The Day that I Was Scammed

Scams. They're sort of like scabs, but more gross.

Today I went to an interview for what seemed to be a legitimate job. To some, maybe it is a legitimate job. Hey, maybe I'm the loser for even going to the interview. Thankfully, every moment is a teachable moment. What did the moment teach me? Sales people are GOOD at what they do. Very good. I also learned that Sales is not my calling and never will be (no matter how convincing I can be).

I should have sensed this was a little sketchy by the letter I got telling me to call them for more information, but sometimes your hopefulness clouds your intuition. So, off I went to the headquarters with the sketchy letter (how did they get my address?.. I still have yet to know..) in hand, ready to tackle whatever job God was bringing my way. As I walked into the office, everything seemed pretty normal..
they had normal employees (I think?),
there were chairs and a table (must be a real office, right?)
and most people were dressed professionally.
 I went in for the first part of the interview which was with this guy (maybe a manager? maybe not?) and another interviewee. He asked us some questions and then sent us on to the "second interview" which was to be a group interview. We sat, pretty awkwardly, might I add, and time was passing slowly. And by slow, I mean turtle slow. The manager (?) came back into the room with those of us who were naive enough to remain for the remainder of the interview.

Then he talked.
And he talked.
And then he asked us questions we didn't know.
And then we answered.. to which he usually responded with "No. Actually..." and the proceeded to repeat what we had already said.  

Everything he said was vague, yet intriguing.
Simple, yet highly complicated.
Friendly, yet uncomfortable.
Nothing really was explained, nor was anything really confirmed.

After this 2 hour interview (yes... I sat there listening to this man drone on for 2 hours), the man handed us applications. One of the guys next to me then decided it was appropriate to crumple up the application, throw it on the ground and walk out angrily (that should have been my cue), to which the manager (?) responded, "Does anyone else feel the need to crumple up their application and leave?" ... At this point, the manager/salesman had us spun pretty tight in his web, pulling us closer to his fangs and plotting how we might be devoured. Just kidding. That's dramatic. Needless to say, we bought it. It seemed legitimate.. I mean, who wouldn't want to go into strangers houses to sell kitchen knives? So, we all eagerly filled out the application (why was I so eager? I'm telling you.. these guys are GOOD), scribbling down the best of the best suck-up information, waiting to be brought in for our one-on-one portion of the interview where we would be told whether or not we got the job.
Then I heard my name. It was my turn to go in.

"Obviously we cannot offer everyone this job," began the spider.. I mean.. man. He slowly read through my information, reeling me in closer into the center of the web.
"If I were to offer you this job, on a scale of 1-10, how excited would you be?" he asked me.
"Um.. an 8?" I ventured to say. And then I asked God to forgive me for lying.
"Why an 8?" he asked.
"Well.. I would be excited to receive a job, but I also would like to think about it."
At this point, he noticed I was starting to become a little wary of it all.
"Well," he continued quickly, "I can see from your information that you are a hard worker and would do a great job at this position. I would like to welcome you to the team! Training (which would be 3 days, 5 hours each day and unpaid, might I add) begins tomorrow!" He then shook my hand as I blurted out a quick "thank you" without really thinking about what just happened.

May I please point out that he did not tell me that they would "like to offer me a position" nor did he ask me "whether or not I would be pleased to accept the position." As I walked out of the office, up the stairs and back to the car, I just realized what had happened. I had spent two hours in an interview only to be conned into accepting a position at a company whose product was legitimate, but whose methods were slimy.

Needless to say, I am not going to the training, and I will not be selling knives in stranger's homes.
While it was quite a waste of my life, I did learn. After experiencing falling for a scam first-hand, I can tell you that my naivety level and trust for unknown employers went way down.

What a day. My first encounter with a con-artist. A day to remember.

Joy in the Pits

There are some days when we just want to shut the world out. No one seems to understand and life just seems bleak. How are those days formed? Where do those attitudes come from? I'd like to know so I can figure out how to annihilate those days all together.

Sometimes it feels like everything that God has been teaching me the last year has crumbled into bits due to my lack of faith. I know God's promises and I hear His word, yet I somehow fall back into the same position I had been in before He moved in my heart. Why does that happen? 
He has shown me that He pursues me, yet I still do not feel pursued.
He tells me that I am His, yet I still do not feel like I belong.
He says He carries me through uncertain times, yet I still feel like I'm dragging along.
Why? I don't really know.

Sometimes, we find ourselves in these pits, and sometimes the question is not how to get out of the pit; Sometimes the question is how to find joy in the pit.
I'm alive.
I am not being eaten by alligators that could have possibly been in this pit.
The sun still shines over the pit during the day, and I can still see the stars at night.
I'm not in the pit with any skeletons or anything, so it's pretty tranquil down here....

Really though, at the end of the day, the pits aren't what make or break us.
However, our response to the pit displays who we are.
What it really comes down to is, God is still God, whether we're on top of a mountain or lost in a cave somewhere. Our down days are still as much a part of who we are becoming as the up days. In fact, the down days are really what shape us. Being pounded against a table may be painful, but being formed into the proper shape is essential.

Sometimes, my problems seem impossible to face, but then I remember that those are my God's favorite problems to take on because it is through the impossible that God's power and beauty is shown.

