To Every Girl Who's Hurting..

This is a message to every girl who is hurting:

You are loved. While you may feel lost and completely alone in this world of pain and sin, there is One who never fails you. Ears are open to hear our cries, and arms are wide to hold you close. While you may have been physically and emotionally abused or hurt, and while true love may seem far away, hold on, for there is One who never will let you go and One who will treat you as the treasure you are. You are made originally by the Creator of the universe, and you are loved individually, for you are beautiful. God knows you, He sees your hurt, and He will bring you through it. You may feel as though you have no worth and it doesn't matter how you treat your body, but you have been deceived by the world and its lies. You are worth the world to your Heavenly Father, and He wants You to come to Him and trust Him. Throughout His life on earth, Jesus Christ impacted the world and loved those who thought they were not worth being loved. Through His death on the cross, He covered every sin of every man and through His sacrifice demonstrated His intense love for mankind. Through His resurrection He displayed His incredible power over death and His conquering love. Jesus Christ is your hope, and you no longer need to feel worthless. You no longer need to feel hopeless and dirty. You no longer need to feel abandoned. God is a God of hope, and in this hope, you can be rid of every doubt. Doubts of your self-worth, doubts of your competence, and doubts of your quality. You are loved. You are more than what you've been told you are. You are more than the world has treated you to be. You can be God's child, eternally forgiven, eternally loved, pure and holy, and a new creation in Him. There is hope, and Jesus Christ is it.

I'm not really sure why I felt the need to write this, but I feel a burden for every girl out there who has been physically or emotionally abused. I just wanted to share the love there is for you.

God Bless <3

And Life Goes On

Well, this week has definitely been a learning experience. While some situations hurt, it's somewhat comforting to know that they could hurt much worse. I'm definitely thankful that God works things out in a way that we can handle and never gives us more than we can bear. My back's not broken yet. I've also learned to be thankful for books (above all- the Bible). In the restless times when I need to be busy instead of over thinking things, I find that reading is the perfect outlet to avoid dwelling on unchangeable issues. The Bible most definitely never gets old- it actually seems new every time I read it. I'm also planning on starting The House of the Seven Gables ..mostly because I just wrote a paper on Nathaniel Hawthorne and I'm all in "Hawthorne mode."

I'm so thankful for friends and family. I've learned that through it all, somebody does care. People may not always understand or be able to help, but they care. I think that's all we really need sometimes- a shoulder to cry on and a friend to eat lunch with. On top of that, I have a best friend who can understand, help, and hold me through it all, and His name is Jesus. It's a great thing to have Christ; in all seasons of life He is there.

Proverbs 18:24 " A man who has friends must himself be friendly,^[a] But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

I'm getting really excited for this camp. I can't imagine what type of experience it will be, but I know that if God's bringing me to it, He has something good in mind. I know it will be a learning experience and incredible time to serve and love children who need to see Christ as He is. In a world gone mad, full of sin and sorrow, children need to know that there is hope for the rest of their lives. We, and they, are the next generation, and Christ needs to be the center of all that lies in our futures.  I can't wait to be used by God to minister to these children. I pray that I can be the witness they need and the friend they are looking for.

God Bless <3

'I Love You' Could not be Said a Better Way

"The more You show me, the more You grow me, the more Your glory becomes all there is. The more I know You, the more I need You, the more I love you, the more You become to me." -Downhere

Sometimes it's hard to come to grips with God's will. While I feel completely at peace with where God has me, it's still ridiculously difficult to say goodbye to things that I was at a comfortable place with. When it all comes down to it, I'll be ok. God has a plan and knows exactly what's going on. God has something great coming, but for now this is what I need and He knows it. Trusting God has never been so hard and allowing Him to work in my life has never been so painful, but it'll all come around and in the end I will see the beautiful masterpiece which Christ is currently painting in my life. James 1: 2-4 says, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
Psalm 34:18- "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

"A Better Way" By Downhere

I'm not alone, I really believe You never go, You never leave.
Here and now You've always stayed,
'I love you' could not be said a better way.

