Weddings and Speeches

Well, it has happened. My sister has gotten married (and to a wonderful man at that). I cannot even believe how fast it all flew by. Yeah I know, everyone says that, but it's so true. So how does the day go in the household of a bride? Well let me give you a play-by-play from the Maid of Honor's perspective.

Yesterday morning I woke up to the obnoxious sound of a vacuuming, my family conquering the dirt on the stairs which happen to be right near my room. I had planned on waking up at 7am, but thanks to this vacuum-extravaganza and my family's argument over "who would vacuum the stairs and who would go eat breakfast," 6am was my new wake-up time. Well, that and I realized I forgot to print out my speech.. which would have been bad.
Grace ran into my room (for the last time ever as a single woman) and was surprised by the fact that I was awake so early, because to be quite frank, I am not a morning person. I wish I was, but unfortunately I am not. So anyway, most of the morning was a blur due to hurried breakfast eating, intense hair and make-up sessions, and lots of picture-taking.
Off to the church we went in the limo, Cass accidentally digging her heel into my toe. It's amazing how many people you can fit in those things though.. and how hard it is to get in and out of them.

When we got to the church we did some last minute make-up touch-ups and some motivational speeches for the adorable flower girl and ring bearer, along with more moments of blurs, and then came the ceremony. It all was beautiful, and Grace looked incredible as she walked down the aisle with my dad (from what I could see anyway.. it's pretty hard to tell what's going on from the front). A few random favorite parts during all of that- the carpet having issues going down, the flower girl and the ring bearer making their way down the aisle super slowly (until the ring bearer saw his grandpa and ran ahead hahah), and of course the mispronunciation of our last name by our pastor of 10 years. Gotta love it.
Also a favorite part? Watching Kurt's expression as he stared at my sister :]. Way too precious.

After the ceremony were the infamous wedding party pictures which we took at a park close by to the reception hall. You'd be surprised what interesting conversations take place amidst the picture-taking extravaganza.. the photographers have no idea.

The reception was a great time filled with food, hanging out, and speeches. I gave my speech to Grace, which went fine except for the fact that I shake uncontrollably when speaking in public every time. It's pretty bad.. and pretty embarrassing, but what can ya do? It happens. So here is the speech that I gave :].

Memories: Grace and Kurt’s Wedding Day
 Saturday, May 28^th, 2011

To be completely honest, this speech was pretty difficult to write. How do you contain a lifetime of memories on one sheet of paper? Well, I guess I have to begin somewhere.

First I would like to say, thank you, Grace. Thank you for spending time with me, your baby sister (even if it involved some bargaining on my part). For those of you who do not know, Grace does have a knack for negotiation. Grace’s form of bargaining would go a little something like this: “Here, Lena, I have a great idea. If you leave me alone for an hour, I will play with you for five whole minutes.” I joke about this, but in reality, a high school student sacrificing time to play with an obnoxious eight-year-old unfailingly exemplifies the love of Christ in her.
            Grace has always been known to radiate this love in the presence of all who meet her. All of you who have been blessed enough to know her have witnessed what a woman of God truly looks like. Some of my favorite memories of Grace and I are the ones we shared while having “sleepovers” in her room. It would always be such a treat to sleep in her room, and the laughs, as well as the arguments over who was taking more of the blankets, always remained abundant. The most important moment of my life, when I fully understood what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross and fully accepted Him into my life, happened during one of these sleepovers with Grace. I know that I am honored to call Grace not only my sister, but my friend. Who else have I shared such interesting experiences with? From our embarrassing attempts to keep up with our unusual exercise videos, to our adventurous trips and hikes with cousins, our unique arrangement of memories can never really be defined. Who can possibly describe our numerous “Mystery Science Theater Marathons” with Abe, our many interesting games with the cousins, or our infamous “girly movies” (or “bonnet movies” as Abe calls them).  

Grace, I guess what I’m trying to say is that the memories aren’t over. While we may never be able to replay your surprise birthday party (the birthday you thought everybody forgot about) or our many Boston College vs. UMass Lowell hockey games (even if you were always the lone B.C. fan), God willing, we will get to experience even more incredible memories in the years to come. I am so happy for you and Kurt as you create your new memories together. I’m so thankful that God brought Kurt into your life to stand by you and be the husband you’ve always dreamed of. I am now forced to share a quote by Grace when she was discouraged that the right guy would never come along (long before the times of Kurt Marvin). Our cousin Cass and I tried to convince her that her “knight in shining armor” would come for her soon. Grace replied with, “Well what happens if he was delayed...what happens if his horse died or something?!" Thankfully, Kurt’s “horse” never died and he never was delayed, but rather was brought into her life in God’s perfect timing. Kurt, I know you will love my big sister with the love of Christ and I thank God that she will be the wife of such a godly man whom I can now call my brother. 

So, I guess this speech went over the “one page” limit, which is probably my cue to end it. To conclude this I would just like to thank God for all of the memories we have made, the memories we are now making on Grace and Kurt’s wedding day, and the memories that we will make in the future. I would like to leave you with one verse that I hope you will remember from this day: Psalm 91:9-11 “Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For he shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.”

God bless you in your new life together. I love you so much, Grace and Kurt.

The Blog of a Hurried Maid of Honor..

Cleaning? More? Right now. Ok. I will do that. Why am I even posting on here you ask? Because I feel as though the most interesting blogs are done under pressure and in stressful situations. So here I am, letting out stress on this blog for the world to laugh at. I think the neighbors can hear us freaking out over how much more cleaning we have to do in this house, but that's ok. I wonder if the neighbors think we're slightly insane? Maybe they even believe our house is actually not a house but an asylum. Sometimes I wonder that too.. just kidding. But seriously folks, do you ever wonder what your neighbors can actually hear next door? Think about it.

