When I think "2012"

My life never seems that interesting, and honestly, it never really seems like anything that dramatic happens. However, my life is honestly a major adventure, and it's because of Jesus Christ. Seriously, a life of meaning and purpose sort of makes the whole "living" thing fun and exciting. People think Christianity is boring and "unfun," but honestly, nothing I do would have any sort of meaning without Jesus Christ. Think about it, we are constantly on a mission, living for Christ with a passion of reaching others for Him. That's pretty legit if you ask me.
So as I look back onto the year, I thank God for the things He has taught me, the places He has brought me and the people He has blessed me with.
I think about where I started in 2012, where I have gone and where I've been going. I think about what may happen in 2013-- who I may meet, what I may experience, how I may change, what I may learn-- and I thank God for a year that has changed me.
I believe that while God is constant and unchanging, we as human beings are made to change, to grow and to develop, and I thank God that development has taken place in my life this year.
It's important to remember where we've been and who we were so that we can get where we're going and become who we're supposed to be. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Basically, when I think "2012," I think,
"Oh hey, that year that I tried all sorts of weird and crazy things that I never thought I would ever try, let alone do and complete.
Oh hey, that year that God stretched me, and it hurt a lot because stretching is used as a technique of torture sometimes... but God wasn't torturing me, He was just molding me.
Oh hey, that year that I'm glad is over but am glad it happened.
Oh hey, that was 2012."

This year...
I led a small group of girls in Bible study (sophomore year), and God taught me how to study His Word in a way that I can teach it to others, how to pursue relationships that are hard to pursue, how to love people who are hard to love and how to love God more than people.
I learned what it's like to be called by God and to just do what He's asking without any ifs, ands or buts.
I saw God provide without any hesitation, and I realized what it means to have faith that God will come through.
God dragged me through dry spells to help me appreciate the rain and growth.

 

teaching
I tutored in a subject that was not my forte, learned to explain things in a way I never had before, had fun times with my student, grew confident in teaching and saw God blooming within me a love for teaching and making people realize their own intelligence.

adventure
I got to experience Boston during our nation's Independence Day-- taste the canolis of the North End, smell the ocean and the musky, city air, see the tall ships floating in the harbor, hear the Boston Pops and crowds of people and touch the soft grass of the Boston Commons.
I got to watch the fireworks above my hometown with the people I love, remembering the freedom of our country and being thankful to those who fight for it.

missions
I traveled to Lebanon on almost a whim, shared the gospel, learned about my family's culture, got to know incredible people, spent an amazing month with Teta (my grandmother), was pushed out of my comfort zone, experienced intense heat, tasted delicious food, spoke in depth with people very different than me, ministered to the most random people and saw God open my heart to His will.

leadership
I was pulled up to a leadership position I didn't expect to be in, spent less time at home than I had hoped, left earlier to school than I had anticipated and began my junior year of college in a way I never imagined.
God allowed me to minister to the girls on the hall that He placed in my life, taught me to love people I never expected to love, humbled me through difficult circumstances and melted my heart from pride, forced me to say things I never wanted to say, silenced me when it was not time to speak, stretched me to do hard things and loved me when no one else did.

friendship
I built friendships I will cherish forever, and God taught me to never question His will. I went on adventures with said friends, relaxed with them, worked hard with them, enjoyed life with them, shared hard times with them, grew with them, just talked with them, learned how to be a friend to them and finally was blessed to know what real friendship looks like by their actions.
I grew in past friendships, resolved past issues, grew apart from past friendships, made new friends, thanked God for old ones, learned how to be a friend to people I would not normally choose to be friends with, experienced people being my friend when I didn't deserve it.

Made life long memories with people who I hope will be in my life forever.

family

I saw my sister grow in her pregnancy, learned what it means to love someone you don't know, grew in anticipation for her child, got to spend a great amount of time with family over the holidays, and just APPRECIATED home.

God taught me what it means to love Him more than anything, how to love people, what love really means, more about who He is, the importance of prayer, the beauty of the Bible, the importance of friendship, the difference of a kind word, the meaning of trusting in Him, how to give up control, how to let go of anxiety, Who is in control, Where to turn for guidance, that my family is a blessing, that people will fail me, that life is unfair, that everybody is beautiful, that GOD IS GOOD.

Coldplay to Glorify God?

As a Christian, is it a sin to listen to non-Christian music or Christian music that is "emotional" and not "coming right from Bible verses?" Is it a sin to watch non-Christian movies or enjoy culture if it isn't meant to praise God?

I'm just going to go ahead and nip this in the butt..... NO.
This whole mentality is, quite frankly, ridiculous. How the idea that creativity is sin is beyond me.

Now, if said music/movie/art is a stumbling block in your personal walk with God or is blaspheming/dishonoring God, then yes, it is a sin.

However, I find that many Christians who point their fingers and shout "If it has a beat and isn't hymns or choruses, then you are not walking with God!" in their mommy voice are simply just harboring a Pharisee mentality and not Biblically backing up their arguments. At all.

