Wake me up when September ends....

I feel as though I start every single blog post with, "it's been one of those weeks." So, in order to avoid this cliche, yet true statement, I fear that all I can say is... it's been one of those semesters. Yes, an entire semester has been one of "those." One of change, challenges, decisions, emotions, and major growth. 
I don't know about anyone else, but does it seem like it's been September for FOREVER? I literally find myself relating to the song, "Wake Me Up when September Ends."


Among the trials and lessons learned this week, my eyes have definitely been opened to little blessings that God has placed in my life, and simply just reasons.
How to know God has a sense of humor: Oh, He gives you exactly what you ask for, but in the most random, original, and slightly abstract way.
Here are some basic conversations that I had with God this week:

Me: "Lord.. why do You give me people to minister to who don't even want to be ministered to and don't really care whether I'm in their lives or not?"
God: "Uh, cause you asked to be used by Me, even if it's not easy? ... duh."
Me: "...oh...right."

Me: "Lord.. why are there people who under appreciate my service for them or simply do not want me to serve them?"
God: "...because you said you wanted to be more like Me, and you treat me that way all the time."
Me: ".....oh."

Me: "Why do you let me embarrass myself in public?..."
God: "...I don't force you to say/do anything. I simply made you unique."

God has also placed amazing friends in my life this semester who have encouraged me more spiritually than I could ever have imagined, and such blessings have definitely gotten me through this month. So, shout out to Sydney.. the girl who I just have gotten to know this year, and who's already gone above and beyond to be an amazing friend! Thankful for her! Also thankful for my other fantastic, godly friends who have stuck with me since last year... appreciate you guys more than ever <3.

Totally different side note...
Lately, I feel like the leadership on this campus have been under spiritual attack... cause I mean, logically, who else would Satan go after? If he can get the leadership down spiritually, he can get the rest of the campus down spiritually. Something crazy: Satan can't beat us.
SPOILER ALERT: Satan loses in the end. We're on God's side.. AKA, we win. Hands down.

It's amazing how my own insecurities, Satan's lies, and society in general can so easily convince me that I'm a failure. Well.. here's a little note to myself, to Satan, and to the world: sorry, but you can't tear down someone who has an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, all-perfect God as their SAVIOR. Booya. *Insert snapping in Z-formation here* 

Alright, now I feel like I've ranted on this for long enough.
Now to get through another week.. THUMBS UP, LET'S DO THIS! (and God bless!)

Because I Love You

So these past few weeks I've been learning a lot of about relationships.. and my lack of readiness for a romantic one. Lately I've been finding myself not interested in any sort of relationship (other than friendships, of course) and often not even caring about whether I get married or not. If you know me personally, you know that that is absolutely the opposite of me and how I've always been.
By nature, I am a hopeless romantic. I'm the girl who basks in cute romantic movies and seeks out the story behind how every couple first met. So, for me to have turned into the girl who believes she could be entirely content being single for the rest of her life, something drastic must have taken place.

Honestly, for the longest time I wasn't sure what this so-called "drastic occurrence" might have been, since my life seemed pretty uneventful as I started feeling more and more disinterested.
This past Wednesday in Campus Church, Clayton King and his wife Charie King spoke on relationships and God's will for a marriage. I found myself becoming extremely emotional during this service and at first I didn't know why. As church continued, God also continued. Somewhere during the message God showed me that the reason I had been feeling this apathy towards relationships was because I prayed for it. No, I did not specifically pray, "Oh hey, can you make me think every guy is lame? Thanks." No, not at all. I prayed, "If I'm not ready, don't make me want it yet so I don't waste my time," and that is exactly what God did.

I think the reason I was so emotional was that I wasn't sure whether to be excited that God was answering my prayer or disappointed that I wasn't ready for a relationship. We could call this an "emotional tornado," because that's what I imagine when I describe that emotion within me.
Now that the "tornado" has calmed, I am so incredibly thankful that God has been working in my life. Now to simply wait for a guy worth waiting for.

