The Day that I Was Scammed

Scams. They're sort of like scabs, but more gross.

Today I went to an interview for what seemed to be a legitimate job. To some, maybe it is a legitimate job. Hey, maybe I'm the loser for even going to the interview. Thankfully, every moment is a teachable moment. What did the moment teach me? Sales people are GOOD at what they do. Very good. I also learned that Sales is not my calling and never will be (no matter how convincing I can be).

I should have sensed this was a little sketchy by the letter I got telling me to call them for more information, but sometimes your hopefulness clouds your intuition. So, off I went to the headquarters with the sketchy letter (how did they get my address?.. I still have yet to know..) in hand, ready to tackle whatever job God was bringing my way. As I walked into the office, everything seemed pretty normal..
they had normal employees (I think?),
there were chairs and a table (must be a real office, right?)
and most people were dressed professionally.
 I went in for the first part of the interview which was with this guy (maybe a manager? maybe not?) and another interviewee. He asked us some questions and then sent us on to the "second interview" which was to be a group interview. We sat, pretty awkwardly, might I add, and time was passing slowly. And by slow, I mean turtle slow. The manager (?) came back into the room with those of us who were naive enough to remain for the remainder of the interview.

Then he talked.
And he talked.
And then he asked us questions we didn't know.
And then we answered.. to which he usually responded with "No. Actually..." and the proceeded to repeat what we had already said.  

Everything he said was vague, yet intriguing.
Simple, yet highly complicated.
Friendly, yet uncomfortable.
Nothing really was explained, nor was anything really confirmed.

After this 2 hour interview (yes... I sat there listening to this man drone on for 2 hours), the man handed us applications. One of the guys next to me then decided it was appropriate to crumple up the application, throw it on the ground and walk out angrily (that should have been my cue), to which the manager (?) responded, "Does anyone else feel the need to crumple up their application and leave?" ... At this point, the manager/salesman had us spun pretty tight in his web, pulling us closer to his fangs and plotting how we might be devoured. Just kidding. That's dramatic. Needless to say, we bought it. It seemed legitimate.. I mean, who wouldn't want to go into strangers houses to sell kitchen knives? So, we all eagerly filled out the application (why was I so eager? I'm telling you.. these guys are GOOD), scribbling down the best of the best suck-up information, waiting to be brought in for our one-on-one portion of the interview where we would be told whether or not we got the job.
Then I heard my name. It was my turn to go in.

"Obviously we cannot offer everyone this job," began the spider.. I mean.. man. He slowly read through my information, reeling me in closer into the center of the web.
"If I were to offer you this job, on a scale of 1-10, how excited would you be?" he asked me.
"Um.. an 8?" I ventured to say. And then I asked God to forgive me for lying.
"Why an 8?" he asked.
"Well.. I would be excited to receive a job, but I also would like to think about it."
At this point, he noticed I was starting to become a little wary of it all.
"Well," he continued quickly, "I can see from your information that you are a hard worker and would do a great job at this position. I would like to welcome you to the team! Training (which would be 3 days, 5 hours each day and unpaid, might I add) begins tomorrow!" He then shook my hand as I blurted out a quick "thank you" without really thinking about what just happened.

May I please point out that he did not tell me that they would "like to offer me a position" nor did he ask me "whether or not I would be pleased to accept the position." As I walked out of the office, up the stairs and back to the car, I just realized what had happened. I had spent two hours in an interview only to be conned into accepting a position at a company whose product was legitimate, but whose methods were slimy.

Needless to say, I am not going to the training, and I will not be selling knives in stranger's homes.
While it was quite a waste of my life, I did learn. After experiencing falling for a scam first-hand, I can tell you that my naivety level and trust for unknown employers went way down.

What a day. My first encounter with a con-artist. A day to remember.

Joy in the Pits

There are some days when we just want to shut the world out. No one seems to understand and life just seems bleak. How are those days formed? Where do those attitudes come from? I'd like to know so I can figure out how to annihilate those days all together.

Sometimes it feels like everything that God has been teaching me the last year has crumbled into bits due to my lack of faith. I know God's promises and I hear His word, yet I somehow fall back into the same position I had been in before He moved in my heart. Why does that happen? 
He has shown me that He pursues me, yet I still do not feel pursued.
He tells me that I am His, yet I still do not feel like I belong.
He says He carries me through uncertain times, yet I still feel like I'm dragging along.
Why? I don't really know.