At least my room is clean. Why did I clean my room first? No one is even coming into my room..
Sometimes I wonder about myself.

Now there is an eerie lull in our house.. I think something is wrong. It's quiet.. too quiet. Normally there would be immense stressing at this time, but instead everyone is going about their business quietly. That also could be a sign that no one is actually even doing anything productive. It's probably the latter. Oh dear. Procrastination is apparently the way to go (spoken by a true college student).Oh wait, barely anyone's home now. This also could be why.

The dwarfs in my closet are even motionless. Yes, there are fantastical beings living in the depths of my room, which I have come to grips with many years ago. At first it was a fire hazard, and then it became a tool to scare all trespassing children. Wow, I really do sound like I came out of an asylum. Maybe I should write a fantasy book about it. I feel like that could become a best-seller, don't you? (Not because I wrote it, but because it involves dwarfs who live in my closet).

Why do I always hear gunshots outside? Do my neighbors have secret civil wars in the woods or is there a shooting range somewhere nearby? I'm not sure how I feel about either. I currently have no emotion towards those ideas actually. That's probably not a good sign, because if I happened to be attacked by some wild hooligan with a gun, I apparently react in a nonchalant and emotionless manner, expressing no fear, but rather confusion. It's both a blessing and a curse to remain in constant confusion, I believe. It's a blessing because one's lifespan probably does not decrease due to constant fear, but rather remains pretty much the same due to lack of understanding on current situations. It's a curse because one is.. well.. clueless.

This is THE most A.D.D. post I have ever written. By far. So THIS is what it's like to be a maid of honor? The mind turns to mush and all energy and thought is put into cleaning the house, making sure the bride-to-be looks pretty and has the least possible stress, keeping everyone else calm, and making sure people are actually being productive. Those may seem like easy tasks, but I can tell you right now that they are not. I am not naturally an extremely calm person to begin with, so this overall situation is like giving a court jester the duty of a right-hand man of the king. Not a good idea.

Alright, so crazy experience from cleaning just now- cockroach. You know it was necessary to clean when you find a cock roach near the trashcan. Bugs don't normally gross me out to the point of wanting to up chuck, but this cock roach really made me feel sick to the depths of my stomach. I felt sort of bad for it, but at the same time couldn't help but relish in the victory over this disgusting creature. I wonder why God made cock roaches.. what is even their purpose? To gross out the world and all its inhabitants? Maybe cock roaches are supposed to be an example of how to treat sin? Get sickened by it and then exterminate it. Weird parallel, but it really makes me wonder. I think God puts really nasty bugs on earth for a reason.. maybe even this particular reason which I just addressed.
Wouldn't be surprised.

Ok.. this is enough scattered blogging. I think its time to show the world my true strangeness in its entirety now.

Insecurities

Insecurities.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of beauty.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of talent.
Insecurities revolved around the world's definition of love.
Like most teenaged girls and young women, I have been bombarded with such insecurities my entire life. So why bring them up now? Why even write about them when previous blogs I have written have already touched upon areas of these issues? Because I wish to be honest, and I wish go deeper in these insecurities to give God the glory, because after all, when I am weak, then I am strong.

In this specific post, I'm going to just discuss beauty and love, because those are the two that I have been specifically struggling with recently. I also have written about talents in previous blogs, so feel free to scroll back and check those out.

On beauty...

The world pushes its distorted and ungodly images of beauty, talent, and love upon every human being, but especially upon women. We are told that to be beautiful, we must place artificial masks of clay upon our visage to cover our "flawed faces." We are told that to be beautiful, we must dress in a way that not only reveals our bodies to the world, but also flaunts ourselves in a way that idolizes ourselves in our "perfections." We not only become idols to all who may find us beautiful, but we also become idols to ourselves as we pour our energy and time into OURSELVES.
Well, what does GOD say about beauty? What does GOD, the Creator of mankind, nature, and all that exists, tell us about beauty in HIS Word?
1 Peter 3:3-4

³ Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— ⁴ rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

In the eyes of God, the Inventor of beauty and the Mastermind behind all created things,
beauty begins in the heart. God does not see beauty in fake, obnoxious women who parade themselves like peacocks on display. Humility and meekness are qualities of beauty in the eyes of God. God does not see immodesty and vain focus as beauty. Modesty and eyes which are fixed upon God are qualities of beauty in the eyes of God. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing immoral about make-up and jewelry, but when our focus is on such things it is then that we have failed ourselves. When our life depends on an artificial beauty, it is then that we have stripped ourselves down to a shallow, meaningless worth.
1 Samuel 16:7

⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Lately I have been struggling with comparing myself to others, especially in areas of physical attractiveness. I can tell you right now that because of this specific issue, Facebook has really become an enlarged problem for me, and if it wouldn't be for staying in touch with people from school, I would immediately delete it (I'm still contemplating the idea). It's true though- people display their photographs of themselves, including myself, wishing to parade their beauty and gain complements from the world. This satisfaction that we gain from these compliments, I can tell you right now, leaves us empty and unfulfilled. This "beauty" is not lasting and will fade with age. This "beauty," as declared by the world, does not define our inner state by any means, but rather can easily twist our hearts to believe lies about ourselves.
The world tells us that beauty revolves around how we perceive ourselves, which in a way is true. Yet the world manages to twist such a truth into a perception which states "I should be the center of attention. To strut around as if I own the world tells those in the world that I am confident and beautiful." The Bible does not by any means support this definition of our self-perception, but rather focuses on how we see ourselves in regards to God. "I am God's creation. He has designed me in His image and has fashioned me to be exactly as I should be. Life is not about me and what I think I should be, but rather about God and who He has created me to be in order to serve Him. It's not about me, it's about HIM."
The reason I felt the need to write about this was not because I see the many girls around me acting this way, but that I myself have struggled with this ungodly perception of myself and self-centered approach to beauty. This is more to me than to anyone else, but if it impacts anyone in a positive way, then to God be the glory.