That was another thing that made me emotional during church- seeing Clayton and Charie's love for each other, bound through their mutual love for God. At first I envied them. I envied what they had and wondered how they got it and why most marriages don't have their marriage's qualities. Then I simply admired them. I admire their passion and drive to make it work, their focus on God, and their willingness to share it all with others.
While this gives me hope for the future, it also makes the present difficult, constantly wondering whether God will bring "that guy" into my life.. you know- the one who loves God more than anything, who will love me the way God has intended for me to be loved, and who just is right for me.
So I ask myself, why do I wonder? Why am I so concerned about this? Whatever happens in my life, God knows and God cares, and nothing that God allows will be too much for me to handle. Also, I firmly believe that God does not give us desires and then leave us hanging (which I definitely appreciate).


Here's a poem I wrote on Wednesday night after the service .. hope you enjoy it:

Because I Love You

My mind screams "confusion"
My heart whispers "contentment"
The world states "abandoned"
The Lord proclaims "purchased"
Who I was convinces me "you want this"
Who I am reminds me "you have better"
My mind says "find"
My soul says "seek"
Culture expresses "go now"
God's love says "wait"
I ask "when?"
God states "soon."
My heart wonders "why?"
Jesus Christ replies "because I love you."



God Bless & Goodnight!
Daisy Wolf

On my Mind.. the World

On my mind... the world. Right when I think I'm where God wants me everything seems to become unclear again. Is that Satan trying to distract me from doing God's will or God simply just re-directing me? Or me just being confused? Or all of the above.. if that's even possible. Who even knows (except for God of course).

I absolutely love my major of Journalism, but I am terrified that it won't be useful. I'm terrified that there won't be any writing jobs, or that I will hate the jobs that are available. I'm terrified that I'll finish college thinking, "I should have done this," or "I wish I had majored in that." I'm also terrified that I'm worrying about this when really none of it is in my control. I've been realizing more and more lately that over-thinking unchangeable circumstances does not positively influence anything, but rather removes our eyes off of Jesus and onto ourselves. While my worrying factor has gotten significantly better since last year (thanks to an incredible roommate who definitely gave me a new perspective on the whole thing), I still find myself thinking about the future in all of its mysteries, which I guess is perfectly normal and human-like. I think I just have to let it go. Just let it go.

On top of that, can I just state that I LOVE being single? (Oh yeah, of course I can state that.. this is my blog). I absolutely love it. I love it because I know that if I'm overwhelmed now with my schedule, it would only overwhelm me more and I would simply have no time for anything. I love it because I have so much freedom. I love it because it's so much easier to get involved in various types of service. I love it because there's one less pressure on the future and one more step closer towards fully relying on God. (*insert picture of a "FROG" here*) (Sorry, Christian bookstore humor). I just love it. There's really no specific reason why... except that I prayed I would be content in my singleness and God has gone above and beyond to answer this prayer and simply just made me absolutely happy and even relieved.

On a completely different note, I find it extremely ironic that from my most horrible class ever, I have the most fun study group ever. I have never clicked so well with such a diverse group, and I love it! I guess similar disdains bond people together (for example, extreme dislike for this class). So thankful that God has put this study group in my life or else I think I would be utterly distraught in this extremely time consuming and nerve-wracking class. God definitely doesn't give me more than I can handle, and I definitely appreciate it. God is so awesome. I don't think I can really state that enough.

Anyway. This was a good time and I definitely have more than just this on my mind, but some I will refrain from posting to the entire blogging sphere of existence.

Good night & God Bless.
Daisy Wolf

Just updates... all sorts of them.

A heavy heart, penetrated by the grace of God and humiliated by my own self- those are my current feelings. As I examine myself and my need for human acceptance, I am torn by my lack of surrender to God. Jesus Christ has always been there... always been faithful. People fail. People will fail at be accepting and loving, but Jesus Christ's love is overwhelming. Why do I throw it away? Why do I forget so quickly that the Creator of the universe knows me and cares?