Sometimes, we find ourselves in these pits, and sometimes the question is not how to get out of the pit; Sometimes the question is how to find joy in the pit.
I'm alive.
I am not being eaten by alligators that could have possibly been in this pit.
The sun still shines over the pit during the day, and I can still see the stars at night.
I'm not in the pit with any skeletons or anything, so it's pretty tranquil down here....

Really though, at the end of the day, the pits aren't what make or break us.
However, our response to the pit displays who we are.
What it really comes down to is, God is still God, whether we're on top of a mountain or lost in a cave somewhere. Our down days are still as much a part of who we are becoming as the up days. In fact, the down days are really what shape us. Being pounded against a table may be painful, but being formed into the proper shape is essential.

Sometimes, my problems seem impossible to face, but then I remember that those are my God's favorite problems to take on because it is through the impossible that God's power and beauty is shown.

In all honesty, these posts are the hardest for me to write, because I'm definitely leaving myself very vulnerable. It's ok though, because the "vulnerable" times are just as part of the Christian life as the "on-fire" times.

New, Not Fixed

People's deep wounds. How can you heal them?
People's heavy burdens. How can you carry them?

Everyone with different pasts, pains, swallowed lies, bitterness, comparisons, struggles...
As humans, how can we be there for everyone we want to be there for?
Maybe the answer is cliche, but it is the answer after all. We can't.

We cannot heal, but we can direct to the Healer.
We cannot cleanse, but we can point to the Cleanser.
We cannot carry, but we can grab hands, pulling along to the Support.
We cannot. Jesus can.

So often, we strive to take on the burdens of others. Compassion is biblical and expected of us as believers, but we must know the difference between loving compassion and unwise investment of heart. We are called to show the love of Christ and be the love of Christ, not take the place of Christ.
We are to point them to Jesus, for He is the eternal Healer, the Rescue, the Strong Tower and the Protector. He alone can save. We are simply the instruments that He uses to point them in the right direction. Why are we getting in the way? No man can suffice. No man knows the answer to every question. No man... except for Jesus Christ.

Let's stop trying to fix people. Rather, let's point them to the One who can make them new.

A Vessel Worth Using

Such an interesting phenomena it is to be home. It's almost like there's a world outside of textbooks and bad cafeteria food. Really though, it's crazy how much of a bubble being at school truly is. I guess everywhere we go eventually becomes some sort of bubble though, whether we like it or not.

I legitimately haven't been this relaxed in such a long time. Don't get me wrong, I normally love the fast pace of college life- going all day with classes, work, school work, friends, events and then repeating it the next day (and the next)- but one (even me) hits a point where it is time to breathe. My extroverted self is officially worn out and going on vacation as an introvert for a while.
The past two weeks (it's crazy to think I've been home for two weeks now... whatt? SLOW DOWN, SUMMER, SLOW DOWN), I have spent time with numerous friends and relatives, began two books so far (The Way of the Shepherd and The Sound and the Fury), played lots of piano pieces, have eaten tons of great food, watched some of my favorite movies and most importantly spent much time reading God's Word, praying and pondering what God is about to bring me into later this summer. I'm terrified- I admit it. It's ok though- God's called me there, so He's got my back.
It's pretty incredible though. I have never felt so much peace over any decision than this one. I have never been this penetrated by anything really, nor have I ever felt so clearly any sort of calling such as this. Temporary or not. Nothing really seems that impossible anymore...
I guess I should have known that though, since my God is a God of the impossible.

I think about where God has brought be from and where He is taking me now, and I cannot help but wonder what crazy places He will lead me to in the future. It's exciting, to say the least. I never really understand why trusting God is as difficult as it is since He never fails, knows everything and well, ya know, LOVES me, yet somehow I always have a hard time letting go. Thankfully, God is slowly softening my heart towards His will, whether I fully want it yet or not.
Waiting. I have come to the conclusion that waiting is what gets me.
Waiting to see who God is creating me to be- why He's building certain skills in my life.
Waiting to see the big picture.
Waiting.
I recently have come to the realization that we are never truly waiting though. We are simply living. This is life. It is growth. It is developing into who God is having us to be.
It is being formed by the potter into a vessel worth being used. 

It's never really waiting- it's simply watching while living.

Nay-Sayers and Nose-Stickers

Nay-Sayers are those unavoidable factors in life that will always hover over your head like a gloomy rain cloud. That's just what they do- they hover.