Sorry if that's harsh, but not sorry.

Now, let me start off by saying that just because it's not blatantly "Christian," doesn't mean that God doesn't use it nor does it mean He can't be glorified by it.

My English professor this semester made a beautiful point in class.
People often gawk at the fact that we in a Christian university read, learn and study works of literature that are not written by Christians, do not present Christian messages and often display ungodly ideals and mentalities. So why do we study them?
What he said truly inspired me. "Just because it isn't a Christian work with Christian morals, doesn't mean we can't see pieces of God through man's creativity. Just because there may be mentalities we don't agree with in them, doesn't mean that we can't learn more about God and man from them."

Obviously he is not saying to fill our minds with horrible things or dark worldviews that will corrupt our minds. The Bible says to think on GOOD things.
Here's what he WAS saying: Often times, art (any form) is not created to point to God, but yet it still does. Man is God's creation, and though man may be far from God, man still has within his or her inner being, the knowledge and recognition of their Creator. Therefore, man's insight (whether Christian or not) does, in a way, teach us about our Lord and Creator and also teaches us about the nature of man in comparison to His GLORY.

Example:
Coldplay. Non-Christian band. Secular worldviews presented through their lyrics.
However, through their music and lyrics, I often see their longing for God, man's need for the Lord and their desperation for meaning in life, encouraging me to reach the lost for God. Through their music and lyrics I also can see a beauty of creation, an appreciation for obscure beauty and glimpses of nature, helping me to further understand my Maker and his beauty in creating music, life, human beings and just this world. Such music, though not written to glorify God, brings out in my heart and mind a sort of appreciation for God and his obscure characteristics that DOES bring Him glory.

This is an example of how contemporary culture can point people to Jesus unknowingly.

With that said, maybe it doesn't work like that for everyone. Maybe not everyone is a right-brained nut who sees God's beauty and majesty through tearful tunes and deep, poetic anecdotes, and that is ok. But for people to call those people ignorant who DO find beauty and appreciation of the Lord through those things, THAT is not right and not their place to judge or condemn.

Romans 14 blatantly speaks against judging others based on what they celebrate, how they eat, how they go about certain things...

Obviously, this is NOT in reference to an overt sin. Anything that directly goes against God's Word SHOULD be judged, especially among Christian brethren, because THAT is Biblical, and God is the ultimate judge
. 
But, condemning others for certain preferences in what type of culture they partake in is absolutely UNBIBLICAL and arrogant.

Sorry if I stepped on toes, but ya know... welcome to the blog of Daisy Wolf. 

Every engagement needs MARMALADE

So, I've blogged about awkward couples, but what about the non-awkward couples?
Don't they deserve a blog post? I say yes, yes they do.

However, this post is specifically directed towards ENGAGED couples. Oh yes. Don't think you'd get out that easily. ENGAGED. Not dating, but not married. An odd spot in life, but apparently a very popular one since 90% of my Facebook friends lie in this category.

(Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any skewed statistics; I am simply bad at math. Hence the journalism major).

So, to the 90%, the 10% have something to say. Don't worry, this is not a criticizing post-- mostly just an inquiring post. So in this case, I suppose we don't have something to say, but rather to ask....

HOW ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU?
Really though. It seems that some sort of epidemic has taken over all social media
and the symptoms involve 

1. diamonds
2. cover photo close-ups involving such diamonds
3. and maybe a picnic basket. 

YES, the picnic basket is a symptom, and it's filled with roses and jars of marmalade and maybe some lemonade in a jug. Oh, and maybe some bread because you need something to put the marmalade on.

The question is, do you find the diamond ring in the picnic basket and then realize you've caught the engagement or do you just see the picnic basket and know? OR is the trick ACTUALLY just in the marmalade? I mean, that's an important factor. Who can get married without marmalade? ONLY NO ONE.

Also, does Kay jewelers pay you for advertising your engagement on social networking sites? I mean, it doesn't really bother the rest of us, but I hope you are getting reimbursed for such a romantically dramatized expression on the world wide web. It would only be fair.
Is there glitter involved? In the proposal? Or buckets of confetti? Why has no one proposed via lite-brite?

I don't know about you, but I feel as though that would be a creative (and vintage) way to pop the question. Like "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" in this:

...There wouldn't have to be Mr. Potato Head there, but ya know. If there was some sort of significance about having the potato in the proposal, then by all means.... Mr. Potato away.

Anyway. Those are mostly my questions for you.
Please continue on, since you are probably busy smothering your bread with marmalade.

Another disclaimer: none of this is meant to be offensive. I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt because you really just love marmalade and Mr. Potato Head, and I will try to be more sensitive next time.



Keep being cute, engaged people! With all of your cover photos and picnic baskets!

And now for a short message to all the teens in the house...

