"Your ways are not My ways, declares the LORD."

God has been moving in my heart in a way that He never has before. I've always been passionate specifically about the people of the Middle East since high school and God has more recently placed on my heart serving orphans. As of now, God hasn't opened any doors regarding any orphanages quite yet, but regarding the Middle East, God's been slamming opening some crazy doors and slamming them open quickly.

Last night, after having dinner with one of my closest friends, Sarah (click on her name to see her blog- this woman is such a beautiful woman of God) and just opening up our hearts to each other, we decided to attend a student-led worship service at my school. Mind you, I had no intention of going. I kind of was hardened to it actually, with the "I'm not in the mood for emotional-hand-raisers" mentality. I know. That's harsh, but that was honestly my attitude. Well, we went, and I can tell you right now that God really moved.. and for that one night, I was a hand-raiser.


Let me start from the beginning of the night.
When we arrived, we walked up and made our through the initial minimal crowd. The worship band played some praise and worship songs, read some Scripture and prayed numerous times.
It started off as just a time to express to Jesus through song how much I truly love Him. As I sang, I looked around to see flags of the world surrounding us. I tried to find the flag of my heritage, but I couldn't find it.
One of the first gentlemen that went up to pray focused his prayer on the people of Africa. The next young lady who prayed focused her prayer on the people of Latin America. Person after person made their way to the front where there was a globe, found their home countries and prayed over the lost people of their family's nation with fervency and passion. Prayer after prayer was lifted to God, pleading the salvation of the people of their nation. So many cultures in this melting pot of Christians.
As I witnessed this, God pressed my heart. My culture is often so forgotten.
The Middle East is so frequently labeled as a place of terror and violence, but it is just another place that needs Jesus. So many lies believed, and they just need the truth.
So I prayed and I cried. I prayed with all my heart for my family's country and the people of the Middle East. I prayed that for God to use me, whether now or some other time in my life, to reach those people. I cried out to God, begging Him to bring them to Him. I cried for the lost and the forgotten nations.
I cried for my lack of involvement.
And after I prayed and cried, I made my way to the front, found the Middle East on the globe, and prayed and cried some more.
Needless to say, God is working.

I talked to my dad today to see if any of my relatives were going to the Middle East this summer. I was scared that he would disapprove because of the danger-factor and because of the fact that I'm not home all year due to school. His response? "Why? Do you want to go? I think that's a great idea."
My heart was so happy to hear this. I told him that I didn't want to go on a vacation- I wanted to be involved in the Bible-believing church in my dad's hometown either helping with a kid's club or doing Bible studies with teenaged or college-aged girls. He loved the idea and told me he would contact the pastor of the church there to find out what I can be involved in.

Well, I guess within the next few weeks I will be finding out whether I'm really going this summer or not. Either way, I'm trusting God. I won't lie- I'm scared. I'm really scared. I have no idea what may come of this trip if I go, how God will use me this summer or what God will do with me the rest of my life. I'm scared. The control-freak in me screams, and it's awesome. God's pushing out the control-issues in my life and bringing in trust in Him. So thankful for Jesus Christ in my life to strip away everything that pulls me away from God.

Whether it's just this summer, temporarily in my life or for my whole life- I want to be used by God in the Middle East. My heart yearns for their salvation.

"Jesus. I'll stand with arms HIGH and heart ABANDONED,
in awe of the One who gave it all."

Isaiah 55:8

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD."

Overbearing Women and Wimpy Men

I apologize in advance for another post about relationships. When you go to a university with lots of fresh and perfect examples of what not to be like if you want a healthy relationship, to overlook addressing them would be a waste and sort of foolish. So now that I've got that apology introduction out of the way, let's chat.

Overbearing women and wimpy men. What is the deal with this?
Today, the common relationship consists of a manipulative, whiney woman who argues about everything and wants everything her way and a wimpy, push-over man who lets her.

Ok, let me just clear this up- I am not saying that women should be silent mice just rolling over and dying with no say in anything and that men should be controlling jerks. All of these scenarios are extremes.
I am saying that the key is balance.

To the feminist-crazed woman running around with a Type-A agenda- calm down.
To the trained-to-be-timid man cowering in a corner, letting every one else lead- man up!

Women, technically the Bible does not say you need to submit to a man until he is your husband, but if you're planning on marrying him, by being a controlling, manipulative jerk, you are forming those habits for your future marriage. And if you're dating him and not planning on marrying him- I have a whole nother (I realize that "nother" is not a word, and it's all right) post that I will someday write to you. Formed habits do not simply evaporate the moment you say "I do." If you do not know how to respect your signifcant other now, you never will. If you are constantly weaving your web of manipulation, looking to control everyone and everything- you will drive people away your entire life. I'm pretty tired of seeing women who boss people around, especially "their men." Not that men should boss around women either, but women of the Bible are called to be meek, nurturing, encouraging and HELPERS. Not hinderers.