 On love...

How has the world defined love? Plastered upon the media and every other form of communication used by the world exists the world's blinded definition of love which tells us that our self worth relies in other human beings. We are told that to know love, we receive. We are told that in order to understand love, we must gain both physical and emotional benefits for ourselves. According to the world's standards, love is the passionate emotion we feel for someone.. but that is as deep as it goes. According to GOD, the Creator of emotions and love and life, what is love?
Romans 5:6-8

⁶ For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The true definition of love is sacrifice. GOD's definition of love is Jesus Christ. So how do we accomplish true love in all it's holiness and beauty? Be Christ-like. How do we know what Christ is like? Read God's Word.
Love is not satisfaction in gaining, but in giving. Love is not what we may receive, but what we may give. Love is not what pleasures we may temporarily feel, but what Christ displays in His loyalty, sacrifice, faithfulness, purity, and absolute humility.
Love is not simply having a boyfriend and all is hunky dory.
Love is being willing to die for this person.
Do I love the world with a sacrificial and selfless love? If I don't, I do not know love.

Lately, I have been struggling with being content in my state of singleness as I see all the "happy couples" in "love" all around me. While many may indeed understand love, I have been forced to evaluate my understanding of love. In this discontentment, I am telling God that He is not enough. In this occasional jealousy I obtain, I am telling God that I do not understand His love and in reality do not love Him with a true love. To understand love I must be first satisfied in my Lord and Savior's true and most precious love ever shown. If I cannot be content and thrilled in the most deep and passionate love to exist, how can I ever even begin to be content with failing, frail, and faltering human love?


Like I said earlier, this blog post is for me. This may have been a little bit too honest, but look at this as an in-depth insight into my own personal journal entry. I choose to post this because I realize that many other young women are most likely struggling with these issues, and maybe, just maybe this will touch someone's heart. Maybe God will use this in someone's life who truly needed this reminder, just as I have needed this reminder.

When I am Weak, Then I am Strong.

Forgiveness. Patience. Self-Control.
All things I've been learning constantly this week... and my whole life. I won't go into most of the details, but I will tell you this much- I prayed that God would work on me this summer, and He has been.

This week especially, I have been really seeing my sinful self come out in the area I struggle with the most- my mouth. I've dealt with difficult people many a time, and many a time I have failed in my reactions. What is it that gets me every time? Why do I feel the need to respond to people who test my patience and give them the satisfaction of setting my temper off? Why can't I just shut my mouth and be done with it? I think I needed this reminder that I still struggle with this and must continue to look to Christ as my source of patience and strength. In a way, I treasure moments like this, because it's in these miserable moments that I see how much I truly need a Savior. My pride? Oh, it's been stripped.

Regarding forgiveness- how do you forgive those who don't care if you forgive them or not?
...Oh wait *points to Jesus Christ*
Over and over I am reminded that Jesus forgives me, a sinner who turns her back on the God of the universe in order to please myself. Over and over I am reminded that this Jesus Christ not only forgives, but died in the place of those who do not want forgiveness.
Lord, give me the love it takes to sacrifice myself for those who don't care...

Patience and Self-Control? Well, it's probably good that this little issue is being addressed now in my life. Keeping my mouth shut.. this is the reaction I SHOULD have to people who really know how to bring out the temper in me, but rather what is my reaction? SNAP.
Mouth, why do you work so well? Can't we just.. put a muzzle on or something? Unfortunately, I don't think people would really react well to a muzzled girl walking around... "Who let her out of the asylum? *panic*"

It's interesting how our strengths can really be our weaknesses. I've never been the girl who needs prying open in order to get what's going on inside of me; expressing myself has never really been an issue for me. As you can see, this can be both a pro and a con wrapped in one. On the plus side, I am not really afraid of addressing issues that need to be addressed. Con wise- sometimes telling people how you feel about something isn't the best idea.
I definitely learned this the hard way junior high through sophomore year of high school. One mental note from sophomore year- most of the time people don't care whether you agree with them or not, and to tell them is to just feed an already unfriendly fire. The point is that it's not always my place to tell them that I find their arguments are incredibly illogical =P. Rather, my place is to love them. Unless someone is legitimately sinning, most of the stuff we argue about is ridiculous. What if they initiate it and continue to initiate it? Stay away from them. Walk away. This is one lesson I've recently been learning- sometimes it's better to stay completely away from the person rather than risk a purposeless argument which they will most likely initiate.

What have I been learning from all of this? Through these issues in my own life, I have been learning that through my weaknesses, Christ's strength shines through me. Instead of people seeing my successes, they see my failures being erased through Jesus Christ's successes. As Seven Places' song "Perspective" says, "It's when I'm stranded and empty handed I become dependent on You." My hall for next year's theme verse is 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10:

⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Through my insufficiency, Jesus Christ's grace is sufficient. Through my weakness, Christ's strength is made perfect. In my infirmities, the power of Christ is able to transform me and mold me to be his beautiful creation. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Those words hold a power which none can describe fully in words. An unbeliever cannot possibly understand this sense of peace in Jesus Christ. Rather than trying to be perfect in myself constantly and trying to be good enough on my own merit, the power of the blood of Jesus Christ has made me perfect. When I am weak, then I am strong.