So I've been thinking about the teenaged years. "Why would you relive such horrid times?" you may be wondering. Well, you know, even though high school was not my most treasured time in life, I must admit that I had some incredible experiences in high school. And by incredible, I mean, horrible to go through but extremely life-changing and necessary.

So, as I ponder the not-so-distant years of being a teen, I just remember how HARD it is to be one. We give high-schoolers WAY less credit than they deserve.

Seriously though.

Middle school/ High school = Finding out who you are + people telling you who to be + you trying to be who they want you to be + horrible math classes + very little freedom + thinking about the future and eventual adulthood + dramatic peers + crazy emotions and hormones + discovering how intense your emotions can be + figuring out how to balance your emotions with logic + not quite being an adult but becoming one.

I mean, COME ON. Not even Bill Gates wants to solve that equation.

My heart goes out to middle-schoolers and high-schoolers. So much vulnerability, so much willingness to be molded, but so many voices calling out to them, telling them what to be.

Well, to all my friends in this age range, you are respected, admired and felt with. The years may never seem to end, and it may seem you never will make it out alive but hey- I'm still breathing.

I've only been out of high school for 3 years and out of teenhood for 2, but those years weighed so heavy, that leaving them behind meant REALLY leaving them behind and never looking back. But, once you're out, you're out. And you feel like a superhero because you made it through years of dramatic, emotional individuals who spur on crazy drama and emotions out of you that you didn't know existed.
(Spoiler: They always existed. Everyone else seems to be the problem, but you want the reality? You're the problem. We all are. Sin is. This feeling is never really something anyone actually grows out of. Everything is always "someone else's problem.")

Anyway, don't ever let older people make you feel like your life is easy, because it's not. Every stage of life is messy, and the teenaged years happen to be the messy part of life in which you don't actually know who you are (which makes it all the more confusing). You truly are a superhero. Keep pushing through!

Ask God for wisdom, trust Him always, love Him more than anything or anyone, and never look to a human being to satisfy you. Seek guidance from those who are willing to help you, especially ones who have been where you've been before, but stay away from advice that will turn you away from Jesus. He is your priority, and the only way to make it through the brutality of teenhood is through His GRACE.

That is all =).

Home is Wherever I'm With You

The high I get from coming home never really gets old. There's nothing really like it-- that feeling of anticipation as you travel home, eagerly awaiting the people who have seen you grow up, the town that has been the stage of your childhood and the houses that hold dear memories.

It's not that I dislike school or hate being away from home. Actually, I really like school (when it's not stressing me out), and traveling and trying new things is exciting for me. However, no matter where I go, who I meet or what new things I experience, I still resolve that there really is no place like home. Other than the U.S., I've been to (officially) five countries, and within the U.S. I've been to pretty much all of the East Coast states and 3-4 states in the midwest. I would say I've been to a variety of places in my short life (which I'm thankful for and LOVE), but the best lesson I learned from these trips is that home is wherever the people you love are. I honestly could live anywhere, in any country, in any climate, in any culture (for the most part), as long as my loved ones were with me. It's the people that make the place. I loved all those places I visited, but they were missing one thing- the PEOPLE who meant the most to me.

With that said, I absolutely love my friends at school, and they definitely had made my college experience incredible. When I'm home, I miss them so much. Honestly, they're my family away from my family. They make college another home.

I won't lie though- there's something special about the people who have known you as long as you've known yourself. Isn't that an interesting thought?
Now for the official mind-boggler:
God knew you and me before we knew ourselves.
Is your mind blown yet? If not, just wait.
He didn't just know us, He planned us.
That's right. PLANNED. As in, we have a purpose. We were created for a specific intent. We have worth. We were planned.

It's one thing for me to think about my parents knowing me since my first entrance into the world, but it's another thing to realize that God formed me before my mother even knew she was pregnant with me. Even before that, he knew that my parents would get married, and I would be the product of their union. Before that, he knew that my grandparents would have my parents. And it goes on and on and on.

God knew us before anyone did. He knew us before we knew ourselves. He knows us more than anyone still. He knows us more than we know ourselves.
He sees every inner thought, feeling, desire, wish and dream within us, whether pure or impure, and He still LOVES us.

That, my friends, is incredible.

All that to say, while it's amazing to be home with people who know and love me, it's even better to know that no matter where I am or who I'm with, God is always with me and knows me better than anyone. He never misunderstands me and never gives up on me.

So in a way, everywhere is home because God is with me no matter where I go.
GOD is home.
What a GOD I serve. So thankful.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros sing a song called "Home is Wherever I'm With You," which is a very valid and creative phrase. In their song, however they state that even Jesus Christ isn't home compared to their "loved one." When I first heard it, I sort of gasped in shock. You know, that self-righteous "Oh dear, I can't believe someone just said that out loud," gasp. After thinking about it though, I think that's often what I do. I love my family so much, and I love being home so much, that I idolize it in a way, even above my Savior Jesus Christ. I forget that GOD is home. JESUS CHRIST is my home. Unfortunately, Sharpe and the Zeros have yet to find that out, but there's still hope. The song is a beautiful one though and a favorite of mine, but I do hope that someday they do find Jesus (sorry for the Jesus jukeness of this all, but ya know... some things just relate).

