Just updates... all sorts of them.

A heavy heart, penetrated by the grace of God and humiliated by my own self- those are my current feelings. As I examine myself and my need for human acceptance, I am torn by my lack of surrender to God. Jesus Christ has always been there... always been faithful. People fail. People will fail at be accepting and loving, but Jesus Christ's love is overwhelming. Why do I throw it away? Why do I forget so quickly that the Creator of the universe knows me and cares?

These past two weeks have been all over the place with a variety of emotions and feelings. With Spiritual Emphasis Week, thoughts regarding God, my own spiritual life, how I treat people, and who I am in general overwhelmingly pour in. On top of that, my work load seems to be never ending and overflowing. Right as I seem to be catching up on work and nearly finished for the week, the next week starts and I find myself with a fresh bucket of assignments and weary soul.  

Sleep? It hasn't been happening. A decent amount of exercise? Also not happening. Consistent Jesus time among everything going on? Yet again another fail. Results? Feeling horrible. 

I won't lie, I'm having the most difficult time managing my time. It's not that I'm failing to spend it wisely, it's that I feel as though I simply do not have enough of it.
How am I having time to write this? Because I just need a break, and writing always seems to relieve a lot of pent up emotions and unnecessary stresses.

I have been studying the relationship between Mary and Martha (Luke 10) because I am planning on doing a series for my prayer group based off the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." The more I study Martha, the more I feel like her. I feel that while I try to serve God, I spread myself so thin with so many different activities and tasks that it's hard to really focus on it all. Some of it must be done, but some I just place upon myself. So the question is, what should I drop so that I may be more effective for God? I have absolutely no idea. I absolutely love everything I am involved in right now; I think maybe the key is not to add on ANYTHING ELSE.


I recently have become involved in my newly adopted home church for when I am at school, and I will be able to play piano with the worship band. I am so thankful that I will be able to be involved in this, and I am even more thankful that it will not stress me out but rather give me an outlet of being able to step back and just worship completely in my form of service. I have never been given the opportunity to use the piano skills I have for anything other than pleasure, and I cannot wait to see how God uses it. While I am excited for this, I am fully convinced that this is the last task I will take on for this semester or else I most likely won't be affective in anything I do at all (due to extreme weariness and fatigue).

This weekend... well. God has definitely been teaching me discipline. When my college's football fans scream "COME HELP US CHEER," I am required to respond with, "Not if I want to graduate from college." It seemed that Flames Football was beckoning me as I witnessed all of my hall mates, brother dorm, and sister dorm decked out in red and blue clothing and face paint. I can tell you right now- I am not one to normally pass up a good time... ever. Hopefully this gives you a slight idea of the amount of work I had (and still have yet to fully finish.. but I don't think it ever really will be fully finished at this point).

For the first time in my college career, I have been extremely homesick. There isn't really any specific crazy reason, except that I think it has something to do with not being home all summer. I miss my dad and my mom and my sister. I miss my piano. I miss home-cooked Lebanese food. I miss my own room. I miss my cousins. I miss hearing people speak Arabic. I miss being able to read whatever books I want and NOT textbooks. I miss having free time. Mostly I just miss everyone in my family and a few friends. It's crazy how you can be a part of so many "groups" and never really feel like you fully fit anywhere. I think growing up is slowly hitting me, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that nothing in this physical world is consistent. I am thankful that God, however, is consistent and I know that this is what He truly uses in my life to make me realize that He is all that will fulfill, suffice, and survive. I don't think I would be able to rely on Him fully if it wasn't for the inconsistencies of life, and I am so thankful that God knows what I need (even if it hurts sometimes). Do you ever wish you could just physically feel a hug from God? I don't know if that's a weird thought, but lately that's the only thing in the world I'm truly wishing for. A physical hug from Jesus Christ.

However, God is good (as usual) and I was actually productive this weekend! I have also been made aware of many flaws I did not know I even had (I mean in addition to the ones I was already aware of), but I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to see these areas I need to spend time on in my life that are hindering me spiritually.

Prayer request: that I would be able to unify my prayer group, do the most I can in my prayer group (being involved with the girls, speaking the Word effectively, and just being there for them), and not let the weariness of college effect this ministry or any friendships.

So that's my life right now. I love you all and God bless :].

Week two- Prepare to be Annihilated

Since it's been a few days since I've last posted, I figured that now was the time to update this baby.
As you may have noticed from my last post, the first week of classes tends to take a toll on a sophomore year college student, and therefore leaves me posting nonsensical, mostly stress-relieving blogs simply from the heart of Daisy Wolf.
Thankfully, the first week is over now and I am fully healed, leaving me officially able to focus (somewhat). I have decided that the rest of my life shouldn't be left for the rest of my life, but rather preparation is necessary. Just like the poster hanging in my high school physics class stated,

"When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail,"

(along with an adorable picture of an apathetic, depressed polar bear).
This was quoted by some unknown author, so Sir, if you are the speaker of this quote and you are offended that I have not given you credit, I am sorry but you simply shouldn't hide your identity from the world. I guess I can't please everyone.

