Saturday, July 13, 2013

Cherishing Children

Children. Misunderstood and underrated.

This summer, I have realized how completely clueless adults are with children. So many teens and adults talk down to children as if they "can't possibly understand," leaving the kids believing that it's true. Kids are often shoved under the rug, or on the flip side, completely left to do whatever it is they want to do, without any protection or teaching.

I'm no parent, so I'm not really talking about raising children (and don't really have a right to). I'm mostly thinking of adults in general. Teachers, leaders, how adults treat random children in public, etc.

How often we forget that these children will one day be adults, and in their adulthood, they will carry with them the lessons that WE have taught them. They will remember the way they were treated and they will reflect it on the other people in their lives. People wonder why children fear adulthood and "never want to grow up"? It's because they fear us. They fear who they might become and what love for life they might lose. These little humans watch our every move, crave our affection and just want somebody to be proud of them. They want to look forward to adulthood, and that can only happen if they are given a reason to look forward. If they have seen adults who appreciate life and appreciate them, they have been given hope for their future.

You know all those discourteous and insensitive adults in your life? The ones who cut you in line and yell at their cashiers? They were children once, and something or someone in their life told them that acting like that was ok. Some may have suffered belittlement as children, and as a result, feel that it is their time to belittle others. Some may have never been taught to "do to others as you would have them do to you," and as a result, see the world as their throne. Whatever the reason, they were impacted in some way as a child, and now they have graduated from unruly child to unruly adult. From bitter child to bitter adult.

Think back to your childhood. For me, I longed for the affections of those that were older than me. I admired them, I mimicked them and I wanted them to be proud of me. Everything I did in public, I did for some sort of sense of approval.  I think of all the adults in my life growing up....

Parents. I was blessed to have parents who encouraged me in my endeavors and who disciplined me when I needed to be corrected. I wouldn't have believed in myself, understood right from wrong or learned to really see and love other people if it weren't for the instruction of my incredible parents.
Teachers. Oh the teachers I've had in my life. I've had good ones, I've had great ones and you can better believe I've had bad ones. In elementary, I had some teachers who so favored the "popular," "pretty" children that I found myself believing that I was worthless. Those same teachers made me dread school, hate learning and despise who I was and what I was not. Then, I had some fantastic teachers who taught me lessons I've never forgotten, encouraged me when no one else would and showed me who I could be if I allowed it. They saw me as more than "just a kid," corrected my negative traits so that I indeed recognize them as negative, and took the time to help cultivate the positive traits I did have. My teachers have been some of the most influential people in my life. The bad and the good. The horrible and the fantastic.
My friend's parents. This is sort of a weird one, but my friend's parents did in fact have an influence on me.  I had some friends whose parents appreciated my friendship in their child's life, which in turn, encouraged me to be a better friend and take responsibility for my actions. And then there were some parents who looked down on me, seeing me to be unworthy of befriending their child. When I was in 3rd grade, I was told once by my friend's parent that I "made her sick to her stomach when she saw me" because of my "bad attitude." I don't think adults understand the toll that takes on a child. "Am I really that disgusting?" I would ask myself. "Is her daughter really that superior to me?" I still fight to release any bitter feelings towards those type of parents, and sometimes I still ask those same questions. I'm not saying it's their fault, but I am saying that it has influenced the fact that those questions even creep into my mind.

Those are just a few adults that played key roles in my lives, but good and bad, they all have something in common. I remember them, and I think of them from time to time.

All I know is, I do NOT want to be one of "the horrible" adults in any child's life. I would much rather be that adult who, years later, they still positively remember and cherish. Even in the correction and discipline, what they should remember about us is that we CARED enough to correct them. That we LOVED them enough to build them up.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Freedom in the Wanderings

"Wherever you are, be all there."
-Jim Elliot
The imagination can be a beautiful entertainer, but it also can be a destroyer of reality if not controlled. How often I find myself wishing away the present, dreaming my life away into some sort of "future alternate reality." How often I miss opportunities right now. How often I do not even realize how much I am currently being blessed. The adventures I'm on this very moment.

How much I'm learning.
What the LORD is teaching me.
Who He's making me.
How He's molding me.
Where He's taking me.

The past few weeks, I've been having a mini-meltdown over what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Ok, let's just be real- it's been more than a few weeks. If I had a penny for every time someone asked me my plans after graduation next year, I would be a lot richer than I currently am (and in a lot less school debt). 
Graduate school? I don't know.
What job? Good question.
Where will I live? If I was a prophet, you would know.
In all seriousness, it has been absolutely discouraging to hear all of these questions asked of me and to never have the answers to respond. Hours have been poured into researching grad school requirements, possible jobs in the New England area, possible jobs not in the New England area and just ideas of what I want to do in general. 
I'm stuck in between multiple passions and dreams. On one hand, I love my major and still want to do something media related. On the other, I'm dying to teach and work with children. And then there are a myriad of other passions thrown in there- working with orphans, ministering to the persecuted church in some way, writing books, working with my local home church and helping in ministry there, mentoring younger girls, ministering to my family right now, the arts and the way they point to Jesus, someday having a family and raising children... the list goes on.
And on and on.