Sometimes I ignore the part I disagree with and sing the song to Jesus.
Jesus, Home is wherever I'm with YOU (everywhere). <3

Sunny days, white gloves & tryptophan

So, it finally happened. Finals are over. The rain cloud above my head seemed to finally go away and the sun decided it was its turn to keep me company. Who knew the sky was blue behind those grey distractions?

What's left? Well.. now to clean the entire room. By tomorrow. It's ok though. Maybe I'll find all of the things I lost this year (once I have the capability of sharing these stories, you better believe I will, but until then, you all shall be left in suspense). Maybe I'll find golden treasures beneath the surface of my mound of stuff. It's amazing how much stuff I have that I don't need. I mean really.. who needs that pink striped ribbon that's in my desk or the knitting kit that's been in the box since last Christmas (sorry Grace.. I'm really going to use it this winter, I promise).

So anyway, once the room is clean, then awaits the RA banquet. Not really sure what to expect for that, but I suppose it will be like most college events- forced fun. Hip hip HIZZAH. Wow, I'm a bad sport, but I feel as though my readiness to be home overcomes any sense of friend-making abilities I currently possess. I don't know about everyone else, but the adventurous side of me got sleepy ever since I consumed unhealthy amounts of tryptophan (I'm thankful for... TURKEY)! That's right. About three weeks of comatose adventurousness. And I'm not even sad. It's just been one of those semesters.

But yeah... then Friday will be an entire day of seclusion ... JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED. In case you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Obviously being in isolation for 24 hours is the most cruel punishment for an extrovert.
However, amongst finals, I have definitely not given God the time He deserves in my life, so maybe this day of solidarity silence will be a great time to have some time with Jesus!
YAY JESUS TIME!

Wow this is the most A.D.D. post. I guess all of my posts are pretty A.D.D. though... I don't even know if people read them. Whoever reads these posts must be pretty patient....
I would accuse finals of being the culprit of my current insanity, but we all know that writers are really just this weird. Actually, I can't even attribute my weirdness to being a writer. I'm just a weird person.

So now that we've all come to the conclusion that I'm weird, I'm going to end this post. Hopefully my next post will be less random and more filled with substance.

Dead to Sin

Sometimes we need an extreme kick in the pants to see how holy God is and how sinful we really are. I have been finding how it easy it is to get used to sin. It's almost like it becomes a part of me.. its comfortable. When I reach that point, my sins eat me alive.

I'm not talking about "large" sins-- the blatant "disgusting" sins that everyone sees, knows about and detests. I'm talking about heart sins. "Little" sins. The sins that only the people that really know you know about. The sins that maybe no one knows about. The sins that people think aren't a big deal. The sins I think aren't a big deal. The sins that are "a part of us."

Our society doesn't like that word-- sin. They think it's offensive, pushy and "religious." Well, maybe to the world the word "sin" is those things, but it doesn't mean it's any less disgusting, any less God-opposing or any less real. As Christians, we (or maybe it's just me) seem to unknowingly buy into this opinion of the word, or just of the concept in general. Maybe we don't go right along with the world, but we don't really detest sin as we should.

The world: "I'm a good person for the most part, so that's what matters." 

Some Christians: "Jesus saved me, so I'm a good person."

The world: "I'm not really bad, so it's ok if I do a bad thing once in a while." 

Some Christians: "Jesus saved me so it's ok if I do sin because I'm going to heaven anyway."

I'm not saying this is always the mentality; these are just generally common thought processes I've noticed (and had).

I've been reading through Romans, and I just have to say that the book is absolutely AMAZING. Romans 5 (which I last blogged on ;] haha) is saturated with truths of God's LOVE for mankind. True love. Sacrifice. While we were SINNERS, Christ DIED for us (Romans 5:8). We do not save ourselves. There is nothing we can do to be "good enough" to reach God. We will not be flawless and lose all sin nature when we come to Christ. However, sin is what Jesus Christ saved us FROM.

Romans 6:1-14

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? ² Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? ³ Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? ⁴ Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
⁵ For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, ⁶ knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. ⁷ For he who has died has been freed from sin. ⁸ Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, ⁹ knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. ¹⁰ For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. ¹¹ Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
¹² Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. ¹³ And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. ¹⁴ For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace."

When we allow sin to become comfortable in us, we are remaining dead to sin. We are saying to God, "Thanks for saving me, but no thanks." 
 
Jesus saving me doesn't make me a good person, it makes me a NEW person. Newness involves change. Not because of who we are, but because of what Jesus has DONE.
Sin is comfortable because it's our nature. As believers in Jesus Christ, God gives us the strength through the Holy Spirit to live ALIVE.

