A Girl and Her Journal

Tonight, I finally finished my latest journal. I'm not sure what number journal it was, because I've filled many a journal, but I'm sure it's up in the teens somewhere.
Anyway, I'm moving onto a new journal and sort of feeling nostalgic.
The relationship between a girl and her journal is a beautiful thing.. delicate, honest and vulnerable. A journal knows its girl's deepest thoughts, hardest aches, happiest joys, silliest rambles, most illogical feelings, most embarrassing experiences, funniest quirks and sincerest sentiments.

This completed journal's name is Daisy... yeah, I name my journals. Lame, but true. I don't actually address the journal by it's given name, I just like to think it has a little bit of personality. I haven't had a journal named Daisy yet, and, it being my pen name and all, I thought it would be appropriate to have at least one Daisy journal.

Daisy's seen my entire junior year of college up until this point, so it's sort of weird starting a new one at the end of February, but ya know. What can ya do. My new journal is pretty spiffy, and I'm still trying to think up a good name for her, so if you have any suggestions, do share!

To fill up the last few pages of Daisy, I decided to list a few things that I need to do more, want to do more or just want to do in general. The list sort of turned into more than just a few things, but here's what came out of the list:

• Read my Bible more
• Pray more often
• Be thankful
• Be more loving
• Be more generous
• Listen
• Be kinder
• Talk about myself LESS.
• Trust God more
• Be less self-conscious
• Have more self-control
• Not take things so personally
• Guard my heart
• Don't idolize anything
• Love Jesus MOST
• Love people second
• Try new things
• Don't give up
• Work hard
• Take breaks
• Enjoy every day
• Love the little moments
• Let a guy pursue me
• Be ok with being single
• Remember God provides
• Don't plan every moment
• Take a breath
• Focus
• Don't waste
• Spend less time on social media (which I'm on right now... just spent 15 minutes scrolling twitter. That's a problem).
• Be happy =) even when things are just "eh"
• Start exercising more
• Get better at swimming
• Play more piano
• Hug people
• Be selfless
• But have boundaries
• HUG lots of people... oh I said that one already
• Read a lot!
• Be creative
• Think outside the box
• Just think in general
• Read about how to train dogs so that one day I can own one
• Learn to sew
• Write a book already!
• Eat better
• Finish this journal already...
• Be GOOFY and not care if people are JUDGIN' (I really did write it that way)...
• But know when to be serious
• Never stop telling stories
• Hike more
• Go for more late night walks and never forget the pumpkin seeds!
• Never take any season for granted
• Pray instead of complain
• Write and never stop
• Keep my eyes open and don't overlook people
• Be myself & no one else.
• Stop comparing myself to others
• Be an example
• Be a mentor
• Seek a mentor
• Never think so highly of myself that I don't serve
• Be confident
• Don't be arrogant
• Be honest
• Don't be afraid to confront issues
• If I wouldn't want people knowing it, don't say it.
• Learn to knit something other than a scarf....
• Go to Europe
• Do whatever it is God allows me to do with my major and rock it!
• Love Jesus ALWAYS
• Never take my family and friends for granted

So that's how I filled Daisy's last few pages. She lived a good life, and I think she ended it well, too.

Hello, new journal, new memories, new lessons, new stories, new thoughts and new perspectives. Enjoy me, in older form!

My Chains are in Christ

Persecution.

It's a difficult concept to swallow, and one that we try to avoid thinking about all together, especially as Americans. Here we are, comfortable Americans with no real pressure to recant our faith and especially no physical risks.

We believe what we want, how we want, and when we want.
Church? It's kind of just there when we need it.
The Bible? Eh, we can turn there whenever we're feeling blue.
Fellow believers? Oh, they're cool cause they believe the same thing as us.
Evangelism? Aw how cute. Telling people about Jesus.
Discipleship? That's cool.

Seriously though. This is the attitude floating around the American Christian community.
On the other spectrum, here is how the persecuted church views these very same things:
Church! Difficult to get to, but a privilege when we are able to meet.
The Bible! Our lifeline. We'll do anything to hear it, to read it, to speak it, to talk about it, to share it.
Fellow Believers! Our family. Our support system. Our cherished brothers and sisters who share our chains and run the same race as us.
Evangelism! We can't stop. How can we know about Jesus and not share it? How can we know the truth and keep it to ourselves? It's just natural and part of who we are.
Discipleship! Essential for the church to survive. Growth of the future leaders so that the church will flourish and spread.

