Knit Together

First of all, I began writing this at 11:11 pm, which I think is pretty nifty. Yes, I have just revealed one of my little girly inclinations that I often try to hide from the world. What am I saying? I'm an open book. Moving on.

I don't know if you've experienced this in your life, but I seem to always have these recurring thoughts and phrases that randomly pop into my head at random moments in my life.. usually a time when I am unable to write about it, thus being immediately robbed of my realizations as they fly away into oblivion. Where do those thoughts go and how do they come back? Wow, total rabbit trail. Anyway, even though it would be fascinating to analyze the occurrence of thoughts, I'm going to actually get to my point this time. I promise.

One of these random thoughts that I've caught coming and going through my mind all throughout my life came back to me today as we discussed how beauty is portrayed in modern advertising.
So many times I find myself picking apart who I am, how I look, what people think of me, and what people want me to be. Than I think to myself, if I change myself, who am I disappointing (that may be a higher priority on my list)?
Fact: I will never make everyone happy.
Fact: I will never be whatever everyone specifically wants me to be.
Fact: I am who God created me to be.

Throughout my life, I've realized that the moment I change something about myself to please someone else, I have lost connection with someone else who would have liked me for the very aspect of myself that I abandoned. God has created us uniquely, perfectly designed to be just as He intended us to be. Personality, flaws, and all. Do not get me wrong- by flaws I do not mean sin. Sin is a completely different issue that is definitely that should be changed and worked on. By flaws I mostly mean quirks. Get me? Ok good.

In the words of Johnny Diaz, "You were meant to fill a purpose that only you could do. There could never be a more beautiful you."

When we change ourselves to please others, we are removing ourselves from who God created us to be. We are warping ourselves into plastic people.
I fully believe that if I remembered that this life is not about pleasing others but about pleasing the God who gave me breath and created me just as I am, my self esteem would no longer be catapulted into depths of despair. Instead, I would realize my self worth in Christ. I would know that somewhere out there is a man who has also been uniquely created by God, his temperaments, quirks, beliefs, and standards fully complementing mine and his heart appreciating who I am for who I am. He's out there, and I know it. Until then, I will continue to be me- who God formed me to be when He personally knit me in my mother's womb. 

This goes for you, too. To every person who feels that they must change themselves to fit someone else- there's someone better for you. Not better, just better for you.
Cliche? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

Don't disappoint the wrong person.

Finally. That thought is written down and finally out of my heart for the world to see. Hope you enjoyed it. Here's the music video to the Johnny Diaz song which I earlier quoted.. enjoy!

Goodnight & God Bless!

Maybe I should read the dictionary....

It seems that the more I hear about the future and what I must do to prepare for a successful one, the more absolutely terrified I am of growing up. No, I'm not lazy, and no, I am not failing to equip myself, but yes I still feel inadequate. This could be because I'm allowing myself to believe the lies of the world (and myself) that I'm not good enough, or it could be because I simply am overwhelmed by the extreme requirements in this little story we called "life." (Or it could be both).

Have you ever felt like you are the only one incapable of doing what it is that you and whatever other million people in the world want to do? You know- that whole, "Wow. They even ask questions better than me."
Yeah. I feel it. I feel it often. Especially in a field of study such as Communications.. where everyone births eloquence and strategically places their words in precisely the right spot at exactly the right moment (whether spoken or written). Then I think to myself, "Maybe I should read the dictionary more often."

If you have ever felt this way, you understand. Well, here's what I've realized recently: Success is not about big words. It's not about prestige. It's not even about landing the ever-so-dreamed-of "job of the century" which pays wages more than you knew existed and gives you a name you never knew you could have.
Really, it's not about names at all (except for One name).
Success is diligence. Diligence to do what you can do, do it in the best possible way that you can do it, and do it with the motive of glorifying the God who is greater than you and greater than I.
Success is being intentional. Intentional to learn what you can learn, put this learning into practice, and be humble enough to admit it's not simply your human intelligence and "profound capabilities" that have allowed you to learn, but the fact that God has created you with an incredible, unique, and highly complicated mind and body, allowing you to learn and excel in whatever path you have decided to follow.

[Keep in mind that there is a difference between spiritual and worldly success; however, I do believe that in many cases they do intertwine]. [Another topic for another time].