And so I dwell on such things. And I harp. And then I get frustrated because I don't know. 
I have no answers. I don't know which of my dreams, if any, will happen how I want them to, and I don't know if they're supposed to. And then I'm frustrated because I want them all to happen. At once. And then I get mad and complain to God about how unhappy I am that none of it is happening yet. And then He reminds me of the truth I have once again forgotten....

This is my life. I am here, and I need to be all here
Every person I encounter. 
Every small way I serve Jesus. 
This is my mission field.
This is who I am right now, and I need to be it. All of it. Right now.

This week, as I mulled over everything that wasn't coming through in my life and how lost I am going to be next year, God sort of punched me in the face (which was much needed, so thanks for that, Jesus). My parents somehow volunteered me to help them with organizing games for a Vacation Bible School for a small Spanish church in a neighboring area, which I was sort of nervous about. Well, let me tell you, despite my selfish heart and constant failures, God has used this experience in my life to lift Himself higher in my life once again. This week has been the highlight of my summer, and that says a lot since this has been a fantastic summer. The LORD completely refreshed me through my involvement with these children, many of whom come from broken homes and have never even heard the name of Jesus.
My heart has been completely theirs this week, and my eyes have been opened to the mission field that is the next city over from my church's. A city which many people hold a negative feeling toward and will not even drive through. How foolish we are to think that they need Jesus any less. The children have been soaking up the gospel. They have heard it and have been shown the love of Jesus, and that's what matters.
Such opportunity in my freedom and "wandering," right now. I can just drop everything (because quite frankly, there isn't that much responsibility to drop) to minister in this way, and it's INCREDIBLE. 
I can minister to and spend time with people who, if I "had my life all together," I would not "have time" to pour into them in such a way. 

I can serve Jesus with my parents, and we are able to pour out love onto these children as a family. It's incredible how service bonds a family together.

The point is, despite my "lack of direction," I am here. And I ought to be ALL here. The LORD will do what He will, and He will use us how we are.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Me of Little Faith

Sometimes I don't write because there really isn't anything to say. Other times, I don't write because I have something to say but don't know if it's worth documenting- if I write, it means that I have to be vulnerable. Lately, the latter has been most applicable. Well, I think it's time to be vulnerable and document.

It is in that moment of doubt that you lose yourself. Doubting your purpose. Doubting your worth. It is when you take your eyes off of Jesus that you begin to sink to your watery grave. It's like I've been drowning in the salty water of decision making, gasping for the air that I hope will give me answers. But through it all, I've received no answers. No clarification. No miraculous sign from God to show me what I'm supposed to do with my life. Nothing. Just empty discouragement.

Yet, as I gazed longingly at the Savior, my eyes slowly descending beneath the water line, I realized what had happened. My faith had failed, and instead of keeping my eyes on the One who rules all, I looked at the size of the waves and the strength of the wind, and my focus on Jesus was shifted to my lack of strength. Who was I to walk on water? I wasn't anyone at all, and I didn't deserve to be defying any sort of laws of nature. I couldn't do it. I wasn't capable. Well, I was right. I wasn't capable. What I didn't and still don't always understand is that, that's the point. Jesus allowed Peter to sink for that brief moment because Peter pulled his eyes away from Jesus, even if just for a moment. That brief glance at the water represented Peter's reliance on himself. Peter was no longer trusting in Jesus for strength.

As I, metaphorically, walked on the water, I realized in just a moment that I didn't know where I would step next. I had no plan, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't be able to complete it. Well, Jesus hasn't called me to know where I am going on the water. He has just called me to walk, my eyes fixed on Him. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You will call me." -Hillsong United
I know God has called me to serve Him, whether I know the specifics or not. The question isn't where I'm going, but whether I'm willing to go or not. Though I fight discouragement, confusion and lack of direction, I know that there's more to this story than meets the eye. An easy life is not an option in life of a Jesus follower, and I must realize that if I'm not willing to serve God while not knowing His calling, I won't be willing to serve God while knowing His calling. Knowing isn't the issue. It's the step of faith that defines the follower. No wind, no wave, no lack of footing can prevent me from accomplishing God's purpose for my life. May I keep my eyes on Jesus, no matter the storm.

Matthew 14:22-32 
22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way[a] from the land,[b] beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea.26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” 28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[c] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out,“Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.