The array of happenings called life.

Well, I feel as though it's been quite a while since I've blogged, and I feel correctly.
I've begun about 4 or 5 blogs in the past week or so, but failed in actually writing something worth posting. So, what's been happening in my life lately.. let's see. 

Summer internship twenty minutes away from home, working with a magazine? Check.
Another possible internship for the summer after at a television station? Check.
God providing me with $75? Check. (No pun intended)
Reading the most incredible book by Francine Rivers called Redeeming Love? Check.
Spending a week with the most incredible family ever? Check.
Christmas lights popping up all over campus? Check.
Two different sorts of roommate dates in one day? (previous and current). Check. 
An encouraging prayer group today? Check.
Crazy intense workout and growing muscles? Check.
Annihilating a paper until 2 a.m. and leaving in style, mulling through the rain in a light sweatshirt and sweatpants? Check.

Random thing that I love: getting mail from friends from back home and from my campers. That is love right there...
I also love hearing from my campers and their constant reminders at what an incredible summer we had together. I learned so much from all of the incredible people I worked with, staff and campers together.

Spiritual lesson of late: God's infinite love.
No matter how unloved I feel, I AM loved.. by the ultimate lover. The CREATOR of the universe. The MAKER of time.
It's amazing how many times I can learn about God's love and still stand in awe each time. In fact, the awestruck factor grows significantly during every moment that He shows me His love, which is frequent. What really boggles my mind is the fact that God's love is even greater for me than even my closest family members. I'm not sure why I feel so "out of love" when I'm not with my family. I think I forget how much Jesus Christ loves me.. and I fail to thank Him for it.
God has definitely been showing me how much I rely on the love of people. Well, people will fail me. God will not. People may not forgive me. Jesus Christ already has. People may not always be around. God is infinite, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. 

Another topic: it's amazing how God works things out. Situations I thought would brew and stew and eat me alive somehow evaporated... but I know that "somehow" really is not a "somehow" at all. "Somehow" implies that it was a coincidence, when I know pretty confidently that there are no coincidences with God. One quote someone posted on facebook recently was, "Coincidences are just God choosing to remain anonymous." I like that.

God is good and that's all there is to it. He takes me as I am, cleanses me from pains I cannot cleanse myself from, and restores me into a new person daily. How absolutely refreshing it is to be renewed into who God shapes me to be, rather than shaping myself. We all know I have no artistic skills. (God created the universe.. so I think it's safe to say He's pretty artistic).

God bless, and goodnight!

Praise the Blesser, not the Blessings

What on earth have I been so caught up with?
The past two weeks I have been wallowing in my own world, partying it up alone in pity, and it wasn't until yesterday that I finally realized what was going on.

Over and over within my mind I have picked out every little flaw in my life, dwelt on it, and then complained about it. Why? Because the things which I once had don't exist. "Why would God give me those things and then take them away?" I would ask myself.

I finally see what has been going on between God and me lately. God blessed me, I worshiped His blessings instead of Him, and He removed these blessings from my life so I would worship Him alone. How easy it is to become comfortable with all that God blesses us with, take it all for granted, and instead of praising the Lord for it, turn it into something we admire and obsess over.

Through this, God has been teaching me that He and He alone will satisfy. Only Jesus Christ is able to love me the way I should be loved, and until I find complete satisfaction and fulfillment in Him, disappointment will be the reigning emotion in my life. I search for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, while God's love emulates through Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross.

Last night my school had a Thanksgiving Communion service during which we thanked God for salvation and commemorated Jesus Christ's payment for our sins on the cross. As I walked through the service, reading all the different verses and looking at the pictures displayed throughout the building, I couldn't help but realize how absolutely ungrateful I have been for all Jesus Christ has done for me. I whine, I complain, and I mope over what I am "suffering" from and what I "don't have" rather than thank God for the one absolutely beautiful thing in my life that matters- the love of Jesus Christ and my freedom in Him. We then continued on to another room where I took communion with a group of students I didn't know and a friend in my prayer group. What a night to remember as I was able to fellowship with my classmates and brothers and sisters in Christ, ones I had never met before, thanking God for our gift of salvation and praising Him for the work He has done in us.

I have been given salvation and freedom in Christ. What more could I ask for?