So, from a girl who constantly argues with herself (literally- sometimes even out loud) over whether I am capable or incapable, whether I will be successful or unsuccessful, or whether I am worth anything- in Jesus Christ, there is no question of worth. I cannot think of any other way to put it, really. Your or my worth cannot even be debated or questioned when we have Jesus Christ as our Lord. 
He has created us. He has formed us. He has given us the intelligence, strength, and purpose to complete whatever it is He has called us to do for His ultimate purpose. There is no question of our worth. No doubts, no excuses, no alternatives.-

So that's just a tidbit from my life. Hope this encouraged somebody out there.

One last word:
I am not defined by what I achieve, but rather Who I achieve it for.

God bless and have a good Friday!

A blog about something.. or nothing.

There exists no particular reason as to why I am writing right now, since there is nothing specifically on my mind (but who knows what may subconsciously come out through my fingertips into the world wide web), except that I had a major test and refuse to do homework until I absolutely am required to.
I currently have nothing specifically due tomorrow, so when I do decide to begin an assignment, I will feel extra productive since it's not required. Until that moment, I am dawdling. Why? Because it is these precious moments of brief freedom which we college students must grasp hold of to simply step back and enjoy life for one slight moment. So here I am... just stepping back and enjoying. Rare moment in life indeed.
So what should I write about in my moment of freedom? Whatever I feel like writing about, fiddly snap! Oh the beauty of a personal blog.. the one place you can just ramble and no one can complain, because no one is forcing them to read (or listen, in some situations).

I don't think I shared my embarrassing moments as of late, now have I? Well, unfortunately one is slightly too awkward for the internet (but I will probably tell you if you ask me in private, so go for it). Other awkward moments? Ok well, let me give a brief background first....

So you know those pesky 8:50 a.m. classes, specifically the ones that have tests in them? Well, say I were to, oh I don't know, unknowingly sleep through my alarm for about an hour and wake up at 8:45 a.m.? Yes. It's true. This happened to me a few days ago. You're probably wondering what happened. That's funny, because I can tell you. After waking up abruptly, gasping for air as I realized I just woke up five minutes before a big test, I literally threw on clothing that weren't pajamas (since unfortunately, pajamas are simply frowned upon in a classroom environment these days), and ran, yes, literally RAN, to class (backpack flopping around and all). What time did I arrive at class? 8:52. I have no clue how this possibly happened other than maybe God stopped time or just made it go by obnoxiously slowly, but it did. The teacher hadn't even passed out the tests yet. It was fantastic.

However, when you wake up that way, your entire day is thrown out of whack and thrown into a twilight zone that you didn't know actually existed on earth. Well, I'm here to tell you that it does exist. While in this twilight zone, magical, strange experiences happen. Just kidding, they're not magical.. but I'm not exaggerating about them being strange... because they are. Somehow one trips extensively in front of everyone around, but mostly in front of those of the male species (because that's usually how it happens). One's filter also is completely stripped away, allowing your mouth to run before your brain has time to function. For instance, when a teacher asks a question, one's first response in a college classroom would not normally be, "Because she peed herself." Yes, indeed. I did say that in public, and then immediately was horrified (my eyes probably opening so wide they would soon fall out of my head). Good times. Good times, indeed. Don't worry, I received many bewildered expressions from my classmates.

So that's just a tidbit about my life and my skill of being an embarrassing person.

Until another day.
(God bless)

Wake me up when September ends....

I feel as though I start every single blog post with, "it's been one of those weeks." So, in order to avoid this cliche, yet true statement, I fear that all I can say is... it's been one of those semesters. Yes, an entire semester has been one of "those." One of change, challenges, decisions, emotions, and major growth. 
I don't know about anyone else, but does it seem like it's been September for FOREVER? I literally find myself relating to the song, "Wake Me Up when September Ends."


Among the trials and lessons learned this week, my eyes have definitely been opened to little blessings that God has placed in my life, and simply just reasons.
How to know God has a sense of humor: Oh, He gives you exactly what you ask for, but in the most random, original, and slightly abstract way.
Here are some basic conversations that I had with God this week:

Me: "Lord.. why do You give me people to minister to who don't even want to be ministered to and don't really care whether I'm in their lives or not?"
God: "Uh, cause you asked to be used by Me, even if it's not easy? ... duh."
Me: "...oh...right."

