Pre-Trip Jitters

The day is approaching. Less than two weeks and I'm out of the country. Thoughts, feelings, concerns? Well, it's a strange mixture between fear and excitement, and the two emotions take turns dominating. I mostly cannot believe it's actually happening, and I'm actually going. Every day becomes more of a reality. However, I don't like to speak too soon. Everything is always so unpredictable and who knows what could change. However, I know that if God wants me to go, I'm going. I guess we'll just find out, won't we?

I went shopping today to get all of my essentials. It's weird thinking of being on my own. I'll have relatives there, but it's really not the same. I've never taken a big trip like this without my parents or siblings.. or at least a church group or something. It's just me (and God). Meeting most of the church members there for the first time. Working with them. I'm not even sure what my job description is yet. Keeps it interesting, right? So far, all I know is that I will be working with children during a VBS, building relationships with the teens/college-aged folks in the town in efforts to share the gospel and attending a Bible conference. Talking about the hands-on stuff brings out the "excitement" emotions within me. In addition, I think this whole trip thing is making me more and more thankful to be single (another emotion within all of this). It's no doubt that this missions trip would be nearly impossible if I was tied down with the type of responsibilities and commitments of a serious relationship. I am so thankful for where God has me right now so that I can travel so openly and independently like this. I know a month is not a huge commitment away from a "significant other," but it would affect the details, nonetheless. Anyway...
What brings out the "fear" emotions?
Well, the fear of not being able to get home for one, but I won't really get into that. Getting really sick like the last time I went. Having a hard time with the language. Not making friends. Not being useful. I'm not really sure what else. Only God knows what the full extent of my fears are, and only God knows how to tranquilize these fears. I am learning that fear will not change whatever will happen, so I'm trying to replace any fear that finds its way into my head with prayer. Fear does not change things, but prayer does. I also know that fear is not of God, and that perfect Love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

So that's my current state.

I'm also trying not to just "hover" in life right now due to constantly thinking about the trip. I think often times with upcoming big "life events," I forget that I'm living right now and tend to abide in a fruitless haze. You know, that "I just keep thinking about what is to come rather than what is happening right now" thing. It's dangerous and useless. Since I'm taking efforts to avoid this happening, I often forget I'm even going, or it just feels like some sort of far off dream. As of now, I kind of like that way. When I go, I'll be there. For now, I'm here, and really enjoying my time at home with my family and friends. I've really learned to enjoy the company of my parents, probably more than I ever have before. They're just fun to be with. We don't have to do anything or say anything, I just love being with them. My sister and I have always had a good time together and been really close, so it's always a great time to be with her as well. I've also enjoyed building some relationships with some friends from the area along with tutoring a girl in math a few times a week. It's been good, and I'm thankful for what God is doing.

P.S. I'm not sure how the blogging thing is going to happen while I'm overseas, but we'll see what happens!

It Comes, It Happens, It Goes

Pinterest. The place where women pick their fantasy home, clothes, food and wedding. I have so many boards focused on dreams- dreaming of places I want to go or things I want to accomplish. Dreaming of what my wedding will one day look like.

So yeah. Here's the thing. We, as women, dream and dream and dream of our wedding until it's so dreamed up, we can't remember if it has happened or not. Thanks to chick flicks and romantic novels (yes, even the Christian ones), we have been brainwashed into believing that our wedding will be our ultimate day. THE wedding. The day that we "become happy." Maybe you ladies don't think that way, but I feel like after a good enough "bonnet movie" (the Jane Austen version of a chick flick), I find myself somehow believing that. Pretty lame, I know, but I'm being honest.
I was thinking about this other day though and thinking about all of my married friends/relatives. At one point in their lives, they dreamed of marriage.. dreamed of "finding the one." And then they had their little fairy tale as it led up to the wedding day.. then the wedding day came, happened and ended. And now they're married. No, I am not saying marriage isn't awesome, but hear me out.

My point is, it's a day. A day representing a commitment, but not fulfilling your life. Life continues. The day ends and you move on into different trials than in single life. Ya know, like living with someone of the opposite gender (a.k.a. asking for disagreements- sorry to break it to you, but men and women do think very differently), or just living with another human being (one sinful human being + another sinful human being = two sinful human beings.. together.. wanting their own way). And you know, there are bills, house decisions, extended family dramas, every day life issues like food and chores, eventually children to raise (and to agree on how to raise them), etc.

