Just updates... all sorts of them.

A heavy heart, penetrated by the grace of God and humiliated by my own self- those are my current feelings. As I examine myself and my need for human acceptance, I am torn by my lack of surrender to God. Jesus Christ has always been there... always been faithful. People fail. People will fail at be accepting and loving, but Jesus Christ's love is overwhelming. Why do I throw it away? Why do I forget so quickly that the Creator of the universe knows me and cares?

These past two weeks have been all over the place with a variety of emotions and feelings. With Spiritual Emphasis Week, thoughts regarding God, my own spiritual life, how I treat people, and who I am in general overwhelmingly pour in. On top of that, my work load seems to be never ending and overflowing. Right as I seem to be catching up on work and nearly finished for the week, the next week starts and I find myself with a fresh bucket of assignments and weary soul.  

Sleep? It hasn't been happening. A decent amount of exercise? Also not happening. Consistent Jesus time among everything going on? Yet again another fail. Results? Feeling horrible. 

I won't lie, I'm having the most difficult time managing my time. It's not that I'm failing to spend it wisely, it's that I feel as though I simply do not have enough of it.
How am I having time to write this? Because I just need a break, and writing always seems to relieve a lot of pent up emotions and unnecessary stresses.

I have been studying the relationship between Mary and Martha (Luke 10) because I am planning on doing a series for my prayer group based off the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." The more I study Martha, the more I feel like her. I feel that while I try to serve God, I spread myself so thin with so many different activities and tasks that it's hard to really focus on it all. Some of it must be done, but some I just place upon myself. So the question is, what should I drop so that I may be more effective for God? I have absolutely no idea. I absolutely love everything I am involved in right now; I think maybe the key is not to add on ANYTHING ELSE.


I recently have become involved in my newly adopted home church for when I am at school, and I will be able to play piano with the worship band. I am so thankful that I will be able to be involved in this, and I am even more thankful that it will not stress me out but rather give me an outlet of being able to step back and just worship completely in my form of service. I have never been given the opportunity to use the piano skills I have for anything other than pleasure, and I cannot wait to see how God uses it. While I am excited for this, I am fully convinced that this is the last task I will take on for this semester or else I most likely won't be affective in anything I do at all (due to extreme weariness and fatigue).

This weekend... well. God has definitely been teaching me discipline. When my college's football fans scream "COME HELP US CHEER," I am required to respond with, "Not if I want to graduate from college." It seemed that Flames Football was beckoning me as I witnessed all of my hall mates, brother dorm, and sister dorm decked out in red and blue clothing and face paint. I can tell you right now- I am not one to normally pass up a good time... ever. Hopefully this gives you a slight idea of the amount of work I had (and still have yet to fully finish.. but I don't think it ever really will be fully finished at this point).

For the first time in my college career, I have been extremely homesick. There isn't really any specific crazy reason, except that I think it has something to do with not being home all summer. I miss my dad and my mom and my sister. I miss my piano. I miss home-cooked Lebanese food. I miss my own room. I miss my cousins. I miss hearing people speak Arabic. I miss being able to read whatever books I want and NOT textbooks. I miss having free time. Mostly I just miss everyone in my family and a few friends. It's crazy how you can be a part of so many "groups" and never really feel like you fully fit anywhere. I think growing up is slowly hitting me, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that nothing in this physical world is consistent. I am thankful that God, however, is consistent and I know that this is what He truly uses in my life to make me realize that He is all that will fulfill, suffice, and survive. I don't think I would be able to rely on Him fully if it wasn't for the inconsistencies of life, and I am so thankful that God knows what I need (even if it hurts sometimes). Do you ever wish you could just physically feel a hug from God? I don't know if that's a weird thought, but lately that's the only thing in the world I'm truly wishing for. A physical hug from Jesus Christ.

However, God is good (as usual) and I was actually productive this weekend! I have also been made aware of many flaws I did not know I even had (I mean in addition to the ones I was already aware of), but I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see these areas I need to spend time on in my life that are hindering me spiritually.

Prayer request: that I would be able to unify my prayer group, do the most I can in my prayer group (being involved with the girls, speaking the Word effectively, and just being there for them), and not let the weariness of college effect this ministry or any friendships.

So that's my life right now. I love you all and God bless :].