Weekends... they're supposed to be for rejuvenation and healing, correct? Well, while I did heal quite a bit and the sleep did somehow rejuvenate my system, the overpowering stress of an intense work load, mixed with student leadership, mixed with social life resulted in a late Sunday-night meltdown. Just kidding, it wasn't that bad, but it's more fun to call it a meltdown. What was the initiator of this so-called, "meltdown," you may wonder? How about blackboard failing to work at nine o'clock in the evening, when I have two online assignments due at midnight? Or maybe it was because at times the internet failed to work in general?
I find it absolutely repulsive how attached I, along with millions of others, am to the internet. It's almost like the entire world shuts down when it ceases to work for five minutes. I am determined to remove this mind-set from my life, but rather bring back the use of the old fashioned pencil and paper. It will happen- just watch.

All right, time to be actually productive and either do homework or attempt to apply for internships.
Internship folk, if you happen to read my blog, please hire me. I am a dedicated, fun, hard-working, and slightly sarcastic writer who enjoys a good satire once in a while. I am respectful though. Respect is important to me. I'm going to stop sucking up to my non-existent future boss and leave blogger already.

God Bless!

Target, Sickness, Earthquakes, and Jesus Time

You know you're back at my school when:

-The cool thing to do is go to Target.
-There is a section of Target closed off solely for doing the cuban shuffle and cha-cha slide.
-Your friends start a conga line around target.
-You never went to Target to buy anything in the first place.

Friday was definitely a night to remember. It started off with extreme exhaustion due to sickness and, well, lack of sleep, and continued on with slight dementia. It is definitely a great time to introduce yourself to new hall-mates when you have just woken up and are immersed in many cold meds, don't you agree? Well, I wouldn't agree now, but at the time it sounded like a grand idea.
Here's a little play-by-play of how that little conversation went:
Me: "Hi. *eyes half open and voice screechy from lack thereof*"
Them: "Oh, hi, nice to meet you."
Me: "I'm not usually this loopy. I just woke up.. and I'm on cold meds."
Them: "Oh... uh... we'll take your word for it."
Me: "Nice to meet you. Bye. *slowly and creepily walks away*"
Poor new hall-mates. (Positive: I talked to them the next day and they just thought it was all hilarious).

Now that classes have started and my sickness is slowly creeping away, I am able to function as a normal human being (which is always nice). Apparently there was an earthquake today, which exhibits how utterly oblivious I am to life, since I thought the screeching sound while I was in class was caused by people moving furniture on the floor above me (..I was on the top floor of the building).
Well, I have yet to fully feel an earthquake. I suppose it will happen someday, but until that day I am slightly disappointed that I missed out on this momentous occasion.

Currently...

So many things to be prayed about. Should I add an English minor to my Journalism major? Will the first prayer group I lead tonight go well? Will I survive a class with a professor whose last name is Beavers?

On another note, I stated in my last blog post that I had been struggling with staying consistent with my Bible reading, which has still been deemed true for me. On a positive note, I found the most incredible little room right next to my dorm which I can use for the time I set aside to read the Bible and pray. I think now that I have found a specific place to go, it will give me more motivation and organization in my own disheveled mind (and so far so good).

This will definitely be an interesting, eventful year with lots to write about, so be prepared.
God Bless!

THUMBS UP, Let's do this!

Tonight our entire leadership team met as a group and played games, chilled, ate, and just shared our hearts and prayed for the first time this year as our whole leadership team.

There is something so incredibly powerful about a group of women with the same vision and goals, just sitting down and fervently praying together for unity and wisdom as a hall. I just cannot even wait to see how God will work this year, and I know that whatever He does , it will completely exceed any possible expectations that exist in my mind, as always.

I'm really struggling to faithfully read my Bible for a long period of time right now, but I'm frantically striving to get back into the habit. I know that I need God's Word, and it's amazing how dry and empty I feel when I'm lacking time with God. The part the scares me the most is how much more it will impact me when the year has actually gotten going, I have a prayer group to lead, and I get even busier with actual classes. My prayer right now is for extreme discipline regarding time management..
It's going to be difficult, but God has me here, so He won't give me something more than I can handle.

Freshmen.arrive.tomorrow.
Feelings? Mostly just excitement. Time to pull out the hospitable big sister card! Seriously cannot wait.
Dreading? Carrying heavy boxes that I really cannot carry in order to not give a selfish first impression to the new students. That and being on lockdown in the hall for 8 house.

SLEEP.

College. Round Two.

It seems just like yesterday I wrote my "can't believe my freshman year of college has ended," post.
Well, folks, the day has come that I am finally able to write my "can't believe my sophomore year of college has started." When did this even happen? Was it in the millisecond that I blinked or maybe that moment when I was forced to sneeze?

Well whenever or however this happened, I am here, and it feels as though I haven't even left.
It's hard to believe that the summer has come and gone, and that within that miniscule amount of time I experienced so many changes in my life and learned so much about myself, people, and God. It's amazing what God can teach in those seemingly meaningless gaps of life. Don't worry, I will soon post a detailed excerpt of what occurred in my life this summer, but for now I figured I would post an official "first of sophomore year" post.

First official day back and what has occurred? Major bonding of our hall's leadership team, being reunited with close friends from last year, feeling like we never left, beginning to make new friends, dinner at our favorite dining hall (sense the sarcasm?), and an incredible, convicting opening message from one of our favorite campus pastors.

Signs of an incredible year have already peaked up from behind the wall of speculation and hesitation that initially existed in my heart considering being a prayer leader, or just on leadership in general. Thankfully, God is bigger than the boogie man (Veggie tales reference... anyone?).

So, in order to function this long day of leadership training, I feel that sleep is an important factor in my life at this current moment, or at any moment really.

Goodnight world and God bless.