" (the Lebanese people our age from all over the world mixed with a few people from the town), and I did the Debke (Lebanese folk dance) in Lebanon for the first time in my life and it was so fun! Then around 1 a.m. we went to Matthew's house with the group, hung out, played random games like "telephone," "truth or dare," and some game where we meowed at people. We stayed there till about 3 a.m. (cause like I said, this culture is nocturnal)."

"Tonight was a fun, but crazy night. I hung out at the house with Teta until 3 p.m. (which, I'm not superstitious, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Taunt Farida's sister prayed over Teta's leg yesterday, and now Teta's leg is significantly better. As in, she doesn't need to use the walker anymore and isn't in pain when she stands up, sits down or walks. PRAISE GOD!) and then Matthew and Maha came and picked me up. We stopped at some people from the town's house (they're all cousins and each family lives on a different floor of the building, which is really common in Lebanon. Extended family's usually all live in one building). One of the guys loves Maha. The other one just loves all women. To clear the air, there are no men that I am interested in here. That should put to rest an rumors that may begin to form. Anyway, later at night we went to one of the guy's in the town's house for a genuine Lebanese party.. as in, people actually got up and did the debke. It was pretty legitimate. We left around 2 a.m. because there was some obnoxiousness going on and then went back to Matthew's where I got to skype with Mama and Baba! P.S. After dealing with a lot of obnoxious guys recently, I would just like to say that I want a guy who loves me because he knows me and loves me. Not just because he thinks I'm pretty."

 Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

 "I woke up to Teta being utterly freaked out that I was out till 3 a.m. and how she was imagining me dead and all that. Once I talked to her about it and explained that we just are sitting at the house because that's when people see each other in this country, and that I skyped Baba at 3 a.m. and he didn't mind, then she felt better. Taunt Farida and I have some great talks, and she even told me all about her and Khaloo (Uncle) Said met and it was cute. I hope however I meet my future husband is cute and memorable like that."

"Today was a great day. Around 8 p.m., Maha, Mark and Youssef (from Quebec) picked me up and we went to Matthew's house. Then after that we went to some place that sells menaeesh and Matthew's two Muslim friends from college came with us. So then we went to the jnanee to hang out. Somehow, the subject of God and the Bible came up, and Matthew and I got to end up having about an hour discussion with his two Muslim friends about the gospel and legitimately got to share it with them in detail. It was incredible. I was afraid to talk about it with them at first, but I'm so glad that God gave us courage, because not only did they enjoy the conversation and ask a ton of questions, but one of them also is very interested in reading the Bible. It seriously was absolutely amazing. If that is all that happens this whole trip, the seed that was planted was so worth it. Dear Lord, use us to touch their hearts and open their eyes to the truth. Bring people in their lives to mentor them and guide them to YOU alone. After the conversation, one of the guys said that now he feels really close to us. Use these relationships built for YOUR glory. Thank you for that opportunity to be useful for You! AH =). After that, we hung out and stargazed. Today, I can cross "saw a shooting star in Lebanon" off of my list."

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"I'm legitimately still so happy that we got to share the gospel with those two guys yesterday. Their interest was so encouraging, and their hearts are really searching. We've been eating like vegetarians beacause they're worried about the meat here. Mmjudra (lentils), Baamy (okra), Mnezzlee (I'm not really sure what this.. egg plant?), Lubee b'zaat (green beans cooked in tomato sauce and olive oil), fresh fruits and veggies, etc. I like it though. I'm eating healthier and losing some of my college weight!"

"Feeling sort of blah today. I don't even know why. The heat mixed with missing home, mixed with a lot of emotions from seeing where Gidoo (grandpa- pronounced "Jih-doo") first started the church, maybe. I guess I feel like, even with the friends I've made, I still don't really fit in. My Arabic is horrible, and I'm just a little bit awkward sometimes. *and then the journal entry continues into a pity party.. so I will spare you from that, I guess there's always those days*."

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

"Today was an interesting day. I woke up, took a shower and then Maha and Matthew picked me up. We hopped from house to house, ate lunch and then by around 8ish, I was finally feeling in a better mood, and there was a party at Maha's house. Some guys decided to bring alcohol after Maha asked them not to, and so naturally, she was upset. Then she owned and kicked them out. I was all proud of her. Drama, drama, drama."

"So, random news- one of my RAs for next year isn't coming back to school, and they want me to interview for it. I'm not sure what's going on, but I guess we'll find out. Lord, if you want me to be an RA, show me your will. Please have me where I will be most affective."

Friday, July 20th, 2012

"There are a lot of random scares going on here. There have been shootings in Saida (Sidon), which is right near us. Thousands of refugess from Syria are flooding into Lebanon, so I'm not sure what that means. Also, last night, Ramadan (the Muslim time of fasting) started and it will go on for a month. Everything in Saida is closed for it."

