Gossip, Words & Speaking the Truth in Love

Gossip. 

The cliche posters in high schools saying "Gossip hurts."
The Christians who talk about how bad it is, but find time to tear people apart on a daily basis.
The idea that it doesn't even show up in Christian circles.

Unfortunately, despite people's recognition of how unbiblical it is, we still tend to shove it under the rug. Why? Why do we recognize other sins, yet find it justifiable to use words to rip people to shreds? What makes us think that it's ok?

I write this because I realize that this is one of my deepest and most real struggles. Let's be honest.
I am the first to blame. Right here, right now.

As Christians, our gossip may not involve a "Oh wow did you see her shoes? How hideous." (or maybe they do.. in which case, that's just sad).
Often our gossip entails sitting in our Christian circles and idly discussing others failures and mess-ups.
Does the fact that people sin or do something we don't approve of give us the right to go and talk to other people about them?

I guess the more specific question is, Did Jesus ever say this?:
"To make yourself more holy, go ahead and talk trash about an individual, let everyone know exactly what they did wrong and make sure they know that you would never do something like that. Humiliate them if necessary."
NO.

In fact, He said quite the opposite.

In Matthew 8:1-12, Jesus is in the middle of teaching a crowd when some Pharisees bring a woman (who was caught in the act of adultery) to Jesus, telling him to stone her.
His response?

“He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”

Now, I don't believe Jesus was saying that sin shouldn't be punished.
No, not at all. Sin is sin.
Sin is the reason Jesus came to die for us. Sin is what put Him on that cross.
I believe that this was Jesus' point: the Pharisees sought to publicly display individuals sin so that they themselves would seem more holy. So that people would recognize their works.

Isn't this often the motivation behind our idle conversation? To glorify ourselves?
Is this Biblical?
Why is it so difficult for us to show grace to others when JESUS shows grace to us DAILY?

When sin issues need to be addressed (and are done with a humble, loving heart), sin won't be addressed in a method of gossip.
Matthew 18:15-20 clearly tells what one should do if someone sins:

¹⁵ Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

 It also addresses what to do when a believer won't listen to you, if you do talk to them about their sin:

¹⁶ But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ ¹⁷ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

There's a pattern to dealing with believer's sin issues, and gossip is not one of them. Yes, if they absolutely refuse to leave from a sinful lifestyle, we are to view them as any other unbeliever (that does not mean we should sit and gossip about unbelievers either).
Sin should be addressed, but it should be addressed directly to the person.
Jesus addressed sin, and he addressed abandoning ourselves and our fleshly desires to follow HIM:

Matthew 8:34-35

³⁴ When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ³⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. 

When talking about sin issues, he didn't drop names- he simply talked about the sin for what it was. Romans 3 is extremely up front with man's depravity. It talks about the human condition and one's need for a SAVIOR.
However, Paul (in Romans) does not sit and name every person, what they did and how wrong they were.
He says "THIS is sin. THIS is why we need a Savior. THIS is the type of forgiveness we can have from our sins."
Not: "Woah, look at Sally Sue's sin! Can you believe that!"
No.

Believer or unbeliever- gossip is unacceptable.
Whether just empty chatter or whether seemingly "holy" talk- if it's not uplifting, edifying, encouraging, if it's not building up the body of Christ, if it's not pointing people to Christ, if it's not righteous LOVE- don't do it.

Really, it all comes back to LOVE. 
1 Corinthians 13 says,

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing."

Words. How powerful they are, yet how freely we use them.
The same tongue that says loving words can also be brutal and evil. (James 3)
So many verses in the Bible about this topic.

It's difficult because people often don't even know what constitutes "gossip." 
Basically, this is how I can tell that I should not say something (though often times I say it anyway, sadly) and that
it fits into the "gossip" category:

• If I would not want it said about me, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's something that, if the subject matter had been about me, I would have rather it said in private, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's untrue, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's not furthering the kingdom of God, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's not glorifying the name of God, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's not bringing someone to Christ, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's something I'd be embarrassed to have repeated to me later, I shouldn't say it.
• If I don't have all of the facts, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's not the business of the person I'm telling it to, I shouldn't say it.
• If it's going to get spread unnecessarily, I shouldn't say it.
• If what I'm saying isn't done out of LOVE, I shouldn't say it.
  As one of my elementary teachers used to always say:
  "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary."

I borrowed this picture from a Pinterest user: "OMalls."

Gossip is detrimental. It destroys friendships, builds enemies, breaks trust, hurts everyone.
Eradicate the gossip, whatever form it may take. It's not worth it.