"For the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

God never ceases to amaze me. God may not speak in an audible voice, but He most definitely speaks through His Word.
So, while I was slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea of going to camp and feeling more and more at peace about it, I still had some doubts in my mind. My mind still struggled with the fact that I was going to be with a staff that I don't know at all. What if I don't feel comfortable with the staff and make close friends? What if I get really homesick? What if I feel really alone?

Well, last night I was reading through a book called "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" (which is great so far). One passage that was mentioned in the book was Deuteronomy 31:6.

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

Once I read this verse I felt a rest and a peace that is difficult for me to explain. With all the uncertainties of being away and of being thrown completely out of my comfort zone, the main thing I was forgetting is who exactly I have as my God. I do not have a God who will show me what He wants me to do and then throw me out on my own to get through it myself. I have a faithful, loving God who will bring exactly what I need into my life, whether it be difficult or not. I can be strong and courageous and not be afraid of whatever it is that God is putting in my life. The LORD is my God. I have a heavenly Father who is God, loves me personally, and knows what is best for my life. Wherever I go in the world, whether to a camp out in the middle of nowhere, to college, or even at home, God goes with me. I have Him in my life and He is there to stay. I can be assured that He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. I am His, and He is mine. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.

Thank you, God, for reassuring me of Your love, Your faithfulness, and Your presence. You are God, and where You lead, I will follow. Here am I, Lord, send me.

There's No Place Like Home

Home. One word that can bring millions of different thoughts to mind at once. There is definitely no place like it. While I LOVE school, there's something refreshing and warm about coming back home, even if just for a week. Well, I can tell you now that the past two days has been filled with adventures, but I'm definitely fine with that!

Yesterday was a day full of train rides, beautiful scenery from all different states, meeting new people, almost getting left in New York City, stressing out, and somehow a lot of relaxation thrown in there. If you need details feel free to ask.. haha.
Today was full of spending time with family and friends. You know those days where you feel like three days have gone by because you spend hours at a time with a few completely different groups of people? Today was one of those days, and it was awesome! I love days like this, because I feel like I've accomplished so much and spent time with so many people that I love! First thing this morning I went to my longtime home church where I heard an awesome message from my Pastor (well, from God, but we're fortunate enough to have a Pastor who really knows his Bible. It's so incredible how God uses him to help us understand the Bible better). I also got to see some relatives and church family, which was wonderful as usual. I've only been away for two months since Christmas, but it feels like its been years. At the same time, it feels like nothing really changed and I didn't really go anywhere. It's definitely a weird feeling. After church I spent a nice relaxing time at home sitting with my family, playing up a storm on the piano, and eating the best home cooked meal ever (I really took my mom's cooking for granted.. and then I went to college. I will never complain about my mom's food ever again. Ever. Mom, I'm sorry. I love you. You are wonderful. True story). After the fun time with my direct family and extended family, back to church I went for some awesome youth group time! Ah, nostalgia. The good old youth group days. There's nothing like a silent group of high schoolers in the midst of a "discussion" group. Oh, and dodge-ball. That's always good... to watch. I love my church friends :]. While a lot of them are younger than me, we're all so close. It's awesome how God can bring people of all ages together to grow together and build incredible friendships. After youth group was some College and Career time! No group of people really compares to this group. When we're together we definitely have a lot of memories, laughs, discussions, growing moments, and everything else that comes with it. Cheezy movies? Yeah, we even cover that too.

Yeah, I'd say today was a pretty fruitful day.
There's no place like home, that's for sure. I'm so thankful to be home for a week. God is good all the time!
And thank you, God, for five more days at home before I go back to the reality of college (although, I won't lie- I go to the best college ever with the best group of students ever. College and home are really just in two different realms).

I love you all!
God bless :]

Responding to Conviction and Dealing with Fear

In my personal Bible reading, I've been going through the gospel of Matthew, which is enriched with detail about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I actually started reading Matthew this semester because my Bible professor told us we were to read it for the class, so I began to read it on my own. He never followed up on our reading (I now think it was just recommended, but not required), but I decided to stay in it anyway, since I hadn't read Matthew recently. I've come to the conclusion that I have really taken the gospels for granted. Just think about it- we are given four whole books focused entirely on the ministry and Words of Christ. So incredible.
So, as I've gone deeper and farther into the book of Matthew, I was caught a little off guard by Christ's boldness in speaking parables to the Pharisees and chief priests that were obviously revealing to them His recognition of and disdain for their sin. One thing that really stuck out to me in Matthew 21 was the Pharisees awareness to Jesus reference to them. Instead of responding to the criticism of the God of the creation with repentance, they seek to kill him. When I read this, all I could think was "Are you serious? Are they really that blind and ignorant?" Then it got me thinking.
How do I respond when I'm confronted about sin? Do I immediately put up my defenses, shut my ears, and yell over the conviction while pretending I'm not hearing it?