Me: "Lord.. why are there people who under appreciate my service for them or simply do not want me to serve them?"
God: "...because you said you wanted to be more like Me, and you treat me that way all the time."
Me: ".....oh."

Me: "Why do you let me embarrass myself in public?..."
God: "...I don't force you to say/do anything. I simply made you unique."

God has also placed amazing friends in my life this semester who have encouraged me more spiritually than I could ever have imagined, and such blessings have definitely gotten me through this month. So, shout out to Sydney.. the girl who I just have gotten to know this year, and who's already gone above and beyond to be an amazing friend! Thankful for her! Also thankful for my other fantastic, godly friends who have stuck with me since last year... appreciate you guys more than ever <3.

Totally different side note...
Lately, I feel like the leadership on this campus have been under spiritual attack... cause I mean, logically, who else would Satan go after? If he can get the leadership down spiritually, he can get the rest of the campus down spiritually. Something crazy: Satan can't beat us.
SPOILER ALERT: Satan loses in the end. We're on God's side.. AKA, we win. Hands down.

It's amazing how my own insecurities, Satan's lies, and society in general can so easily convince me that I'm a failure. Well.. here's a little note to myself, to Satan, and to the world: sorry, but you can't tear down someone who has an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, all-perfect God as their SAVIOR. Booya. *Insert snapping in Z-formation here* 

Alright, now I feel like I've ranted on this for long enough.
Now to get through another week.. THUMBS UP, LET'S DO THIS! (and God bless!)

Because I Love You

So these past few weeks I've been learning a lot of about relationships.. and my lack of readiness for a romantic one. Lately I've been finding myself not interested in any sort of relationship (other than friendships, of course) and often not even caring about whether I get married or not. If you know me personally, you know that that is absolutely the opposite of me and how I've always been.
By nature, I am a hopeless romantic. I'm the girl who basks in cute romantic movies and seeks out the story behind how every couple first met. So, for me to have turned into the girl who believes she could be entirely content being single for the rest of her life, something drastic must have taken place.

Honestly, for the longest time I wasn't sure what this so-called "drastic occurrence" might have been, since my life seemed pretty uneventful as I started feeling more and more disinterested.
This past Wednesday in Campus Church, Clayton King and his wife Charie King spoke on relationships and God's will for a marriage. I found myself becoming extremely emotional during this service and at first I didn't know why. As church continued, God also continued. Somewhere during the message God showed me that the reason I had been feeling this apathy towards relationships was because I prayed for it. No, I did not specifically pray, "Oh hey, can you make me think every guy is lame? Thanks." No, not at all. I prayed, "If I'm not ready, don't make me want it yet so I don't waste my time," and that is exactly what God did.

I think the reason I was so emotional was that I wasn't sure whether to be excited that God was answering my prayer or disappointed that I wasn't ready for a relationship. We could call this an "emotional tornado," because that's what I imagine when I describe that emotion within me.
Now that the "tornado" has calmed, I am so incredibly thankful that God has been working in my life. Now to simply wait for a guy worth waiting for.

That was another thing that made me emotional during church- seeing Clayton and Charie's love for each other, bound through their mutual love for God. At first I envied them. I envied what they had and wondered how they got it and why most marriages don't have their marriage's qualities. Then I simply admired them. I admire their passion and drive to make it work, their focus on God, and their willingness to share it all with others.
While this gives me hope for the future, it also makes the present difficult, constantly wondering whether God will bring "that guy" into my life.. you know- the one who loves God more than anything, who will love me the way God has intended for me to be loved, and who just is right for me.
So I ask myself, why do I wonder? Why am I so concerned about this? Whatever happens in my life, God knows and God cares, and nothing that God allows will be too much for me to handle. Also, I firmly believe that God does not give us desires and then leave us hanging (which I definitely appreciate).


Here's a poem I wrote on Wednesday night after the service .. hope you enjoy it:

Because I Love You

My mind screams "confusion"
My heart whispers "contentment"
The world states "abandoned"
The Lord proclaims "purchased"
Who I was convinces me "you want this"
Who I am reminds me "you have better"
My mind says "find"
My soul says "seek"
Culture expresses "go now"
God's love says "wait"
I ask "when?"
God states "soon."
My heart wonders "why?"
Jesus Christ replies "because I love you."



God Bless & Goodnight!
Daisy Wolf