Anyway, I'm not sure why I decided to write on this, especially since it's not a new struggle for me (just a newly remembered struggle). Maybe someone needed to read this, or maybe I just needed to write it. Either way, here it is, written and posted. Happy Tuesday!

God Bless.

Oh Check It Out! It's May 22nd!

Well, since everyone is losing their mind over this May 21st Judgment Day shenanigan, I couldn't help myself but to give my two cents.

First off, I think it's quite embarrassing how ignorant this Camping man makes Christian's look. Sorry buddy, but real Christians know their Bible a little better than that.

Mark 13: 32-37 
³² But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³³ Take heed, watch and pray; for you do not know when the time is. ³⁴ It is like a man going to a far country, who left his house and gave authority to his servants, and to each his work, and commanded the doorkeeper to watch. ³⁵ Watch therefore, for you do not know when the master of the house is coming—in the evening, at midnight, at the crowing of the rooster, or in the morning— ³⁶ lest, coming suddenly, he find you sleeping. ³⁷ And what I say to you, I say to all: Watch!

Wait? What's that the Bible says? We won't know the day nor the time? Hmm.. Mr. Camping, looks like you forgot to read that section of the Bible when you took the Bible out of context and assumed the rest through speculation and vivid imagination.

One thing that really struck me as I was contemplating this whole "Judgement Day" trash being falsely prophesied by this random man was the uproar it has caused in society. People hear "judgement" and "apocalypse" and suddenly go ballistic. Why is it that when people have a certain date they are given they believe it, freak out, and are willing to give up everything for it, but when they are told that Christ is coming back sometime that we don't know when, they give a deaf ear and continue with their lives? Yesterday I got my hair cut and when the woman cutting my hair heard that I was a Christian, she asked me what I thought about the whole "Judgement Day" scares. I told her exactly what I just wrote: it's bogus. She told me that she had been reading information on it online and it was "sort of freaking her out." Even this random woman had been obviously contemplating the thought of Christ coming back, and the thought of Him coming tomorrow scared her. We are suddenly stirred when we think its tomorrow, but what we don't remember is that it could be tomorrow. I do not by any means believe that this man's ridiculous false prophecy will come true tomorrow, but rather am stating that Christ could return any day. Today, as I was thinking of all these current issues, I realized that most of the time I am not living my life like it's my last time. How much time do I spend worrying about the future instead of focusing on living for God right now? How motivated am I to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ and share the truth with those who don't know it? Am I living my life like today could be my last? Am I living my life to the fullest, keeping in mind that Christ could come back any day?
Don't get me wrong- this does not mean to live in fear, constantly speculating when Christ may be coming back. On the contrary, this should simply motivate us to fully live our lives to their God-given potentials. I know that time is often something I take for granted. I assume that I will always have tomorrow or that I can tell this person about Christ when "they ask." What if they never ask and we never tell them?

And to those who have not accepted Christ:
How quick are you to jump on the "judgement day" band wagon, but at the same time are completely unwilling to accept that Jesus Christ is Lord? Do not be deceived by these people who claim they can tell when Christ is coming back, because that's the thing- we don't know and won't know until He actually comes. Thankfully, we do not need to live in this helpless fear, dreading the day when Jesus Christ comes back to this earth. He has given us a hope from our sinful state and has opened a door for our lost souls. Jesus Christ has made a way to live a life of peace and assurance through His sacrifice on the cross and resurrection from the dead.

Acts 16:30-31
³⁰ And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
³¹ So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” ³² Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. ³³ And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. ³⁴ Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.

That's sort of a brief little summary of the truth, but if any of you reading this would like to discuss this more or have any questions, you can comment this blog up ;].

Those are just a few thoughts I had today regarding this "end of the world" business.
God Bless!

P.S. This was written on May 20th, 2011, but I'm posting it on May 22nd, 2011.. teehee.

Chaotic Adventures - Summer Break Begins

So.. Summer.  So far, what consists of the first summer home from college? Well let's see, what do you get when you put together a lack of car, constant rain, confusing detours, a family member getting married in a week and a half, and spending time with all the people I missed while gone? Chaotic adventures. That's what I like to call them anyway.

So a brief (yeah right) play-by-play on the happenings at home so far:

1. Got home Tuesday night.. what do I do my first morning at home? I go to the school I graduated from to help teach the juniors and seniors how to do MLA format for research papers and how to structure an outline and all that stuff (upon request of my high school English and History teacher). I won't lie- I had a TON of fun. I wouldn't put the thought of becoming an English teacher completely behind me.. we'll see..

2. What else of significance... hmm.. well Thursday I was able to spend some time with my brother and talk for a bit, which was needed I think. Friday I spent the day at Bethany's house where we reminisced, made banana bread, youtubed it up (is youtubed even a verb? because it should be), and attempted to watch an old 1930's movie. The perfect way to end the day? A chili cook-off at our church where we tasted tons of different flavors and spices in a variety of church members' original chili. To top that off, I got to see two friends who I hadn't seen for what could amount to forever in our minds while eating the chili. It was precious.