It's everything You promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A Man laying down His life for His friends
The Sacrifice has spoken,
You gave everything and 'I love you' could not be said a better way.

I am forgiven, I clearly see it's why You came to do all You did for me,
Trading earth with heaven, You took my place
'I love you' could not be said a better way.

It's everything You promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A Man laying down His life for His friends
The Sacrifice has spoken,
You gave everything and 'I love you' could not be said a better way.

Because you redeem, I know what's to come
Everything thing I could lose here, You've already won
So You have my surrender, with passion obey
'I love you' could not be said a better way.

Ramblings of a Restless Heart

Alrighty then. How do I even begin this? Well let's start with a little scenario. I finally feel confident about a situation in my life and really feel that its God's will- then what happens? Everything changes. And I can tell you that I have no idea what it has even changed to. All I know is that it's not the same as it was. And here's where it gets hard: Since I am not all knowing and do not know what the future holds, I must fully surrender myself to God and whatever He allows to happen because He is all knowing and does know what the future holds. This, my friends, is one of the hardest things for me, probably ever, which is most likely why God is bringing this into my life. When it comes to not being able to control anything, not knowing my current situation, and being completely helpless I collapse in my walk with God. I really do hate to admit it though. That little tidbit right there was a little fact that I struggled to even type.

So, if I know that I have an all-knowing, all-powerful God, why do I even fear? To be honest, I don't know. Why can't I just let God do what He wills and stop putting myself in the way of whatever may happen? It's not that I know where God is calling me and don't want to go there, but that I have no clue where I'm going at all. It's like I've been walking around, fully aware of circumstances and happy with where things were going when BAM.. brick wall. I think it's more frustrating for me than anything else. Don't get me wrong- oh, I know that God is in control; it's just allowing Him to BE in control without questioning Him that's the problem. It's being patient and waiting on Him to bring the right people and situations into my life so that I may fully serve Him.

I think I am more ready then ever for this summer camp experience. I just want to try new things, see where God will take me, and be open to whatever area I may serve Him in. Right now I'm just.. going crazy. I feel constantly restless, confused, and annoyingly jittery. AH. This. I need to stop typing before I ramble more.

God, please just use me where You want, show me where You want me to go, and show what ties I have to break so I can be fully in Your will.

Spring Break Happenings and a Look into a Book

I cannot believe spring break is almost over. I haven't really decided whether I really don't want to leave or whether I'm ready to go back. I love being home and it's definitely a nice relaxing time when I'm here, but on the other hand I definitely enjoy the freedom of being away at school and on my own. It's a love-hate relationship on both ends.
Other things going on in my life.. hm.. oh! I just got a twitter- it's just a trial basis. I kind of have this feeling that it's going to get really old really fast. It's pretty much a bunch of status updates and quotes, so I'm not really sure how I feel about it. (As you can tell, I'm a pretty indecisive person).
What's on the plate for today? Oral surgeons. Yes, the dreaded wisdom teeth consultation. While I knew this day would come, I was hoping it wouldn't come for a few years since my wisdom teeth haven't even grown in yet. Unfortunately, one of my wisdom teeth happens to be growing into the roots of the teeth around it and therefore has been causing me pain and agony. Ok, maybe not to that extreme, but it's pretty bad when it affects your teeth, your jaw, and your ear. Also, I'm sure it doesn't help that I clench my teeth in the middle of the night. I've been having crazy dreams every night and have been waking up with my jaw clenched shut and my blankets on the ground.
Anyway, other than that consultation, today will consist of finishing a research paper, starting another paper, and going out to dinner with one of my awesome cousins!
Yes, I did say that I had two papers over spring break.. but it's ok, because who wouldn't want to analyze Nathaniel Hawthorne's works over spring break anyhow? (Don't worry, that was sarcasm).