Men, MAN UP. Seriously? Why are you with women who take advantage of you and refuse to respect you? Yes, you are called to love your wife (same thing as I said to the women above about forming habits before your married) and to care for her like Christ loves and cares for the church. You are also called to be a leader. A spiritual leader, a family leader, an emotional leader... a LEADER. Stop being a weasle (just ask Gianna Jessen)! If a woman's playing the victim now before you're married, she's going to do it throughout your entire life. When she wimpers and shoves your hand away, insisting upon pouting in her little corner until you give her what she wants (especially if it's something selfish), that's probably a red flag.

If only people lived the roles that God CREATED them for....

To Be Pursued

Every woman wishes for a man who will fight for her. A man who will chase after her. Who will love her. Who will pursue her.

Now let us take a trip into Webster's mind to see how he defines the word "pursue." Well, actually dictionary.com .. but in the same extended family as Webster.
One definition given is "to strive to gain; seek to attain or accomplish (an end, object, purpose, etc.)" and another given is "to carry on or continue (a course of action, a train of thought, an inquiry, studies, etc.)." To pursue is to take action in winning over or completing a goal. It is a continual process of determination and dedication. Every woman dreams of a man who truly seeks after her heart; a man who simply wants to win her heart will not do- he must capture and treasure it.I wonder if men know that, and if with this knowledge they manipulate the hearts of women intentionally. This may be naive, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

The word "pursue" has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been thinking about the typical dream of a woman to be sought after by a man and I've been thinking about God's design of man and wife. They are partners and friends, but above that they take on different roles. The man is a protector, provider and refuge. The woman is the nurturer, encourager and helper. Each role different but each so important.

God has constructed relationships so intricately, intertwining each role and naturally creating the necessity for a man to be the pursuer and not the woman.
As I was thinking about this, I related the topic of relationships to the topic of Christ and the church (pretty typical, but still striking me pretty hard). Just as the husband-wife relationship exemplifies Christ's deep and passionate love for His church, so does a man's pursuit of a woman demonstrate Jesus Christ's intense and fervent pursuit of His people.

So, women who are struggling, waiting for a godly man (who is compatible with you) to pursue you  with passion, strength and love and to treasure your heart after capturing it, remember that the God of the universe and of creation has, is, and continues to pursue you.

Personally, this is something I have had to repeat to myself daily, reminding myself that I AM pursued and that someday, God will bring a man to pursue me as well, displaying a tangible expression of Jesus Christ's pursuit of my heart.

As JJ Heller's song "What Love Really Means" states, Jesus Christ tells us that "I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will be come. I will love you for you, I will give you the love that you never knew."

Teachers Gonna Teach

We all have or have had that class that is the bane of our existence. For me, it's ARTS 222.
It's not the material that gets me- the material is actually pretty fun to learn.
However, when you have a teacher who
talks down to you,
belittles you,
doesn't believe in you,
doesn't respect you and
doesn't trust you,
the content of the class tends to get lost in the rest of it.

I hate writing negative posts, but I suppose I would call this a "realist" post. Maybe they're the same thing- I'm not really sure.

To any prospective teachers, this may be useful to you. As a teacher, your students just want to be able to trust you. They respect you (at least at first) and admire your knowledge of whatever it is you are teaching. So, when a student fears coming to talk to you about material due to your negativity, criticism and lack of encouragement, there is a problem. Teachers are to be respectable mentors in their field, not feared dictators, using their knowledge as a belittling factor for those who lack the same skill sets. Isn't that the point of taking a class? To learn? To grow? To feel at least a little bit comfortable in the subject of study by the end of the course?
On the student's part, it is crucial for a student to try. If the student does not try and does not want to learn, the teacher has only so much influence. However, if a students give their best effort and truly wants to learn the material, teachers must EMBRACE it, not manipulate it into fear.
I guess if there's one thing that I've learned from this entire course is the impact a teacher can have on one's learning abilities- whether a negative impact or a positive impact. Both leave a lasting impression of the content of the course and the department of the course.

I have learned that as a human being, I will be teacher, whether on a professional level or just on a social level.
If someday I am a wife/mother, I will teach my kids, and if in the process of attempting to teach them I instill a fear in them in which they are hindered in confronting me to ask questions, I have failed as a teacher.
If I am a manager or am involved in training other employees or workers, I am a teacher. If I treat them as morons, they will feel like morons and never wish to or excel in learning.
No matter who you are or what you do- you influence others. You teach. Do it with finesse and not sandpaper strategies. Don't make it a pulling teeth process, but a simple dental check-up with some helpful cleaning here and there.

That is all.

Burnt Out

..And now I will rant through simile about my burnt-out self. 