Well, right now, there are a myriad of Christians all over the world who are currently under extreme persecution because of the sole reason that they are followers of Jesus Christ.

We hear this, and we get clammy.

Well, folks, the persecuted church is doing something right.
I'm not saying we're not absolutely blessed by the fact that we can openly share our faith and meet with other believers without any sort of penalty in the U.S.
We are blessed.
But do we care?

Today, one man who is currently on my heart is Pastor Saeed. However hard it is to understand, through his persecution, millions of people are hearing the gospel through his story.
As the apostle Paul says in his letter to the church at Philippi (he's writing this while he's in prison for his faith):

"But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear."
- Philippians 1:12-14

Through persecution, the gospel is furthered. 
Through one believer's courage comes the boldness of a church. Through sacrifice comes salvation.

Please take a moment to pray for Pastor Saeed today.

 
For more information on Pastor Saeed and the persecuted church:
http://savesaeed.org/
http://www.persecution.org/ 

Julie & Julia & Daisy

This weekend I watched "Julie & Julia." Would it be dramatic to say that it sort of changed my life?
Yeah it probably would be since it did not actually in fact change my life.

However, I did happen to gain a small education from this film.

1. I do not want to work at an insurance company answering phones. 
2. Actually, maybe I could work at an insurance company answering phones and write about everyone's really ridiculous stories that they call in about. Or is that illegal? ......Maybe I should just stay away from this.
3. Blogging really is wonderful. However, I need to focus my blog to a specific audience... or at least start another one that does so.
4. I really do not understand cooking lingo. I should probably look into that if I'm ever going to read a cookbook.. and cook from it. And not poison everyone who eats of the results.
5. Note to self: never put my writing endeavors before people. Putting my own thoughts and opinions before tangible human beings who are in the real world is just asking to be alone for the rest of my life.
6. Julia Child is hilarious, and I would have loved to be her friend. In fact, my mom sort of reminds me of her. I don't know if that will insult my mother to tell her that, so.. mmm.. better not. Either way, my mom is cool.
7. This may be Meryl Streep's finest movie. This woman can act.
8. Pearls really do make everyone classier. 
9. I wonder if cooking lobster is really as hard as it looks? Also, I should probably try lobster sometime... especially since I'm from New England. Yes, I am from the Boston area and have never in fact tasted lobster. Fail, self. Fail. 
10. I want to create a project blog just like Julie. You know, the kind of blog that keeps readers hooked and longing to see what happens next. I want it to be honest. Vulnerable. Unleashing the quirky. Entertaining. Inspiring. 

I need ideas. I guess there isn't really a rush... but then again, if I don't do this now, I probably never will (or at least I'll put it off until I'm 42 and my hypothetical children are in high school).

Time to use my investigative reporting skills and research the internet for all that is missing in it. That's so hard... that's like trying to complete one of those "Spot the Difference" puzzles. If you've ever tried one of these, hopefully you aren't as bad as I am. Being observant isn't one of my finest skills. Remind me why I'm a journalism major again?

Can you "spot the differences?"
Hey look, it's Julia Child baking a cake! And... me? And a cat!

What can I bring to the imaginary table?

Well, I have no answers for now, but I'll be thinking. And praying.
This may seem sort of petty to pray about, but I do believe that anything I write is to glorify God anyway, so of course I would pray about this.

Guess we'll find out what happens!

A Pepto Bismol Kind of Day

Today I had my second encounter with an awkward couple as an RA (which I suppose should be expected since Valentine's Day is just around the corner... and we all know that couples' awkwardness goes up about 80% in February).

Ok, disclaimer- I DO NOT HATE COUPLES. or Valentines Day. I know it may seem like that because of my frequent anti-awkward couple posts, but honestly, it's not the holiday, it's the people who make the holiday an Awko Taco experience.

Now, those of you who know me know that I already hold a deep disdain for awkward couples. All shapes and sizes of awkward couples.. I can't handle it.
They make me want to take some Pepto Bismol.
Nausea. Heartburn. Indigestion. Upset stomach. You know it goes.

See the face that lady is making? 
That's the face I make. But amplified. 
So anyway, I had my second encounter... Maybe I should just tell the story.
I'm honestly building this up way more than I need to....