And the point of it all? To point people to Jesus Christ. In my muck and filth, Christ's holiness is imparted onto me so that I may show people HIS LOVE.
He is HOLY.

He must increase, and I must decrease.

The Love Root

Love.

So misconstrued and misused. Romance has a place in love, but it is the shallowest form.

LOVE.
The surface has yet to be touched for the majority of mankind.

Love between parent and child.
Love between spouses.
Love between family.
Love between friends.
Love for a stranger.
All glimpses of The LOVE from which it all stems.
All we see are the tips of the branches when the roots extend deep within the ground, leaving the most essential and foundational part unseen. If only the "Love Root" were understood, the "love surface" would be more easily tapped into, its accessibility utilized and relayed.

"God does not love us because He created us; He created us because He loves us."

This quote was shared with me once, and it has always intrigued me.
God does not love us because He created us. He created us because He loves us.

A love that initiated life.

Because of the "Love Root," we are existent.
We are given:
breath, life, movement, depth, thought, soul, emotion, pleasure, care, appreciation, beauty

Such things stem from Love.

How can one even attain such a love for others?
Can we truly even enjoy this life without it?

God Almighty, Alpha and Omega, the initiator of all things, including LOVE, is the demonstrator of such love. He is LOVE.

1 John 4:8
"He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

Romans 5:7-8
"For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

 While we were yet sinners.

In our worst, God loves, and He has given us LIFE. It did not stop at the "emotion of love," but continued into the "action of love." While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Death. The ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate expression of love.

1 John 4:19
"We love, because He first loved us."

Love does not come from us; it comes from Jesus Christ's initiation.
Any love we know, any love we give is a mirror image of the love we've received.

LOVE. The depths are unfathomable.
If we understood the length of God's love, we would cease to attempt to love others or love God with the shallow love of humanity but would instead dispose of such loves in exchange for TRUE LOVE: God's LOVE.

If we loved with the love of Jesus Christ, imagine the power.
Imagine the roots that would be reached. Imagine the hearts that would be touched.

LOVE. God's love covers a multitude of sins.
It forgives. It cares.
It is the Love Root. The initiator for meaningful branches.
The key to removal of fear (1 John 4:18).
 
If only we knew the depths of such LOVE.

People > Stuff

Why are there so many people in the world who feel left out, hopeless, alone and meaningless?
Because the attention that should be going to them is going to STUFF. That's right. Material.
I'm not saying Black Friday in itself is this evil institution of man, but I do believe that people are extremely mistaken and blinded. Trampling people in order to get stuff-- that is what our country has resorted to.

Where is the love? Stolen by things that don't matter. Devoured by products and retail and STUFF. If our love is being captured by those things, they are not going to what love was made for: PEOPLE.
As a believer in Jesus Christ, I believe that my purpose to be here on this earth is to:

1. Glorify God.
2. Love people.

That is why I'm here. That's who I am. That's what I'm called to do. LOVE.

This town, this country, this world has lied to each individual and told him that THINGS will make you happy. MONEY will suffice. STATUS will bring meaning. ENTERTAINMENT will give me a reason.

No. NO. NO..
PEOPLE. People are what make up life. The world is made up of PEOPLE.
People who need love.
People who need friends.
People who need hope.
People who need Jesus. 
Money won't bring them love.
Stuff won't bring anyone love. Just an empty need for MORE.

On our death beds, we will not remember the things we owned or the places we've been, but the people we were with.
The people we made a difference to. The people who made a difference to us. PEOPLE. 

Time is ticking. Stuff doesn't leave or grow old with time, but people do.
Who am I taking for granted? What am I letting distract me?

If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love.

Every year, Thanksgiving seems to get more bittersweet then ever. Every year it seems that numbers  dwindle at our family gatherings, and the family time just seems less... existent. I love my family so much and we will always be close, but this thing we call "growing up" seemed to happen quicker than I thought. The little ones are in high school, the young ones are in college and the rest are married with children. Such is life, I suppose, but adjusting to the seasons of life will always be a challenge for me.

Maybe it's because I'm in more of an in-between season, whereas most everyone else in my family has already reached a new stage. My stage is more of a... purgatory, of sorts.
I've been spending a lot of time with my sister this week as I'm home for Thanksgiving break, and it's been awesome. It hit me today, however, that this holiday season will be the last holiday that I can just have alone time with my sister. When I come home for Spring Break in March, my sister's baby will be born. I am so incredibly thrilled for this boy to enter the world (and I couldn't be more ready to love this child to bits), but I am also realizing what this will entail. Life will change. My sister is part of a new family now, which is hard to grasp.

One thing that's difficult about this purgatorial season is that while my sister and the majority of my cousins have a new family, I'm still part of the old family. Every single one of my cousins, minus two (and I have a lot, so this is not a large amount) and the ones younger than me, are engaged or married. The family has all moved on, but I'm still here.
I know, I know. "It's all part of the cycle of life."
And I know. I'm only 20 (hence the limbo-land of change in my life).
It's a wonder that no one really seems to struggle with progressing through this cycle, but I can assure you that I do.