"I forgot to tell about how on Wednesday, I saw the chapel in the current church. The chapel is where the church initially met when Gidoo was the pastor. It made me tear up a bit cause I wish I knew him, but it was crazy to picture him there preaching and Baba as a little boy. Wow, I love Baba so much, and I'm blessed to have him as my father."

"Today I ate figs and grapes from the trees/vines on our land. All of the fresh food is so delicious."

"Right now, I can hear the Muslims chanting things over the loud speakers. I can't really understand the muffled words, but I'm guessing it's for Ramadan. I don't think I am afraid of Muslims, whereas I think I was before. I definitely see all of their chains. So little surety. One thing that my Muslim friend said to me when we shared the gospel with him was, "How can anyone know where they're going when they die??" It made me sad. When we shared the gospel, he asked, "So are you saying that all Muslims are going to hell?" Matthew and I got sort of quiet, cause it's awkward to say "yes," but then we said, "The Bible says that anyone who doesn't accept Jesus Christ's gift is going to hell. So to answer your question... yes. But it's nothing personal. >_> .. <_< .. >_>.." Hahaha, they laughed. They understood we weren't trying to be jerks, but simply preaching the truth. I used Abe's "stick-figure on paper" analogy to explain our inability to understand the mind of God. I think it pretty much hit the nail on the head, and I'm glad.""T

"Today wasn't bad. Went and visited a group of people with Teta. Due to my nausea, Taunt Farida had me drink straight up lemon juice for my stomach. Teta, Taunt Farida and I had lots of interesting conversations- about Baba's oldest brother who died, of Gidoo's calling into ministry and just family stuff. Then Matthew came and got me and we went to the jnanee. Tonight, I helped Matthew and Joe (another guy from the church) brainstorm for a Bible lesson for tomorrow's AWANA. I brought up the idea about doing something regarding how faith and works go together, but we'll see what God leads them to do tomorrow. I told them my story about how God showed me to come here, and I think it helped remind me. Lord, help me in these relationships that I'm building, and keep me useful while I'm here. If it's your will for me to stay for the Bible Conference (Mutamar) please make it happen, but if you want me to be an RA, please make that happen. If both could be possible, it would be awesome!"

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

"This morning I helped at AWANA a bit and just did what I could despite my failure at speaking. I gave a short testimony (which Matthew translated) about how not to get stuck in the motions of a Christian home, but to make it personal and use growing up in a Christian home as an advantage to learn as much as possible now so that God can use you in ways you don't expect. I had issues tying all of my thoughts together, but hopefully it made sense."

"We ate lunch at Mary's house and it was yummy (grape leaves, kefta, etc.). Now I just took a two hour nap and feel extremely nauseous (I usually do from napping, though). Tonight is youth group and I think they're watching Fireproof. It'll be pretty interesting to watch that in Lebanon. I keep thinking about my Muslim friend and his total search for the truth. His confusion as to who God is. Dear God, I'm not sure if you're going to do more or if this is why you've brought me here. For now, thank you for what you've taught me and how you've used me for your glory.

1. You've taught me to listen and to observe.
2. You've helped me to build relationships and to be a light.
3. You've allowed me to help Teta Mary and Aunt Houda however they've needed me.
4. You've opened up conversations with multiple people about God's Word, truth, religion and controversial subjects.
5. You've allowed me to be a witness to my Muslim friend.
6. You've helped me to meet numerous believers from all over the world.
7. You've humbled me regarding speech and leadership, and you've shown me how to be an unknown servant.
8. You've allowed me to learn and grow in this foreign country and are helping me to excel  in Arabic.
I love you, Jesus."

"Youth group was good! We watched Fireproof, and I translated in broken Arabic the entire movie for this girl in the youth group who doesn't understand English. It was kind of fun! After youth group, we hung out with the youth group kids at the mall in Saida where they ate McDonald's and made fun of my Arabic. Then went to the jnanee, and I (of course) got sheesh tawok (a Lebanese chicken garlic wrap thing.. it's my absolute favorite). Then Joe (from church), Matthew, Maha and I played this game with fruit cards called ... uh. Balli Walli? No. Halli Galli. Something like that. Roger (Matthew's Australian cousin) joined in with us too, and I stunk at the game. And then they made fun of me for about a half an hour about how I can't count (I hate math and it was 1 a.m... what else can I say?). We played Go-Fish and talked. So much laughing that happened tonight. It was awesome!"

Lebanon Trip- Part 1

So wow. It's going to be quite a task to blog on my entire trip to Lebanon, but post by post, I'm going to do it. Let me just begin by saying, God is incredible in all that He does and He is good in every situation. This trip not only involved building relationships, getting to share the gospel & being a testimony, but also involved growth, learning and faith. You guys ready for this? One month of God working is going to be pretty difficult to contain into the form of blog posts, but thankfully my daily journal-keeping will ease this up for me a bit.

