The day is approaching. Less than two weeks and I'm out of the country. Thoughts, feelings, concerns? Well, it's a strange mixture between fear and excitement, and the two emotions take turns dominating. I mostly cannot believe it's actually happening, and I'm actually going. Every day becomes more of a reality. However, I don't like to speak too soon. Everything is always so unpredictable and who knows what could change. However, I know that if God wants me to go, I'm going. I guess we'll just find out, won't we?
I went shopping today to get all of my essentials. It's weird thinking of being on my own. I'll have relatives there, but it's really not the same. I've never taken a big trip like this without my parents or siblings.. or at least a church group or something. It's just me (and God). Meeting most of the church members there for the first time. Working with them. I'm not even sure what my job description is yet. Keeps it interesting, right? So far, all I know is that I will be working with children during a VBS, building relationships with the teens/college-aged folks in the town in efforts to share the gospel and attending a Bible conference. Talking about the hands-on stuff brings out the "excitement" emotions within me. In addition, I think this whole trip thing is making me more and more thankful to be single (another emotion within all of this). It's no doubt that this missions trip would be nearly impossible if I was tied down with the type of responsibilities and commitments of a serious relationship. I am so thankful for where God has me right now so that I can travel so openly and independently like this. I know a month is not a huge commitment away from a "significant other," but it would affect the details, nonetheless. Anyway...
What brings out the "fear" emotions?
Well, the fear of not being able to get home for one, but I won't really get into that. Getting really sick like the last time I went. Having a hard time with the language. Not making friends. Not being useful. I'm not really sure what else. Only God knows what the full extent of my fears are, and only God knows how to tranquilize these fears. I am learning that fear will not change whatever will happen, so I'm trying to replace any fear that finds its way into my head with prayer. Fear does not change things, but prayer does. I also know that fear is not of God, and that perfect Love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).
So that's my current state.
I'm also trying not to just "hover" in life right now due to constantly thinking about the trip. I think often times with upcoming big "life events," I forget that I'm living right now and tend to abide in a fruitless haze. You know, that "I just keep thinking about what is to come rather than what is happening right now" thing. It's dangerous and useless. Since I'm taking efforts to avoid this happening, I often forget I'm even going, or it just feels like some sort of far off dream. As of now, I kind of like that way. When I go, I'll be there. For now, I'm here, and really enjoying my time at home with my family and friends. I've really learned to enjoy the company of my parents, probably more than I ever have before. They're just fun to be with. We don't have to do anything or say anything, I just love being with them. My sister and I have always had a good time together and been really close, so it's always a great time to be with her as well. I've also enjoyed building some relationships with some friends from the area along with tutoring a girl in math a few times a week. It's been good, and I'm thankful for what God is doing.
P.S. I'm not sure how the blogging thing is going to happen while I'm overseas, but we'll see what happens!
I went shopping today to get all of my essentials. It's weird thinking of being on my own. I'll have relatives there, but it's really not the same. I've never taken a big trip like this without my parents or siblings.. or at least a church group or something. It's just me (and God). Meeting most of the church members there for the first time. Working with them. I'm not even sure what my job description is yet. Keeps it interesting, right? So far, all I know is that I will be working with children during a VBS, building relationships with the teens/college-aged folks in the town in efforts to share the gospel and attending a Bible conference. Talking about the hands-on stuff brings out the "excitement" emotions within me. In addition, I think this whole trip thing is making me more and more thankful to be single (another emotion within all of this). It's no doubt that this missions trip would be nearly impossible if I was tied down with the type of responsibilities and commitments of a serious relationship. I am so thankful for where God has me right now so that I can travel so openly and independently like this. I know a month is not a huge commitment away from a "significant other," but it would affect the details, nonetheless. Anyway...
What brings out the "fear" emotions?
Well, the fear of not being able to get home for one, but I won't really get into that. Getting really sick like the last time I went. Having a hard time with the language. Not making friends. Not being useful. I'm not really sure what else. Only God knows what the full extent of my fears are, and only God knows how to tranquilize these fears. I am learning that fear will not change whatever will happen, so I'm trying to replace any fear that finds its way into my head with prayer. Fear does not change things, but prayer does. I also know that fear is not of God, and that perfect Love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).
So that's my current state.
I'm also trying not to just "hover" in life right now due to constantly thinking about the trip. I think often times with upcoming big "life events," I forget that I'm living right now and tend to abide in a fruitless haze. You know, that "I just keep thinking about what is to come rather than what is happening right now" thing. It's dangerous and useless. Since I'm taking efforts to avoid this happening, I often forget I'm even going, or it just feels like some sort of far off dream. As of now, I kind of like that way. When I go, I'll be there. For now, I'm here, and really enjoying my time at home with my family and friends. I've really learned to enjoy the company of my parents, probably more than I ever have before. They're just fun to be with. We don't have to do anything or say anything, I just love being with them. My sister and I have always had a good time together and been really close, so it's always a great time to be with her as well. I've also enjoyed building some relationships with some friends from the area along with tutoring a girl in math a few times a week. It's been good, and I'm thankful for what God is doing.
P.S. I'm not sure how the blogging thing is going to happen while I'm overseas, but we'll see what happens!
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