Life doesn't end at marriage; it just continues to the sequel. 
Life doesn't begin at marriage either; the scene just changes.
A wedding day is not life, just an act within the scene which is within the play which is part of a performance company... you know what I mean.

Marriage is not the end all of end all. The wedding day isn't IT. Don't get me wrong, I whole-heatedly support dreaming, but we cannot allow our "happy ending dreams" to consume us.


...Thankfully, the wedding, in a way, does last "forever," in that it will always remind of us when Christ will return for his bride (the church). That's another story for another day.

Lewis Quotes

I always have loved C.S. Lewis as an author and fellow Christian, but I've especially been on a Lewis kick the past few days. So, here is a post dedicated solely to some of my favorite quotes via the man who brought us the world of Narnia.



"We are what we believe we are."

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward."

"If you want religion to make you comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity."

"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose."

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun- not because I can see it, but because by it I can see everything else."

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

"You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream."

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

 "Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."

 "If God had granted all the silly prayers I've made in my life, where should I be now?"

 "He who has God and everything else has no more than he who has God only."

"Heaven is that greater glory of which Nature is only the first sketch."

 Those are just a few, but I just love them.

The Story of Hope

The Bible is so often mistaken for a group of individual books. On the contrary, the books of the Bible majestically flow together presenting a central story: Jesus Christ. Every book tells just a piece of the story of God's love.

The Old Testament tells of man's constant faltering in his own strength (Jeremiah 17:9). It tells of the depravity of human beings and the absolute hunger for salvation (Genesis 18). Genesis introduces the story, telling us of our beginning and displaying our fall (Genesis 1-3). It tells of how man's need for a Savior began (Genesis 5:8) and how God's love would pour out (Isaiah 53). The Old Testament presents the people of God awaiting a freedom from their bonds of sin and their need for constant altars and sacrifices (Leviticus 16:33-34). One day the children of the Old Testament heroes of faith (Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Daniel, etc) would see a time when the ultimate sacrifice would cleanse our sin once and for all (Hebrews 9-10). One day the Savior of the world would be sent to redeem His people (Matthew 1:21).

The New Testament fulfills this prophecy. Jesus Christ, God's Son and Promise, comes to earth to save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21), redeeming us of the utter pit of sin we were trapped in, breaking the chains of ritual and good works and opening the doors to freedom to live for the glory of God without boundary (Galatians 5:1). The witnesses of the life, death, burial and resurrection of our Lord continue to tell the story throughout the New Testament, spreading the news to the nations and teaching those who believe how to live in a manner worthy of the calling (Ephesians 4:1-3). It gives us guidance in how to live now that we have the freedom to live for Christ fully and it prepares us for the second coming of our King to this earth (Revelation).

The overruling focus of the Bible, both Old and New Testament, is always Jesus Christ.
God's grace through His Son overwhelmingly pours through the pages. 
From Genesis to Revelation, Jesus REIGNS.

Summertime Moments

There's something about summertime that allows for the most perfect moments. I feel as though within the past few days I have gotten to take part in some ideal activities, whether with people or alone. I have learned more and more that some of the most "romantic moments" happen with just friends or while I'm on my own. Hey, you people in relationships aren't the only ones who get to have cute experiences..

1. Picnic lunch by the pond
The other day I took my little cousin to the park for the day. We packed sack lunches, drove with the windows down and the music up and prepped for our little "date." There's a baby-sized pond at the park, and in that baby-sized pond lives baby-sized ducks (maybe they're actually babies.. I'm not sure these days). So, we snagged our lunches, found a grassy patch and soaked up the sun while we watched the precious ducklings get attacked by cheerios (compliments of the little boys who "just wanted to feed the duckies"). I don't know about you, but it was one awesome moment.

2. Literature at dusk

I still haven't finished Wuthering Heights- go figure- but I am only four chapters away from finishing! The other day, in hopes that I would finally find out what happened (everyone keeps dying in the book and I'm not sure where this story can possibly go...), I decided to spend sometime reading. It was nice outside (I had just gotten back from the park with my cousin) and my dad was painting the deck, so I figured it would be a waste to sit inside. Well, since the deck was wet and in the works, I decided my backyard would work nicely. The sun was going down and I had to keep moving every few minutes to be in a sunny spot, but it was the most lovely experience ever. Dusk has a certain smell and feeling. It's hard to describe in words, but if you're a human being with an imagination, I'm sure you have some idea about what I'm talking about. There's just something fantastic about reading beautiful literature at dusk while lying in the grass... until your mom yells, "You're going to get ticks!" This is true.

