Alrighty then. How do I even begin this? Well let's start with a little scenario. I finally feel confident about a situation in my life and really feel that its God's will- then what happens? Everything changes. And I can tell you that I have no idea what it has even changed to. All I know is that it's not the same as it was. And here's where it gets hard: Since I am not all knowing and do not know what the future holds, I must fully surrender myself to God and whatever He allows to happen because He is all knowing and does know what the future holds. This, my friends, is one of the hardest things for me, probably ever, which is most likely why God is bringing this into my life. When it comes to not being able to control anything, not knowing my current situation, and being completely helpless I collapse in my walk with God. I really do hate to admit it though. That little tidbit right there was a little fact that I struggled to even type.
So, if I know that I have an all-knowing, all-powerful God, why do I even fear? To be honest, I don't know. Why can't I just let God do what He wills and stop putting myself in the way of whatever may happen? It's not that I know where God is calling me and don't want to go there, but that I have no clue where I'm going at all. It's like I've been walking around, fully aware of circumstances and happy with where things were going when BAM.. brick wall. I think it's more frustrating for me than anything else. Don't get me wrong- oh, I know that God is in control; it's just allowing Him to BE in control without questioning Him that's the problem. It's being patient and waiting on Him to bring the right people and situations into my life so that I may fully serve Him.
I think I am more ready then ever for this summer camp experience. I just want to try new things, see where God will take me, and be open to whatever area I may serve Him in. Right now I'm just.. going crazy. I feel constantly restless, confused, and annoyingly jittery. AH. This. I need to stop typing before I ramble more.
God, please just use me where You want, show me where You want me to go, and show what ties I have to break so I can be fully in Your will.
So, if I know that I have an all-knowing, all-powerful God, why do I even fear? To be honest, I don't know. Why can't I just let God do what He wills and stop putting myself in the way of whatever may happen? It's not that I know where God is calling me and don't want to go there, but that I have no clue where I'm going at all. It's like I've been walking around, fully aware of circumstances and happy with where things were going when BAM.. brick wall. I think it's more frustrating for me than anything else. Don't get me wrong- oh, I know that God is in control; it's just allowing Him to BE in control without questioning Him that's the problem. It's being patient and waiting on Him to bring the right people and situations into my life so that I may fully serve Him.
I think I am more ready then ever for this summer camp experience. I just want to try new things, see where God will take me, and be open to whatever area I may serve Him in. Right now I'm just.. going crazy. I feel constantly restless, confused, and annoyingly jittery. AH. This. I need to stop typing before I ramble more.
God, please just use me where You want, show me where You want me to go, and show what ties I have to break so I can be fully in Your will.
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