The Squeaky, Crooked Third Wheel

Wow. It seems that couples are blooming like cherry blossoms in the spring.
They just seem to be popping out of no where, catching all of us by surprise, their hair blowing in the wind as they frolic to class hand-in-hand.
Sounds like a good old fashioned chick flick.
There must have been a time in your life when you too felt like the third, slightly crooked, squeaky wheel. It happens. It also inspires me to write a fictional nonsensical short story.
By George I think I will.


The Squeaky Third Wheel
By: Daisy Wolf

Once upon a time (classic beginning) there was a sad wheel. This wheel did not seem to fit on its said vehicle, but rather seemed to feel quite lonely and out of place. Billy (let us refer to this third wheel as Billy to create more clarity throughout this story) often found himself staring at the other two wheels wondering why they got along so well together and why he, to put it quite frankly, did not. It was not that Billy did not enjoy being a wheel, but on the contrary he normally loved his job and actually found it quite fulfilling. However, Billy suffered from being slightly squeaky and more than slightly crooked, terribly disturbing the other two wheels whom he worked with.

At first the two wheels pretended not to notice the obnoxious sounds coming from his motion. They even attempted to overlook his crooked structure which occasionally hindered them from completing their required jobs. Unfortunately, after a while the two wheels could not stand Billy any longer. "You have no purpose!" hollered one wheel. "You are annoying and out of place!" continued the other. If the two wheels could have exchanged high-fives after their cutting words, they would have, but we all know that wheels do not have hands. The two wheels stabs affected Billy quite harshly, and he felt his little wheel heart break. "They are right," Billy sadly thought to himself, "I am pathetic and useless."

At this discouragement, Billy decided there was no reason for him to turn anymore (since wheels one job is to turn, advancing whatever vehicle they work for into the direction they must go). The two wheels scoffed at Billy, telling him that it would be better for their vehicle that way. So Billy sat, and he sat, and he sat some more, moping in a way that he never had before. The more Billy sat, the more the two wheels realized that it was very difficult to move the vehicle on their own. Finally, a little being wobbled awkwardly to the vehicle, its legs chubby and miniature. "We have a user of our vehicle!" cried one of the wheels. So the two wheels prepared themselves for the job ahead of helping the child move its vehicle.

However, when the little one got on board and the two wheels began their efforts to turn, they realized that the weight was too much for them to bear. "Billy," one wheel quietly chimed in, "Could you turn just a little bit?" Billy pondered. "But I thought I have no purpose?" he whispered sadly. The two wheels, embarrassed by their past words conversed together over how to encourage Billy to help again. "Billy, we need your help. This child will never get to its playground in time if we do not help its vehicle move. You are the front wheel on this vehicle and we need you. We are not a tricycle without you." Billy beamed with excitement at their words and immediately began to turn.

Off the child went to his joyful destination, riding bravely, the wind blowing his little curls. Yes, the tricycle took him there, but the wheels moved the tricycle, and Billy was one of those wheels.

The End



Disclaimer: This story is not based on a true story but is indeed fictional.

Brokenness Rebuilds

The feeling of not belonging anywhere: prevalent.
The question as to whether or not I'm going anywhere with my life: existent.
The striving to be worth something: painful.
The wish for unconditional human love: unbearable.
The aching to let it all go: intense.
The understanding of God's perfect love: surreal.

I can tell you right now that God has been using loneliness and misplacement to uproot my inner, deep idols. Such idols, idols of being loved, idols of being a part of something, idols of people in general, have been dangerously prohibiting me from reaching the potential relationship that I could be having with my Savior. While I don't feel necessarily far from God right now, these patterns that have been forming could potentially pull me away from God, if that has not already begun.

Through the loneliness, God has opened a door for me to pry away my general attachment to people, my wish to be loved by people, and my expectancy for constant company, all which, at the root, are idols in my life. Yes, love and people, two perfectly normal, healthy aspects of life, can become idolized. When these normally harmless things have come back to their original state of nature and when I learn that God is my only source of comfort and meaning, it is then that the loneliness will cease.

It's amazing what brokenness can rebuild. One of chapel speakers this week stated, "Rock bottom is where God takes you to rebuild you." So true.

I long for the day when I can be fully satisfied with God's presence in my life alone, distancing the clutter and busy-ness of life from who I am. People are not my identity- God is.

"Bring me joy,
bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me everything that brings You glory.
I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain."
-Mercyme