3. Saturday involved a lunch with a few friends from high school, a dangerous yet entertaining drive with a friend (I shall leave her unnamed) who newly has been reacquainted with a car, and a College and Career "Welcome Back" party at John's house where we ate, were merry, and played basketball during which Nick "unintentionally" gauged John's eye out with his finger. Just kidding, it was an accident.. and not really as bad as I make it sound.

4. Sunday was probably my best day back home up until this point. It was exactly what I needed. The first few days were rough without a car, going from being able to walk down the street to see my friends when I want to requesting rides from random people to hopefully see my friends. Up until this point I felt slightly restricted and sensing the changes occurring at home with my sister getting married in less than two weeks, my mom working now, and my grandma staying over our house for the week. It didn't really feel like I was actually home... until Sunday. Sunday I went to my home church where I saw a few of my best friends and heard my pastor of ten years and Bible teacher of two years preach a message on the "Love Chapter" of Corinthians. It was an incredible message and exactly what I needed to hear. God definitely spoke through my pastor and made some things evident in my life which have been hindering me from growing. I definitely thank God for a diligent, faithful, God-fearing pastor who preaches God's word with conviction and tells it how it is with no extra fluff.
After church, I was able to eat lunch with my sister, her fiance, and my brother, and after that was able to spend time with my family at my grandmother's house, which is always a good time. I went to youth group for probably the last time of my life and then went to College and Career, both of which opened my eyes incredibly. In youth group we watched a video by Francis Chan which spoke about having a genuine fear of God in really understand who God is in His holiness and perfection. In College and Career we fellowshipped and shared what we learned this year, along with watching a video about a boy's testimony who had leukemia. I am ashamed by my lack of determination to spread the gospel as this boy had in his last days on earth. I pray to have the same conviction he has in his life and the same passion for people to hear the gospel.

5. Monday was also a wonderful day. What can be better than a day filled with working out through the art of dance, going for a long walk on a damp day, eating good food, talking, and laughing- all with one of my best my friends, Kristen? I can tell you- probably not much can be better. It was all around an awesome day.

6. Today involved house cleaning. Tomorrow (God willing)? More house cleaning. Cool story about this- I prayed, probably not even as much as I should have, about finding temporary work the month I am at home before camp, and what does God do? Provide me work. God is good. There is no other way to put that.


On another note, I cannot believe my sister is getting married in a week and half. What is that? Where has time gone? Why has time gone? Why does time have to go? Where does it even go when it leaves? All questions I ask myself daily... or maybe hourly. I don't think this whole, "sister-wedding" thing has fully hit me, and it probably won't until the day before her wedding, but I can tell you now that I'm guaranteed to be a mess. Prepare to read a blog on this when this event occurs. There will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. Oh to prepare a speech as the maid of honor.. it's going to be a bumpy ride. If you have any suggestions as to what maids of honor normally write about, please, by all means.. let me know. Because I'm failing in that area. I suppose I should conjure up a list of humorous memories from our childhood and then tell tear-jerking stories about the time she wiped my tears when I skinned my knee (that didn't actually happen, by the way). Oof, maybe I'll even post that as a blog when I come up with it. What if I make something up? That would be interesting, right? "This one time when she saved me from a mob of wild zebras.... It was a precious sister moment."
Well, until next time....


God Bless <3

Mission Freshman Year: Accomplished

A school year has come and gone, and I cannot believe it. As my parents drive me the thirteen hour trip back home, I can’t help but remember each significant memory from my first year of college that has aided in making me who I am right now. We drove the same route, with a car just as packed as it is now, to arrive for the first time to college. I was so lost on campus, and so oblivious to what would happen the coming year and how much God would teach me and grow me. My roommates were strangers and my room was just a place to put my mounds of stuff. Everyone seemed way older than I, and my significance seemed to be nonexistent on such a large campus with so many college students from all over the world. Terror overcame me as I thought of being on my own, away from the comfort of my family and home.

College classes? “Well, I guess I should stock up on tissue boxes in order to dry the many tears I will shed due to my future pains of school work. If I was overwhelmed in high school at times, I can’t imagine how mind-boggled I will be due to the amount of work.” 

Faith? I was lacking it. I had no idea that while God would not only get me through my school work and give me the strength to get over whatever fears I had, He would also get me through everything else and more. 

I didn’t know that being independent and on my own would be the best thing I would ever experience and exactly what I would need to begin to grow up. It also was beyond my knowledge that my stranger roommates would become my sisters. My dorm room would be come my second home, and many of the girls on my hall and in my building would become lifelong friends. Instead of constantly wishing to be home, my dorm would become another home and my college would become the community I've always wanted.

There were good times and bad times, but mostly great times. Here's a few memories I recorded throughout the year:

~Jazz concerts.. snap snap snap

First week of school with my new roommates:

“I have a confession- I’m Carla and I look like Miley Cyrus.” -Carla
“Well Miley Cyrus sings.” –Kaytee
“If that’s what you call it.” -Carla
“I said she sings, that doesn’t mean it’s a joyful noise.” -Kaytee
“Guys... I have a confession. I like ‘The Climb’.” -Lena

Interesting late night talks..

“There’s jocks, there’s musicians, and then there’s cowboys.”

College students tend to yell out of car windows.. a lot..

“Walking’s good for your legsss!” *all the guys turn and look*

We know our school's anthem.. we really do. (Football Games)
“Flan the fames!! Flan the fames of Liberly!!” -Carla

108 <3

“We haven’t named our room..” “LET’S NAME IT PHILIPPA!”

~Webcamming Carla while sitting next to her

Long nights of studying result in typing random things without knowing...