On a completely different note, this whole summer camp thing has gotten me scared silly. Last night every panicky thought that could possibly come to mind did and I was left asking every single "what if" question possible. Being away from home for another two months, not knowing what to expect, being responsible for 8-10 girls a week, making friends with the staff, being in the wilderness of camp life. All of it. I found myself struggling with the question, "What if I can't do it? What if I'm not ready?" Thankfully, God knows what we need when we need it. One of my friends, Andrew, posted an interesting blog today that really told me what I needed to hear.

"We can’t just ask God to use us and tell Him that we’re ready to serve, and then go about our daily lives and forget about it. Don’t get me wrong, God can and will use us in His master plan when and how He chooses, but He also doesn’t force us to do things (freewill). We can’t earn our salvation or anything else by works or service, but we also can’t just sit around saying, “ok God, I’ll just be over here doing my own thing, let me know if you need me.” We have to allow our changed heart and mind (desiring to serve God daily) to influence our actions.

God didn’t call us to live in our own comfortable places of life, where nothing is dangerous, awkward, or difficult. This relates immensely because we ask God to use us, but we never make any advances out of our comfort zone to follow where He’s leading! How can our faith grow if we’re never in any situations where we’re forced to trust God for direction, for strength, or even for our physical well being?"

"Faithful"- Willing and Able (byAndrewTodd) 

So, all I have to say is, thank you, God. 

Thank you, God, for forcing me to go out of my comfort zone. 

Thank you, God, for making me trust you. 

Thank you, God, for allowing me to be used in a way that may be scary and new, but will be a blessing. 

Thank you, God, for pushing me to do hard things. 

Happenings & Trusting God

Well, it's been a week since I've written (outside of school work or personal Bible study stuff), which for me is pretty unusual. I guess they really lay the school work on us the few weeks before Spring Break, huh? Just kidding, it's not as bad as it could be. I'm learning to take one thing at a time and try not to look all the work I have to do as one big pile, because then I just panic and don't end up getting anything done at all.

So what does this week ahead look like for me? Well, thankfully, only God knows the future, but from what I can physically see- a lot of paper-writing, volleyball, studying, aerobic/dance class, Bible study, math, prepping for all the "come-back" work, and maintaining all my relationships throughout all of that. Last, but most definitely not least, Saturday I will be taking a train ride with one of my dear friends and by late Saturday night or maybe early Sunday morning I will be HOME! Only a week at home can definitely be a teaser.. sort of like dangling a carrot in front of rabbit and only letting it take a nibble before jerking it away. Thankfully, I love my college and it's probably the second best thing to being home. God is most definitely good.

Lately I've been really preparing myself emotionally, mentally, and, most importantly, spiritually for what God seems to be bringing my way. This summer, as those of you who read my blog already know, I will be counseling at a Christian summer camp. I'm also applying to be a prayer leader for next semester.
[Prayer leader: my college's version of a small group leader. A prayer leader is assigned a few girls on the hall to be in his/her "prayer group" for the year. The prayer leader leads prayer groups (surprise surprise!) once a week, usually participates in an accountability time with each girl, prays for every girl in their group, and mostly just is there to serve in whatever way the girls need. The prayer leader also has a time of accountability with the SLDs (Spiritual Life Directors) and the RAs (Resident Assitants). The prayer leader attends small groups and a class with other leadership as well.]
So, both of those positions are places in which I must be a complete servant but a leader. I must be a friend, but in the case of the camp counseling, I must be an authority. In both cases I must be an example and maintain a godly testimony. In the camp environment, if I have a bad attitude about what's going on, so will every kid who I am ministering to. In the prayer leader environment, if I break one of the seemingly pointless rules, so will those in my prayer group (or else they will use it to justify something similar).
As you can see, it might be a lot of pressure. How will I make it through something like that, you  may wonder? Well, a few months ago I probably would say "HA," which, to try to do that on my own, the mocking laugh would apply perfectly. Thankfully, I have God on my side. I'm not perfect, and God does not expect me to be. God does, however, expect me to look to Him to get me through each personal trial I face to keep me a strong example and bold testimony. I know that with God, I can do all things, because He strengthens me (Phil 4:13)! Isn't that awesome though? As believers, we have the Holy Spirit, and therefore have the power to get through seemingly impossible things. I know that while I'm terrified to have that type of responsibility, I'm also ridiculously excited to see how God will work. It may seem hard to trust in Someone that you cannot physically see, but when we trust God, we are never disappointed, because He shows Himself every time. It's an amazing thing.