If Anne Shirley were not a fictional character, I would feel extremely comforted by her similar perspectives. "Why do people have to grow up and marry, change?" To which of course Gilbert Blythe responds obnoxiously, "Oh, you'd change. If someone ever admitted that they were head over heels for you, you'd be swept off your feet in a moment." Sorry Gilbert, but at this moment in my life, I'd have to side with Anne on this one: "I would not, and I defy anyone who would make me change."
Yeah, ok. So maybe they end up together in the end, and they both move on and grow up, too, but until then, I'm going to go with the "Why do we have to grow up and marry and change," sentiment.

Well, since it's Thanksgiving, I should probably throw into this cynicism a little bit of thankfulness.
I'm thankful that I have had a childhood worth missing.
I'm thankful that I have a family worth being sad to grow up from.
I'm thankful that I've been blessed enough that change is painful because the stage I'm in is so wonderful.
I'm thankful that this hurts, because it means that it's love.

As the wise Jon Foreman once said, "If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love," and I couldn't agree more.
This pain in change, this hurt in necessary development? It's love. It's growth. It's beauty.
If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love.

So, that's my nostalgic Thanksgiving post.

Sorry for the sappiness of it all, but I'm writer and if a writer can't be sappy and slightly melancholy sometimes, then the world has gone askew.

Princess Heather and the Swinging Suitor

Last night, my best friend Heather couldn't sleep, so I decided to tell her a bedtime story via Facebook chat.
Below is the result. Enjoy!

"Princess Heather and the Swinging Suitor."

Once upon a time (cause every story has to start with that if it's going to end well) there was a beautiful princess named Heather.

Now Heather liked lots of things like flowers and pumpkin munchkins and anything that did not contain dairy products.

She loved music and dancing, and when she was alone she loved PR.

So one day, Heather decided to gather up all of her favorite things and make a song about it.

She decided it would also be useful to sing the song to a multitude of children during a thunderstorm.. and then eventually use the drapes to make them clothing. ("Sound of Music" reference).

While this seemed illogical, Heather decided it was worth the joy that she would bring these children.. and maybe it would bring her a wonderful prince, because everyone knows that princesses all eventually marry a prince... they don't marry anyone less noble. Unless it was Hugh Jackman. Who is a Duke. ("Kate and Leopold" reference).

So anyway, off Heather went, drape-clothed children, favorite things and all...

into the woods they roamed. Dancing and singing and playing with gnomes, until a giant possum emerged from the depths of the darkness.

 The giant possum made its way towards Princess Heather and the children as they stood frozen in their tracks, frightened and confused.

"Why is there a giant possum in the woods!" yelled one child. 

"And why is it dark? It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon!" yelled another.

 "Hush children," said the princess. "The louder you are the more likely the possum will eat you. Also, it's always dark in the forest." ("Anne of Green Gables" reference)

The children all held each others mouths shut since we all know children can't be quiet ever.

So... the possum approached... it's long, fanciful fangs dripping blood and it's eyes seeking satisfaction (for the possum was hungry and trees and bark just aren't satisfying).

Just when the children thought that they would be the solution to this possum's discontentment, Princess Heather saw a light. It was the light bulb above her head. 

She had a plan.

"I shall do my bird call and it shall emerge the birds into the woods!" "You have a bird call?" asked one of the lads. "Not yet," she replied, "But Snow White does this all the time. I know it will work."

"Question," said one of the frightened girls. 

"Why aren't the birds already in the woods? Why do they have to emerge?"

"Stop asking questions," Princess Heather replied, very irritated at the children's ignorance. "You're all nonsensical. I made you clothing out of drapes-- don't you trust me!"

This silenced the children, for she was right. She had never let them down before, and if Princess Heather wanted to emerge the birds, she would emerge them, especially since Snow White was her support in this matter.

The bird call she made was like none other... almost like a shrieking of sorts.

No movement.

"Why didn't it work!?" yelled little Alfred. "Hush. No nonsense," she replied.

And again she shrieked.. er, I mean called.

What happened next was not exactly what Heather expected.

Though birds did not emerge, something else did. Thump, thump, thump. 

Heather couldn't believe her eyes.

Not one, but two bears plopped themselves merrily towards the possum.

"We're saved!!!" yelled the children.

The two bears took quite a while to destroy the possum, not because they were incapable, but only because they could not agree on which would get the head and which would get the bottom.

Once a compromise was finally reached, the bears soon devoured the possum leaving only its tale, because no one likes cartilage.

"HOORAY!" yelled the children. But Heather stood speechless.

She knew there was more to this situation than met the eye. Actually, it was quite evident to the eye, but at this moment everyone was blinded by the fact that the two larger bears just devoured their smaller enemy.