In all honesty, these posts are the hardest for me to write, because I'm definitely leaving myself very vulnerable. It's ok though, because the "vulnerable" times are just as part of the Christian life as the "on-fire" times.

New, Not Fixed

People's deep wounds. How can you heal them?
People's heavy burdens. How can you carry them?

Everyone with different pasts, pains, swallowed lies, bitterness, comparisons, struggles...
As humans, how can we be there for everyone we want to be there for?
Maybe the answer is cliche, but it is the answer after all. We can't.

We cannot heal, but we can direct to the Healer.
We cannot cleanse, but we can point to the Cleanser.
We cannot carry, but we can grab hands, pulling along to the Support.
We cannot. Jesus can.

So often, we strive to take on the burdens of others. Compassion is biblical and expected of us as believers, but we must know the difference between loving compassion and unwise investment of heart. We are called to show the love of Christ and be the love of Christ, not take the place of Christ.
We are to point them to Jesus, for He is the eternal Healer, the Rescue, the Strong Tower and the Protector. He alone can save. We are simply the instruments that He uses to point them in the right direction. Why are we getting in the way? No man can suffice. No man knows the answer to every question. No man... except for Jesus Christ.

Let's stop trying to fix people. Rather, let's point them to the One who can make them new.

A Vessel Worth Using

Such an interesting phenomena it is to be home. It's almost like there's a world outside of textbooks and bad cafeteria food. Really though, it's crazy how much of a bubble being at school truly is. I guess everywhere we go eventually becomes some sort of bubble though, whether we like it or not.

I legitimately haven't been this relaxed in such a long time. Don't get me wrong, I normally love the fast pace of college life- going all day with classes, work, school work, friends, events and then repeating it the next day (and the next)- but one (even me) hits a point where it is time to breathe. My extroverted self is officially worn out and going on vacation as an introvert for a while.
The past two weeks (it's crazy to think I've been home for two weeks now... whatt? SLOW DOWN, SUMMER, SLOW DOWN), I have spent time with numerous friends and relatives, began two books so far (The Way of the Shepherd and The Sound and the Fury), played lots of piano pieces, have eaten tons of great food, watched some of my favorite movies and most importantly spent much time reading God's Word, praying and pondering what God is about to bring me into later this summer. I'm terrified- I admit it. It's ok though- God's called me there, so He's got my back.
It's pretty incredible though. I have never felt so much peace over any decision than this one. I have never been this penetrated by anything really, nor have I ever felt so clearly any sort of calling such as this. Temporary or not. Nothing really seems that impossible anymore...
I guess I should have known that though, since my God is a God of the impossible.

I think about where God has brought be from and where He is taking me now, and I cannot help but wonder what crazy places He will lead me to in the future. It's exciting, to say the least. I never really understand why trusting God is as difficult as it is since He never fails, knows everything and well, ya know, LOVES me, yet somehow I always have a hard time letting go. Thankfully, God is slowly softening my heart towards His will, whether I fully want it yet or not.
Waiting. I have come to the conclusion that waiting is what gets me.
Waiting to see who God is creating me to be- why He's building certain skills in my life.
Waiting to see the big picture.
Waiting.
I recently have come to the realization that we are never truly waiting though. We are simply living. This is life. It is growth. It is developing into who God is having us to be.
It is being formed by the potter into a vessel worth being used. 

It's never really waiting- it's simply watching while living.

Nay-Sayers and Nose-Stickers

Nay-Sayers are those unavoidable factors in life that will always hover over your head like a gloomy rain cloud. That's just what they do- they hover.

So here's the thing- you can't give them any satisfaction that their "nay" is noted.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God will call you to something specific. It's inevitable. It is also inevitable that these nay-sayer folks will grab their cloud, hover over your calling and then rain on it. Well, guess what, God doesn't change His will for you based on other people's negative comments. He doesn't suddenly say, "Oh hey. They think that's a bad idea so... let's just have you do something more logical and safe." Sorry, people, but God rolls over for no one. Just read every book of the Bible if you want some support on that.
Conclusion? Their opinions don't matter. If God is calling you to do something- DO IT. It may seem illogical, dangerous, difficult and out-of-reach, but GOD is God. Not you. Not me. Not anyone.

Also, in addition to the "nay-sayers," there are the "nose-stickers." You know, the ones that stick their nose in everyone's business, showing unusually extreme interest in what everyone else is doing with their future. I'm sure you've heard the whole "Oh? This is your major? Please describe to me in detail what you will do with it in the future, if it will make you a lot of money and what your next 10 years look like!" shpeal.
People, people, people. Directly from the mouth of a planner- please do not force us to plan more than we have to. Life will happen, and God will guide us. Until then, this is my life.
No, I do not know who I will marry, what job I may have, where I will live or whether I'm going to graduate school when I'm done undergrad.
I've tried the whole "planning my life" thing. It's not happening and it never will. It's ok to plan, but let's face it- God changes our plans. I've decided to do my best at whatever I'm doing right now with my life to prepare for whatever possibilities God may bring into my life in the future, but as far as knowing my future, I see into my future just as well as you see into yours. Not at all.