Anyway, that's just a little something I wanted to share. Somehow I always end up writing late at night, when I should be sleeping. I guess God just knows when something needs to be said.

Thanks for reading & hope you have a blessed week!

Updates of Posts Past

Well, after much praying, a decision has been made. The final verdict is that I'll be working at the camp this summer. I have to say, while I'm very very excited about seeing what God will do with this experience, I'm also pretty sad about being away from home for so long. It's definitely going to be different than anything I've ever done in my life.
I think what makes this whole "being away for most of the summer" so difficult is the fact that it's so different. I haven't spent one Fourth of July away from home yet and our family tends to have big get-togethers for the 4th. Honestly, in general all these different changes in life are difficult to adjust to, the new summer plans being just one of them. God has definitely been teaching me to really rely on Him and has been showing me that He is the one complete constant in my life. While people may grow up, change, and move on, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's so incredible that we can have an unchanging, all-knowing God who will always be in our lives. Understanding this is vital in being able to fully trust God with our decisions and relationships.
God has also opened my eyes to the fact that I must know what/who it is that I love the most. Matthew 10:37 says, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of me." Yes, we should love our family with an extreme love (and everyone else), but when we put them above God, we aren't loving God the most. I love my family and friends and would do anything for them, but by choosing to not serve Him because I'm scared to be away from home or missing out on the comforts of relaxing at home with my family, I am loving myself and my family/friends more than God. Whether I like to admit it or not, that's idolatry. Idols don't have to be little statues or even harmful habits; idols can be hidden in the things that may be the most harmless and innocent in our lives- the things or people we love the most. To put my family and friends before serving God is selfish. That's really what it all comes down to. I think that's what made the decision to go away for the summer so difficult- realizing how selfish I am and how attached I am to people.
In the end, what I definitely know is that either way, this experience will be a blessing. I've never done anything like this- a full-time service for an extended period of time. I think that for most of my life I assumed it wasn't really my responsibility to be involved in ministry, and it seems like I'm not the only one who has/had that mindset. Is it just me or does a majority of the church just hover through life, viewing ministry as set apart for only pastors and deacons? I know that while I would not state that verbally, that's definitely the overall perspective I had on ministry up until about a year or two ago. Ministry isn't just for leadership, it's for everyone who goes by the name of "Christian." C.S. Lewis' step son, Douglas Gresham, came and spoke at our college this past week, and one thing he said that was interesting was that if we call ourselves "Christians," we must either "change our conduct or change our name." If we are part of the body of Christ, to represent the term "Christian" appropriately we must show in our lives that we are dedicated to God in every aspect of our life. To live an impacting and legitimate Christian life, we must serve in every part of our lives, love in sacrificial ways, pray in complete belief that God will use us, and completely give ourselves to God.

Another Update: I said in one of my previous posts about how I missed the opportunity to serve because of sleeping in. I'm happy to say that this Saturday I didn't miss out! I had an incredible time meeting and talking to some of the residents at the nursing home. It's so awesome to get to know such wise and amazing people who have lived through so much but sadly are somehow often neglected. It's also awesome to see the smiles on their faces when you come back a second time and they see that you didn't forget about them. While it is an incredible experience, it definitely is heart-breaking to be there. Some are very upbeat and easy to talk to, while others are depressed and in desperate need for love and care. The conditions of the home aren't bad and they seem to be taken care of well, but it must be incredibly difficult none-the-less. So, I highly recommend that if you get the chance to visit the elderly in a nursing home- do it! You will make wonderful friendships with wonderful people. It really doesn't take much to encourage them and love them, and their smiles make it all worth it.

P.S. Yay new phone!

Ok well, hope you enjoyed those little excerpts of my life. I love you all and God bless!