Pre-Trip Jitters

The day is approaching. Less than two weeks and I'm out of the country. Thoughts, feelings, concerns? Well, it's a strange mixture between fear and excitement, and the two emotions take turns dominating. I mostly cannot believe it's actually happening, and I'm actually going. Every day becomes more of a reality. However, I don't like to speak too soon. Everything is always so unpredictable and who knows what could change. However, I know that if God wants me to go, I'm going. I guess we'll just find out, won't we?

I went shopping today to get all of my essentials. It's weird thinking of being on my own. I'll have relatives there, but it's really not the same. I've never taken a big trip like this without my parents or siblings.. or at least a church group or something. It's just me (and God). Meeting most of the church members there for the first time. Working with them. I'm not even sure what my job description is yet. Keeps it interesting, right? So far, all I know is that I will be working with children during a VBS, building relationships with the teens/college-aged folks in the town in efforts to share the gospel and attending a Bible conference. Talking about the hands-on stuff brings out the "excitement" emotions within me. In addition, I think this whole trip thing is making me more and more thankful to be single (another emotion within all of this). It's no doubt that this missions trip would be nearly impossible if I was tied down with the type of responsibilities and commitments of a serious relationship. I am so thankful for where God has me right now so that I can travel so openly and independently like this. I know a month is not a huge commitment away from a "significant other," but it would affect the details, nonetheless. Anyway...
What brings out the "fear" emotions?
Well, the fear of not being able to get home for one, but I won't really get into that. Getting really sick like the last time I went. Having a hard time with the language. Not making friends. Not being useful. I'm not really sure what else. Only God knows what the full extent of my fears are, and only God knows how to tranquilize these fears. I am learning that fear will not change whatever will happen, so I'm trying to replace any fear that finds its way into my head with prayer. Fear does not change things, but prayer does. I also know that fear is not of God, and that perfect Love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

So that's my current state.

I'm also trying not to just "hover" in life right now due to constantly thinking about the trip. I think often times with upcoming big "life events," I forget that I'm living right now and tend to abide in a fruitless haze. You know, that "I just keep thinking about what is to come rather than what is happening right now" thing. It's dangerous and useless. Since I'm taking efforts to avoid this happening, I often forget I'm even going, or it just feels like some sort of far off dream. As of now, I kind of like that way. When I go, I'll be there. For now, I'm here, and really enjoying my time at home with my family and friends. I've really learned to enjoy the company of my parents, probably more than I ever have before. They're just fun to be with. We don't have to do anything or say anything, I just love being with them. My sister and I have always had a good time together and been really close, so it's always a great time to be with her as well. I've also enjoyed building some relationships with some friends from the area along with tutoring a girl in math a few times a week. It's been good, and I'm thankful for what God is doing.

P.S. I'm not sure how the blogging thing is going to happen while I'm overseas, but we'll see what happens!

It Comes, It Happens, It Goes

Pinterest. The place where women pick their fantasy home, clothes, food and wedding. I have so many boards focused on dreams- dreaming of places I want to go or things I want to accomplish. Dreaming of what my wedding will one day look like.

So yeah. Here's the thing. We, as women, dream and dream and dream of our wedding until it's so dreamed up, we can't remember if it has happened or not. Thanks to chick flicks and romantic novels (yes, even the Christian ones), we have been brainwashed into believing that our wedding will be our ultimate day. THE wedding. The day that we "become happy." Maybe you ladies don't think that way, but I feel like after a good enough "bonnet movie" (the Jane Austen version of a chick flick), I find myself somehow believing that. Pretty lame, I know, but I'm being honest.
I was thinking about this other day though and thinking about all of my married friends/relatives. At one point in their lives, they dreamed of marriage.. dreamed of "finding the one." And then they had their little fairy tale as it led up to the wedding day.. then the wedding day came, happened and ended. And now they're married. No, I am not saying marriage isn't awesome, but hear me out.

My point is, it's a day. A day representing a commitment, but not fulfilling your life. Life continues. The day ends and you move on into different trials than in single life. Ya know, like living with someone of the opposite gender (a.k.a. asking for disagreements- sorry to break it to you, but men and women do think very differently), or just living with another human being (one sinful human being + another sinful human being = two sinful human beings.. together.. wanting their own way). And you know, there are bills, house decisions, extended family dramas, every day life issues like food and chores, eventually children to raise (and to agree on how to raise them), etc.

Life doesn't end at marriage; it just continues to the sequel. 
Life doesn't begin at marriage either; the scene just changes.
A wedding day is not life, just an act within the scene which is within the play which is part of a performance company... you know what I mean.

Marriage is not the end all of end all. The wedding day isn't IT. Don't get me wrong, I whole-heatedly support dreaming, but we cannot allow our "happy ending dreams" to consume us.


...Thankfully, the wedding, in a way, does last "forever," in that it will always remind of us when Christ will return for his bride (the church). That's another story for another day.