“ilovepi” –Kaytee

“SHE HAD THOSE BOOTS! I coveted.” –Kaytee

“Is that real?!” “no.” “Carla, I’m so glad you don’t have a moustache!” –Kaytee

~cramming seven girls in Carla's little car

“I want a guy with a little spazz.. I mean snazz.” –Lena
“..Well, Lena wants a skitzo..” –Carla

Such adventures while doing laundry...
“A PENNY! 149 more and YOU CAN DO YOUR LAUNDRY! Don’t use that dryer.. that would be stupid.. and you are noooot stupid!” –some random man at the Laundromat.

Roommate love..

Lena: This is weird. I don’t like it. I don’t want to look at it anymore.
Carla: You’re weird. I don’t like you. I don’t want to look at you anymore.

Our brother dorm singing to us and doing synchronized dance moves

All night of prayer <3

“You can talk about life, you can talk about liberty….. and the pursuit of happiness.”
-Carla

“I did never know you.” –Me. Late nights. Enough said.

The things we put on the room white board..

“They’re climbin in our windows snatchin our people up (Kaytee), so I guess I better hide my kids (Carla).”

“WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING LIKE YOU’RE GIVING BIRTH  TO A HEIFFER.” –Kaytee

~Emily R. getting locked out of her room & us breaking into her room through the window.

~Being in Humble Tip’s music video

~Gold Sequin Hat Guy.. Need I say more?

~SWITCHFOOT CONCERT: touching Jon Foreman’s hand and being way up in the front with awesome friends.

~ROOMMATE DATES <3

~“I hate English I want to beat it up!” to Life in Technicolor

~Rosemother!

~The big red exercise ball. Otherwise known as Bally.

I almost choke to death and Carla says...

~"I feel like I almost died just now, BUT THAT WAS YOU!"

More late night talks with the roommates..

"I would like to put in a work order to remove the maintenance man from my room."

"Guys, I don't mean a juvenile delinquent!" "...you're gonna have to help me spell that." –Late nights with the roommates

"It's people like them that make people believe in evolution.. they look like they came from monkeys!" –Kaytee.. enough said.

"I don't like driving then. The deer come out.. the drunks come out.." –Carla

According to my roommates, I talk in my sleep..

“IT’S 2:07! IT’S 2:07!” “Yes, Lena, it is 2:07." "NO, BUT IT'S 2:07!" "Lena, you won’t remember this tomorrow will you?” “Hm.. *mumble* * fall back asleep*”

CONCERTS: Bluetree, The Almost, Switchfoot, Addison Road, Matt Maher, Tenth Avenue North, Rush of Fools, Downhere, Seabird

~Hall activites & Special Hallmeeting

“Ok, my last story of the night. So, I had a pair of pants…” -Carla

~Intramural Volleyball!! Go Mutants :] 

 

While registering for classes (Beavers is the last name of the teacher I got stuck with next semester)..
“This is no time for singing.. I HAVE BEAVERS!!” –Me

*banging on the wall* (“hiding” on Carla’s bed)

Easter weekend with amazing friends

The list goes on, but those are just a few. <3 forever memories. 

Journalism Rollercoaster

So lately people have been inquiring as to why I ever even majored in Business for my first semester of college when I wanted to study Journalism from 7th grade-11th grade, and then suddenly realized I still wanted to second semester of freshman year. My answer for these people requires a pretty extensive explanation.. so, where else to explain such things other than a blog?

So, the question that hangs in the air is "why?" Why the sudden lack of interest in something that I had wanted to do since junior high? Why the sudden return of interest?

Well three main factors assisted in discouraging me from going for my long-time desire to be a writer:
1. Taking criticism too much to heart
2. Comparing myself to other people
3. Allowing myself to believe that I wasn't good enough

These three factors combined became an overwhelming force which completely morphed my view of myself, others, and to a point, even God. When you combine negative thoughts emerging from others and mix them with negative thoughts emerging from yourself, you find yourself in a heap of negativity. From this heap of negativity comes a mountain of illogical and slightly impulsive decisions. If these decisions are followed through with on a long term basis, the result is misery. This misery is a unique sort of misery, in that, it is a misery which hovers beneath an illusion of happiness created by lies of inadequacy and probable failure.

From this little slice of my mind you can probably see the overall situation which occurred in my life. Now for the details.

1. Taking criticism too much to heart
Let's keep this short and sweet with no hard feelings. I loved my English class in high school a lot and highly respected my teacher. He was by no means purposefully or vengefully discouraging, but his criticisms on my work left me distraught and ready to give up. I do not blame him, but rather realize that my insecurities and quickness to take such criticisms to heart played a part in the faulty decision-making.