"Stop! There's a bigger problem here, children! Grab your drapes... these bears are still hungry."

This comment caused all of the children to shriek... bringing more bears. Goldilocks was relieved.

So, everyone was surrounded.

There was no hope.

But what's this? A gentleman swinging from trees? This confused Princess Heather, because normally gentlemen don't swing from trees, especially when they're wearing suit coats with tales.

The bears recklessly strained their necks to see what all the commotion was about above them, causing some of their heads to snap off of their bodies.

This resolved some of the bear-problem, but yet some of the smarter bears simply tilted their heads carefully and remained alive.

The gentleman swung and he swung.. and yet he swung more until he reached a high branch, unreachable to the ferocious beasts.

There were only four bears left at this point, leaving the suited man with a few more options than before.

Princess Heather knew she had to do something to divert the attention from the man, so... she did the first thing that came to her mind.

She danced.

She danced and she danced, the draperies swinging about merrily.

Then something magical happened:

Not only did the children begin to dance, but so did the bears.

Not only did the bears begin to dance, but so did the possum (and the possum was dead, so this was magical indeed).

Not only did the possum begin to dance, but so did the birds (who had refused to come because they don't respond to shrieking).

Not only did the birds begin to dance, but so did the trees and the rivers and the ants and even some of the skunks (who like to frighten women who stick their heads in their cages). (Youtube video, "Killer Karaoke" reference).

Princess Heather paused a moment in her dancing endeavors and watched the motions of the forest.

The entire forest had erupted into dance. Bears dancing with children and children dancing with skunks. The Creator would be pleased to see his creation as He intended it.

The gentleman looked from above, his suit coat swaying in the breeze, the sweat dripping from his dark brow and his eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"This woman. She is ravishing."

As he peered from the trees, admiring her beauty and elegant dance, he decided he would marry her if it was the last thing he did.

But first, he must not miss out on this dance, because no gentleman misses a ball.

Arms spread majestically, he dove into the dancing forest and landed into a pile of leaves doing a jig as well.

It tickled a bit so he was forced to giggle but then he composed himself, because we all know that gentlemen don't giggle.

(except for Andrew)

The man quickly brought himself to his feet and pushed through the dancing crowd of forest friend, struggling to find the dancing queen, young and sweet only 17. But he was mistaken because she was 20.

Finally he reached her.. the woman of his dreams.. her light brown hair blowing in the wind and her big blue eyes sparkling with relief. "Miss! May I have this dance!"

She was astonished. She couldn't believe her ears. Who was this suited stranger who had come to rescue her? Why was he now seeking a dance? She shrugged. "Oh well," she thought, "He's charming and handsome, and I'm young, beautiful and can make clothing quite creatively."

So they danced.

And danced.

The bears still dancing, the children still dancing, the skunk still dancing... the forest dancing.

But all of this seemed to be nonexistent as the two shared their dance. All they saw was the trees, hanging like a canopy above their heads.

Amidst the dance, however, Princess Heather, the PR in her arising, remembered that once the dancing ended, so would their lives (for the bears were still hungry and their appetite would only increase due to intense dance).

"Stop," she whispered to the man. "We must take the children and leave. I am hungry, and if I am hungry the bears are hungry and if the bears are hungry we will no longer be hungry because we will no longer be."

The man was slightly lost, but decided that Heather was too beautiful to argue with. So he grabbed her hand along with all of the children's hands (I'm not sure how managed to hold all of their hands at once, but gentlemen find ways) and they sneaked out of the dancing gang, past the bears, through the woods and up to a mountain.

"Let's get married!" he shouted victoriously. "OK!" she yelled, staring into his dark, melancholy eyes.

"Wait! But what about the children?!"

She stopped abruptly.

"The children? Well they have drapes, isn't that enough?"

She was offended by this comment and he knew it, so he quickly came up with a solution.

"Let's send them to a convent and they can all become nuns!"

"But the majority of them are boys," she said logically.

"They can become monks then!"

This seemed reasonable to Princess Heather.

So off they sent the children, each to their convent and monastery.

And the gentleman, whose name is unknown to the public, and Princess Heather lived happily ever after as they skipped through the mountains singing joyous melodies about climbing mountains and yodeling peddlers.

The End. 

In the beginning (3rd grade)...

Reading through old stories, poems and journals I have written is absolutely PRIME.

If you want a good laugh, read a story written by an 8 year old about a haunted bathroom stall.
The story involves lots of exclamation points, a hidden romance that the reader doesn't know about (the author knew though.. oh the author knew..), an extensive use of the word "Yikes" and many trap doors that lead no where.

Yes, that is an accurate portrayal of the story I wrote 13 years ago. I hold the hard copy in my hand at this very moment, illustrations created on "Paint" and all. My use of quotation marks is a little bit embarrassing, but I'd say for an eight-year-old, my grammar was pretty impressive.
Well done, 3rd grade teacher! I may have disliked you deeply but at least I knew my grammar!