3. Painting in the sunlight

Today I had the urge to paint. Don't ask me why considering I'm by no means an artist. However, it was perfect. The family was out on the deck and the sun was warm and friendly. Set backs? I only had three paint colors. As you can expect, that did not stop me- it just gave me an opportunity to splash paint around together in attempt to get other colors. While my pictures were pretty random and sort of ugly due to the maroon, light purple and forest green that invaded every single one of my paintings, it was a lot of fun and very relaxing. My next mission: to buy the primary colors so that I can actually mix and get colors other than mint green, mauve and brown.


So.. those were three of my "moments" this week. Don't ever think that you can't have memorable moments alone- I'm telling you, it's possible, and when they happen, they're all the more beautiful. Go enjoy summer and love life!

Soaking in the Rainy Days

It seems that about 85% of the world despises rainy days. That statistic was not legitimate, but I'm sure you get my gist. However, I am one of the 15% of my made up statistic who loves rainy days. Don't get me wrong, if it's been raining for over four days and there's a monsoon taking place, I begin to get sick of the rain. Other than that.. rain is miraculous.

"So, what can I even do on a rainy day?" you may wonder. Well, it's your lucky day! You now have a blog post in front of you to throw some ideas at you.

1. Rainy days are always the best days for writing...
   Writing blog posts- Like this one! Booya! Tell the world what you think when you have the time to think about it!
   Writing letters- Emails are so overrated. Hand-written letters are so much more personal, they're fun to write and they're even more fun to receive! Why don't people write letters anymore? They're just so fantastic. Not to mention, extremely romantic. Just saying.
   Writing stories- Let your imagination run wild! In stories, you can make up anything and everything, and it's ok, because it's a story. It can be completely fictional and terribly irrational, but that's quite alright!
   Writing memories or thoughts- I tend to absolutely love having journals simply filled with memories, favorite quotes, thoughts, recent lessons I've learned, etc. They're always a great time to read through later on in life.
   I absolutely love rainy days because I have an excuse to sit down and write whatever it is I want to write in whatever form I want to write it!
2. Rainy days are also fantastic for reading.... Whether you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not, the Bible is always a fantastic read. In addition, I'm sure you have a list of "to read" books that you still haven't touched, in which case, rainy days are calling your name! If you do not have a "to read" list, then you better get on that, because you're missing out in life. If you need some ideas, I can assure you that I can successfully supply you with worth-while reads.
3. Crafts! Don't ask me what type of crafts, because I would be the worst person to ask, but that's why people like us have websites like Pinterest and Stumbleupon. So get searching and crafting!
4. Movie marathons or Television show marathons... My current t.v. shows are Once Upon a Time and Parenthood. In general, I just love movies (as long as they're not ridiculously dirty or inappropriate). The film world is absolutely amazing- an art I truly love.
5. That extra cleaning... Come on. We all know we have that one room in our houses we avoid touching, and therefore it is a mess of clutter and hoarding. Or maybe that's just my house. Anyway, this is always a good option. Turn up the jams and get organizing!
6. Or just go run around in it! Really, why waste the rain? If it's a warmer day, go enjoy the free water park! Make a water slide outside, get out your super-soakers, and prep up those water baloons. Get the neighborhood together. Go do it now!
7. Playing your long lost instrument... for those of you who used to play an instrument way back in the day, go dust it off and have a jam session. Playing my piano is one of the most heavenly things to do on a rainy day. If you don't play an instrument, look up a youtube tutorial and learn one! Playing an instrument is one of the most relaxing, rewarding hobbies of all time...
8. Trying out new recipes... you know all of those left over ingredients in your fridge? You can now use them for something! Hooray! Search online what type of recipes you can make out of whatever it is you have stored up and get cooking.
9. Scrapbooking... remember all of those pictures you printed that you always said you'd make something cool out of but never did? Well, snag some paper, any design and any color, and start pasting. Three-hole-punch them, stick them in a binder and viola. Scrapbook.