2.Comparing myself to other people

Since my early childhood, one of my main insecurities has always been my lack of natural talents. I constantly struggled (and still struggle) with becoming inexpressibly frustrated when being unable to excel as far as others in many areas of my life. One example of this is my reading abilities. I have always taken extensive periods of time to finish reading books, not because I'm a bad reader, but because I take my time to read every detail. I constantly re-read paragraphs to get the full effect of what the writer is trying to say, and often times I get distracted and my mind goes on a tangent because of whatever the author wrote. I can recall one particular time in the fourth grade when my friend and I were reading the same book. She started the book after I had decided that I wanted to read it. I had always taken a much longer time to finish books than she, so I was relieved to know that I was ahead since I had started the book first. The first night I got it I read about eighty pages specifically to make sure I remained ahead. When I came back to school the next day I asked her confidently how many pages she had read (and of course made sure to add in that I had read eighty pages last night). She looked at me puzzled and said, "Pages? I finished the book in a couple of hours." Now that may seem like a simple, insignificant moment in my life, but to me it was a big deal. That moment would signify the many times in my life that I would feel like a failure because of my habit of basing my excellence on others level of skill. From that introduction I can now explain why that is significant in my life. This friend's achievements would become the cornerstone that I would compare all of my "failures" to and allow to awaken every previous insecurity in this area.
Writing had always been my thing. In third grade I wrote some ridiculous story about a haunted bathroom stall and for some reason everyone in my third grade class bought a copy, because who wouldn't want to read a story about two children, haunted by some seemingly dangerous ghost while harmlessly trying to use the restroom? Sounds fascinating right? (sarcasm..). Even before that, I believe in first or second grade, I would write skits for my friends and I to practice and act out for our parents. Anyway, the point is, writing was one thing I always felt confident about and really loved to do. I would write poetry and short stories throughout elementary school and junior high. Seventh grade was when I decided that I would want to write professionally someday; this dream continued on until junior year of high school. So what happened junior year? My friend (the same one who finished the book before me) began to receive higher grades than me on papers and written assignments. At first this wasn't a big deal, but when the teacher started recognizing her as "the best writer in the class," I couldn't take it. "Well," I told myself, "I'm not doing this anymore. There's no point at going for this if my friend will constantly find what it is I enjoy to do and then beat me at it." This was the mindset which hindered me from going for the major I really did want to be in.

3. Allowing myself to believe that I wasn't good enough

Based on the first two points I hit, I began to really question my abilities.
"My teacher likes my friend's work better than mine. What's even the point of me trying?" "If I can't do this in high school, how can I do this in college or for a career?"
Instead of basing my self-worth on Christ and what HE would help me do, I focused on myself and what I was unable to do. I have realized that this mindset is what causes laziness, depression, and lack of success in general


So how did I end up switching to Journalism? Well, simply, these three points kept coming up in my mind, I loved both of my English classes, I loved blogging (and still do), would journal constantly and love it, and I owned my two English classes ;]. Mainly, I realized (once again) that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). I also learned this year that everybody is DIFFERENT and to compare myself to anyone else is to completely deny who God made me and strip myself of my unique and individual character. I am not my friend and I am not my teacher's ideal student. I am me, and I am who God created me to be. The talents I have can only be cultivated through my reliance on God, motivation, and hard work. Through these three reasons I saw three incredible failures on my part. Honestly, I still struggle with those three things daily (and that's even an understatement).
But, until then, I will continue to remind myself that God is my strength and to put myself down is to put down his creation.

There you go. Explanation.

Relationship Before Service

Tonight was the leadership dedication. RD's, RA's, SLD's, and Prayer Leaders all were prayed over, dedicated, and sent over to their new hall assignments. My initial thoughts going into it were, "Really? This is awful timing. I have two finals and white glove tonight. Awful awful timing." As I sat down and Chris Deitsch began to speak (and that other guy whose name I forget), I realized that while I'm unfocused on school work and cleaning duties, I have been even more unfocused on spiritual things- things that actually matter in my life.
Tonight I was definitely convicted as I listened to Chris Deitsch say that, "just like Esther, maybe we were brought to Liberty to be on leadership in 'such a time as this.'" I was even more convicted when that other guy who spoke reminded us of a message he gave in convocation a month or two ago when he said, "Your relationship with God must come BEFORE your service for God." 
Tonight was the night I realized how incredibly difficult it will be to put my quiet time with God and own personal relationship with God above my relationship with others and serving them in spiritual matters. If I cannot keep up in my own personal life regarding my relationship with God, how can I possibly serve and lead others in their walks with God?
Anyway, I have a feeling this will be something that I will be constantly having to remind myself about throughout the summer, next year, and well.. probably my whole life. I pray that I can dig deep into the Bible this summer and really stay focused on my walk with God so that I can be the best prayer leader I can be next year.

After the leadership dedication service, the leadership team that I'm going to be with next year walked back to the dorm, sat together in a circle, and grabbed hands as we prayed together. It was an incredible moment, to bond with these girls that I hardly know and already feel close to them. It's impossible to explain.. the connection you have with other believers. You already understand each other, because you already have the same God, faith, and ultimate life goals. Every believer is unique in personality, physical looks, ethnic backgrounds, family backgrounds, and life experiences, but can still be brought together in a family bond because of Christ and the same ultimate change He has made in our lives. It's amazing, and I am so excited to be a part of this leadership team next year. I have a feeling God will really be working on me this summer, and I'm pretty nervous to see what exactly will happen in my life to get me to where I need to be. It won't be easy, and it won't always be fun by any means, but the end result with be incredible. I know that God is working the bumps out of my life so that I may be a beautiful clay figure created by Him. It's going to be a long ride. Prayers appreciated :].

God bless!

To the Awkward Couples

(I wrote this last week but forgot to post it..so here you go)

Alright, so apparently couples do not know the difference between being cute and just plain awkward. Therefore, such people's ignorance requires me to inform them. This is my opinion of course, but I'm sure that by now you realize that stating opinions is the point of having a blog.. so yes. Here it goes.

Dear Awkward Couples,

I write this to you on behalf of the many singles and non-awkward couples who have been awkwardly impacted by your interesting form of affection for one another. Unfortunately, while you may be unsuspecting and oblivious to your awkward ways, everyone else around you is fully aware. Believe me, there is no way to escape the awareness.