Oh man, 3rd grade. The days when cubbies were where we stuck our backpacks, we cleaned down our desks with shaving cream, recess involved barbies, cops & robbers and tire swings, and my crush was the "popular boy" .. the one with the spikey hair and cool sneakers.
Yeah, third grade. My first steps as a writer. I mean, I haven't even published a book since then ;] (yes, I sold that baby to lots of folks.. $.50 to each person, I made a pretty hefty paycheck of $5).
It's amazing to see what little interests God gave me growing up that have led to deciding what my major in college would be and what steps He made me take to prepare myself for whatever it is my future holds.

Who knew that 13 years later, I would be at college with friends that I knew since 4th grade and that our dreams would be unfolding all at the same time. Remember those days when 20 seemed so far away? The days when 20-year-olds seemed like scary adults who had it all together and knew life? Well the day has arrived. Except we don't have life all together and we're pretty far from ever really KNOWING life. We just pretend. Either way, now is the time we've dreamed of... so let's make it count.
I don't know what to do with this writing obsession of mine, but something's going to come of it. The question is what. If it's just my famous (haha.. famous among 3rd graders and my grandma) bathroom-stall story, then I guess that's fine, because it's brought a lot of laughs (someday I'll post it on here for you all to LOL at. It's just not the same outside of it's original form and Paint illustrations to go with it, though).

I pray that God will use this desire He's placed in me for something He wants and that anything I write touches the heart of at least one person. I guess we'll find out.
Until then, I'm going to keep writing.

A Jane Austen Ideal

Jane Austen will always be one of my favorite classic authors. I've only read two of her books, but I've watched almost all of her movies that are based on her books (I know, I know.. how could I..) and intend to soon read through all of her books (better?).
The characters in her novels are so passionate and intriguing that I can't help but love them, and the language is so profound and vibrant that I tend to linger over lines and soak them in.

Elizabeth Bennett is of course a favorite female heroine, her strong but wise personality admirable and fascinating. Emma is a hilarious, bold character, but I can't say that she's my favorite, while Anne Elliot (of "Persuasion".. a less popular one of Austen's but an absolutely fantastic story) just hits me as someone I would love to know.
The list of Austen's amazing female leads could go on and on, but the list of Austen's incredible male leads would just be endless.

So here's where this all gets tricky for me.
Sometimes I find myself so enamored by characters like Darcy and Wentworth that I place myself in this dream land of the "misunderstood men" who don't actually contain flaws but are rather perfect in every way once their women really get to know them.
I love literature, and I love the classic romances of famous authors like Austen, yet I realize how blinding it all can be.

Jane Austen, the woman who created these characters, built these men from her personal ideals, her female expectations forming an unattainable bar for all real, uninvented men. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for any man to hold themselves to the standards of  Mr. Darcy- wise, pondering, genuine, often taken as a harsh man when he is really ultra precious and attractively shy, his opinions revolving around his woman's preferences and wishes.
Don't forget extremely handsome, wealthy and possessing integrity levels reaching the Empire State Building. I mean, who doesn't want a man like that? But really, is there even a man that perfect?
Let's be real here.. there are great men, but there are no flawless men.

The irony of this all is that Austen remained unmarried. 
It's a wonder such standards were left unfulfilled.

Don't get me wrong, I swoon over Mr. Darcy as much as the next nerdy girl, but I do believe all of the "Darcy swooning" can be inexpressibly dangerous.

Ideals.
Dangerous ideals.

I think of Anne Shirley of L.M. Montgomery's "Anne of Green Gables" series. Anne mentions to her best friend Diana that she can't marry her childhood friend, Gilbert Blythe (who loves her to the moon and back), because he doesn't meet her "ideals."
Marilla, Anne's mother figure, tells her of Gilbert's love for Anne, to which Anne replies, "Marilla, he's hardly my idea of a romantic suitor." 

Marilla's response is one I will always love and remember:

"Anne, you have tricked something out of that imagination of yours that you call romance. Have you forgotten how he gave up the Avonlea school for you so that you could stay here with me? He picked you up everyday in his carriage so that you could study your courses together. Don't toss it away for some ridiculous ideal that doesn't exist. Hmm? Now, you come downstairs and see if a good cup of tea and some of those plum puffs I made today don't hearten you."

Anne almost misses out on her perfect match (and almost ends up with the most annoying man ever).
Gilbert Blythe is simple, frank and someone she's always known, but she doesn't know how perfect he is for her.

What do we as women miss out on while we place such ideals upon men?
Of course, other factors rule into make a decision about a man (faith, family, personality, compatibility, attraction, etc.), but if the only thing holding us back is our "ideals," then what are we doing?

I love Jane Austen and the passion of her characters. I love the Bronte sisters and their deep melancholy romances. I love Elizabeth Gaskell and her complicated plots.

I love them all, but I don't want their ideals.