..I'm sure more ideas will come to me later, and when they do, you can be assured that I will tack them on this list. If you have more ideas, feel free to throw them out to the rest of us!

Rain allows us to sit, contemplate and just inhale life for all it's worth. Something about the rain is so mesmerizing, forcing me to retreat into a world of my own. It's so eery and surreal.

Don't waste rainy days.. soak them in. Literally, figuratively.. however you want to do it.

Tis the Season for Graduations and Weddings..

Apparently this summer was dubbed "summer of graduations" without my knowledge. Two of my cousins graduated from college with a BS, one of my second cousins graduated with a Masters and my little (..or not so little) cousin just graduated from high school today. Oof.

Growing up. It seems to be a sort of unexplainable phenomena. The little guy cousins who were always small with squeaky voices now tower over me and suddenly sound like men when they speak. The little girl cousins now don't play with dolls anymore, but instead sit and have conversations with me as a source of enjoyment. It's craziness. All of it.
I wonder how my parents feel? I wonder how I'll feel some day as a parent (God willing)?
Oh man, I don't even like to think about that. I'm just not going to.

On top of that, so many weddings. Thankfully, this summer my cousins decided to only go through with one wedding. However, have no fear. Next summer I estimate about 2-3 weddings (of cousins alone).
I'm not even 21 yet and I've been a bridesmaid/maid of honor in four weddings. FOUR. Three of them being cousin's weddings and one being my sister's wedding. So that's just family. Please keep in mind, I have a big family. I also do have friends.. so they may factor into this. Well, I'm way past the "three times a bridesmaid, never a bride," mark. Hopefully that is just a superstition...

Yes. Life. It's a curious thing. I actually started my long-intended novel about life. Yeah, I know that's vague, but that's the idea- to reel you in now, developing your curiosities and whetting your appetite. Do you have any ideas? No? That's ok, me neither. But the intro paragraph sounds convincing, so I'm good to go.
I keep having fantastic ideas for novels, begin them and then lose interest and never finish them. You know what my problem is? I'm horrible at developing plots from beginning to end. Give me a completed plot, and the actual writing of the novel would be a piece of cake. My mind would go wild if I just had some sort of skeleton to the story. Who wants to team up with me? Any takers?

Divinely Created to Impact

Oh, how intricate life is.

On these summer days I have a lot of time to think and remember.
I think about who I was, who I am and who I'm going to be,
and then I think about all the different people who have impacted me, even if only in the slightest way. I remember each person who made a difference in my life, whether for a year or a week.. or even a moment. Those situations that, had I not experienced them, my current perspective would be slightly altered. I guess you could call it a sort of "butterfly affect," minus all the superstition.

I think of what or who has influenced my likes and dislikes. How the books of my childhood pushed me to love literature and writing. How admiration of my sister encouraged me to pursue playing piano (and how my piano teacher's belief in me pushed me to thrive and really enjoy the instrument). How my parents' lives exemplified Christ for me to see tangibly. How my teachers either gave me favorable or unfavorable tastes of their said subjects.
I think of the friends who came and went out of my life, teaching me about myself, about other people and even about God. Of the friends who showed me what love looks like and of the friends who showed me what manipulation looks like. Of the friends who were there when I needed them, whether they would be in my life long-term or not. Of the friends who taught me how to be a friend.

Everyone makes a difference. No matter how insignificant you may feel in someone's life, you have impacted them in some way, whether in a positive or negative way.
And on top of it all, God knows you. God knows me. God knows where we've been and where we're going. And He knows why.

As I reminisce, I thank God for His hand in my life and the people He has put in it, making me who I am. I thank God for His constant involvement in my life, never leaving me to brave the pains of this life alone. Always with me to rejoice with me in the joys of life.
I thank Him for the ability to rest in Him and to trust that my life will happen just as it should. I will meet the people I will need to meet, and I will face the trials I need to face. I will make the memories and learn the lessons. I will take my place in this giant cycle of life, contributing to each person's memories and lessons. No one can take the place of YOU. No one can take the place of ME.

We are who God created us to be, intricately designed with care and meaning. We have purpose, no matter how minute the purpose may seem.

Be blessed today by the fact that you are divinely created to IMPACT.