The first point I would like to make is this: it is not required that you constantly are touching each other in order to enjoy each others company. While this may come as a surprise to you, it is possible to form your relationship based on your friendship with each other rather than your physical attraction to them. There is nothing wrong in particular with hand-holding and what not, but the line is crossed when you are unable to walk anywhere unless the other person is grasping your hand. You do not automatically become a granite statue when your significant other releases your hand, but on the contrary are still able to function as an individual human being.

In addition to that, please learn from your cute-couple friends who understand the friendship aspect of their relationship. Friendships consist of two individuals who enjoy being with each other, not two people who constantly depend on each other and cannot spend time apart. Please note the difference. Your cute-couple friends have gotten this down, so I suggest you take notes from them.

I would also like to state a Seabird concert is not the place, nor the time to smooch and dance awkwardly as everyone else is trying to enjoy the music. In fact, no public place is the place to smooch and dance awkwardly, especially in an environment where things like that aren't even allowed.. AKA a private Christian college. Everyone stares not because they think you are cute, but because you are obnoxious and because the discomfort which people feel due to your unusual caressing is slightly disturbing. It's times like those which make me proud of RA's in their free distribution of reps.. There's a time for reps, and I would consider that to be a very appropriate time. REP: Why? Inconsiderately making everyone else at a concert feel uncomfortable and awkward. (At least we all had a good laugh, right?)

Now for a little message to all the cute-couples:

Thank you. Thank you for not making people uncomfortable, and thank you for being considerate of those around you. Also, thank you for giving photographers precious photo opportunities. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we appreciate it. Please teach our awkward-couple friends not to scar everyone's eyes, but to rather bless everyone's eyes with joy..

Thank you.

Two Finals Away

Where did this year even go? Freshman year of college.. finished?

It seems like yesterday I was a freshman in high school, yet now I'm two finals away from being a sophomore in college. It's a crazy feeling, hovering between excitement and sadness. Moving on in life, growing up, getting older. It's all so bittersweet.

In terms of the present, summer is fun and exciting, and no school work is fabulous, but spending three months away from these people whom I have become best friends with and have grown so much with this year is incredibly hard and slightly depressing. I'm glad to be going home to see my family and the friends I've grown up with, but it's weird going from a new chapter in life partially back to the old one.
In terms of the future, growing up and having more freedom is one of the best feelings ever, yet letting go of the past is one of the worst feelings ever.

Next year is going to be so different rooming with new people and being on a completely different hall with completely different leadership. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to meet new people, be part of a seemingly incredible leadership team, and grow close to another circle of people, but this year and right now is what I know of college. College is this part of campus, this dorm, this room, with these roommates. Or so I think. I'll say it right now- change is frightening. Change is also fascinating and unusual, and I will never understand my feelings towards it. It's probably better that way.

..Now to go clean out my closet and desk. Sad day.

God bless :]

Updates&Things

These last few weeks of school have been incredible. It's crazy how much things change in a month, don't you think? My weeks have been filled with so many end-of-the-year shenanigans, and I know that these memories I've made will last forever. Easter break was probably the most amazing weekend of my college career. It began sort of on the sad side, with the inability to be home for Easter and such. As the week progressed, I was able to spend time with some ladies whom I have been friends with all year, but somehow got much closer to over the weekend. I am definitely blessed with awesome friends, and Easter weekend made that obvious!

Easter day was definitely like no other this year. A roadtrip to a lake with friends and tunes definitely is something new for Easter Sunday.. a good new though. The drive was awesome, the sun brighter than ever and the wind obnoxiously throwing around my curly hair (which were mostly just tangles by the end of the day). When we arrived, we had almost the entire beach to ourselves. The four of us set out our towels and just enjoyed the sun and the sounds of nature (until we got some more tunes going eventually). The water was freezing, but something about it was so crisp and refreshing that it didn't even matter. Things always seem warmer and more enjoyable with good friends. Question: Why are sandwiches some how the most delicious food on earth when at a beach-like environment? I don't think I'll ever know the answer to this, but that's fine with me. Sometimes the most simple mysteries create comforts in the most random situations. Anyway, in general the time was awesome and we achieved some pretty great tans. Yes, tans are an achievement.
In addition to that, I saw Easter in a completely new light this year. My perspective on Easter will probably never be the same, and I know I needed to be away from family, good food, and my home church in order to find that out. Within the comforts of home and my church, the incredible meaning of the cross and it's power seem to become fuzzy. I wrote a blog about what I learned this Easter a few days ago, so please see.. whatever day it is I wrote that.

This past week consisted of classes, speeches, and the usual randomness of college life. Tuesday night began the our hall's challenge of "no junk food for a week," which has been way more difficult than I expected. I accomplished the no junk food on Wednesday and Thursday, but Friday and Saturday failed. Today I've done well with it, but we'll see how tomorrow and Tuesday go. Why is junk food so difficult to give up? On top of that, what is even considered junk food? I feel like most of what American's eat is junk anyway, so what are we to do? Stop eating in general? I'm thinking a change in diet is in order pretty soon. We'll see what happens. Last Wednesday night's Campus Church involved over 50 baptisms (proclaimed professions of Christ) which is always awesome to witness and brings on tons of celebration here at my school. I've been going the gym a lot this week. I went Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and it was fabulous. Painful, but fabulous. I really hope I keep fit this summer the month I'm home. I know that I'll be constantly active at camp, but if I don't keep it up the month I'm home, I'm going to be a panting, out-of-shape mess as I attempt to keep up with insane 12 year olds at camp.
I feel like I write anymore I may burn out you guys eyes.. so I will stop now.
So, those are the happenings.