So here's how I'm going to do this- I'm going to post excerpts from my journal entries (along with explanations of course) to hopefully help you to see each event and experience from my perspective, and just to get a little taste of my thoughts during the little moments. So here it goes!

Week One:

Monday, July 9th, 2012

"Today's the day! We are currently in the gate and going to board the plane to London in an hour. Oh man.
Traveling internationally + traveling with Teta (my grandma) & Aunt Houda = utter chaos. Dear Lord, help me. I feel bad for the airport attendants because we are so obnoxious. They should make a comedy about us in which my face does not appear. I love Teta, but traveling with her... oh man."

"It's 7:45 p.m. and we are now taking off to London! I have a whole row to myself which is nice ... Catherine just got back from Panama and she was telling me about her experience at an orphanage. I still really want to be involved in an orphanage, but I don't know how to be or if God wants me to be. I guess I should focus on what God is doing right now. He's allowing me to go to Lebanon to do who knows what for Him. I can't believe. I'm actually on the way. Right now. Crazy. Dear Lord, please help me to be useful for You and not to believe the devil's lies telling me that I'm inadequate. Please help me also not to believe the lies that I can do anything in my own strength. Help me to rely on YOU alone. Jesus, thanks for providing this all! YAY!"

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

 "Just arrived to London a bit ago, and technically it's now July 10th here. It's about 9 a.m. London time, but 3 a.m. in my body clock/ Boston time. London. British stuff rocks: cool British accents, high class and BBC. The Heathrow airport has all sorts of people of all sorts of nationalities. I just saw a guy walk by and he had pigtails... interesting."

"I legitimately cannot believe that I am here now. It's incredible. Teta saw her brother, Khaloo (Uncle) Fousee, in the airport and she cried, so it made me a bit misty. The Beirut airport was packed tonight. The man who drove us from the airport seven years ago drove us again tonight. The drivers are hilariously insane and people walk on the side of the highway at night. The soldiers are everywhere and I smiled one at the airport to be friendly, but he didn't smile back. Aunt Farida says they're friendly though.
When we got to Teta's house we were greeted with hugs and kisses by a  group of people I don't know (all relatives). Then Uncle Fousee had us over and we had menaeesh (zataar baked onto dough) and baked Lebnee and they legitimately gave us a feast at 10:30 p.m. I am exhausted. It's midnight and I've barely slept, but I feel as though I need to document today's events first."

"What were my first thoughts in Lebanon? 'Wow. Everyone looks like me.' So weird! And so weird hearing Arabic everywhere. Dear Lord, make me useful for You. Help me to be wise. I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I'm sleeping and we'll find out."

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

 "I slept like a rock for about 10 hours straight. It's weird having to constantly rmeind myself to not drink the water from the sink or to rinse with bottled water when I brush my teeth. Things I take for granted. The electricity goes out at random times, which is kind of cool. Everyone sleeps in late in the summers here, and it's a pretty slow-paced lifestyle. I like it."

"It's interesting.. the people who aren't working literally just hang out all day. That's what they do. They hang out with their families. That's what they do."

"The guy who drives around selling fresh fruits and vegetables, Ahmed, just came by and we bought lots of fresh apricots, plums, cucumbers, mitti, potatoes, etc. Cool stuff right there.
I find that the doors to everyone's houses are always open for two reasons: to cool down the house/circulate the air (because it's so ridiculously hot) and to allow people in the townn to come over whenever htey so wish. Once again, I like it. Open door policy. Right now I hear the Muslim prayers being sung outside. This town isn't Muslim, but nearing towns are. My Uncle Said just said that 'Life is easier in America.' In some ways I agree; we are so spoiled in the U.S. However, it's just different. Not better. Life is life, no matter how you live it or where you live it.
I'm convinced that this country is nocturnal. Everyone is AWOL because it's so hot. My guess is that it's high 90's, but the humidity is ridiculous. The sun is hot, the streets are dusty and the feeling is humid. I would much rather this than being cold, though. I really like it here. I think I could live pretty much anywhere as long as I was with people I love and a few brothers and sisters in Christ."

"I went to this event with a cousin hoping to start meeting people in the town, but the event turned out to be a Catholic service. As I sat in the pews listening to the priest drone in prayer, all I heard was sadness and ritual. Those in the audience seemed sincere and searching... The Catholic church bases its entire being in good deeds and ritual. They lit candles all around the church and although all of it was beautiful, it moved my heart for them. Vainly they worship and pray to God hoping it will be enough, and vainly they believe everything the priest tells them. Am I a slave to ritual in worshiping God or do my prayers have substance and truth? They seem so close to the truth. It's so difficult to speak Arabic, and when I try people look at me all weird if I make a mistake. My favorite is when they speak loudly and slowly so that I may understand their Arabic since I am apparently deaf and dumb."