Alright, now that I've run out of unimportant things to update you on, it's time to share with you things that actually matter! As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been reading Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. Last night I was reading a little bit in it when I came across the issue of "worrying." Well, whoever reads this blog can obviously tell that I have an issue with worrying and I need to 1up my trust in God.. or maybe 10up. Weaver states her issues with worrying and the negative affects it has on her life. Weaver also gives statistics regarding "What We Worry About,"

40% are things that will never happen.
30% are about the past- which can't be changed.
12% are about criticism by others, mostly untrue.
10% are about health, which gets worse with stress.
8% are about real problems that can be solved.

Well, of course these statistics got my wheels turning. How often do I sit and imagine possible scenarios that might happen and most likely never will happen.. and most of the time never do happen. Or how often do I sit and think about what I could have done differently in a certain situation that happened five years ago. I also do frequently over-analyze what people are thinking about me and often assume that they are having negative thoughts about whatever decision it is that I am making. And even if they do- so what? That's the thing. So many times we sit and over-analyze, over-care, and under-trust when it comes to situations or people which we don't even have control over. One verse she shares is Proverbs 12:25, "An anxious heart weighs a man down." Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Some quotes from Joanna Weaver:

"If anxiety caused God's closest friends, Adam and Eve, to hide from his face, just imagine what worry must do to you and to me."

"God knows worry short circuits our relationship with him. It fixes our eyes on our situation rather on our Savior."

After relating our worrying to a deep London fog she says, "Our mind disperses the problem into billions of fear droplets, obscuring God's face."

"Instead of helping us solve life's problems, anxiety creates new ones, including a tendency to unhealthy introspection."

"Worry seeps into our thoughts, poisoning our joy, convincing us to give up on solutions before we've even tried them."

Those are just a few of the ideas which Joanna Weaver presents in her book, but it definitely opened my eyes to problems which worry cause and its failure to be beneficial.
She also goes into the explain the difference to between worry and genuine concern, which are two very different things. To go into it briefly, she states that worry is often "unfounded, generalized, obsessive, creates more problems, and looks to self or other people for answers," while concern "involves a legitimate threat, is specific, addresses the problem, solves problems, and looks to God for answers."

Anyway, that's just a tidbit from the life of Daisy Wolf. Hope you enjoyed or maybe benefited a little!
God Bless!

"For the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

God never ceases to amaze me. God may not speak in an audible voice, but He most definitely speaks through His Word.
So, while I was slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea of going to camp and feeling more and more at peace about it, I still had some doubts in my mind. My mind still struggled with the fact that I was going to be with a staff that I don't know at all. What if I don't feel comfortable with the staff and make close friends? What if I get really homesick? What if I feel really alone?

Well, last night I was reading through a book called "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" (which is great so far). One passage that was mentioned in the book was Deuteronomy 31:6.

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

Once I read this verse I felt a rest and a peace that is difficult for me to explain. With all the uncertainties of being away and of being thrown completely out of my comfort zone, the main thing I was forgetting is who exactly I have as my God. I do not have a God who will show me what He wants me to do and then throw me out on my own to get through it myself. I have a faithful, loving God who will bring exactly what I need into my life, whether it be difficult or not. I can be strong and courageous and not be afraid of whatever it is that God is putting in my life. The LORD is my God. I have a heavenly Father who is God, loves me personally, and knows what is best for my life. Wherever I go in the world, whether to a camp out in the middle of nowhere, to college, or even at home, God goes with me. I have Him in my life and He is there to stay. I can be assured that He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. I am His, and He is mine. If that's not true love, I don't know what is.

Thank you, God, for reassuring me of Your love, Your faithfulness, and Your presence. You are God, and where You lead, I will follow. Here am I, Lord, send me.