So here's the thing- you can't give them any satisfaction that their "nay" is noted.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God will call you to something specific. It's inevitable. It is also inevitable that these nay-sayer folks will grab their cloud, hover over your calling and then rain on it. Well, guess what, God doesn't change His will for you based on other people's negative comments. He doesn't suddenly say, "Oh hey. They think that's a bad idea so... let's just have you do something more logical and safe." Sorry, people, but God rolls over for no one. Just read every book of the Bible if you want some support on that.
Conclusion? Their opinions don't matter. If God is calling you to do something- DO IT. It may seem illogical, dangerous, difficult and out-of-reach, but GOD is God. Not you. Not me. Not anyone.

Also, in addition to the "nay-sayers," there are the "nose-stickers." You know, the ones that stick their nose in everyone's business, showing unusually extreme interest in what everyone else is doing with their future. I'm sure you've heard the whole "Oh? This is your major? Please describe to me in detail what you will do with it in the future, if it will make you a lot of money and what your next 10 years look like!" shpeal.
People, people, people. Directly from the mouth of a planner- please do not force us to plan more than we have to. Life will happen, and God will guide us. Until then, this is my life.
No, I do not know who I will marry, what job I may have, where I will live or whether I'm going to graduate school when I'm done undergrad.
I've tried the whole "planning my life" thing. It's not happening and it never will. It's ok to plan, but let's face it- God changes our plans. I've decided to do my best at whatever I'm doing right now with my life to prepare for whatever possibilities God may bring into my life in the future, but as far as knowing my future, I see into my future just as well as you see into yours. Not at all. 

Summer Books; Summer Movies

*UPDATED* ... So here's this updated and adjusted!

Summer reading and movie-watching goals.. I have many of them. Many of the movies I want to watch I've seen before but love and must watch again this summer.

So what's on the list for this summer? Maybe if I list them out publicly I'll actually read them/watch them...

Books:

1. The Sound and the Fury - by:William Faulkner --> (I'm halfway through this and still uninterested. It's very well written, but nothing really happens, which sort of defeats the purpose... Sorry, Faulkner, but if you can't get my attention by the middle of the book, you fail.)
2. Spiritual Leadership - by: J. Oswald Sanders
   *Currently Reading*
   While I'm required to read this for next year's SLD position, I am really looking forward to reading this. I'm guessing the title is pretty self-explanatory.
3. The Way of the Shepherd - by: Dr. Kevin Leman and William Pentak
   Really enjoyed this book. The author focuses on how a shepherd tends to his flock as an example of how a manager/leader is to manage/lead the group of people that has been placed under their care. The examples are perfect and eye-opening. Definitely helped me to see managing people in a completely new light!
4. Wuthering Heights - by: Emily Bronte
   ....Aaaanddd a year later, Heathcliff and Catherine's story is finally completed. Definitely a cold, dark romance, but it's so well written that no matter how depressing the storyline may be, I somehow enjoyed it.
5. Not a Fan - by: Kyle Idleman
   My leadership team for next year will all be reading this over the summer and discussing it when we get back. Apparently this book focuses on being a follower of Christ rather than just a fan, and it explains the difference. I'm excited!
6. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - by: F. Scott Fitzgerald
   This was a short story, but it was one fabulous use of my time. The story is original, well-written and just plain hilarious! If you want a quick and interesting read, this is for you! Love Fitzgerald's writing style and would read this again in a heartbeat.
7. Roses for Mama - by: Janette OkeI read this years ago, but I was in the mood for a sappy Christian romance. I'm not really a fan of the writing style, but the story is cute. Just one of those girly must-haves. Gotta love the typical "orphan farm girl meets boy next door" story.
8. Pilgrim's Progress
   I read a shortened, child-proof version of this story when I was younger, but really am interested in reading the real deal. John Bunyan uses allegory to express the dynamics of the Christian life. I absolutely love the writing style and cannot wait to dive into all the symbolism!
9. The Count of Monte Cristo
   Not sure what this is about.. but it's a classic and was only 5 bucks at the used book store, so here it goes!

So, right now, that's what I've got for books. Disclaimer: This is OTHER than books of the Bible.

