The feeling of not belonging anywhere: prevalent.
The question as to whether or not I'm going anywhere with my life: existent.
The striving to be worth something: painful.
The wish for unconditional human love: unbearable.
The aching to let it all go: intense.
The understanding of God's perfect love: surreal.
I can tell you right now that God has been using loneliness and misplacement to uproot my inner, deep idols. Such idols, idols of being loved, idols of being a part of something, idols of people in general, have been dangerously prohibiting me from reaching the potential relationship that I could be having with my Savior. While I don't feel necessarily far from God right now, these patterns that have been forming could potentially pull me away from God, if that has not already begun.
Through the loneliness, God has opened a door for me to pry away my general attachment to people, my wish to be loved by people, and my expectancy for constant company, all which, at the root, are idols in my life. Yes, love and people, two perfectly normal, healthy aspects of life, can become idolized. When these normally harmless things have come back to their original state of nature and when I learn that God is my only source of comfort and meaning, it is then that the loneliness will cease.
It's amazing what brokenness can rebuild. One of chapel speakers this week stated, "Rock bottom is where God takes you to rebuild you." So true.
I long for the day when I can be fully satisfied with God's presence in my life alone, distancing the clutter and busy-ness of life from who I am. People are not my identity- God is.
"Bring me joy,
bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me everything that brings You glory.
I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain."
-Mercyme
The question as to whether or not I'm going anywhere with my life: existent.
The striving to be worth something: painful.
The wish for unconditional human love: unbearable.
The aching to let it all go: intense.
The understanding of God's perfect love: surreal.
I can tell you right now that God has been using loneliness and misplacement to uproot my inner, deep idols. Such idols, idols of being loved, idols of being a part of something, idols of people in general, have been dangerously prohibiting me from reaching the potential relationship that I could be having with my Savior. While I don't feel necessarily far from God right now, these patterns that have been forming could potentially pull me away from God, if that has not already begun.
Through the loneliness, God has opened a door for me to pry away my general attachment to people, my wish to be loved by people, and my expectancy for constant company, all which, at the root, are idols in my life. Yes, love and people, two perfectly normal, healthy aspects of life, can become idolized. When these normally harmless things have come back to their original state of nature and when I learn that God is my only source of comfort and meaning, it is then that the loneliness will cease.
It's amazing what brokenness can rebuild. One of chapel speakers this week stated, "Rock bottom is where God takes you to rebuild you." So true.
I long for the day when I can be fully satisfied with God's presence in my life alone, distancing the clutter and busy-ness of life from who I am. People are not my identity- God is.
"Bring me joy,
bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me everything that brings You glory.
I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain."
-Mercyme
Thanks for taking the time to read all of my post Lena. <3 you too!
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