There's No Place Like Home

Home. One word that can bring millions of different thoughts to mind at once. There is definitely no place like it. While I LOVE school, there's something refreshing and warm about coming back home, even if just for a week. Well, I can tell you now that the past two days has been filled with adventures, but I'm definitely fine with that!

Yesterday was a day full of train rides, beautiful scenery from all different states, meeting new people, almost getting left in New York City, stressing out, and somehow a lot of relaxation thrown in there. If you need details feel free to ask.. haha.
Today was full of spending time with family and friends. You know those days where you feel like three days have gone by because you spend hours at a time with a few completely different groups of people? Today was one of those days, and it was awesome! I love days like this, because I feel like I've accomplished so much and spent time with so many people that I love! First thing this morning I went to my longtime home church where I heard an awesome message from my Pastor (well, from God, but we're fortunate enough to have a Pastor who really knows his Bible. It's so incredible how God uses him to help us understand the Bible better). I also got to see some relatives and church family, which was wonderful as usual. I've only been away for two months since Christmas, but it feels like its been years. At the same time, it feels like nothing really changed and I didn't really go anywhere. It's definitely a weird feeling. After church I spent a nice relaxing time at home sitting with my family, playing up a storm on the piano, and eating the best home cooked meal ever (I really took my mom's cooking for granted.. and then I went to college. I will never complain about my mom's food ever again. Ever. Mom, I'm sorry. I love you. You are wonderful. True story). After the fun time with my direct family and extended family, back to church I went for some awesome youth group time! Ah, nostalgia. The good old youth group days. There's nothing like a silent group of high schoolers in the midst of a "discussion" group. Oh, and dodge-ball. That's always good... to watch. I love my church friends :]. While a lot of them are younger than me, we're all so close. It's awesome how God can bring people of all ages together to grow together and build incredible friendships. After youth group was some College and Career time! No group of people really compares to this group. When we're together we definitely have a lot of memories, laughs, discussions, growing moments, and everything else that comes with it. Cheezy movies? Yeah, we even cover that too.

Yeah, I'd say today was a pretty fruitful day.
There's no place like home, that's for sure. I'm so thankful to be home for a week. God is good all the time!
And thank you, God, for five more days at home before I go back to the reality of college (although, I won't lie- I go to the best college ever with the best group of students ever. College and home are really just in two different realms).

I love you all!
God bless :]

Responding to Conviction and Dealing with Fear

In my personal Bible reading, I've been going through the gospel of Matthew, which is enriched with detail about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I actually started reading Matthew this semester because my Bible professor told us we were to read it for the class, so I began to read it on my own. He never followed up on our reading (I now think it was just recommended, but not required), but I decided to stay in it anyway, since I hadn't read Matthew recently. I've come to the conclusion that I have really taken the gospels for granted. Just think about it- we are given four whole books focused entirely on the ministry and Words of Christ. So incredible.
So, as I've gone deeper and farther into the book of Matthew, I was caught a little off guard by Christ's boldness in speaking parables to the Pharisees and chief priests that were obviously revealing to them His recognition of and disdain for their sin. One thing that really stuck out to me in Matthew 21 was the Pharisees awareness to Jesus reference to them. Instead of responding to the criticism of the God of the creation with repentance, they seek to kill him. When I read this, all I could think was "Are you serious? Are they really that blind and ignorant?" Then it got me thinking.
How do I respond when I'm confronted about sin? Do I immediately put up my defenses, shut my ears, and yell over the conviction while pretending I'm not hearing it?

On a completely different note, this whole summer camp thing has gotten me scared silly. Last night every panicky thought that could possibly come to mind did and I was left asking every single "what if" question possible. Being away from home for another two months, not knowing what to expect, being responsible for 8-10 girls a week, making friends with the staff, being in the wilderness of camp life. All of it. I found myself struggling with the question, "What if I can't do it? What if I'm not ready?" Thankfully, God knows what we need when we need it. One of my friends, Andrew, posted an interesting blog today that really told me what I needed to hear.