Films:

1. The Avengers
   Absolutely loved it. That's all that really can be said. Who doesn't love a movie with a massive amount of superheroes and cool effects? Only the crazy.
2. Jurassic Park
   Yes, I am that person that has never seen these movies, but no more. This summer, I will be cultured in the ways of giant prehistoric, man-eating animals. I'm ready.
3. A Walk to Remember
   It's been forever since I've watched this movie, but it's a classic and a must-watch. If you need a tear-jerking romance, this is the movie for you.
4. Anne of Green Gables series
   Another series that I've watched since I was a kid year after year, but must watch this summer. Since this is a lengthy series, I never have time to watch these movies during school. Anne, you are my literary hero and probably the fictional character I relate to the most. I even named one of my journals after Anne of Green Gables. Yup, these movies are definitely winners.
5. Anne of Avonlea series 
   ...and the amazing series continues...
   
6. This Means War
   All right- Reese Witherspoon is one of my favorite actresses and this movie looks hilarious. Probably going to be pretty cheesy, but now and then these cheesy movies are fantastic.
7. Madea Goes to Jail
   I recently saw "Madea's Family Reunion" and absolutely loved it. Probably one of the most hilarious movies I have seen recently. So, my goal is to watch more of these awesome Madea movies.. it will happen.
8. Snow White and the Huntsman
   This looks absolutely intriguing. I love fantasies and fairy-tale types of books and movies, and this looks like it will be amazing. Every time I see the preview it makes it more difficult to wait to see this movie.
9. Mirror, Mirror
   I know, another Snow White movie, but this seems much lighter and completely different From "Snow White and the Huntsman." This looks hilarious and a fun film, but I don't know if I would go to theaters to see it.
10. The Little Dorrit Series
    This movie is based on Charles' Dicken's book which I would be very interested to read if it wasn't the size of an encyclopedia. Just kidding, it's not that bad. Anyway, the mini-series was absolutely fantastic and brilliant. Definitely worth the 16 episodes!

 So that's what I have right now.

Sophomore Year- Summed Up

Ah Summer. You are here, finally, and you couldn't have come at a better time.
Ah Home. I am here, finally, and you're just as cozy as you always are.

In all honesty, I absolutely cannot believe that I have conquered two years of college and that I'm officially a college Junior. What? What does that even recall? I guess for now I should just focus on this summer and accomplishing whatever it is God wants me to do for Him.

I'm so thankful for another year that has taken place at my amazing university and the difficult, but awesome lessons God as taught me. This year, I learned that it's all right to be alone- I'm never really alone, just alone with God. I learned that teacher's can completely turn their students off from a material that could be absolutely incredible (e.g. just how we sometimes turn people off from the gospel). I learned that I'm really thankful for my freshman year roommates and the things I learned from them. I learned that unholiness will not only negatively impact my walk with God but also my testimony for Him. I learned that God provides. I learned to let go of control and planning and to allow GOD to be God. These are just a few of the lessons I learned, but all were much needed and incredible in the end (though difficult to go through).

I'm also thankful for the crazy opportunities I have at my school and the things I can take part in that I probably never would have been able to otherwise.
For instance- dumpster diving. Last Sunday night, I went with some friends from my leadership team and we dove in dumpsters. Let me tell you, we found some treasures...and I found a fantastic refillable planner (I realize how much of a nerd I truly am). We also found spray paint, with which we painted the school "rock" with and left our dorm mark on the side walk (it's legal.. I promise). All of these were first times for me... I guess I can say I'm officially a college student now that I've driven around with seven people in a car after midnight with the intent of searching through trash and leaving grafiti marks.
Getting to lead a small group of girls in Bible study.

Taking pictures in an old warehouse.
Singing in front of 8,000+ people.

Getting whip creamed in the face (and then losing my contact...).
Having a mashed potato war.

Playing beach volleyball for hours at a time.
Having (almost) a whole movie theater to ourselves with two of my best friends (freshman year roommates).
Going swing dancing with the freshman year roommates.

Going to multiple concerts and plays (Anberlin, Dave Barnes, NEEDTOBREATHE, Ben Rector, Oklahoma, Ragtime, etc).
Experiencing student-led worship with people who are on fire for God.
Invading Walmart with one of my best friends, Sarah.

What people think we look like.

Who we actually are.

Eating frozen yogurt on a weekendly basis.
Being in the leadership parade!

Attending a ton of sports events- hockey, football, baseball, minor league baseball, intramurals, etc.
Preparing to be an SLD next semester with my new Big 4.

Making new awesome friends and building on my incredible friendships from last year.

I thank God upon remembrance of you.