These past two weeks have been all over the place with a variety of emotions and feelings. With Spiritual Emphasis Week, thoughts regarding God, my own spiritual life, how I treat people, and who I am in general overwhelmingly pour in. On top of that, my work load seems to be never ending and overflowing. Right as I seem to be catching up on work and nearly finished for the week, the next week starts and I find myself with a fresh bucket of assignments and weary soul.  

Sleep? It hasn't been happening. A decent amount of exercise? Also not happening. Consistent Jesus time among everything going on? Yet again another fail. Results? Feeling horrible. 

I won't lie, I'm having the most difficult time managing my time. It's not that I'm failing to spend it wisely, it's that I feel as though I simply do not have enough of it.
How am I having time to write this? Because I just need a break, and writing always seems to relieve a lot of pent up emotions and unnecessary stresses.

I have been studying the relationship between Mary and Martha (Luke 10) because I am planning on doing a series for my prayer group based off the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." The more I study Martha, the more I feel like her. I feel that while I try to serve God, I spread myself so thin with so many different activities and tasks that it's hard to really focus on it all. Some of it must be done, but some I just place upon myself. So the question is, what should I drop so that I may be more effective for God? I have absolutely no idea. I absolutely love everything I am involved in right now; I think maybe the key is not to add on ANYTHING ELSE.


I recently have become involved in my newly adopted home church for when I am at school, and I will be able to play piano with the worship band. I am so thankful that I will be able to be involved in this, and I am even more thankful that it will not stress me out but rather give me an outlet of being able to step back and just worship completely in my form of service. I have never been given the opportunity to use the piano skills I have for anything other than pleasure, and I cannot wait to see how God uses it. While I am excited for this, I am fully convinced that this is the last task I will take on for this semester or else I most likely won't be affective in anything I do at all (due to extreme weariness and fatigue).

This weekend... well. God has definitely been teaching me discipline. When my college's football fans scream "COME HELP US CHEER," I am required to respond with, "Not if I want to graduate from college." It seemed that Flames Football was beckoning me as I witnessed all of my hall mates, brother dorm, and sister dorm decked out in red and blue clothing and face paint. I can tell you right now- I am not one to normally pass up a good time... ever. Hopefully this gives you a slight idea of the amount of work I had (and still have yet to fully finish.. but I don't think it ever really will be fully finished at this point).

For the first time in my college career, I have been extremely homesick. There isn't really any specific crazy reason, except that I think it has something to do with not being home all summer. I miss my dad and my mom and my sister. I miss my piano. I miss home-cooked Lebanese food. I miss my own room. I miss my cousins. I miss hearing people speak Arabic. I miss being able to read whatever books I want and NOT textbooks. I miss having free time. Mostly I just miss everyone in my family and a few friends. It's crazy how you can be a part of so many "groups" and never really feel like you fully fit anywhere. I think growing up is slowly hitting me, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that nothing in this physical world is consistent. I am thankful that God, however, is consistent and I know that this is what He truly uses in my life to make me realize that He is all that will fulfill, suffice, and survive. I don't think I would be able to rely on Him fully if it wasn't for the inconsistencies of life, and I am so thankful that God knows what I need (even if it hurts sometimes). Do you ever wish you could just physically feel a hug from God? I don't know if that's a weird thought, but lately that's the only thing in the world I'm truly wishing for. A physical hug from Jesus Christ.

However, God is good (as usual) and I was actually productive this weekend! I have also been made aware of many flaws I did not know I even had (I mean in addition to the ones I was already aware of), but I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see these areas I need to spend time on in my life that are hindering me spiritually.

Prayer request: that I would be able to unify my prayer group, do the most I can in my prayer group (being involved with the girls, speaking the Word effectively, and just being there for them), and not let the weariness of college effect this ministry or any friendships.

So that's my life right now. I love you all and God bless :].