"We can’t just ask God to use us and tell Him that we’re ready to serve, and then go about our daily lives and forget about it. Don’t get me wrong, God can and will use us in His master plan when and how He chooses, but He also doesn’t force us to do things (freewill). We can’t earn our salvation or anything else by works or service, but we also can’t just sit around saying, “ok God, I’ll just be over here doing my own thing, let me know if you need me.” We have to allow our changed heart and mind (desiring to serve God daily) to influence our actions.

God didn’t call us to live in our own comfortable places of life, where nothing is dangerous, awkward, or difficult. This relates immensely because we ask God to use us, but we never make any advances out of our comfort zone to follow where He’s leading! How can our faith grow if we’re never in any situations where we’re forced to trust God for direction, for strength, or even for our physical well being?"

"Faithful"- Willing and Able (byAndrewTodd) 

So, all I have to say is, thank you, God. 

Thank you, God, for forcing me to go out of my comfort zone. 

Thank you, God, for making me trust you. 

Thank you, God, for allowing me to be used in a way that may be scary and new, but will be a blessing. 

Thank you, God, for pushing me to do hard things. 

Happenings & Trusting God

Well, it's been a week since I've written (outside of school work or personal Bible study stuff), which for me is pretty unusual. I guess they really lay the school work on us the few weeks before Spring Break, huh? Just kidding, it's not as bad as it could be. I'm learning to take one thing at a time and try not to look all the work I have to do as one big pile, because then I just panic and don't end up getting anything done at all.

So what does this week ahead look like for me? Well, thankfully, only God knows the future, but from what I can physically see- a lot of paper-writing, volleyball, studying, aerobic/dance class, Bible study, math, prepping for all the "come-back" work, and maintaining all my relationships throughout all of that. Last, but most definitely not least, Saturday I will be taking a train ride with one of my dear friends and by late Saturday night or maybe early Sunday morning I will be HOME! Only a week at home can definitely be a teaser.. sort of like dangling a carrot in front of rabbit and only letting it take a nibble before jerking it away. Thankfully, I love my college and it's probably the second best thing to being home. God is most definitely good.

Lately I've been really preparing myself emotionally, mentally, and, most importantly, spiritually for what God seems to be bringing my way. This summer, as those of you who read my blog already know, I will be counseling at a Christian summer camp. I'm also applying to be a prayer leader for next semester.
[Prayer leader: my college's version of a small group leader. A prayer leader is assigned a few girls on the hall to be in his/her "prayer group" for the year. The prayer leader leads prayer groups (surprise surprise!) once a week, usually participates in an accountability time with each girl, prays for every girl in their group, and mostly just is there to serve in whatever way the girls need. The prayer leader also has a time of accountability with the SLDs (Spiritual Life Directors) and the RAs (Resident Assitants). The prayer leader attends small groups and a class with other leadership as well.]
So, both of those positions are places in which I must be a complete servant but a leader. I must be a friend, but in the case of the camp counseling, I must be an authority. In both cases I must be an example and maintain a godly testimony. In the camp environment, if I have a bad attitude about what's going on, so will every kid who I am ministering to. In the prayer leader environment, if I break one of the seemingly pointless rules, so will those in my prayer group (or else they will use it to justify something similar).
As you can see, it might be a lot of pressure. How will I make it through something like that, you  may wonder? Well, a few months ago I probably would say "HA," which, to try to do that on my own, the mocking laugh would apply perfectly. Thankfully, I have God on my side. I'm not perfect, and God does not expect me to be. God does, however, expect me to look to Him to get me through each personal trial I face to keep me a strong example and bold testimony. I know that with God, I can do all things, because He strengthens me (Phil 4:13)! Isn't that awesome though? As believers, we have the Holy Spirit, and therefore have the power to get through seemingly impossible things. I know that while I'm terrified to have that type of responsibility, I'm also ridiculously excited to see how God will work. It may seem hard to trust in Someone that you cannot physically see, but when we trust God, we are never disappointed, because He shows Himself every time. It's an amazing thing.