Burnt-out like an old light bulb.
Fried like Southern food.
As worn out as antique leather.
As burnt as a ginger in the summer.
Just like a motionless fly after a giant swat.
Flattened like roadkill.
Charred like my uncle's grilling job at 4th of July cookouts.
Sizzled like my hair after being straightened.
Just as shriveled and pathetic as E.T.

...I'm running out of examples that my high school English teacher would be proud of. I bet he wouldn't have liked my last sentence because it ended in a preposition. Oh well. P.S. I'm taking a World Literature class next semester and I'm excited about it, because, if you haven't noticed, I have a quirky enjoyment of the English language.

So pretty much, I have hit a point of sheer insanity and complete readiness for this semester to be annihilated. Thankfully, God is getting me through! No joke though- there is no way I would have made it out of the past couple of weeks alive without God's strength, because let's be real now- this toasted girl has been slightly overcooked and is now a little bit crispy.
On the plus side, I've started to write fiction again. We'll see how long that lasts though.
In addition, I really like my job. I like most of my classes. God provides and always is good.

Three weeks until some rest! Three weeks until I see my family!
Three weeks until I eat home-cooked food! Three weeks until I get to enjoy the outdoors!
Three weeks until I don't have assignments hanging over my head like a sad, stalking rain cloud (look, another simile)! Three weeks until I can BREATHE!
THREE WEEKS!!!

Between the Valley and the Mountain

Every Christian has "valley vs. mountain" moments, and at this current point in my life, I would consider this awkwardly between the two. I am not in a deep pit of despair, but the typical joy has slightly subsided. I'm faithfully in the Word and in prayer (and learning quite a bit spiritually), so I don't believe it has anything to do with that really.

You know those "is my life really even meaningful" moments? I suppose that's sort of what's going on right now. I've hit a point where I'm doing everything I can to serve God, yet still feel like I'm completely falling short, missing the oceans of individuals who don't know and never have heard of Jesus Christ. Lately I have been especially burdened for orphans. I am not sure what exactly brought this on, but I feel like I've been failing in this area. As I have been currently going through the book of James with my prayer group, I have read the Christian's call to minister to those in need, and I have been convicted of my lack of activity within this area.

James 1: 26-27

²⁶ If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. ²⁷ Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

Major conviction there. 

Here I am, sitting, wondering why I'm so unsatisfied with my life, and I realize because I'm not even fulfilling this. Right now, with four weeks left of school, work, leadership and finals, and I suppose I can't take on anymore commitments this very moment, but I really want to be involved this summer somehow. I have no idea what doors God will open, but I am ready for whatever He may bring my way.  Maybe that isn't what He wants me to do, but if it is, I am willing, open and ready. 


Today, I began James 2 for next week's prayer groups, and once again the conviction grew.
Let me add something before I share the verses that stuck out to me:
As I was sitting outside doing some Bible reading before work, my mom called. I figured it would be a typical "Are you eating enough? Are you well rested?? TAKE NAPS!" phone call, but on the contrary, my mom called with a very different topic at hand. 
"Lena, I want to tell you about a quick story I read in a Christian magazine today!" she told me. She went on to tell me about a young lady who gave up comfort to go to Uganda (after visiting on a short term missions trip) and care for orphans. She is maybe a few years older than me, single and has adopted 14 children. She is caring for them through support from her home church, and she is also teaching at a school in Uganda.
So, this is the story my mom told me right before I hung up and continued my Bible reading.
This is what I read....


James 2:14-22

¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. ¹⁹ You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! ²⁰ But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? ²¹ Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? ²² Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect?

Yes. I believe the rest is self explanatory.

May God give me opportunities to serve Him in the difficult situations. For now, I will contact local orphanages and see if God opens any doors for this summer. We shall see.

This is How Love Wins

Easter is and always will be the most powerful holiday for me. I'm not sure exactly what to say about the incredible sacrifice and victory of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because I know I will never give it justice....

Isaiah 53:3-6

3 "He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

⁴ Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all."

The illustration of true love. The example of complete beauty. The epitome of sacrifice.
             Jesus Christ.
No matter who you are, no matter what you've done, Jesus Christ conquers. Jesus Christ WINS.
Jesus Christ gives life. Do we deserve it? No. We deserve hell. But that's the beauty of it- a gift.
So will you receive it?

You know the truth.
"How could He, why would He, ever save me from my sins?"
Because He LOVES you.


True LOVE. The love of undeserving sacrifice. His flesh broke for YOU. His blood flowed for YOU.
"I can't give up these sins." On the cross, Jesus Christ broke the chains of sin and released you from the BONDAGE. There is freedom. There is hope. There is life.

He has conquered death. He has conquered the cross.
He has conquered SIN.
He has CONQUERED. Victory. He is ALIVE.
He came to bring life, and He BROUGHT IT.

And this is Easter.