I walk into the Annex lobby (already a trap) to wait for the rest of my RA group so that we may soon enjoy a nice peaceful dinner. I sit down onto the seemingly comfy couch, when actually, much to my dismay, I am about to feel extreme discomfort.
As I sit down, I hear giggling. Already a bad sign. As I slowly turn my head to the right, my heart nervous for what I'm about to witness (especially in the Annex lobby), there I see it.
A boy sprawled out onto the lap of a girl. Oh wait, there's more? She is rubbing his head and lulling him to rest. What is this? Really now? Lulling?
The giggling intensified and so did the nauseous feeling. and heartburn. and indigestion. 
More rubbing of head. More giggling. More "Oh dear, sweety, I need to do homework, stop distracting me.. hehehehe," along with some uncomfortable arm caressing.

This picture is pretty relevant. And accurate.

And then it hits me. I am an RA. Oh yes! I can stop this madness! Actually, I'm supposed to stop this madness because it's my job! HIZZAH! #perksofbeinganRA <-- you can tell I'm a twitter person.
So, I find within me the courage to go up and talk to these people.
As you can imagine, this was difficult for me. For those of you who can't imagine...

1. Because it's awkward to confront people you don't know
2. Because I already have an awkward-couple-complex
3. These people were REALLY awkward.

Thankfully, I conquered these fears because.. well.. I didn't feel like going to dinner with a nauseous stomach (especially since I didn't have any Pepto with me). 

"Excuse me," I said. Panic in their eyes. I decided it was a good idea to make this short and sweet.
"I'm an RA," I said quickly, sort of mumbling the last word. "You probably shouldn't be lying on each other." (I even used the proper form of "lie" ... grammar win!)

Needless to say, there was an extremely awkward moment for a good few seconds, lots of shifty eyes and uncomfortable coughs. Then they dramatically (and, you guessed it, awkwardly) jumped away from each other and apologetically concluded their awkward actions.
Moral of the story? Just don't be an awkward couple. You're not only making everyone else feel extremely uncomfortable, but also yourselves. Just say no.

Only you can prevent awkward couple encounters!

Such is the story of my second awkward couple encounter as an RA.

Valentine's Day, starring Will Smith

As Valentine's Day approaches, I think to myself, "Self, this disease called 'relationships' has eaten all of your best friends. It seems as though you have gained an immunity to such a disease. Bravo, young lass, Bravo."

Seriously, I think I'm the only one left. I feel like Will Smith.. I hope my dog doesn't catch this disease so I don't have to strangle him (and I don't even have a dog, so this could be interesting)...
Or what if I start making friends with manikins? I HATE MANIKINS. We all know they're frozen people (I blame my sister for instilling this irrational fear into my mind). Oh no. I refuse to be friends with manikins. I will sooner become friends with the flesh-eating zombies who have been infected with such a disease.

Yes, I did just write a paragraph comparing Valentine's Day to I Am Legend.

They are basically the same thing. Pretty much. Almost.

So, what am I going to do now that I've survived this epidemic? I think I'm going to learn lots of new useful skills. Like nun-chuck skills. Because we all know that guys like girls with skills. [Bet you haven't heard that quoted in quite a while]. TINA YOU FAT LARD.

 
I'm not even sure what I was originally blogging about.
Oh yeah, gaining skills. So, other than nun-chuck skills, maybe I should learn karate. I mean, I might need to learn self-defense. Who doesn't? It's a useful skill. Or... cake decorating.
Or I could write a book! That sounds more down my ally.

What should the book be about?
A manikin who strangles his llama? That would be the most terrifying book of all time.

I believe it's time for this post to end.

To Honor My Parents

So, after years of being totally clueless, I have come to the conclusion that my parents are probably the wisest, most incredible people I have ever known.

Seriously though, these people are AWESOME.
They're not perfect by any means, but they are amazing human beings.

My dad is so learned in the Bible, and everything he says or does is backed up by Scripture. He knows what he believes and why he believes it, but he never pushes his beliefs on others. He is open about his faith, but he never talks down to people who have different views. Whenever I have a question about the Bible, people, myself, life, anything- he usually has an answer. His positive and loving nature is so incredibly encouraging when I am down on myself, and his frustration at my negativity pushes me to see things with a better perspective.
His generosity and hospitality to all is incredible, and I admire him for his selfless love for others. He is such a diligent worker and always makes sacrifices in order to provide for his family. He is so under-appreciated but deserves SO MUCH more gratitude.
He puts up with my female, emotional ways, and is so gentle and loving despite my irrationality. His tender heart towards his family is indescribable, and his sacrificial love is a portrait of Jesus Christ. My heart literally fills with joy every single time I talk to him or spend time with him. Or even talk about him.
He is a fantastic dad who shows love, makes me feel special, encourages me to be who I am and pushes me to be the best I can be. Basically, he is an example of what I want in a husband someday, and I am thankful to God that He provided me with a godly father.