Lewis Quotes

I always have loved C.S. Lewis as an author and fellow Christian, but I've especially been on a Lewis kick the past few days. So, here is a post dedicated solely to some of my favorite quotes via the man who brought us the world of Narnia.



"We are what we believe we are."

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward."

"If you want religion to make you comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity."

"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose."

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun- not because I can see it, but because by it I can see everything else."

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

"You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream."

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

 "Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."

 "If God had granted all the silly prayers I've made in my life, where should I be now?"

 "He who has God and everything else has no more than he who has God only."

"Heaven is that greater glory of which Nature is only the first sketch."

 Those are just a few, but I just love them.

The Story of Hope

The Bible is so often mistaken for a group of individual books. On the contrary, the books of the Bible majestically flow together presenting a central story: Jesus Christ. Every book tells just a piece of the story of God's love.

The Old Testament tells of man's constant faltering in his own strength (Jeremiah 17:9). It tells of the depravity of human beings and the absolute hunger for salvation (Genesis 18). Genesis introduces the story, telling us of our beginning and displaying our fall (Genesis 1-3). It tells of how man's need for a Savior began (Genesis 5:8) and how God's love would pour out (Isaiah 53). The Old Testament presents the people of God awaiting a freedom from their bonds of sin and their need for constant altars and sacrifices (Leviticus 16:33-34). One day the children of the Old Testament heroes of faith (Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Daniel, etc) would see a time when the ultimate sacrifice would cleanse our sin once and for all (Hebrews 9-10). One day the Savior of the world would be sent to redeem His people (Matthew 1:21).

The New Testament fulfills this prophecy. Jesus Christ, God's Son and Promise, comes to earth to save His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21), redeeming us of the utter pit of sin we were trapped in, breaking the chains of ritual and good works and opening the doors to freedom to live for the glory of God without boundary (Galatians 5:1). The witnesses of the life, death, burial and resurrection of our Lord continue to tell the story throughout the New Testament, spreading the news to the nations and teaching those who believe how to live in a manner worthy of the calling (Ephesians 4:1-3). It gives us guidance in how to live now that we have the freedom to live for Christ fully and it prepares us for the second coming of our King to this earth (Revelation).

The overruling focus of the Bible, both Old and New Testament, is always Jesus Christ.
God's grace through His Son overwhelmingly pours through the pages. 
From Genesis to Revelation, Jesus REIGNS.

Summertime Moments

There's something about summertime that allows for the most perfect moments. I feel as though within the past few days I have gotten to take part in some ideal activities, whether with people or alone. I have learned more and more that some of the most "romantic moments" happen with just friends or while I'm on my own. Hey, you people in relationships aren't the only ones who get to have cute experiences..

1. Picnic lunch by the pond
The other day I took my little cousin to the park for the day. We packed sack lunches, drove with the windows down and the music up and prepped for our little "date." There's a baby-sized pond at the park, and in that baby-sized pond lives baby-sized ducks (maybe they're actually babies.. I'm not sure these days). So, we snagged our lunches, found a grassy patch and soaked up the sun while we watched the precious ducklings get attacked by cheerios (compliments of the little boys who "just wanted to feed the duckies"). I don't know about you, but it was one awesome moment.

2. Literature at dusk

I still haven't finished Wuthering Heights- go figure- but I am only four chapters away from finishing! The other day, in hopes that I would finally find out what happened (everyone keeps dying in the book and I'm not sure where this story can possibly go...), I decided to spend sometime reading. It was nice outside (I had just gotten back from the park with my cousin) and my dad was painting the deck, so I figured it would be a waste to sit inside. Well, since the deck was wet and in the works, I decided my backyard would work nicely. The sun was going down and I had to keep moving every few minutes to be in a sunny spot, but it was the most lovely experience ever. Dusk has a certain smell and feeling. It's hard to describe in words, but if you're a human being with an imagination, I'm sure you have some idea about what I'm talking about. There's just something fantastic about reading beautiful literature at dusk while lying in the grass... until your mom yells, "You're going to get ticks!" This is true.

3. Painting in the sunlight

Today I had the urge to paint. Don't ask me why considering I'm by no means an artist. However, it was perfect. The family was out on the deck and the sun was warm and friendly. Set backs? I only had three paint colors. As you can expect, that did not stop me- it just gave me an opportunity to splash paint around together in attempt to get other colors. While my pictures were pretty random and sort of ugly due to the maroon, light purple and forest green that invaded every single one of my paintings, it was a lot of fun and very relaxing. My next mission: to buy the primary colors so that I can actually mix and get colors other than mint green, mauve and brown.


So.. those were three of my "moments" this week. Don't ever think that you can't have memorable moments alone- I'm telling you, it's possible, and when they happen, they're all the more beautiful. Go enjoy summer and love life!