Anyway, that's just a little something I wanted to share. Somehow I always end up writing late at night, when I should be sleeping. I guess God just knows when something needs to be said.

Thanks for reading & hope you have a blessed week!

Updates of Posts Past

Well, after much praying, a decision has been made. The final verdict is that I'll be working at the camp this summer. I have to say, while I'm very very excited about seeing what God will do with this experience, I'm also pretty sad about being away from home for so long. It's definitely going to be different than anything I've ever done in my life.
I think what makes this whole "being away for most of the summer" so difficult is the fact that it's so different. I haven't spent one Fourth of July away from home yet and our family tends to have big get-togethers for the 4th. Honestly, in general all these different changes in life are difficult to adjust to, the new summer plans being just one of them. God has definitely been teaching me to really rely on Him and has been showing me that He is the one complete constant in my life. While people may grow up, change, and move on, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's so incredible that we can have an unchanging, all-knowing God who will always be in our lives. Understanding this is vital in being able to fully trust God with our decisions and relationships.
God has also opened my eyes to the fact that I must know what/who it is that I love the most. Matthew 10:37 says, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of me." Yes, we should love our family with an extreme love (and everyone else), but when we put them above God, we aren't loving God the most. I love my family and friends and would do anything for them, but by choosing to not serve Him because I'm scared to be away from home or missing out on the comforts of relaxing at home with my family, I am loving myself and my family/friends more than God. Whether I like to admit it or not, that's idolatry. Idols don't have to be little statues or even harmful habits; idols can be hidden in the things that may be the most harmless and innocent in our lives- the things or people we love the most. To put my family and friends before serving God is selfish. That's really what it all comes down to. I think that's what made the decision to go away for the summer so difficult- realizing how selfish I am and how attached I am to people.
In the end, what I definitely know is that either way, this experience will be a blessing. I've never done anything like this- a full-time service for an extended period of time. I think that for most of my life I assumed it wasn't really my responsibility to be involved in ministry, and it seems like I'm not the only one who has/had that mindset. Is it just me or does a majority of the church just hover through life, viewing ministry as set apart for only pastors and deacons? I know that while I would not state that verbally, that's definitely the overall perspective I had on ministry up until about a year or two ago. Ministry isn't just for leadership, it's for everyone who goes by the name of "Christian." C.S. Lewis' step son, Douglas Gresham, came and spoke at our college this past week, and one thing he said that was interesting was that if we call ourselves "Christians," we must either "change our conduct or change our name." If we are part of the body of Christ, to represent the term "Christian" appropriately we must show in our lives that we are dedicated to God in every aspect of our life. To live an impacting and legitimate Christian life, we must serve in every part of our lives, love in sacrificial ways, pray in complete belief that God will use us, and completely give ourselves to God.

Another Update: I said in one of my previous posts about how I missed the opportunity to serve because of sleeping in. I'm happy to say that this Saturday I didn't miss out! I had an incredible time meeting and talking to some of the residents at the nursing home. It's so awesome to get to know such wise and amazing people who have lived through so much but sadly are somehow often neglected. It's also awesome to see the smiles on their faces when you come back a second time and they see that you didn't forget about them. While it is an incredible experience, it definitely is heart-breaking to be there. Some are very upbeat and easy to talk to, while others are depressed and in desperate need for love and care. The conditions of the home aren't bad and they seem to be taken care of well, but it must be incredibly difficult none-the-less. So, I highly recommend that if you get the chance to visit the elderly in a nursing home- do it! You will make wonderful friendships with wonderful people. It really doesn't take much to encourage them and love them, and their smiles make it all worth it.

P.S. Yay new phone!

Ok well, hope you enjoyed those little excerpts of my life. I love you all and God bless!