My mom just loves the Bible. Since before I can remember, God's Word has gotten her through every day. She has always had us read with her daily, whether a passage in the Bible or a short devotional. Though I never really appreciated this as a kid (especially when it disrupted my playing time), I am SO thankful that my mom taught me to love and appreciate the Bible. My mom is one of the most kind-hearted, selfless people I have ever met. She is gentle, has a servant's heart and always puts others needs before her own (whether they deserve it or not). She is hilarious (without even knowing it) and lets me be silly with her (and talk in weird accents).
She sacrifices so much of her time for God and for her family, and she pushes us to do the same. Even though we don't show her nearly enough appreciation EVER, she is a woman of extreme worth. Her heart alone is made of gold, and the rest of her is priceless. She loves being home and with her family, and she makes it known how much she loves her children and husband.
When I am in the lowest of pits, I love talking to my mother. She lets me be sad, holds me and just tells me truths from the Bible to bring things into perspective. She understands my strange female tendencies, and she encourages me always. I hope to someday be half the wife and mother she is.

In general, my parents are not shown enough appreciation AT ALL.
So, this post, Baba & Mama, is for you.
I want you to know how much you are loved and appreciated. I am SO THANKFUL for you, and there are few people in this world who bless me like you two bless me.

So thank you <3. I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU!

Obey with What I Know

It seems to be my eternal prayer that God will show me how all of these mismatched pieces of my life will somehow fit together. It's like God has allowed so many beneficial life lessons and experiences to come into my life but none of them really relate to each other.

To be extremely honest, I've been discouraged lately-- not because I don't believe God is faithful or that He is incapable, but because I'm so impatient to see where this mess I call my life will go.
I'm so thankful for all of the people God has placed in my life in the past and in the present, but why can I not trust God with the people in my future? The Lord is so faithful, yet I still struggle to fully trust Him. I'm not sure why that is. If you can figure that out, please, feel free to enlighten me.

My major? Not sure what it's for.
My future job? No idea.
What am I going to do after college? That's a good question.

Despite my discouragement and, at times, bad attitude, God has been so beautiful in showing me how even seemingly insignificant roles (or lack of immediate direction) can impact the world for God's kingdom.

My SLD and I are going through the book of Philippians with our two prayer leaders. Last week, I was blessed to be able to study and teach on how the church at Philippi (to whom Paul is writing his letter in the book of Philippians) began.
If you read Acts 16, you can see even in this very short passage the people that God used in the starting of the church at Philippi (which gave us the beautiful book of Philippians).

Maybe I'm biased, but I absolutely love Lydia. There isn't much said about her except that she was a seller of purple fabrics, "worshiped God," that "the Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul," that she was baptized, and that she opened her home to Paul and Luke (and whoever else was with them) for the sake of the gospel... and eventually allowed Paul and the other believers to meet at her home (vs.14-15;40).
I find this absolutely incredible.
First off, women in Bible times didn't really seem to have much part in the spiritual growth of community. However, women of the early church like Lydia play key roles that are often overlooked.
Lydia did what she knew how to do, worshiped God in what she did and made herself accessible to fulfill whatever the need.

The believers in Philippi needed a place to meet to encourage each other and worship God together? Not a problem. Lydia was there to offer up her home and use what the Lord had given her.
I love this quote from 365 Life Lessons from Bible People: 

"Lydia's response to the gospel was personal, profound and practical. She opened her own life to Jesus. She then led her entire household to committing themselves to Christ in baptism. Then she insisted on having the missionaries make her house their base of operation. To the extent that Lydia understood God, she obeyed.
She displayed a willing heart."

I really just love that quote.

Lydia may not have known that God would use her hospitality to be the "base of operation" for the missionaries at Philippi. 

She may not have known that through the growth of the Philippian church would come Paul's letter to the Philippians. 

She didn't know that the book of Philippians would be inspired by God and placed in God's fulfilled and completed Word, the Bible. 

She also had no idea that millions upon millions of people would read it, learn from it and grow in their relationship with God from it.

That, my friends, shows the power of obedience despite "lack of direction."

And THAT is what I need. To obey "to the extent that I understand God." 

In other words, I need to obey God with what I know. 

I need to do what I know how to do, worship God in what I'm doing and make myself accessible to fulfill any needs that may surround me.
That is what I need to do. 

"To the extent that Lydia understood God, she obeyed."

True faith.