"On the page before this, the verse at the bottom says 'Let your light so shine that they may see your good works.' I find this difficult to understand, because the Catholic church thrives on good works, yet there is no light. LORD, help them to see a difference in me and a light in the darkness."

 Thursday, July 12th, 2012

"It's about 5:30 a.m. here. I woke up from dogs howling outside or something. I'm not sure what they were. I'm sitting near the veranda now and just watching the sun rise. I think this is a great time to read the Bible. So, I have to say, my hair curls really well from the water and weather. I wonder if my body knows that this is the land of my heritage, therefore feeling right at home."

"I came here to serve, but I haven't once seen Pastor Pierre to see what I can do. Lord, help me out here.. I just have to remember that no one who comes into my path is a mistake, and interruptions are of God. ... Pastor Pierre and his family just came over now (that was fast). I'm realizing that all of this is going to be really difficult because it seems that walls are built between the Baptists and the Catholics. Walls are hard to tear down, but of course, God tore down Jericho by making the Israelites be obnoxious."

"I find that no matter where I go, I never fully belong. The only place I feel comfortable is in Christ and wherever He is please with me. Americans treat me like I'm not truly American (although I'm born & here and I speak the language better than most Americans, and the Lebanese treat me like I'm not Lebanese. Jesus means it when He says we are not of this world. NOTW. It's lonely sometimes on the outside, but it's also refreshing. I have freedom to be me rather than stuffing myself in a status quo. One good thing about this trip is getting forced to read with no internet constantly around me. The Bible is making this country a home. Today, Teta's leg has been killing her. She is in so much pain. I'm glad I'm here to help a little though or else Aunt Farida would have to do everything on her own. I feel like an elderly person, always hanging out with the elderly."

Friday, July 13th, 2012

"The young thrive on beauty and strength, but it passes. The young are physically capable, yet know little about life. The old are physically incapable, yet know much about life. I wonder if God created it this way on purpose so that there is no stage in life in which we must not fully rely on Him. Today I had to help Teta with things I've never seen her need help with before. I cried after by myself. Such a struggle. Teta is in so much pain in her knees so that things like standing up, sitting down, walking and bathing are extreme endeavors. I wonder if God sent me here partially to learn to be more selfless and serve those in complete need."

"Today I hung out with Teta and Aunt Jackline came over, and then I went to prayer meeting at the Baptist church that Gidoo (grandpa) started and pastored, which was so cool. It was awesome to get to worship, pray and sing with Lebanese believers. The man who spoke (who turns out is related to me- surprise, surprise), spoke about how salvation is more than just good works, but belief in God's grace."

Saturday, July 14th, 2012

"Today, I went to AWANA for the kids at the church. I didn't feel like I helped much because I have such a hard time speaking Arabic. It's so different and hard. I played some games with the kids though and met a girl my age who turns out is my cousin. She speaks both English and Arabic very well; it's so embarrassing and humbling to be unable to respond well, but I pray that God will help me catch on quickly and be confident in speech."

"I'm starting to feel a little bit lonely. No one can understand my broken Arabic nor wants to tolerate it. I feel just a little bit like an idiot. Maybe God is teaching me how to be silent and listen, because that's what I do every day. It's difficult when everyone thinks you're mute. I feel sort of like a fly on the wall, understanding everything fluently but unable to express my self vocally."

"Wow that was fast. I was about to sleep early cause I wasn't feeling that great, but then Maha (the friend that I met at AWANA) came with Mark and Matthew (two guys from the church) and we went to the jnanee (the garden). There I met a ton of English speaking people my age from the U.S., Canada, Australia and of course Lebanon. Dear Lord, please help me to share the gospel and spread your word. give me courage and strength. They all think I'm way younger than I am. Why is this?"

The first week was definitely a little bit rough due to not knowing anyone, being extremely self-conscious and discouraged about my Arabic and just getting a tad bit overwhelmed by the culture. By Saturday though, God brought people into my life and started allowing me to get a little more involved in the church, which was such a blessing. God's timing is always perfect and His ways are so much higher than my ways. Looking back, I now see why God made things happen certain ways and how everything worked out exactly how it was supposed to. So begins my journey about learning about God's sovereignty and complete control. First weeks are always a little bit awkward, but I'm so thankful for everything God did that first week and the time I was able to spend praying, studying the Bible, getting to know the town a little bit and getting to spend a lot of time with my grandmother, my uncle and my aunt.


So concludes the first week in Lebanon =).